On Not Loving My Dress…

Excuse me a moment. hive:


Oh hive, do you remember my dress inspiration?


Alcanar by Pronovias

The thing I LOVED about this dress was the layers and layers of tulle. I dreamed about that flowy tulle.

Well, if you remember, I trusted a local seamstress to make my dress. I saw it evolve through my appointments, pinpointing things I didn’t like, feeling pushy and bratty every time I pointed something or asked her to change something.

Three weeks ago I had a dress fitting. I left Marisol’s shop feeling very sad. I was so sad I didn’t feel like blogging about it. The thing is, I didn’t love my dress. It was nice, it was unfinished but I could tell it was going to be very beautiful, but I didn’t see that sea of tulle I was dreaming about. I didn’t see my dream dress.

Being fair, it was part my fault. I was not specific enough. My seamstress asked specifically if I wanted four layers of tulle and I said yes and didn’t say anything about it in the first appointment. Silly girl, I know, but the thing is I felt bratty and high-maintenance when I pointing at something specific, which is ridiculous since I’m paying for this.

I spent the next two weeks dreading my next appointment, thinking about getting married in a less-than-dreamy dress, and thinking in a decade I wouldn’t look back to my wedding day and think I looked gorgeous.


by Ana Von Rebeur via Lifepulp

How lame is that, hive? I write that now and I feel ridiculous. I liked the dress, why would I have to LOVE it? As Miss Sword said just weeks ago, why do we feel pressured to love our wedding dress? Isn’t it enough that we like it? Isn’t it enough that we think it’s beautiful and we look great on it? And I looked great in it, hive. It gives me a fabulous waistline I didn’t know was possible.

So, after days of pathetic sulking (so pathetic I’m glad I didn’t talk about it with anyone else), I realized it didn’t matter, the dress is beautiful and it looks great on me (you’ll have to take my word for it, or at least play along). Mr. Toadstool won’t care it’s not a flowy ball gown (he doesn’t even know what a ball gown is), and our guests will not know it is not my exact dream dress.

So now my dress is an almost-A-line gown and it’s BEAUTIFUL.

Did you have any dress regret? Did you end up with a dress that was not your “dream dress”?


Mrs. Toadstool

Obregon, Mexico
Wedding Date:
December 2012
A Thimble of My Love: Ceremony Details
How Wonderful Life Is: Mangia, Mangia!
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  1. Member
    RapunzelRapunzel 812 posts, Busy bee @ 3:47 pm

    I love my dress, but I honestly don’t think it has to be a “dream dress” at all: if it looks good on you and you’re happy in it, then get married in it! Honestly, the reason I love my dress so much isn’t so much what it looks like but that my mom made it for me and I know it was made with love–seriously, it could have been any dress she made and I probably would still be excited to wear it!

    From the picture you showed, your dress looks beautiful too, and even though it wasn’t what you originally intended I’m so glad you’re happy with it!

  2. Member
    cairnsgirl 42 posts, Newbee @ 4:06 pm

    I think your dress looks beautiful! To other brides who feel dress regret, I completely understand!

    I purchased the 2009 Demetrios Ilissa #973 gown for $2100 tax included and then completely fell out of love with the whole shape and style of it, but today I decided I was going to be selfish and go to a Maggie Sottero 2013 collection trunk show, and I found the dress of my dreams. Both my mom and I cried and I knew right away that this was the dress I was meant to be in. I ended up getting %15 off because it was a trunk show and the dress of my dreams only cost me $1524 tax in!!! I could not be any happier and I am trying not to feel too guilty about spending the extra money. Now all I need to do is sell my gorgeous Demetrios Gown to someone who will love it the way it was meant to be loved. I think that it is very important to listen to that little voice in your head when it comes to buying your wedding dress. If it feels wrong, dont buy it…wait a few days and re-evaluate! Don’t waste $2100 like me!!!

  3. Member
    lealorali 4827 posts, Honey bee @ 4:36 pm

    Awww cariño, I feel bad you don’t love your dress… I’m not 100% about my dress either. ugh!! Pero en serio, estarás preciosísima y te sentirás tan contenta!

  4. Member
    MrsKeAloha 1044 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:03 pm

    Your dress is beautiful and I hope when you look back on your wedding day you will see it as the masterpiece it is.

    When I found my dress it wasn’t at all what I thought I would want – although i loved my dress it wasn’t what I thought I would get to wear on the one in a lifetime day – but I look back at the pictures and think – That is MY Wedding Dress, and I hope one day we will have a kiddo that will want to see the pictures of her mommy’s dress when she married daddy.

  5. Member
    mollie-rose 600 posts, Busy bee @ 5:11 pm

    I absolutely adore my dress – but we changed locations last minute so now my dress doesn’t exactly match the location. I think I’ll stick with my dress, but maybe not wear a hoop underneath like originally intended and remove one of the more garden-y details so it’s more suitable for our coastal location. Fingers crossed between myself, my Mum, and my MOH we can find a way to make this work!

  6. Member
    mrshollinger 1109 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:12 pm

    I certainly like my dress but I’m not sure I love it.

    Unfortunately, I found out it only cost $200 while I was standing in the mirror trying it on. I am afraid the price swayed my decision.

    It’s ‘Jessie’ by Maggie Sottero, its lovely, but like I said… I’m confused if I love the price or love the dress.

    That being said, my mom absolutely adors the dress and she saw me in 20+ dresses before that one. She swears this is the one.

    I agree with the girls above, it’s a nice dress, I look pretty in it AND it was a great price and doesn’t need alterations. That’s enough.

  7. mspony Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 5:33 pm

    Your dress really is beautiful, and it really looks great on your! It’s so hard to ask for what you want, but not come off as demanding. I think it’s best to have someone advocate on your behalf that’s not worried about being labeled a bridezilla or something.

  8. bracelet Member
    Mrs. Bracelet 279 posts, Helper bee @ 5:40 pm

    I also think that a wedding dress should be a dress you look good in an like. It’s how we choose every other piece of clothing, so why should it be “I MUST LOVE MY DRESS” when it comes to weddings?
    I am very happy with the dress I chose, and would have been just as happy in one or two other contenders.

  9. Member
    midnightsbeauty 29 posts, Newbee @ 5:50 pm

    I can understand your disappointment and how you felt like you were being demanding when pointing out the little things during fittings; it’s how I can feel when put in the same situations. That being said, the dress you’ve shown is absolutely stunning and as long as YOU make IT look good, who minds if its not the original look you wanted? Best part of it? You have a ONE-OF-A-KIND, and that is amazing in itself. :) Myself, I have yet to find a dress and my wedding is June 29. I’ve tried a few on and thought they were pretty but, like you said, I’m just not feeling like its screaming at me saying “BUY ME.” I’m now to the point feeling a little disheartened because everytime I go into a dress shop they’re pressuring my mother and myself that I need to choose the dress I want YESTERDAY because it needs to be ordered and altered, etc. I’m glad you’ve gotten to the point where you’re happy with your dress. I only hope I can get that point as well.

  10. Member
    pinkfrog 1141 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:53 pm

    I had serious dress drama with a discontinued dream dress, and ended up with a second choice. Alterations did a lot to help, but up until the day before the wedding I was sitting on preowned wedding dress sites. The day of the wedding, though, I put on my dress, and I couldn’t have been any happier. And I probably would’ve been just as happy in the dream dress, or any other dress that fit for that matter, because I was just happy the day was here.

  11. Member
    Future Army Wife 2213 posts, Buzzing bee @ 6:31 pm

    Your dress is beautiful! Could you add a hoop skirt or petticoats to make the skirt more poofy?

  12. Member
    ColoroftheSky 198 posts, Blushing bee @ 7:18 pm

    Personally, I love how your dress looks even better than your inspiration picture. You look stunning. Honestly.

    Also, your post helped me a lot because I’ve had some dress regret. I keep thinking my dress HAS to be the be all, end all most amazing piece of clothing I’ve ever wore or will ever wear in my whole entire life!!! I mean…how’s that for impossible?

    I’m working of feeling free to just love my dress as it is and calm the heck down already. :)

  13. panda Member
    Mrs. Panda 1359 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:40 pm

    your dress looks gorgeous. you are going to be one stunning bride!

    I have a very love/hate relationship with my dress. When I put it on, I love, love, love it, but when I’m just thinking about it… I’m always wondering if I made the right decision. It usually means I end up trying it on like once a month when pbear is out 😉

  14. Member
    cinderella92 278 posts, Helper bee @ 10:03 pm

    I think your dress is amazing, and i think when you see it after its totally done, you will know its the dress for you

  15. Member
    PlumeriaSplash 243 posts, Helper bee @ 10:22 pm

    You know if you put a birdcage under that skirt it’ll become a ballgown dress!

  16. Member
    PlumeriaSplash 243 posts, Helper bee @ 10:24 pm

    If you want it to poof out more something like this could help: http://www.lady-faire.com/civilwar/lace-petticoat-side.jpg

  17. mstoadstool Member
    mstoadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 11:07 pm

    @lealorali: Aww reading it in spanish makes it sound much warmer. Thank you.
    @mrshollinger: I understand, prices tends to convince you, but your mom must have a great reason to tell you that is the dress. Either way I’m sure you look gorgeous.
    @midnightsbeauty: Yep they tend to be pushy. My strategy was to go by myself and tell them I’d go back with my mom or friends, I’m awful.
    @ColoroftheSky: I’m in that stage: Just love it, is your dress, is fantastic. I believe it now :)
    @PlumeriaSplash, Future Army Wife: I’m actually wearing a chrinoline under it (a small one) I might get a bigger one, but I don’t want it to look short.

  18. Member
    royalpurplebride 511 posts, Busy bee @ 6:14 am

    I think the dress is divine! But you really should be happy with it for wedding day. Why not ask her to add more layers of tulle like the original picture? Tell her she did a fantastic job but you really dreamed of more tulle. I dont think it would be that difficult to add some more to it. And that way it would be more flowy. I think the top is beautiful. It fits you well. And is sparkly. Moderations wont hurt, I asked some of my seamstress last minute and she was happy to do it. You would be surprised at their response, they really do just want the bride to be happy. Good luck!

  19. Member
    Beltacular 51 posts, Worker bee @ 6:29 am

    I think the dress looks fabulous on you! I am having a similar problem with dresses, where I haven’t fallen in love with any thing yet. Too bad my friends and family have fallen in love with one for me- now I am here wondering- it looks good on me, it fits with the venue, I like it, is that good enough?

  20. Member
    TwoNerds 180 posts, Blushing bee @ 6:49 am

    I like my dress but don’t “love” it. I didn’t want to pay over $2,000 for the one I really loved so found something similar that cost half as much.

  21. mstreasure Member
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:37 am

    I never had that “I’m in love!” feeling with my dress either. On the wedding day, it wasn’t particularly comfortable, either. If I could go back in time and change one thing, it’d be my dress. But you know what, it looks pretty in the pictures and everyone said they loved it. Every bride is beautiful, and you will be, too.

  22. sword Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:39 am

    you look amazing girl!! I think we’ll fall in love with our dresses eventually! Thanks for sharing your point of view on this topic as well!

  23. Guest Icon Guest
    AT, Guest @ 8:55 am

    I think it looks really pretty! But I say, as long as you have time, keep tweaking until you get it as close to your vision as possible. Remember, you are not a bridezilla, you are a customer, and you should respectfully advocate to get what you desire!

    Possible quick fix–Is there anyway that you can add another crinoline skirt underneath? I wore one but I kinda wish I had work two… If there is enough skirt to handle it….that might get you the desired shape without alterations! I would just bring a couple to your next appt!

  24. mswallaby Member
    mswallaby 2070 posts, Buzzing bee @ 11:28 am

    I love it, and you look great girl!!!! Don’t worry about wearing your “dream dress” – I think very few brides out there actuall get to wear their dream dress to their wedding. I was in love with Claire Pettibone’s Chantilly dress, but that was $6000 I could not afford to spend. I found another, much cheaper dress that I loved, and Mr. w loved it too. I think you look gorgeous and you’re going to look like a dream on your wedding day :)

  25. Guest Icon Guest
    Sylverbean, Guest @ 11:28 am


    I am not a member of Weddingbee. I stumbled upon this site by accident. I have loved Miss Toadstools’ postings and have followed along.

    I am a professional steamstress, daughter, mother, grandmother (two little future brides) and a future mother of the groom (June 1st) That is how I found this site.

    As being all of the previous…you should have the dress YOU want. The seamstress should have looked at the picture and questioned you thoroughly about your wants! You and her should be willing to make it work toward what you want. Yes, a petticoat, yes a birdcage, yes, yes… But it is YOUR day and the dress should be what you want. It should feel right of you.

    Go back to the seamstress…yes, she is busy. No you are not be a problem you paid for her to create the dress you wanted. And ask her what the two of you can work out to add extra layers of tulle. As a seamstress, and this is just looking at the two dress views, additional tulle will be a minor challenge but it is do able. The issue would be being able to get the correct amount of tulle (and the money issue which adding undergarments could cost the same amount).

    One of the problems I had as a seamstress was the view of garment and what people wanted to “look” like in the garment. They wanted to look like the model on the front. This is not the problem here. You have a dress that you want to look like the dress. You are not expecting to look like a model. So there is no reason the dress should not look like your dress. You are not expecting to look thinner or taller.

    Ask her. At least you will have tried. If she can not do it ask if she know some one that can. I am sorry that I am not there to do it for you.

  26. Member
    ChicagoDreamer 509 posts, Busy bee @ 5:49 pm

    I think it looks lovely, even if its not exactly what you envisioned.

  27. Guest Icon Guest
    Ms Kit, Guest @ 5:18 am

    Seamtress here – your crinoline is not enough. You need a hoop or birdcage like a couple ladies said. They’re not difficult to move in or heavy if you get nice ones, unlike layering tons of crinolines or even tons of tulle. I think you should ask your seamstress if there’s anything more that she can do, but undergarments are a huge part of the structure for dramatic dresses. Hoops, bustles, etc., were originally considered health tools for beating the weight added through too much fabric.

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