It’s complicated to talk about the etiquette of gift giving at weddings. From what I learned on Weddingbee, it’s not correct to include your registry info in your invitations; guests are expected to inquire about it themselves, but it’s also not acceptable for guests to show up without a gift. As an outsider this is a bit complicated, but hey, if it works…
Gifts were not something Mr. Toadstool and I had in mind at first; it took us a few months to realize we might get something out of this wedding.
Registries are not that common around here. There are only three stores in town that offer registries, and two of them are Walmart and Sam’s Club, which, let me tell you, are not that convenient. They don’t have the same kind of stuff they have in the US and are mainly grocery stores, so it is not like they offer a lot.
The third option is a department store, with a lot of variety and, sadly, huge prices. It’s the fancy-pants store in town and, although not everything is expensive, some people think it is, so it’s widely known some will not even look at the registry, thinking they can’t afford anything you ask for; they’ll just gift you anything they want.
There’s of course the convenient and, though controversial, quite common option around here, asking for money gifts.
Image via The Wedding Planning Institute
Mrs. Boa Constrictor already went through this; she talked about how asking for money instead of gifts is not frowned upon on Puerto Rico, and it is certainly not frowned upon in my little Mexican corner (not sure about the rest of the country). It is quite new; it started as an odd request and it escalated to being now expected. You’re asking for money gifts, right?
So what to do? The registry is a risky bet, because a lot of people might choose to ignore it, but apparently some people expect us (or want us) to register. But so many people comment on how convenient it is for both guests and the couple to gift money, especially for us since we will not be living in the place we’re getting married at.
Oh, and the suggestion of not putting anything and expecting guests to get the hint? We were instructed (by several people) not to do that—people take it as a hint they can get creative and “We’ll end up with three blenders, five toasters, and more towels than we can use in a lifetime” (their words). Apparently people here expect some kind of direction.
Mr. Toadstool and I talked about it and decided to go with the flow. The trend right now is to add a little line suggesting the couple would prefer a money gift, but we’ll also attach the registry card, just in case.
Are guests expected to give a gift? Who are we kidding—to some point they are, and the internet (and real life) is full of brides complaining about guests not giving a gift. Will our guests be put on the side of the road with a sign reading “I didn’t gift anything at the Toadstool wedding” if they don’t give a gift? No. We’re not inviting them so they can give us a gift—we’re inviting them ’cause we want them there, but if they want to (and can) gift us something, they’ll know our suggestions.
How did/will you handle gift-giving at your wedding?
I’m all for going with the flow of your local culture and customs, especially when guests demand it!
We registered at just one place and my mom told anyone who asked (at least I imagine she waited until asked). A couple people asked me as well and I let them know, but we didn’t send out registry cards.
I would ask to bring donations for your favourite charity in lieu of gifts. I find the whole registry thing to be pretty outdated. We’re often already moved in and established in our homes with SO before getting married these days, and I believe those registries were intended to help the couple set up for their new, empty home together.
I would do a wishing well and let your guests know with a little card or saying:
“More than just kisses so far we’ve shared,
Our home has been made with Love and Care,
Most things we need we’ve already got,
And in our home we can’t fit a lot!
A wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you wish to participate),
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish …. but shhh don’t tell!
Once we’ve replaced the old with the new,
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!”
and then at the wedding have a “wishing well” with signage and little envelopes for people to drop money in. it can double as a card box as well!
I’ve never received an invite asking for money, but my mom has. We’re Mexican too, but live in Southern California. The wedding was held in Baja California. Anyway, my mom thought it was strange and rude, even though the couple was family.
We registered and included the info on our website. The language: We strongly believe that your presence at our wedding and in our lives is your gift to us.
That said, if you want to buy us a new plate or something, we are registered for gifts at …
The website was included on the back of the invitation and our save-the-dates. My sister also included registry information in the invitation for the bridal shower.
I know some people think it is rude to not give a gift. I think its horrible that a person doesn’t come and share a beautiful wonderful day in the life of someone they love because they can not give a gift. My greatest gift from my guests was that they said they were coming and they came. Even for the few that had last minute uncontrolled circumstances, I felt the love of them as we celebrated. Not bringing a gift in my opinion is fine – not showing when you have told someone you are isn’t. And I know my guests had to travel, so it meant that much more to me that they were there with us.
This is something we’ve been worried about also. He’s almost 30 and I’m well into my 30′s, so things for the house aren’t a big worry. One of the first things i put on my don’t want to do list was register. I know that we had some friends that requested cash instead of gifts to help out with their dream honeymoon and most of the people in their age group thought this was great because they all know they were contributing to something they truly wanted. In the end, the people that love you are going to be there for you no matter what you choices in registry land. Also, those that know a love you will probably know how to ask around about what the two of you actually want.
It’s not frowned upon in many cultures to give money as gifts, in fact, it’s expected! I’ve been to a few where there was a money tree or pretty vessel where guests would slid their cards and cash in. I personally think registrys are such a waste in this day and age. Any household items I need, I pretty much have.
I don’t know the tactful way to spread this message though, maybe leave it up to the MOH or bridal party?
Mrs. Toadstool, Obregon, Mexico Age and Occupation: 23, Research Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Sales Manager Engagement Date: October 1, 2011 Wedding Date: December 2012 Venue: Hacienda los Agaves About Me: I’m a born and bred Mexican girl with a severe coffee addiction, an obsession for books and an aversion for exercise. I like to plan things, so this wedding’s my dream project---I just need to remind myself from time to time that I’m the bride and not just the planner. I recently realized brown’s my favorite color as I was trying to incorporate it in every aspect of our wedding and I'm dreaming of an autumn vibe since we don’t have that around here. I’m marrying my best friend and partner in crime on the day of our nine-year anniversary! He’s an awesome, smart, fun guy who is patient, and crazy enough to spend the rest of his life with me. We’re planning our not-so-dreamy dream wedding in December in a non-traditional way and making it our own.
Latest Gallery Pics