These days, it seems like everyone is doing a first look. Everybody wants to get a million photos, so they do the first look thing and then have all the photos done before the ceremony. I totally get it. I want to have a million photos, too. And I don’t want to spend hours between the ceremony and reception taking them. BUT, neither my fiance nor I want to do a first look. Why?
For one, we want the moment when I walk down the aisle to be extra special. I know, I know, everyone says it’s still super magical even if you have done a first look. Sorry. I don’t believe you. [Edit: This came out wrong. What I should have said is, "I don't believe that would be true for me." I trust you all when you say that your own moments were quite magical.]
Second, I’m going to go out on a limb here and admit that I just don’t really like the photos that come out of those sessions. The girl taps the guy on the shoulder. He turns around, does the sort-of surprised face. They have an awkward hug (has another actually hugged their significant other like that before? Why do they always look so weird?). And then they kiss and the rest of the photo shoot commences. (I am purposefully not posting any pictures here, because that would just be rude. There will be no dissing of any specific wedding photos.)
Really, reason numbers one and two should probably be enough for anyone to understand why we’re not doing a first look. But in the spirit of full disclosure, I have to tell you about the third reason. I know I’m going to be nervous on my wedding day. I know Mr. Whale will also be nervous. And when I get nervous, I start talking about all kinds of random things, especially the things that I’m worried about.
Except I’m not all cute like she is. (Image from Never a Dull Moment with Missy)
And when he gets nervous, he doesn’t know how to handle my nervousness. I might end up telling him about how I’m not entirely sure how our food is going to taste, because I once read a review that said it wasn’t good. And then he’ll say, “Why didn’t you tell me that?? Now our reception will be ruined!” Or I might say, “Do you like my dress? I almost bought this other one, but then I really liked this one. But I wonder if you would have like the other one.” And then he’d say, “That other dress sounds amazing. Why didn’t you buy it? You should have bought it!”
Seriously. Those responses are not an over-exaggeration. When he gets nervous, he plummets head-first off the slippery slope into a sea of impending doom if anything seems like it might go wrong.
So that is how I envision our first look going, which really doesn’t sound like the perfect romantic encounter, does it? No, I didn’t think so either.
Somehow, I almost got convinced early on in planning that I might want to do a first look when I thought about how we could take soooo many pictures before the ceremony. But Mr. Whale got me back on track when he said there was no way he was going to see me before the ceremony. That basically settled it.
The strangest part about not doing the first look is feeling like we’re bucking the trend. I thought that not having a first look was supposed to be more traditional, but these days, people think you’re crazy if you don’t do one.
Any other brides breaking this new tradition by staying traditional and not having a first look? Why did you decide one way or the other?
Not doing a first look for reasons 1 and 2. I considered it for a SPLIT second when my photographer suggested that we’d get more pictures, but my mom instantly vetoed it (and she’s paying for 100% of the wedding and hasn’t vetoed anything else at all) and I’m glad she did, because I really do want that aisle moment and I really do just hate every first look photo I’ve ever seen, ever, and love every aisle photo I’ve ever seen. I figure if every couple before like…2009 could figure out how to get their pictures done in a timely fashion without a first look, so can we, we’re efficient people 
We’re not doing a first look for the exact reasons you explained. I want the first time I see him on my wedding day to be when we lock eyes as I come down the aisle. I don’t think anything could ever be more romantic or magical!
I agree SO much about that “they think you’re crazy if you DON’T do one”
I hate it when I say “No, I don’t want to do a first look” and then everyone throws in this opinion of why they think I should to try to talk me into doing a first look.
And I almost bought into it, until I saw a video that I loved and reminded me of why I didn’t want to do a first look in the first place.
No first look for this group. But we will do the “around the corner” thing, because I want to do a prayer with him before we commence.
We’re not doing the first look either! Pretty much the same reasons as you…just don’t like the staging of the “first look.”
I’m probably gonna cry happy tears all the way down the aisle though!
The only reason we are thinking about doing one is the probability of one or both of us crying profusely during the ceremony will cause me to look like a puff eyed monster and then the pictures will all be of me looking horrible.
I’m in Chevy Chse, MD, by the way, you’re local!
We didn’t do a first look for the same reasons as you. I’m just not wild about those photos. The experience of seeing each other for the first time at the ceremony (and the picture of my husband’s face as I entered) trumps the 20+ other pictures we would have gotten if we’d taken them pre-ceremony.
We’re not either – he feels very strongly about it and I could go either way. It’s his day as much as mine, so I’m agreeing.
I really didn’t want to do one, because I wanted to be different from everyone else (everyone is doing first looks now!), and because I wanted to have the walk down the aisle be special and see him seeing me walking towards him. But, both my photographer and my fiance have now convinced me to do one. Our photographer said she has photographed grooms seeing their brides for the first time walking down the aisle with goofy faces because they don’t know what to do with themselves, and they are so nervous. My fiance said seeing me before would help him to not be so nervous, as neither of us are really spotlight people.
But I also hate the tapping on shoulder first looks, so I think I want to find a place where he will be obstructed from view until I turn a corner or something, and then see me walking towards him for the last 20 feet or something. I think that’ll satiate my desire for seeing him seeing me walk towards him.
I think it is ultimately the right choice for us, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little sad about doing a first look!
I 100% could not agree with you more. The WHOLE thing. Here’s our one little problem. We are doing a New Years Eve wedding. This means that we have to start our ceremony late. And SO THAT MEANS THAT WE’LL HAVE TO DO A FIRST LOOK. ahhh! how do i fix this issue?
We didn’t do a first look either. We both wanted the traditional first look at the end of the aisle. I do wish we’d been able to talk a little before, but I’m happy with our decision.
Here here! We did no “First Look” photos and had plenty of time to get all the pics I wanted. I’m with you… I feel like I wanted that moment of sheer anticipation wondering what he looks like all dolled up… that momement when he sees me and cries. I don’t think you get that with the first look, it’s a little more calm from what I’ve seen.
@krislynn_sd: We did a picture where we were on opposite sides of the door and got to hold hands. The photos are amazing and get every bit of emotion from them. Those will look amazing.
We aren’t doing a first look either for almost exactly the same first two reasons. (And I’ll admit I laughed at the third reason because I could actually see my fiance and I having a similar conversation.)
I have always been 100% certain I wanted to see each other for the first time as I walked down the aisle. Especially since that moment is my favorite when I attend weddings and I wanted our guests to be part of it.
(My friend got talked into doing a first look and she and her husband even took all of their formal family pictures before the ceremony as well – with their rings on – before they were actually married. She seemed happy about it, but it is not the way I want to do things.)
I feel the need to chime in because my husband and I did do a first look, though maybe for different reasons than many, and it was absolutely amazing. Our decision had nothing to do with the photos or the video, it had entirely to do with the fact that we wanted to have our moment in private, that is, away from all of our family and friends. Our families both live far away, and although we are close with our families, we felt like our moment should be just that, OUR moment. I do completely understand brides that are against the first look though– my best friend got married a few months after me and she and her husband were against the FL from the beginning, but that was because they have such a large, close family, that it wouldn’t have been “them” if they hadn’t shared that moment with everyone. So, I guess my point is whether to do a FL or not should be based on you and your fiance’s relationship and personalities. Our FL was amazing. As soon as he turned around he started crying and I started crying and we kissed and cried for about 10 minutes before I remembered there were photographers around us and a ceremony to get to. We got completely lost in the moment and, for us, it was more magical than walking down the aisle would have been.
I’m glad you posted this because I agree with EVERYTHING you said!!! I also agree about the pictures that you get out of it. The ONLY good ones I have seen are the ones from that post on pinterest, and there are only a handful of couples on there. And to be honest, most guys are “too tough and manly” to let themselves react the way you see in the photos I’m referring to. I would have LOVED to get awesome pictures of his reaction but I know my DH would have just been smiles and normal and yeah, we would have had that awkward hug. I am too sentimental and have waited my whole life for the moment going down the aisle, so we stuck to our guns and I’m SO HAPPY we did! He cried during my walk, and I don’t think he would have in a first look. When you have the music, the church, the people, and all of the ambiance I feel like it is a more powerful moment. Plus we had 3 hours between the ceremony and reception (not our choice–the church could only do it early) so we had more than enough time for photos.
A friend of mine didn’t want to do a first look either, but with her outdoor, fall wedding that tood place in the evening, the photographer suggested a first look for sunlight reasons. Why pay all this money to get married at a beautiful venue and not be able to take photos at the venue during daylight hours? And he was right. The sun had set so fast during the ceremony, cocktail hour was in the dark and lit up by the surrounding lights at the venue. After they saw their beautiful photos in the vineyard, they were thrilled they took the photographers advice. In their case, it was a logistcal reason and not just a trend.
We have the same first and second reason as you, @Miss Blue Whale. I want the “first look” photo to be of his face when he sees me walking down the aisle, and he wants the “first look” photo to be of my face when I see him as I’m walking down the aisle. Nothing wrong with wanting to have your own tradition, whether it goes with or against the new trend.
I am reading along with this post shouting out, “YES!” Someone who agrees with me EXACTLY. I want that magical moment when the doors open and I come down the aisle and I’ve seen pictures and videos of first looks and they just aren’t that impressive. In our situation, I think my fiance would feel horribly awkward having to act “surprised” or whatever emotion is expected during a first look. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for posting this!!!
I just got married in October and we skipped the first look trend! I wasn’t thinking about nervousness or anything, but I just really wanted to see his suprise and emotion when he saw me walking down the aisle. It was totally worth it! I think it was more exciting and meaningful that way.
I was saying those exact same things when I first started planning my wedding, but ended up doing a first look when I realized it was either that or completely miss our cocktail hour and first part of the reception. We were dead set againt the dreaded gap since we personally hate going to weddings that have them. It turned out to be the best decision we could have made and I know you don’t believe me but my walk down the aisle was extremely emotional and magical. We were both crying like babies.
There are only a couple of ‘awkward’ first look photos and the rest are of us in cool places in the city.
I agree with you, but then, i’m an awkward person and don’t like photos to begin with. My fi and already talked to the photographer (his job in this) and got a price for photos and i’ve also xed the engagement photos for now. Part of my problem is that i don’t like staged photos, and when i see stuff i like its all candid. First look photos look staged to me, along with a good bit of the engagement photos.
Mrs. Blue Whale, College Park, MD Age and Occupation: 27, Graduate Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Graduate Student Engagement Date: March 10, 2012 Wedding Date: May 2013 Venue: Southern Tree Plantation in Blairsville, GA About Me: I love bright colors, glitter, sugar, cheese, tiny animals, talking in silly accents, dancing, and all things music. I love to plan things, but when it comes time to execute the plans, I tend to panic. My friends tell me that I remind them of a mix between a cartoon character and a Disney Princess. Mr. Blue Whale and I are Southerners at heart, but we’ve been transplanted to the East Coast for school. We both love barbecues, star-gazing, bonfires, music, making up nonsense words, and generally being silly. Our wedding will be a fun-filled destination wedding in the Blue Ridge Mountains. It will most certainly feature bright colors, '80s music, and glitter.
Latest Gallery Pics