Wedding Stuff We’re NOT Doing

There are SO many possibilities for any wedding, and while that freedom can be really liberating—it can also be overwhelming. I feel like, especially at the beginning, a lot of our planning consisted of “planning by omission.” Here’s a sampling, and why:

Engagement Pictures
This is mainly because we couldn’t think of what we’d do with them. This might seem silly—of course you get engagement pictures done!—but beyond making a Facebook album and sending some to our folks, I was afraid they’d be sort of wasted. I knew early on I didn’t want to incorporate them into any of our paper products, and we chose a photographer largely based on her flexibility in exchanging an engagement shoot for extra wedding coverage. No regrets here.

Bouquet Toss/Garter Toss/Big Reception Entrance
We’re really trying to minimize the amount of time that 1) people’s eyes are on us and 2) is taken away from the party. I also get really nervous about logistics. What if my toss is not long enough? What if the garter gets stuck? Things like that. This just saves me some of that.

Flower Girl/Ring Bearer
Neither of us knows any little kids as most of our family members are grown. We could probably think of someone if we really put our minds to it, but I didn’t want to incorporate a child I wasn’t already close to into our ceremony.

Wedding Cake/Cake Cutting
Neither of us is big on dessert, and the cake cutting is yet another small moment that takes away from the party. Plus, cakes are so expensive! I know there’s symbolism in the cutting”¦but I honestly cannot tell you what it means. Plus, the donut thing sounds awesome.

What about you? Anything you’re NOT doing? Did anyone else “plan by omission” in the beginning?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Gray Wolf

Location:
Washington DC
Wedding Date:
February 2013

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  1. Member
    Merelymere 472 posts, Helper bee @ 2:59 pm

    I wasn’t really planning to do the bouquet toss/ garter toss either. I’m among the last of my friends to get married, so we’re mostly “been there, done that”, and there wouldn’t be anyone to rock out to “Single Ladies” ;) However, my fiance’ is the FIRST of his friends to get married, so all of “his” friends that have since become “our” friends are single and want us to do it. So, bouquet and garter toss, here we come. I’m also a bit concerned about logistics, but I have a long dress so it shouldn’t be too bad.

  2. Member
    This Time Round 10219 posts, Sugar Beekeeper @ 3:03 pm

    Well with an Elopement to a Destination Wedding… followed by our Honeymoon and then a Back-Home Reception (B-HR), there are a lot of things that are not being done, done out of order… or done differently !!
    But ya know, as an Encore Bride, I gotta say that is part of the charm… not doing things in the usual way. :-) *Smile*
    We thought about Engagement Photos… or precisely, I thought about them. I think they are really cute… Back-in-the-day when I got married the first time (Circa 1980), Engagement Photos were always a Formal Sitting… I think the more modern take on them is far more natural & fun.
    Mr TTR isn’t one who likes getting his pic taken at the best of times. So as it stands now, we haven’t done any… and don’t have an appointment to.
    BUT we have some photos that have been taken by Friends & Family over the Summer that truly reflect the happiness of our relationship and our interests… so I guess you could say they’ve become our “stand in” E-Photos.
    Off your list, the only other thing that stands out for me is Wedding Cake & Cake Cutting… this is one tradition I want to embrace at our B-HR. Very much looking forward to having a cake decorated to reflect our Wedding Theme, and displaying it, and then cutting it and sharing it with our Guests. Lol, to me a Wedding isn’t a Wedding without cake… which is why we’ll have some sort of Cake or Cupcakes to nibble on after our Elopement with a Glass of Champagne.

  3. Member
    Day_In_The_Life 1397 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:22 pm

    We are not having a ring bearer/flower girl because we don’t know any kids in that age group. Most of my friends kids (and there are just a few) will be about 1 or a little older at the time of the wedding with a few who are teens. No one with a 5 or 6 year old so we are not doing it.

    We are doing engagement photos because I want something for our save the dates and really we don’t have alot of pictures of the two of us (literally I think we might have like 25 over the last 4 years) so I thought it would be a good way to get more pictures of the two of us….now to find a photographer….

  4. Member
    SoontobeMrsGV 26 posts, Newbee @ 4:26 pm

    I have to say, I giggled a bit when I read your title about things you’re “not” doing. . . I am constantly surprising my friends and family when they ask me what I’m doing for (insert wedding tradition) and I simply say, “We’re not!” We have both been married before and I have a son from my previous marriage. We are having a smaller than small ceremony on November 29th with our preacher, my son, our God daughter, and the best friend couple that helped pull off the surprise engagement. (Surprise to me, they all planned for months!) It will be the 5 of us adults, and 2 kids for the ceremony then we will be going to the restaurant where we met for dinner. This ceremoy is on the anniversary of the day we met at that restaurant. I plan on ordering cupcakes to have with dinner and having them say “family” as we are calling this “Family Day.”
    Then, on December 31st, we will be in Jamaica as a couple and have a “vow renewal” ceremony that will be just the two of us and one more couple. We plan to always celebrate Nov 29th as family day as an anniversary with our kid(s) and Dec 31st as our anniversary as a couple. We are very excited about both services, but people around us just don’t understand! We’ve decided that we are doing what works for us as a family and couple and not doing “traditional” things that everyone expects. Initially we had some upset family members because we weren’t having something that family would be able to attend, but now everyone has become very supportive. This is about us coming together as a family with my son and celebrating our love as a couple, not putting on a show for everyone. This allowed us to save enough money to go to Jamaica and we’ll be getting married without any wedding debt. :)
    I wish you the very best in all the things you decide to do or not to do, I think it’s wonderful to do what’s right for you as a couple!

  5. Guest Icon Guest
    Katie, Guest @ 5:58 pm

    We are not doing alot of things.
    Small wedding followed by a reception dinner at a restaurant nearby…
    Not doing the bouquet throw (2nd marriage for both of us)
    No engagement pictures; although I like the idea; I am going to have my neighbor take some pics of us so that we can add it to our website.
    Do have ring bearer; he is my grandson

  6. Member
    epalmisano829 453 posts, Helper bee @ 6:29 pm

    We nixed a grand entrance… We just walked in and joined in the party with our guests.

    We also passed on the Flower Girl and Ring Bearer. We didn’t want any children at all and it was easier to tell everyone NO when it was really NO children at all.

  7. Member
    imaynaya 34 posts, Newbee @ 9:51 pm

    I laughed reading this…we made almost all the same choices at our wedding ( I’ve put up pics in the recaps) It was great. No one missed the cake, or the garter, or any of it. We even did donuts and they were a big hit. The baker was totally into it and made glazed ones in our colors and had bacon maple ones that were the talk of the wedding.

    Sounds like you guys are really letting your personalities guide your choices- I’m sure it will be awesome!

  8. Member
    thatredheadedbride 791 posts, Busy bee @ 5:49 am

    This will be my first marriage, but we are skipping the engagement pictures and the garter/flower toss. My FI and I don’t do well with posed photographs, so we’re going to put that money towards nicer invitations or our honeymoon. As far as the flower/garter toss, there won’t be a lot of single ladies at our reception. Besides, I think the garter toss is rather tacky, IMHO. I’m still going to wear a garter, but it will only be for my FI’s eyes.

  9. Member
    missysahib 40 posts, Newbee @ 9:18 am

    Ha ha – when I think of our wedding, feel like it’s far more traditional than I wanted – and yet when I read your post, I realized that we are DEFINITELY skipping a lot of the traditions.

    1) Engagement photos? Pffft. We have like 10,000 photos of us on Facebook. I think we’re good there, it never even crossed my mind.

    2) No rehearsal dinner . . I mean there IS dinner – but it’s at a camp, and we’re not paying for it (we’re paying for 2 nice meals the day-of, so we sort of skipped the rehearsal dinner part.)

    3) No diamond. Engagement ring is threaded pearls – more eco-friendly, simpler. More me.

    4) No aisle walk. We’re having our friends and family do a kirtan chant with musicians and actually come down a row of trees to bring us together to be married.

    5) Split-up wedding. We’re doing the ceremony at 11 am with a nice luncheon – then a BREAK in the day so we can take our “First Flight.” Later, a Bollywood themed reception. :)

    6) No cake – cupcakes, malasadas, mochi, pie, diwai candy.

    7) No formal dinner – it’s a serve yourself Indian food buffet. Very casual after the more formal luncheon.

    8) No flower toss, no ringbearers or flower girls, no garter toss.

    9) Oh yes – and most important of the traditions we are skipping . . . no marriage ha ha!

    We are NOT getting legally married – we’re having a commitment ceremony, but for many reasons, we are skipping the government tax-based part of it.

    We do want to have it made legal later on down the road – but for now, we realized that what made it a “marriage” to us was the commitment to one another before family and friends and we just do not care if the government thinks we are married or not.

    So thank you for this lovely post – because it reminds me that this little wedding isn’t turning out quite so traditional after all.

    :)

  10. Guest Icon Guest
    Katie, Guest @ 9:26 am

    For those of you with “couples” a friend of mine had suggested that you could make a bouquet of lottery tickets, or movie tickets, etc and toss that to a co-ed group if you so wished. I personally feel that we are beyond throwing the bouquet, but thought I would pass it on.

  11. Member
    actingdarling 167 posts, Blushing bee @ 11:16 am

    We are having no flower girl or ring bearer because well i’ll be honest i’m not a “kid” person and I want the attention on me and my man and my bridesmaids and grooms Squad!

  12. Member
    LadyRockhound 1 posts, Wannabee @ 12:54 pm

    We definitely skipped the engagement photos.
    No engagement party, either – our friends and family are everywhere but here.
    No bridal shower – see above explanation.
    We’re not going to have individual programs, but rather one sign with the program information.
    We’re not going to have a DJ, but are rather going to put together a few MP3 playlists for the different portions of the reception.
    We’re going to skip the big cake, but we will have a small one for us to cut.
    It’s nice to see how everyone else is making their weddings their own!

  13. Member
    nikstar 246 posts, Helper bee @ 4:03 pm

    i liked seeing this post. it made me feel a lot better about what we have decided to do.
    we are having a short ceremony (but meaningful). no wedding party, followed by reception which is next door to the chapel at a boutique cafe, so do big gap in between. No entrance song etc (it would be silly given the size of our venue. No bridal table (we are just having one large horseshoe shaped table that everyone sits at, so no name tags. No garter or toss of any type. we might have a first dance, only to get people up and dancing but no dj as we are using our own itunes combined with a ipad app called wedding dj. no cake cut however we are doing a croquembouche (which involves chucking the cake in the air and catching it with a table cloth). hopefully people will still be happy with our lack of tradition. :)

  14. Member
    jaguar 6152 posts, Bee Keeper @ 5:54 pm

    We skipped a lot of similar traditions. No flower girl/page boy, no garter, no bouquet toss, no cake smushing. :)

  15. Member
    painauchocolat 2298 posts, Buzzing bee @ 8:21 pm

    We cut out the receiving line, ceremony programs, dinner blessing, and a few other things that didn’t make sense for us… along with many of the things mentioned in the comments above. The first thing we nixed was the traditional tosses (garter/bouquet).

  16. Member
    music11 74 posts, Worker bee @ 5:50 am

    We are not doing a bouquet or garter toss, or ring bearer.

  17. Member
    gollydolly 16 posts, Newbee @ 9:39 am

    Things we are skipping:
    1. Ring bearer & flower girl
    2. Bouquet & garter toss
    3. Receiving line
    4. Rehearsal dinner
    5. Engagement pictures
    6. Dance floor/first dance

    We are having a small outdoor ceremony near the river with family and friends around noon and then following it with a catered luncheon type reception. We did not want it at night as it was double the price and we’d also have to worry about all the alcohol, etc. We will have a cake but we are NOT doing the cake smashing thing!

  18. Member
    purpleturtle 8 posts, Newbee @ 7:28 pm

    THANK YOU for posting this! There are so many things that I’m sure we WON’T be doing just because to me they seem silly, like a waste of time or money, or just totally not my style. We are planning on “no flowers” !

    We will probably still have a big entrance because I do like “all eyes on me,” haha, but I definitely don’t want a flower girl or ring bearer — really, I don’t want any kids at my wedding, so why would I give one this important place then not allow any other children to attend?

    I can’t decide whether we’ll do engagement photos — they’d be for the exact same reason you mentioned. I’m thinking maybe we’ll have a friend take some nicer-than-usual pics of us together instead of the professional thing.

  19. Member
    purpleturtle 8 posts, Newbee @ 7:33 pm

    @nikstar: Even before we got engaged I had to explain to my friends that we weren’t planning on a wedding party. It shouldn’t matter if “people will be happy” with our celebrations because they should be what means the most to us!

  20. Member
    ChicagoDreamer 509 posts, Busy bee @ 8:48 pm

    I don’t think I’ll do the bouquet toss or garter toss either. I say just because its tradition or something that happens a lot doesn’t mean you have to do them!

  21. Member
    blonde17jess 1290 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:43 am

    I think planning by omission is definitely the easiest way to start narrowing down the things that are most important to you and the mister. I think I can understand all of your omissions, for sure. We won’t do a bouquet/garter toss because I don’t like that it gets silly and raunchy and that’s just not “us”… I definitely also get the desire to limit the “all eyes on us” moments, because we’re not big on being the center of attention. Of course, the whole day is going to be centered around us, so there’s only so much you can do about that! I think it’s one time we’ll be okay with attention. :)

  22. Member
    jacofblues 1468 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:06 pm

    We didn’t do engagement photos as at the time I was engaged I hadn’t heard of them before! Lucikly my mum took some photos of us the day after we were engaged and I refer to these as our engagement photos haha! I like that you know what you don’t want!

  23. Guest Icon Guest
    Ann, Guest @ 9:50 am

    We aren’t doing a lot of the ‘traditional’ stuff either! We are having a small (25 people) ceremony on the beach on Coronado Island, CA followed by a casual dinner in the hotel courtyard. Then it’s party time in our fabulous suite!! We did do engagement photos, taken by my best friend and MOH, with her iPhone. She is an awesome photographer! We used the photos in a photobook that we are using as a sort-of guestbook for people to write whatever they want to us. We are doing the bridal shower, but it will be a shower/bachelorette party combined and my fiance is having a bachelor party, but not the strip club type, even though I’m perfectly fine with it if he wanted to do that. We are not having a flower girl or ring bearer. No children at all at our wedding! We didn’t see the need for either. My engagement ring is a non-traditional aquamarine. My dress is pink, my girls dresses are white! I’m not wearing a veil. We’re incorporating hand fasting and a shell blessing into our ceremony with no mention of ‘God’, as neither one of us is religious. No engagement party, we kinda had that (as a surprise to me) when he proposed! Cake? We haven’t decided, really. Kinda leaning towards not having one because most people I know go to weddings to drink, not eat cake! lol We will have a reception/party a few weeks after the wedding back home in Tucson, AZ, for those that were not invited to the ceremony in Cali. But it will be more of a casual party than a true ‘reception’. We’re also doing a non-traditional gift registry – we used eregistry.com for Visa gift cards or cash to use for a honeymoon at some point later on. Oh, and I’m also having just my maid of honor, one bridesmaid and my fiance is having just his best man. And no garter/bouquet toss either. I think that’s kinda goofy anymore anyway. So yes, we’re having a non-traditional wedding as well! And it will be perfect for us! Can’t wait!!

  24. Member
    MissMu14 26 posts, Newbee @ 9:52 am

    We’re not going on our honeymoon right away because we both have work. Possibly postponing it until the holidays. We are not having engagement photos taken…we have so many pics from our engagement party where my parents hired a professional photographer! I’m considering not doing a full out wedding cake maybe a small one to cut because I really want a dessert bar wich will double as the party favors for the guests!

  25. Member
    Taylor25 43 posts, Newbee @ 9:57 am

    I very much agree with many things in your post. We are taking a lot of things out also. We are not having a flower girl or ring bearer – we have many kids (nieces, nephews, and cousins) to choose from – but I really didn’t want to do every tradition and make it seem way formal or over the top. We really want to keep it as simple as possible but still really nice.

    Technically I am doing engagement pictures – but not paying for them. My sister is just going to take some pictures of us to incorporate it in the bridal shower…we’re not paying anyone to do them.

    We are not doing a bouquet toss or garter toss or a big reception entrance – I 100% agree with you on here.

    I don’t know if we’ll do a wedding cake or not – I’m not that far in my process.

    I am also on the fence about a big sendoff too…I don’t know if we should get a car to take us home or if we should just drive ourselves..

    We are having a wedding party – but just family members…I have one sisters, he has 3 so those are the bridesmaids and I have one brother, and he has a brother and he may just pick 2 more close guy friends

    We aren’t doing flowers at all except for the bouquets…

    I don’t really want kids there..but still undecided if we’ll do that or not. I mean how can you be like sorry no kids on the invite? I don’t know how you would express that one. But I really don’t want them there – and it’ll be late at anight and I don’t want them screaming/crying during the ceremony (my main issue with kids being there)

    we’re not doing a rehearsal dinner either, ceremony programs, or receiving line

    no bachelor or bachelorette parties…may all go out together or something..but nothing crazy..

    I’m sure there’s more. It seems like I’ve cut out a lot…but I really didn’t see myself doing any of those anyways.. :)

  26. Guest Icon Guest
    Trisha, Guest @ 9:58 am

    For those of you considering nixxing the boquet toss and garter throw…. THANK YOU! My guy and I were wondering how to go about the garter thing since we have probably all of 2 single men coming.

    But for the boquet, our venue actuall suggested a really sweet alternative. Still have a boquet, but instead of tossing it, have a “couples” dance, and then slowly have the newest marrieds sit down, until you’re left with the couple who has been married the longest. Then hand them your boquet. We’ll likely be doing this instead of a toss. :)

  27. Member
    SweetJester 37 posts, Newbee @ 10:04 am

    We aren’t having a few of these either!

    -no garter or bouquet toss
    -no cake! I don’t even LIKE cake, and combined with the $1000 cost (actual cake purchase and serving fee for 110 guests) we decided to get a chocolate fountain instead!
    -no limo

    We are getting engagement photos simply because they are included in our photo package free.

    I’m glad to see other brides thinking outside of tradition for traditions sake!

  28. Guest Icon Guest
    BKbride1014, Guest @ 10:08 am

    We would have skipped the engagement pics if they weren’t included in our total package. We’re not tossing bouquets or garters, no FG’s or RB’s, no unity candles or sand ceremonies.

  29. Member
    Kertwink 1 posts, Wannabee @ 10:09 am

    We are not doing the following:
    - No cake
    - No bouquet/garter toss
    - No ring bearer
    -

  30. Guest Icon Guest
    Kristy, Guest @ 10:11 am

    I’m not doing a big entrance either. We’re having the ceremony and the reception in the same place, so we’ll probably leave for a little private time and then just slip back in to eat/have our first dance.

  31. Guest Icon Guest
    Amanda, Guest @ 10:41 am

    We are not doing the groom’s-first-look-at-the-bride-as-she-walks-down-the-aisle thing. Instead, we’re going to spend a short, special time together before the ceremony while we’re all dressed up. It makes sense – the wedding isn’t about big reveals, it’s about celebrating your love with one other person. Why not take the time to meditate on that together before the ceremony?

  32. Guest Icon Guest
    Kristy, Guest @ 10:50 am

    @Amanda: Oh yes, we aren’t doing that either. I don’t want to have a cocktail hour, so we’re going to do a first look and then do photos before the ceremony. That way people don’t have to wait ages for us to get our photos made.

  33. Guest Icon Guest
    Ann, Guest @ 10:51 am

    Amanda – I like that idea! And you’re totally right about it being about your love for each other. (That’s why we haven’t let anyone else commandeer our plans or ideas!) I really do want my fiance to see me walk down the ‘aisle’ – as much of an aisle as you can have on the beach – and capture that moment when he first sees me in my dress. But this makes me want to re-think that! Now I don’t know…lol

  34. Member
    luandstephgetmarried 3 posts, Wannabee @ 11:51 am

    I love this post!!! I’ve had the worst anxiety and pressure about making everything “traditional” and that’s not who we are at all!! So we’ve decided to do things our way. We really just want a fun party where everyone can let loose and have a great time without the formality of a “traditional wedding”.
    -No wedding party. I can’t deal with everyone’s drama so I decided to make the day about exactly who it’s supposed to be: us!
    -No being escorted down the aisle. As much as I love my dad, I think the idea of being “given away” so antiquated. I’ll be walking down the aisle by myself, by choice – the same way I walked into my relationship.
    -No bouquet/garter toss.
    -No father/daughter or mother/son dance.
    I’m sure there’ll be a whole bunch of other things we’ll decide are unnecessary along the way.

  35. Member
    CrysK313 13 posts, Newbee @ 12:34 pm

    We’re having a pretty traditional wedding, but there are things we aren’t doing.
    1. No flower girl/ring bearer. We are young, none of our family members or friends have children of that age and even if they did, I’m not sure that I would want to include them. I have a fear of the chaos children bring with them. I don’t think my one big night is the time to take that chance… blessings to all that can pull that off!
    2. No receiving line. Simply put- I hate them. They’re awkward for everyone… the bride and groom, all the bridal party, and even the people walking through them. We also do not have the time for one since we have an hour and 15 minutes between ceremony’s end and our announcements to get our pictures done. Yes, I’m crazy.
    3. No big exit at the end of the night.
    4. No sit down dinner- we’re having a cocktail style reception with an assortment of different hors d’euovres that will be both butlered to tables and stationed around the room, but are also providing a meat cutting station for a little substance (our reception is late at night since its NYE so we didnt feel serving a sit down dinner at 10 PM was such a great idea).

    I’m sure there’s more we will cut the closer we get!

  36. Guest Icon Guest
    Jenny Tenney, Guest @ 1:35 pm

    I am a bride to be and a wedding photographer, and I can say from experience that engagement photos are worth doing if only for the chance to get to know your photographer and get comfortable in front of the camera! I know it sounds silly, but when I do an engagement shoot with a couple, it is SO much easier to get great shots on the wedding day because we already know each other and there’s a level of comfort that you can’t just have immediately without having had some time together beforehand. Just a thought! If you get a good professional photographer, you will love having some more casual photos of the two of you.

    That being said, I think there are so many things you don’t have to do on your wedding day- it’s your day, might as well make it unique and do it the way you want! We are not doing a bouquet toss/garter toss and no ring bearer or flower girl, although we might have our dog be the ring bearer or even a ‘groomsman.’ hahaha

  37. Guest Icon Guest
    katywants, Guest @ 1:39 pm

    I think I’m a weird mix…I still cared about having the bells and whistles of a traditional wedding, but I wanted none of it to be traditional! I am wearing a blush-colored dress with black accents, and we’re definitely not doing a bouquet/garter toss – I think it’s a waste of time. No seated dinner, just lots of hors d’oeuvres, beer and wine, and cake! I also just gave the bridal party a color scheme to wear, and let them dress themselves. It is a night-time wedding, and there is no white involved anywhere in the decorations/attire; weird for a wedding, I know! I was pretty adament about music selections as well….no traditional classical pieces, going instead with the likes of Pearl Jam, Florence + The Machine, Cat Power, Ok GO! I’m so excited to get to see all my hard work and personal touches pay off :)

  38. Member
    ccglisa 3 posts, Wannabee @ 2:08 pm

    My fiancé and I totally planned by elimination.
    We eliminated the wedding party, the flower girl, ring bearer, the garter toss, the bouquet toss, as well we are considering cutting out the cake (pun intended). Our Mother’s will be signing as our witnesses so that eliminated the need to have people stand with us.

    There is so much hoopla about weddings that we really wanted to get down to what mattered to us, and none of that did. Having the people who matter to us, not the ones who’ll get upset about not being invited, since some people that’s the only reason to invite them. We’ll have some good wine, good food, close friends and family, then a party that lasts all night.

    I can’t wait.
    .

  39. Guest Icon Guest
    Ann, Guest @ 2:11 pm

    @ccglisa – I can’t tell you how many times I heard, ‘But so-and-so is going to be so upset they’re not invited to the ceremony!’ Ugh! Too bad, right? The people that mean the most will be there, that’s all that matters…;)

  40. Member
    bakerblunt 6 posts, Newbee @ 8:09 pm

    I, too, am doing away with most of the traditions; ring bearer, flower girl, the tossing of things.
    I wanted to walk down the aisle by myself but I am a daddy’s girl and I know it would break my dad’s heart if I went down without him. So I compromised: My dad will walk with me halfway, and the rest I’ll walk alone. It’ll signify my journey in life, being raised by my parents, striking out on my own, and my new chapter with my love :)

  41. Guest Icon Guest
    Mel, Guest @ 8:15 pm

    We are eloping and then planning a reception/party a month or two afterward, so we get to skip a whole lot of wedding crap. I have never been one of those gals who dreams about her perfect day and perfect dress etc. We’re having a ceremony just for us and then a celebration with our friends and family. Cause that’s just us!

  42. Member
    lynnecedwards 3 posts, Wannabee @ 2:07 am

    This thread makes me so happy! I have had so much grief from people expecting us to have the wedding THEY want, I have no idea why people think they are entitled to judge every aspect of a day that is supposed to represent the love shared by two people. Of course if following traditions makes other people happy that’s great for them and I would never judge anyone else’s wedding plans, but for me and HTB traditions just don’t represent us.

    We are having a flower girl and page boy just because one of my bridesmaids has a little girl and the best man has a little boy and we wanted to include them. Other than that we’re ditching lots of traditions:

    1 – I love my dad so much but didn’t feel being “given away” was right for me, I am marrying my man, it’s a decision just for us, he’s not being “given away” so why should I!

    2 – No bouquet/garter toss, we have lots of single friends but I just don’t like the idea of it, implying that just because you’re single you must be desperate to get married and fight for a bouquet, marriage isn’t right for everyone.

    3 – No receiving line – it takes forever and is just plain awkward, we want to spend the night dancing not shaking hands, so we’re having some fun Scottish dances to include everyone instead of a stuffy formal receiving line.

    4 – The issue that has offended so many people is that I’m keeping my maiden name, the fact that nobody else understands this apart from my man just reinforces we are truly meant to be together!

  43. Guest Icon Guest
    cookecutter51, Guest @ 4:58 am

    Tradition has always been a part of my younger daughter’s “little-girl dreams”, so when the time actually came for her to be married, there were only a few things she changed or omitted. No flower girl or ring bearer–the guest list went back as far as first-cousins of the bride and groom, but not their children. Some children attended the ceremony with their parents, then stayed with a sitter for the reception. No real engagement photos because time just slipped away with only 8 months to plan the wedding. The week before, they had a friend do some outdoor shots so there was a nice one to put in the photo-frame cover of the guestbook. The ceremony was basically a compilation of meaningful Scriptures, vows, and songs that “redefined” the familiar, traditional wording. The unity-candle-lighting was a significant part of the wedding because we had a large pillar candle to represent God as the source of all life and light and love in our lives. The mother of the groom and myself lit the parents’ candles from “God’s Candle” at the beginning of the service and the bride and groom lit the centre unity candle while the pastor explained the meaning of it all. Very beautiful! My husband walked his “baby girl” down the aisle and escorted her up the stairs to the platform after she presented the two mothers with roses from her bouquet to be placed in vases in memory of dear grandparents. We did have a receiving line because the reception was fairly short with little time for personal visiting. (Photos were taken afterward.) The cake cutting was traditional as well, but no messy faces. The dance was later at a hall, but was not really well attended. The no-alcohol stipulation made by the bride and groom when they had the invitations printed was meant to make more of their guests feel welcome at the dance, but probably kept the “partiers” away. The bouquet and garter toss was done at the dance, although I had been hoping they would do it after the reception when there were more people to be involved and to watch. All in all, we had lots of comments on what a great time everyone had, so I’d say it was a success!

  44. Guest Icon Guest
    Christine, Guest @ 6:22 am

    We did engagement photos and loved it. It was a great way to get comfortable with our photographer and we plan to use the pics for our save the dates and guest book. Also as decor at the bridal shower. The garter/bouquet toss we dropped as we don’t have many single friends/family and didn’t want to single out all 3-5 of them. I’m not having kids at my wedding either so no ring bearer or flower girl…my niece is too little and I don’t want people to have to worry about where their kids are and not enjoying themselves to the fullest. Not to mention videographers use this as an excuse to take hours of footage of children dancing on the dance floor. Cute but not happening.

  45. Member
    latascha 11 posts, Newbee @ 7:54 am

    I like this posting because there are many ‘traditional’ things that I am not incorporating in my wedding. Didn’t have an engagement party, we partied every weekend so that was enough for us. Didn’t have a bridal shower, had a bachelorette party but that was enough. We are having a destination wedding, Im walking down the aisle by myself since my dad wont be able to make the trip, Im very understandable with that. Our wedding party is small, everyone is already married so the garter toss is out of the question. We are just having a small cake and champagne, no reception, we are going to the one of the restaurants at the resort afterwards and then off to the nightclub to party that’s also on the resort. I didn’t get a chance to do Boudoir Pics…just didn’t have any time. Plus I send my fiancé pics on his phone from time to time, so…well…you know, lol! I didn’t send out invitations, we did the STD that was Boarder Pass style. We are not having an at home reception but instead having a New Years party for family and friends. No kids are allowed at the resort, so no ring bearer, flower girl, junior brides, etc, no rehearsal dinner. This is my first wedding, my fiancé’s second, he kept asking me if I wanted to do all of the things that are traditional, but Im not a traditional person, so it really didn’t make much sense to incorporate things in our wedding that didn’t symbolize us.

    Your wedding is all what you make it to be. You have to happy because basically, it’s a celebration for you and your husband, I’m so glad to see other Brides out here are doing things their way and not what society expects them to do. Less stress, congrats to all the brides and brides to be!

  46. Member
    pinkglittergirl 313 posts, Helper bee @ 12:49 pm

    we arent doing a garter toss or bouquet toss. We also didn’t do engagement pictures.

  47. Member
    lmeenol 19 posts, Newbee @ 12:53 pm

    i’m considering not doing a flower girl or boy so that i can keep it an “adults only” reception. also, is it really necessary to do the bouquet toss and cake cutting? i just want to have a good time with the guests..

  48. Guest Icon Guest
    mrsrubio, Guest @ 3:20 pm

    We would have skipped the engagement photos too, but they are free with our wedding photography package. Our photographer said they are a good idea so he knows what to expect from us the day of the wedding. For example, one of us may be a ‘blinker’. :-)

    We are skipping the guest book (can’t see myself ever looking at it), programs, save the date cards and the couples gifts to each other.

  49. Member
    margaritaville 768 posts, Busy bee @ 10:23 am

    no seating chart. not doing it. we’re all adults, and frankly you’re blending two families together so get up and mingle people! i’m not going to rip my hair out on who’s going to sit where. I’ll have enough tables for everyone, a kids arts and crafts table, the end.

    probably no cake – hello cupcakes!

    no father/daughter dance. i would like to do an anniversary dance where all couples get on the dance floor with us and we call off years people have been together until only the longest couple and us are dancing.

    no ceremony programs – we’re getting married, duh?

    only engaged 2 days, i’m sure much more will be nixed.

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