Weddingbee Blog

Something about getting married makes people just ooze out of the woodwork. Friends you haven’t seen since you had braces, former coworkers that you have never talked to outside of work, that estranged third cousin once removed, and though you not interesting enough to talk to on an even semi regular  yearly more-than-half-a-dozen-times-in-your-entire-life basis, they suddenly decide your wedding is the. place. to. be.

This is a phenomenon I like to call the guest-list creep. The guest list creep is the strange monster that wiggles into your guest list to make it seem to grow bigger and bigger every time you turn around. It’s the trickle of people that seem to appear over time, even though you’ve theoretically had a fairly set list for about a year. Even when you seem to manage it well, over time and before you realize it, your Aunt Polly’s nephew’s cousin’s best friend has somehow managed to make his way onto your list.

I don’t know why, but I always picture the guest-list creep as the Futurama brain slug. (source: Futurama Wiki)

Because PBear and I have had a fairly long engagement of two years minus a few days, this creep has happened fairly slowly so that I didn’t even realize it had happened until we realized that the people on our list would no way be able to fit into our venue. Our venue has a very strict fire code limit of 60 people.

Our original list of 60 people has ballooned to almost 80, and I can think of at least 10 people who might need to be added to the list and haven’t been yet. Oftentimes, I worry that the people we want to invite won’t fit because of the people we “have” to invite. I think that number will just keep growing.

Frankly, I’m amazed that these people want to come to our wedding. As a big introvert, I’m not a big fan of being the center of attention. I want to have a wedding to declare our commitment to each other in front of the people we love and who love us. And I know I am fortunate that more people in the world love us than we have space to accommodate, but I have never really imagined a wedding with lots and lots of people there.

If it comes down to it, we might have to resort to desperate measures.

Image via Someecards

But it’s not the people we want there that bother me, it’s the people who seem to be adding themselves. Why do people who barely know us want to be there? Weddings are not cheap for either side, whether you’re hosting it or you have to fly there and pay for hotels, gifts, attire, etc, etc. This all adds up so fast.

Things I wish I had done:

1. Don’t sing it on the mountain. As much as we love to talk about our wedding and the stresses and ups and downs with planning the most expensive party of our lives, there is something to be said about not telling everyone on the planet that you’re getting married. If they don’t know, they can’t ask. Facebook I think is a big problem, just because of how easy it is for people to connect.
2. Give your parents set number of invites. Yes your parents might be paying for the shabang, but it’s not a party for them, it’s a party for you. It would hopefully prevent your parents from inviting the cashier at their grocery store if they realized that it would eat up one of their only 10 invites. This should give them time to determine who they want there and who they can just show pictures to at a later point. Furthermore, you’re an adult now, it’s time you learned to say no.
3. Pick a venue that can hold more people than your maximum, maximum list. This will give you some buffer room, so when that inevitable creep appears, you can find space for them. Yes, the rule of thumb is generally 20% of your guest list declines, but what if they don’t? By giving a bit of a buffer for those extra guests, you don’t have to worry about being on top of the list as strictly. Furthermore, a slightly bigger venue will seem less cramped—win win.
4. Be more thorough with the original list. Maybe if our original list had all of these people on it, we wouldn’t have booked a venue that wouldn’t hold everyone.
5. Cut off the list at some point. Seriously, if you don’t come up with these people on your first 10 passes, are they really that essential to be there?
6. Realize you can’t make everyone happy. I need to remind myself of this every once in a while. Your ideal is not everyone else’s ideal. Someone’s going to be offended. Make sure you’re happy with the people who you have show up.
7. Plus-ones. Take them into account when you’re making the list! I’m a little divided about plus ones. On one hand, I think it’s rude not to invite couples as couples; on the other hand, I hate the idea of strangers watching us get married as well. We’re trying to limit plus-ones to couples in a serious relationship. What that entails, who knows?

I know I’m being very snarky in this post, but it’s one of those things that is causing me a lot of grief right now. I wish I could wave my hand and invite everyone, but if I am realistic about it, there is no way we can afford to, no way everyone can fit in our amazing venue, and that’s not the type of wedding I ultimately want.

I just hope that people understand. Anyone else deal with the guest-list creep and have good techniques for combating it?