I’ve heard a lot of ladies complaining about their fiances putting their foot down on certain wedding-related details. Some have even gone so far as to accuse their significant others of being groomzillas. Now, I think the “-zilla” title can be a little unfair, whether it’s thrown at a man or a woman—but I think that opens up an interesting discussion into the role of both parties in planning a wedding.
Photo via idogifts.com
I’ve read that, traditionally, the bride-to-be would take her mother to appointments with vendors. Now, the role of mothers is often replaced by the grooms. I admit, Mama Wallaby lives 3,000 miles away, and I was more than happy to have Mr. Wallaby by my side each time we met with a vendor. Of course, it depends entirely on your circumstances: since Mr. W and I live in the same city and our work schedules are very similar, it was easy for us to pencil in vendor appointments in the evenings after work.
Aside from attending more wedding-related events and appointments, a lot of grooms are also raising their voices about their own wedding visions. It’s not unheard of anymore to hear of a groom who was particular about the flowers or the ceremony chair arrangement. Some guys do care about cake flavors—and some guys want a little bling on their own rings! It’s interesting what you learn about your man when you’re discussing the details. Mr. W was insistent on having purple uplighting at our wedding, he kept careful notes of must-play songs for our DJ, and he was adamant about all of the groomsmen matching from head to toe—the guys even rented matching shoes. He researched wedding videos and worked closely with the videographer to ensure that he captured footage of specific moments of the wedding day in a particular style.
We’re lucky: Mr. W and I didn’t have any major disagreements over the wedding. Our relationship functions as a democracy, and we had an informal vote before making any major decision or signing a contract. But I don’t think either of us stepped on the other’s toes with our ideas, and we both got excited about each other’s new visions. We made the most out of every situation, and we tried to turn anything we could into a fun little date. (Case in point: our rehearsal dinner tasting.)
Of course, everyone has their limits. Mr. W got a little upset one night when I kept asking him which picture of us we should print out onto a canvas to display at the rehearsal dinner. (I couldn’t decide between three pictures, and I probably asked him for his opinion 10–15 times…sorry, Mr. W!) And he also didn’t take much interest in helping assemble our DIY invitations–although he kept me company while I worked away at those, which is very noble nonetheless. When I reflect on the times we’ve clashed during wedding planning, or the times when I’ve gotten frustrated that Mr. W couldn’t be more helpful with something, I remember that I married him in part for our differences. If he were just like me, our household appliances would never get fixed, our cars would never be washed, the computer would be bogged down by viruses, and our monthly spending at Target would be through the roof. I married Mr. W for his bottomless love for me, for his unending patience, his forgiveness, and his compassion for people and the environment. I married him for his lighthearted demeanor, his intellect, and his big bear hugs—not for his skills as a party planner.
So here’s to you, Mr. Wallaby, and to all of the husbands-to-be out there who are supportive and lend a hand however they can. Thank you for your patience and support, and for all of your great ideas. And sorry for that glue gun that burned your hand.
How have you and your significant other divided (or shared) the work in planning your wedding?