Over the weekend, someone really close to us lost someone close to them. Losing someone is always hard. Even though I never really knew this person too well, it brought me to tears. Having lost my sister so suddenly a few years ago, death affects me a little differently now than it did before. Seeing people we love so much dealing with all those issues firsthand really brings back all the memories of dealing with it myself. And honestly I work pretty hard to repress them. Planning a wedding when someone who is extremely important to you is not there makes it difficult. I am one of those people who tries to just compartmentalize those feelings. I have a box in my mind for those feelings and try my hardest to keep it locked.
But remembering that my sister won’t be here to share in our special day is hard. It makes me thankful every day that I did make the mistake of getting married the first time. Knowing that my sister was able to be my bridesmaid even if it wasn’t a marriage that lasted makes it easier to take. It’s not easy, but knowing she is with me in spirit (probably making fun of everything I’m doing because she REALLY enjoyed doing that) helps me. Knowing that she had the opportunity to meet FI and that she approved also helps. I want to find some way to honor her at the wedding, but determining how is kind of like walking on a tight wire: it’s not easy to find a way to honor your lost loved ones and keep with the happy atmosphere. There needs to be a way to celebrate their memory without mourning the loss and changing the mood of the event.
Thanks to Google and Pinterest I have found many options to honor her memory.
Bouquet Photo Charms:
Photo via Jennifer Schumacher Photography
Patch with Loved One’s Initials
Photos via Von Wedding Films
Shoe Photo Charms
Image via The Little Craft Closet on Etsy
I guess I just need to decide how exactly I want to honor my sister since there seem to be a few tasteful options out there.
Are you honoring any lost loved ones at your wedding? How have you decided to include their memory in your special day?
There are several websites that offer personalized memorial candles – check out http://www.weddingsarefun.com/meca1.html. We’re having five of them on a table in the foyer as guests enter the church. Still struggling with the wording for a small sign – something like “Celebrating with us today in spirit…” or something like that. A close family friend was supposed to walk my daughter down the aisle, but passed away before he had the honor; this idea came from a desire to include him in some way, and has grown to include great-grandparents and grandparents who have also passed. Many families have an empty chair with flowers, but to me that feels too “funeral” and does take away from the joy everyone is feeling on your special day. I know your sister will be with you in spirit – best wishes for a blessed wedding day!
I am doing photo charms on my bouquet to honour my grandparents, to whom I was very close before they passed away. I am also having thistle in my bouquet as a nod to their Scottish heritage. They passed away about six years ago, and unfortunately, never got the chance to meet my fiance. I like this idea because it doesn’t set a sombre tone on a happy day. I am also going to mention them in my speech.
For immediate family like a sister or a parent, I think it’s appropriate to do something like a candle. Although I love the idea of incorporating a patch into your bridal gown.
Something I came across while trying to honour lost loved ones in a ceremony is rooted in Hawaiian tradition. When the winds blows, it’s believed that the spirit of your late family is present on your big day. These spirits join the wedding to show their love, blessing and support for bride and groom.
You really can’t go wrong in how you honour someone so special to you. I’m sure any choice you make will be beautiful.
We’re honoring our deceased grandparents by displaying their wedding photos, as well as mentioning their names in our program. I’m also thinking of doing bouquet photo charms.
I’ve thought about this. I lost my brother a few years ago, and FI lost his dad when he was young. I just don’t know what we’ll do or even if we’ll do anything. I’m undecided.
We’re having a problem deciding too.
I bought a candle and a glass “vase” to put it in. I wanted to put flowers around the base, with pictures of our loved ones around it on a table up near our “alter”. The only problem is that my grandmother died in the 70s, and they are very few pictures of her. I do have a charm that was hers that will be tied into my bouquet, but I don’t feel like that’s enough, especially since I don’t have something like that for all the other grandparents.
We had thought about the empty chair, but I started crying just mentioning it to my mother, so I knew that idea was out.
Can’t wait to see what you decide to do!
I like the bouquet pictures. I’ve also heard of bride keeping a picture of the loved one inside the dress.
I wore a locket bracelet with a few photos in it, and had my grandma’s brooch on my bouquet. We actually ate off my other grandma’s china for dinner, which was neat!
My sister also passed away suddenly 5 years ago, so it’s a thought that’s pressed in the back of my mind (and as you say, ‘locked’ away from others). I’m not one for a large display of passed family (like the empty chair with flower) or candles (being that the ceremony is outside); so I opted for my dad to ‘bring’ her down the aisle with us in the form of picture cufflinks (the other being his father). also the Thursday before – we’re totally gorging ourselves on her always requested dinner: macaroni/cheese casserole. And really what better way to bring together family, chat about memories and look forward to happy moments then food?
I’m still early in planning stages on this, but I’m going to have my parents as charms on my bouquet. I’m also planning on some sort of photo display with a sign saying “When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.” I’ll include both of our grandparents on this.
I love the idea of the patch, where you know it’s there and it doesn’t have to be on display, but you think about it. I would do a small patch inside my dress over my heart. Cheesy, but I’d feel good knowing she’s literally close to my heart on the big day.
I wrote that post about my dad, and my something borrowed will be something from him…also planning to have my officiant say something. I think any way you work it in will be appropriate and personal for you!
We did a photo display on our welcome table along with mementos specific to each loved one.
As MOH for my sister, I made her charms to go on her bouquet. She loved them, and I think she preferred that kind of way to remember them.
The patch with the loved one’s initials was made from fabric from her deceased father’s shirt and it was stitched inside her wedding gown. I believe it was also her something blue. First time I had seen this and thought it was a very special way to honor he father and also have something that was his with her on her wedding day.
Mrs. Buffalo, San Diego, CA Age and Occupation: 26, Treasury Services Representative Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Manufacturing Engineer Engagement Date: July 28, 2011 Wedding Date: September 2012 Venue: Bailey's Palomar Resort About Me: I’m a So Cal girl who doesn’t like the ocean (or sand) and would much rather be out in the country. I’m a Gleek and a Twi-hard, I enjoy baking, reading, watching old movies, and listening to country music. We both love football season, and thankfully our two favorite teams are in different conferences (and therefore rarely play each other). He’s a die-hard Indianapolis Colts fan, and I love the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (and YES, we’re both born and raised San Diegans). He’s my best friend, and I can’t wait to begin the journey of our lifetime together.
Latest Gallery Pics