On Changes…

For some lucky couples, getting married means a change in your civil status or maybe your name; I’ve told you that I still live with my parents, which means that for me, marriage will mean moving with Mr. Toadstool for the first time.

distance2

245 kilometers or 152 miles away from my current home / From Google Maps

In December I’ll be leaving my childhood home, I’ll be moving away from my family, now knowing that I won’t come back, I’ll be moving away from the city where I grew up in and moving into a bigger, wilder city.

distanc1

Wilder! / Screenshot via Google Maps, edited by Miss Toadstool

Most important and overwhelming is the fact that I’ll be moving in with Mr. Toadstool. For the very first time in our relationship we’ll be sharing a home, and that scares me a bit.

I love this man to the sun and back and I’m more than ready to spend my life with him, but I know the first couple weeks (or months) will be hard.

Everyone says marriage is difficult, and I know it must be true, but I think what’s particularly difficult is cohabitation, sharing your space with the other, dealing with their everyday flaws. Just picture it—we only see each other on weekends, which means we spend the entire week missing each other and by the time he visits we’re too eager to be together, there’s no time to argue, if we’re mad at the other we can have time to cool off and be calm by the time we see each other again. Our entire relationship dynamic will change when we live together.

One of the first things my dad said to Mr. Toadstool when we told them we’re getting married was: “Are you aware that she has a hard temper?” (Jeez, Dad!) That’s Daddy, trying to give poor Mr. Toadstool a way out, but Mr. Toadstool has a temper too, and hopefully we’ll be able to combine them soon.

Another of my worries concerning the future is getting a job. I’m extremely concerned about moving there and not finding a job soon enough; I don’t want to be a burden to my husband.

I know I’m worrying a lot, and believe me these concerns are nothing when I think about how blissful our life together will be, but I have to think about this stuff and be prepared. Luckily I won’t be alone.

Was or is marriage going to be a big change for you? Was/is it scary for you? How did you handle it?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Toadstool

Location:
Obregon, Mexico
Wedding Date:
December 2012
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comments

  1. Guest
    C., Guest @ 3:13 pm

    This is exactly the situation I will be in next year – moving to his hometown, looking for a job there. It is scary sometimes, but I think overall it will be worth it for the long distance to be over. I think there will definitely be a big adjustment period for both of us since right now, we rarely have little tiffs.

    I guess the only way to handle it is to just be aware that things will be both amazing and difficult, and be prepared to work at it.

  2. Member
    Mrs. Treasure 1638 posts, Bumble bee @ 3:31 pm

    I moved in with Mr. T about 6 weeks ago when my lease expired. The first few weeks were hard, but we seem to have gotten into a rhythm. Dividing up chores has been the hardest thing. If you think that’s going to be rough for you, I’d recommend assigning specific chores to each person. For example, I’m in charge of vacuuming, dusting, and the dishwasher while Mr. T is in charge of cleaning the bathroom, taking out the trash, and hand washing dishes. The first few weeks we just fought about things that weren’t clean, but now we let the other person do their thing.

  3. Member
    ilikeballet 156 posts, Blushing bee @ 3:49 pm

    Though I respect any couples decision, and I realize in Mexico things still tend to be more traditional, I am a firm supporter of living together prior to marriage. I’ve lived with my fiance for five and half years now, and in December we’ll have been together for seven! OMG times flies! I just think living together before the marriage really gives you the chance to know what you’re getting into. I feel such a sense of peace knowing that after we’re married, there will be no surprises about his living habits. Believe me, there were quite a few I had to adjust to! Regardless, I wish you the best of luck in a new town and in your new home!

  4. Member
    Mrs. Coyote 1479 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:59 pm

    Oh those are some big changes Miss Toadstool… I don’t blame you for being a bit nervous! But don’t worry, they are also exciting changes and I know that you and the Mr. will get through it! Our first few months living together were tough as we learned to adjust to everything, but it’s an amazing feeling to have someone to come home to!

  5. Guest
    hammock, Guest @ 5:26 pm

    Moving in together and learning each others’ quirks definitely takes some time, but that stuff can be really fun! What makes it hard is learning how to financially navigate through sharing expenses. I’m not sure how much you know about each others’ spending habits and financial tendencies (hopefully quite a bit!), and you may not be combining accounts right away, but that can become a hot topic, and never a fun discussion to have.

  6. Member
    Mrs. Bracelet 1410 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:29 pm

    I hear you, sister! Mr. B and I are still ironing out the wrinkles – and I definitely second that chores and cleaning cause the most discord. Our lives have been so hectic that we haven’t established a chore schedule yes, something that is definitely on my list!

  7. Member
    Mrs. Gray Wolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 6:08 pm

    i agree with @Mrs. Coyote – i think the fun stuff is going to outweigh the potential troubles! i remember when i first moved in with wolfman, we definitely had some squabbles about day to day stuff – but we were also so overwhelmed by the togetherness and getting to “play house” for real – that it worked itself out. i’m sure it’s a bit nervewracking but think about how excited you are to see him on the weekends…and how awesome it will be to know you don’t have to leave!

  8. Member
    Alicia2Vila 27 posts, Newbee @ 8:07 pm

    This December, I’m graduating with my masters and he’s graduating with his bachelors on the 14th, we’re getting married in front of our close family on the 16th, our wedding is on the 21st, we’re going on a 5 day cruise, moving to a new city by the end of the year, and I’m starting my job at an accounting firm the second week of January. I’m definitely starting to feel the stress! It’ll all be worth it though.

  9. Member
    Mrs Christopher 2807 posts, Sugar bee @ 8:12 pm

    I moved 2000 miles with him before we were engaged, we almost killed each other! It was awful then I got a job, we got a place to live and things were better so much so that we got engaged. So it can work.

  10. Member
    hattich 21 posts, Newbee @ 12:19 am

    I feel like I’m reading my life through your posts Toadstool! I come from a traditional environment as well, so the biggest reason I want to marry is to be finally able to live together with my fiance. The idea gets me so excited that I don’t even think about if it’s going to be hard or not :) I never thought of it as scary but now that I read your post I think maybe I should! :)

  11. Member
    Mrs. Funnel Cake 1171 posts, Bumble bee @ 2:29 am

    Oh that is a lot! I agree with the others… chores and cleaning are the brunt of a lot of roommate/husband fights. Money can come up too if that is an issue… or jobs, which we’ve fought about too.

    It can be really stressful looking for work, but give yourself time and a chance to find something. Just don’t make it the topic of every conversation. Good luck lady! :)

  12. Member
    Miss Fairy 976 posts, Busy bee @ 7:36 am

    Those are definitely some big changes coming up, and adjusting to living with anyone takes time (it definitely did for me and the Mr.). But I wouldn’t trade any of it. There will be some amazing times ahead for you and your hubby, and even if you did hit some bumps in the road, those will only strengthen your relationship. Good luck sweetie, and take deep breathes :)

  13. Member
    blonde17jess 1290 posts, Bumble bee @ 9:58 am

    It is definitely tough to get used to, but having the newlywed bliss to offset the (sometimes) aggravating circumstances of cohabitating will be a good thing too. I hope finding a job will not be too difficult for you, but all the adjustments will be made easier by the fact that you’ll have Mr. Toadstool there with you every step of the way!

  14. Member
    Mrs. Pony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 11:05 am

    It’s definitely an adjustment, not just living with your spouse, but living away from your family. Luckily, you’ll have a brand new family with Mr. Toadstool :)

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