Mental Health Check In at 100 Days

Warning: This is a text-heavy post! Suggested reading times include while sipping your favorite morning beverage, on your lunch break, or at home on the couch.

So last Thursday we hit the big milestone of 100 days until our wedding and it got me thinking about all the things left to do on my list, my relationship with Mr. Sword, my sanity and my future. Does anyone get affected by milestones in this way?

It also made me think about our invitations, but that’s probably because I mailed them out that same day, yay! A bit early yes, but I’m trying to beat the holiday gifts/cards scramble and while some Chicago friends have already received theirs, I know the Scottish folk won’t get theirs for a week or so.

For those of you in the last few months or even weeks (eee!) of wedding planning, here is a mental health check list to assess how things are going. For those of you already married, how did you feel around the 100 day mark?

First up, Logistics:

Do you have all major vendors booked and reserved for the big day?

As a bride-to-be who hates procrastinating and has been told multiple times that I’m way ahead on everything (why is that a bad thing?), yes, I have all my vendors booked. I should probably check in with some of them though!

Do you have time set aside or scheduled to finish up DIY projects and things that can’t be done until the RSVP’s come back?

Yes, I’m spending a week and a half in Minnesota over Christmas and I plan to check a lot of things off my list then! I also plan on tackling our seating chart in mid February.

Are you starting to think about gifts for your bridal party, parents, and other important people?

Absolutely. Although it feels like the most stressful and daunting task yet. We have something like 24 people we want to buy gifts for and it makes me want to vomit a little bit. I’m very concerned about how hard it is to find something that expresses the gratitude I feel while still staying budget-friendly. Plus, those of us early 2013 brides are enduring double duty of Christmas gifts AND bridal party gifts right around the same time.

Next up, Relationships:

How are your friendships? Your relationship with your Mom, MOH, bridesmaids, the men in your life, etc? Are people annoyed with you?

Umm probably? But that’s just because I’m ME! :) In all seriousness, I surround myself with amazing women and I’ve been having the time of my life. Mom Sword, Sister Big Eyes, and all my best friends have been so supportive and helpful. They’ve listened to me while I’ve vented and offered help when I’ve needed it. And everyone seems to be excited for the wedding, which I think is my favorite part. I’ve heard stories of in-laws or jealous friends treating a bride poorly and in turn that makes her feel like no one cares or is excited about the Big Day. I’m pretty fortunate not to have that problem.

How are you and your partner doing?

I have to digress for a moment and share something that has popped into my head a lot during my engagement. Have you seen Bride Wars? No groaning please, it’s a great chick flick. :)

image via Amazon

I totally love this movie and find both Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway insanely gorgeous and awesome, but the part that always struck me the most was when the voice over lady (Candice Bergman?) talks about how some couples become closer throughout their engagement and at the same time some couples seem to drift apart. It’s the part where they show both couples shopping for wedding bands and for some reason I remember that scene vividly.

While I can’t say that everything is perfect all the time between the Swords, I can honestly say I do fall more in love with him every day. He’s my favorite person in the world and I would say that wedding planning has brought us closer together and solidified our bond as a new team and a new little family.

We’ve learned a ton of things, not the least of which being that we are pretty good at planning a big event together. We really like making joint-decisions and aside from our first big wedding related dilemma of whether or not we should design and make our own family kilt, it’s been pretty smooth sailing.

Even though budgeting is stressful and it seems like there’s always something else wedding-related to do, we make a conscious effort to have fun and LAUGH together while doing things other than wedding planning. The closer we get to the wedding the more I’ve been feeling like nesting, having babies, and putting Mr. Sword in a bubble so nothing bad can happen to him. Is that weird?

How are you doing individually? Do you like who you are right now?

Most days I’m pretty happy with myself but sometimes I hate my body, my bratty attitude, and my perfectionist streak. Plus, I’m definitely prone to panicking once in a while, I’ll be honest, but overall I’m really enjoying this time in my life and in particular, wedding planning. While it helps to accomplish wedding related tasks, I find that sometimes when I make or purchase something it opens the flood gates to all the other things that need to get done as well! I need to enjoy checking items off my list and relish those moments.

Speaking of lists, I’m obsessed with them! When I get overwhelmed I put together a list”¦in my little notebook, on the computer, or on a post-it, as long as it’s written down I’m hopeful it won’t get forgotten.

Miss Sword Wedding Tip: For Brides in LDR’s with their wedding, Google Drive is a tool you should be using! Before each trip back to Minnesota, I write out a document that lists all of the things I want to get done while I’m there and I share it with everyone in my family (except for my brother, The Glue, he could care less). I also include dates and times and the people who are involved with each task. This way, my family doesn’t schedule something during an important vendor meeting or appointment, and by scheduling in time for bowling, family trips, or dinners out, it also ensures I get to enjoy non-wedding related time with everyone and makes for a better trip! Note: This is also helpful if you are flying home and sharing cars with family members. I know it’s a pain to schedule out every day but it really works! When everyone is clear on your plan and what you want to accomplish, there is less room for pointless drama.

Finally, The Future

Are you excited for what’s to come?

It’s easy to get nervous and/or worry about the future when so many things are changing. Sometimes you start a new job right after getting married, or move across the country, or maybe you get pregnant before you get your thank you cards out? Some people change their name, their address, their physique, and their lifestyle. It can be overwhelming at times, you are responsible (legally and morally) to this other person and sometimes that means putting their needs ahead of your own.

Personally, at this point I’m pretty uncertain about my future. Mr. Sword’s job takes priority and as I’ve mentioned he’ll be in Kansas City well into the summer. Mr. Sword and I LOVE Chicago but we kind of want to raise a family in Minnesota. But if Mr. Sword is asked to stay in KC, I might have to move there. Yikes.

And what will happen with his green card? How long will it take? It’s one of those things that could take one month or nine months.

How will our life change when we have kids? What will happen to the condo I own in Chicago? Will I get to be on stage again soon (I miss the theatre more than I can articulate)? How will I ever leave my nanny kiddos if we decide to move? When will we be able to buy a house and where can we afford to buy one? How often will we be able to fly to Scotland?

Does anyone else have this many what if’s?!?!

Remember these are just my answers and everyone will feel slightly different! Just because you and your fiancé suck at event planning or have no desire to have children but have big plans to travel the world instead does not mean you’re doing anything wrong! The coolest thing about life is that we all have different journeys and they’re all equally important.

The engagement is just one small part of your life, but once in a while it’s good to check in and see how you’re doing!

All I know is my future and my home is wherever that skinny Scottish man is, and the rest doesn’t really matter. How’s your pre-wedding (or post-wedding for that matter) mental health these days?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Sword

Location:
Chicago
Wedding Date:
March 2013
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  1. Member
    MaggieL 494 posts, Helper bee @ 6:58 am

    Google Drive was a lifesaver for me too- we used it to enter all our guest list info. Both me and my husband had access to it- as well as my mom- so all of us could enter addresses and keep track of RSVPs.

  2. Member
    debeachgirl 742 posts, Busy bee @ 7:02 am

    Thanks for the list. I am about 1.5 months away from my wedding. My biggest concern right now is Christmas gifts. As you said its the double duty of gift giving (triple for my Dad with a Christmas Eve Birthday). I bought all of the gifts for my wedding party and parents already (an item a week for months so as to not have to drop a bunch of money at once). Now I have to figure out what to get people for Christmas and I feel like I used up my good ideas already. And wedding brain is not helping me feel creative.

  3. Member
    Mrs. Wallaby 2002 posts, Buzzing bee @ 8:19 am

    Aw I love that list and it sounds like ya’ll are doing great. I thought that the last 3 months would suck and be really stressful, but I didn’t feel stressed until the wedding week itself. We had a ton of if’s too, and we still do – we have no idea if we’re going to stay here or move, keep working or go back to school – but our bond is strong and since none of those things will undermine our relationship, it’s nice to have the wedding out of the way so we can give more attention to some of those other big life-changers.

  4. Member
    stephk527 987 posts, Busy bee @ 10:18 am

    Thanks for sharing this with us, Miss Sword. CONGRATS on being at the 100 mark – that’s super exciting on its own. :)

    1. “. . .talks about how some couples become closer throughout their engagement” – totally love this scene (and the movie in general) as well. I agree that things/we aren’t perfect but I can definitely say that there is an overall sense of happiness that just lingers, even when we’re doing dumb things like going through our morning routine or laying around watching TV. Plus, we have the added bonus of throwing the whole ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ words at each other, which just re-ignites the giddiness.

    2. I totally feel you on the gifts. Our wedding is in May but I took advantage of Cyber Monday and a recent surge of money (thank God) and bought everyone’s gifts. It is SUCH a relief to know that it’s all done and taken care of; maybe you could take advantage of similar Christmas/holiday deals as well?

  5. Member
    Mrs. Pony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 10:30 am

    Enjoy your last 100 days, it sounds like you are handling things very well!

  6. Member
    RapunzelRapunzel 812 posts, Busy bee @ 11:46 am

    You seem to be doing very well in pre-wedding health: I definitely hope you continue to enjoy your last 100 days!! I’m just about 5 months away, and so far I’m doing really well–honestly, the only thing that’s really stressing me out is my last semester of school, but that’s done in less than 2 weeks!

  7. Member
    craft darling 84 posts, Worker bee @ 12:11 pm

    I started to read your post, but then got really distracted and couldn’t continue until I calculated when my own 100 day mark was! It’s not until late March, so I still have time but I always feel behind. Hopefully I’ll feel as calm as you when I reach my 100 day milestone! :)

  8. Member
    razzelbride 90 posts, Worker bee @ 7:16 pm

    OMG Today is 89 days until my wedding. Sometimes I feel way ahead of the game and sometimes I feel terrified. With the holidays coming im also in present over load. AND to top that off, I have a ton of travel in January (personal, bachelorette!! and work) so that i feel like once I head home for X-mas, I’m just going to wake up at the end of all my travel and it will be Fabruday 3 – exactly one month to the wedding!! Scary!!! What do you have left on your TO DO list??

  9. Member
    Mrs. Sword 1023 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:20 pm

    @razzelbride: Same! I feel ahead some days and behind on other days. So up and down!

  10. Member
    Mrs. Sword 1023 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:22 pm

    @StephK527: Yes so glad someone else’s loves that scene in Bride Wars! I’m also trying to take advantage of holiday deals!
    @Mrs. Wallaby: Yea, I bet it’s nice to focus on the rest of life now, haha. I am working hard at staying in the moment and not looking too far ahead!

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