I think that getting married, in general, is stressful enough. But throw a HUGE party into the mix, you know, like a WEDDING, and things just get complicated. A wedding is meant to celebrate a marriage, which is meant to be a lifelong celebration of your love and commitment to each other. It’s not just a “party.” It’s also not a family reunion or a way for your parents to show off to all their friends. But geez, sometimes in the planning stages you can’t tell the difference!
At my last wedding, the guest list, at first, seemed effortless: my friends, my family, his friends, his family. But then, all of a sudden, the sides on the list were uneven! Oh no! I didn’t care but all of a sudden the ex did. Plus, it didn’t help I was given a strict guest-list cap by my dad who was so lovingly paying for the party, and therefore had to invite work people he didn’t want to invite but, you know, “had” to. Chaos ensued and thankfully the wedding went by somewhat smoothly—the marriage, er, not so much.
So this time around, I took a very pragmatic approach to the guest list. I wasn’t going to mess with old high school friends I no longer talk to, or even family members I’m not close to. We invited friends of our parents that mean something to us and therefore we couldn’t imagine celebrating without. Luckily three-quarters of our parents completely understood that since we were paying for everything we were picking the guest list.
Either way, our original guest goal was 75 people! Small enough to keep it intimate, large enough to still invite those important to us and have an awesome party. But 75 quickly turned to 85 and then 100. And wouldn’t you know it? We’re at 108! (my fingers are seriously crossed for that 20% decline rate). Of course I want everyone to come even that means spending extra money on the celebration. But geez, guests add up fast!
At the end of the day, I’m just thankful FI isn’t like his GM R. He and BM K tried to plan a 175-person wedding. They made their separate lists and brought them home to compare. R’s list was 170 people. Ultimately, they had an absolutely beautiful destination wedding in Kauai and the guest list was perfect.
Have you had any struggles with your guest list? Did you quickly lose control or stand your ground?
The guest list is definitely a tough struggle. We are paying for the wedding ourselves, so will (or should) have complete control over it. But then you run into issues like inviting coworkers. Some I consider my friends, others are just coworkers. But I’ve worked there for 8 years in a 19 person department. Is it all or nothing? Spouses and plus-ones? Kids? The number adds up so fast.
What about people that you know probably aren’t going to come? Do you send them an invitiation or just an announcement? What if they decided that THIS was just the right occassion for a trip to Texas??
Even though my parents are graciously paying for our wedding, they’ve been surprisingly cool about the guest list. Ours is pretty massive right now (about 215 households~400 people!) but most of those we don’t anticipate actually coming. My parents both work at my childhood church so they feel obligated that we invite most of them, which is fine. I anticipate our guest list will top out in the 230-250 mark, which seems like a lot, but…I think we’ll be just fine! (Now ask me if I’m planning on doing a seating chart…haha!)
Yep I’m dealing with the same problem! I originally wanted ONLY immediate family (as in, our parents, siblings, and grandparents), and our bridal party, and their families. That added up to just over 50, including the kids, our photographer and assistant, and our wedding planner and assistant. That sounded perfect to me. But then my FMIL wanted to invite her sister, and my grandmother wanted to invite her sister and my FFIL wanted to invite his siblings, and so it kept growing and growing. FH and I reevaluated a couple days ago and got it back down to about 60, eliminating family members we aren’t close to, as well as other people’s friends we aren’t close to, but there are still a few people my family wants to invite that I haven’t decided on. Since they are paying, I guess I will let those few people slip by, so it’s probably going to end up somewhere around 70.
Family adds up and parents feel like they need to invite certain people and when you least know it your wedding’s 60% filled with strangers.
For us, the way out of this was to instruct parents to tell their aqcuintances that we’re planning the wedding and therefore have total control of the guest list, that way they don’t feel bad about not inviting someone and we can be the bad guys, and believe me, I don’t mind being the bad guy.
Our decline rate is currently hovering at the 30-35% range, so anything is possible!
We invited just under 100 (including +1s) and ended up with 70 — and it really IS a perfect size!
I’m not looking forward to finalizing our guest list. While my family is relatively small, FH’s family is *huge*: tons of aunts, uncles, and cousins. We want a small, intimate wedding, so it’s going to be difficult to cut people. 
ha we are EXACTLY the same – inviting 108, hoping for 75-80. our venue can only hold 100 for the ceremony, so although i do think we will be fine…there’s always that chance… eek! so fingers crossed for us both, miss b!
Our guest list was out of control — I think at one point it was at 225! o.O Thankfully we ended up with 125 guests, which was a perfect number in my eyes. 
@I’m in a boat similar to Miss Armadillo – we’re aiming to have the final invite list at 250 and hoping for closer to 200 to arrive. I know that a significant chunk will RSVP ‘no’ (the people you invite to be polite, but know can’t/won’t travel, etc.) but there are still a few that are a gamble. We both come from big families, my FI especially. . .they’re the type that see each other every week, celebrate everything, go on vacations together, etc. His mom’s side of the family, immediate & their kids only, makes up 70 people! We’re grateful for the ability to HAVE a big(ish) wedding, though, because otherwise we’d be forced to run away to Vegas.
You sound a lot like my BFF, who is also planning a wedding. They wanted to cap it at 50 people, then it sort of branched from there. They’re still at a smallish/manageable guest list and are also counting on the decline rate and being able to cut some more when the time comes.
OMG!! I thought I was suppose to be happy! and this has been the most stressful thing ever! I dont think people understand that its no a party but its your special day. So no you cant bring your boyfriend that talked so much crap on my soon to be husband. We sent out 242 invitations and we are praying only 200 people rsvp yes.. i would be happier with 150 but hey…. the only person that I truly care about showing up is my boo boo! oh and my lovely wonderful parents
I had lots of guest list problems because my fathers family have little to nothing to do with me but still I felt I should invite his brothers and sister. In the end I realised that I don’t know these people and I don’t want strangers at our wedding! We have had nearly exactly the 20% decline rate! Don’t count on it though, I thought a lot more wouldn’t commit to coming that are!
Wedding seating seems to be THE worst part for every bride. It’s stressful and hard to keep track of everything and constantly update you guest list.
http://www.socialtables.com is good to help with most seating chart problems. You can keep track of your guest list and make your seating chart in the same place.
Mrs. Buffalo, San Diego, CA Age and Occupation: 26, Treasury Services Representative Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Manufacturing Engineer Engagement Date: July 28, 2011 Wedding Date: September 2012 Venue: Bailey's Palomar Resort About Me: I’m a So Cal girl who doesn’t like the ocean (or sand) and would much rather be out in the country. I’m a Gleek and a Twi-hard, I enjoy baking, reading, watching old movies, and listening to country music. We both love football season, and thankfully our two favorite teams are in different conferences (and therefore rarely play each other). He’s a die-hard Indianapolis Colts fan, and I love the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (and YES, we’re both born and raised San Diegans). He’s my best friend, and I can’t wait to begin the journey of our lifetime together.
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