Is it the Thunderdome? Nope, it’s the ubiquitous name-change post. I guess I will just come out and say that I will not be changing my name after I get married.
I see my last name as part of my identity. When I think of myself in terms of my first name and Mr. C’s last name, I don’t see myself. That’s not me. That’s someone else. Actually it is literally someone else because Mr. C’s sister and I share the same first name. That means there would be two women with the same first and last names in the family. Talk about confusing! And weird. Imagine how that might make my future sister-in-law feel; suddenly a name that was originally uniquely hers is now someone else’s. If I were in her shoes, I have to admit it would make me feel a little weird.
Secondly, I don’t really find it fair that a woman has to run around town (sometimes taking a day off of work) just to get the paperwork she needs to legally change her name. It involves changing your driver’s license, Social Security card, passport, and all financial documents. Then there’s the possibility that there are confusions or mix-ups in the future. Maybe you forgot to change your insurance documents and now you can’t be reimbursed for a doctor’s visit because they can’t verify your identity. No thanks.
On a more superficial level, I would be trading a very easy to spell and pronounce last name for one that people consistently have difficulty pronouncing. Both my first and last names are easy to spell and pronounce. I’ve never had to deal with my name being verbally butchered, and at nearly 30 years old, I don’t want to start.
A woman’s decision to change her last name is a very personal one. I would never judge a woman for choosing to take her husband’s last name. I understand why many women are excited to change their names after marriage. It certainly makes life a lot easier if you plan to have children, and I’m sure it cuts down on confusion later in life. More importantly, it represents a very real transition from being an individual to starting a family unit. Sadly, it doesn’t hold the same meaning for me. My mother has had three different last names in her lifetime. Mr. C’s mother (who is divorced) recently changed her last name back to her maiden name. I have watched as the women in my life have changed names due to divorce or remarriage. I don’t think I could shed what I see as my identity so easily.
In short, I guess I feel jaded by the whole name-change prospect. Not that I plan to get divorced or remarried, but I hate the fact that society expects me, as a woman, to change my name based on changes in my marital status. And so I won’t be changing my name.
Will you be keeping or changing your last name after marriage?
Miss Camel, I really love that you posted this. The name change is something Batman and I have discussed a LOT, and I’m not planning on changing my last name, either. I definitely agree that it’s SUCH a personal decision, and often a very difficult one! It is ridden with so many expectations on both sides–my academic advisors who know I am continuing onto graduate school advise me to take my own name, as do those who know I’m going into a male career field, where my fiance grew up with the expectation that a women takes her man’s last name (not that he judges me for not doing so, but it was ingrained in him!). In the end, keeping my last name is what feels right for ME, just like it does for you 
Again, great post, and sorry for the ramble 
I’m keeping my last name, while FH will be taking my last name as his own.
Miss Camel, I resonate with this post so much! I, too, see my identity as being very much wrapped up in my name, and it’s not something I wanted to change, so I didn’t. At the end of the day, not sharing a last name doesn’t mean Mr. P and I are any less married or in love. And we are still very much our own little family, even if we don’t have the same last name.
@shaynapunim: Your FH sounds awesome!
I’ll be changing my last name and I can’t wait! I would feel weird not changing it, but it also does feel weird to have one name for almost 27 years and to change it to something else so I can completely understand where you are coming from!
What a great post! It definitely sheds light on what I thought was a no-brainer for me. In my own opinion, I can’t wait to change my last name! But you’re soo right – it in no way makes you less married or in love. Thanks for the insight
Lol I am waiting, very bored, in the DMV office waiting to change my name on my driver’s license right at this very moment. It’s definitely an annoying process. It felt right for Mr. W and I – but I 100% agree with you, every bride should do what’s best for her.
I will not be changing my name. It is a really big part of my identity- and I can’t see myself without it. I thought about hyphenating, but both my fiance’s and my last names have the same last syllable, so it would be like jane bla- ha ja-ha. Not attractive. Maybe I’ll change my mind when we have kids and I don’t share the same last name as them, but maybe not.
I am keeping mine. And FI and I have very close first names. They can have the same nickname. (Something likeChristopher and Christina) My family and friends call me by that nick name (say Chris) and another nick name (Christy). FI only goes by the nick name (Chris) around his family. So yeah it could get confusing. Plus his Aunt (married into the family) goes by the one nick name fortunately she spells it different (Chrys) and lives in OK. But, yet I am still taking his name.
Even though it means going from my very unique last name (as in if you have it you are related to me) to his very common last name. I wasn’t sure for a long time if I wanted to do it but as time passed changing grew on me. I can see why people wouldn’t want to change and I am not looking forward to the hassle. And I think people need to do what is right for them.
@shaynapunim: My FI is taking mine as well! His is difficult to spell and pronounce and mine is way cooler
I’m struggling with the same decision. My FI is very traditional and says it’s important to him that i change – my initial reaction was “sure, that’s easy for you to say, it’s not YOUR name!” My main issue with giving it up is that I’m one of the last to carry my father’s name. He passed away when I was young, and I feel like if I give up the name I lose a piece of him. I still don’t know what I’m going to do.
Im sure Im not making this easier.. but just so you know, your birth certificate never changes. And if you put it and your marriage certificate in a safe place, thats all the proof any insurance company would need to prove your identity after a name change. Just saying…
Oh and you will have a different middle name than your sis in law.
I love having my hubbys name. Its so special to me. Very hard to change my last name. But I love my new identity. Just my thoughts. Good luck
My mom and my aunt (dads brothers wife) have the same Name (first and last)
It has actually helped more than anything as my brother was able to live in US for 6 months and go to school as my aunt signed – aka no questioning as that was his mom. Would not have been able to happen had it not been for the same names
@croses79: Awesome!! I love when other couples make that decision.
@shaynapunim and @croses79 My DH took my name, too! I’m glad there are other folks on here who are considering the options.
I echo others’ thoughts that it is an intensely personal decision. I’m planning to keep mine. Partly because my mother kept hers, and actually gave me HER last name. My older brother has our dad’s last name, and we each have each other’s last name as our middle name. Confused? It’s not!
I’m, say, Jane Aston Berry, and my brother is, say, John Berry Aston
So, if anyone says to those planning to keep your last names, “Oh, but it will be confusing for your kids!” IGNORE THEM. I have the potentially most confusing arrangement with my name, and I’m telling you, it’s not confusing once you meet us and we tell you. People aren’t stupid, they get it right away.
For me, there’s something modern and a bit heroic about having my mother’s last name, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
This is a personal decision and I agree of he inconvenience of the woman changing her name, but I like traditional part of it since originally using the husband’s last name is a physical way for the woman to feel closer and connected to husband and marriage. I want everyone in my house to feel that we are a family and belong together. The last name of the husband puts a band around the family and house. “Hus-band” means “house band.” The origin is Old English, I believe.
I like the idea of becoming apart of my husband’s family and sharing their last name because the man is supposed to be the head of the household “based on my Chrisitan worldview” and then we as a family start our own family with him as the leaader.
That’s just my opinion, but I do understand why women choose to keep their maiden names
I’m excited to take his last name! And it’s not because it’s simpler (I’m a girl with a German name taking a Hispanic last name). It will definitely look weird on paper, and I will have to spell it over the phone all the time (but I do that now, anyways).
BUT- I am starting a family with this man, and although I know that we will be one unit regardless, I feel like that’s the official ‘I give myself to you’ factor. Dedication, not possession. I could literally be Mrs. Fanny Featherbottom and go along with it because it’s a special gift I feel I can give him. Plus if I’m not a writer or artist, with no works to claim, I really don’t care what I’m named.
Although, my one coworker would have adopted an Easily mispoken last name which sounded like a racial slur. So, then I would opt out. Maybe even ask if he wanted to jump on my last-name bandwagon
I too am excited to change my name. My last name is a food and I HATE it. But I can definitely see where you are coming from — my mom is 100% Italian and she traded in her very Italian maiden name for a German last name (that is a FOOD!). If I would have been in her shoes, I would have kept the Italian name — like you said, it is part of your identity.
I decided to change my last name. I wasn’t emotional about it, but decided to because it made my life a lot easier. My maiden name included an Umlaut (which makes spelling in English a pain because of many mistakes), while Mr. B’s last name is also German and even starts with the same letter as my maiden name. Sold.
The fun part is that it might lead to lots of confusion in the future. Mr. B has a cousin with the same name, and his wife’s name is super similar to mine (think “Anne” and “Anna”). :p
Mrs. Camel, Athens, GA Age and Occupation: 29, high school teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 35, high school teacher Engagement Date: March 2012 Wedding Date: May 2013 Venue: Cloverleaf Farm About Me: I'm a high school social studies teacher who started her career teaching English in Japan with the JET Program. I love photography and history. I also like to travel and take naps---two things that you would think contradict each other, but somehow they don't. My heroes are Dwight Schrute, Liz Lemon, the Dude, and T.E. Lawrence. I traveled the world throughout my 20s only to fall in love with the social studies teacher in the classroom next door to mine. He just happened to be the kindest, most compassionate, and selfless person I had ever met and each day I'm so thankful to have him in my life. We are planning a whimsical, relaxed countryside wedding with a little Marie Antoinette flair thrown in for good measure. Please join us on our wedding planning adventures!
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