I will be 30 years old when I get married. I realize that I’m considered an “older” bride, statistically speaking. According to US census data, most American women get married at around 25 or 26 years old. I’m also one of the “older” blogger bees, although there have been a few 30-somethings here in the past (Mrs. Cauldron, Mrs. Mink, Mrs. Snapdragon, to name a few).
Recently, you may have read awesome entries from both Miss Bat and Miss Otter on getting married young. But this one is for the “older” brides and the “older” single or not-yet-engaged ladies. Yes, I see you not-yet-engaged ladies who are lurking around Weddingbee! No shame! I was in your shoes one year ago.
I am one of the last of my friends to get married. When I scroll through the class of ’01 on Facebook I see a lot of married people and I see a lot of babies. Some of my classmates and friends are now on their second or third child! And here I am, puttering around with just an engagement ring. No mortgage or car payment to speak of, chillin’ on some furniture from Target and Ikea. Do I feel behind the times? No, I don’t. The idea of having children still terrifies me. I have no idea where I want to buy a home and invest in a future. Luckily, Mr. Camel feels the same way. Mr. C, who will be 36 on our wedding day, has obviously seen his friends and relatives married off and having children for years now. He often tells me that after 30 he resigned himself to a life alone. He didn’t think he would ever get married and certainly not to someone he could be 100% himself around. And then along came me. Now here we are, ready to take that first big step: marriage. Marriage at 30.
Even if I was given the opportunity, there is nothing I would change about my past. I feel that everything, both the good and the bad, has happened for a reason and happened at the right time for me. As much as I would have loved to know a younger Mr. C, to have have shared in those crazy, lazy days of high school and college together, I know that we met and fell in love at exactly the right time in our lives.
I consider myself to be fiercely independent. I experienced my 20s at full throttle. I biked across France alone when I was 20 years old. I traveled across Europe, explored the life of T.E. Lawrence in England, and spent two years teaching English in a tiny Japanese town of 4,000 people. Could I have done all of these things with the love of my life by my side? Absolutely! But for me, my 20s was about reaching out to life’s experiences on my own. Meeting people, going places, and finding myself along the way. There were failed relationships. There were a few regrets here and there. But for me it was never about partying or casual dating.
Relationships are about compromise. As a 20-something I was able to live my life and make decisions based on what was best for me and me alone. I realize that sounds incredibly selfish, and it is. But it was also liberating and empowering. It enabled me to move to Japan, attend graduate school, teach English in Italy for a few weeks in a study abroad program, and find a job in a town where I wanted to live and work. Yes, you can do all of those things and more while married, but those plans and decisions can become much more problematic when two people are involved. I never had to plan my life or my decisions around the man in my life. I spent over two years living on my own, doing my own thing, growing comfortable with the silence of my own thoughts. In fact, that was the hardest thing to give up when Mr. C and I decided to move in together. We live in a small two-bedroom apartment, and every now and again I find myself pining for my tiny Japanese flat (even without central heating and air!) or the place I lived when I first started dating Mr. C. I miss the quiet. I miss that feeling of being utterly alone in your own space.
As a disclaimer, I haven’t always felt so comfortable about getting married later in life. I kept a blog in my early 20s and there are many entries where I sigh and wring my hands about being unable to share so many of life’s moments with the person I love. Ten years ago, at the age of 20, I wrote a an entry entitled “To the Person I Haven’t Met Yet.” Here’s how it ended: Youth fades so quickly, and I feel that time is running out. Every day without you seems a waste of energy and beauty. I don’t have all day, and there’s so much I have to tell you, and so much I want to show you. I have looked and looked, and I still can’t find you. So you win. You can come out now.
Oh dear, sweet 20-year-old Miss Camel. You are so intense with all of your emotions swimming just under your papery skin. You will lead a life that the wide-eyed teenager you once were would be intensely proud of. And you do find that guy, and guess what? He wasn’t in Rome or Tokyo or Manchester. He was next door. He was next door just waiting for you to finish your journey. He was there waiting to capture your wildly expanding heart. And when you meet him you will have so much to show him. Even now you aren’t done sharing stories and there’s no end to the places you want to take him. You will have a lot to talk about because your stories only got better. At 20, Miss Camel, you were barely out the door.
At 30, I am ready to take the next step with the man I love by my side. I’m ready to start a new journey, but it’s not just me and my old shoes anymore. There will be lots of compromising and it won’t always be easy. There will be times when I miss doing things on my own, but at the end of the day, having Mr. C in my life is absolutely worth it. Now we’re an unstoppable team.
If you are in your late 20s or 30s and you still haven’t met that special someone, don’t get yourself down. Or maybe, like me, you are with someone who makes you feel doubtful or uncertain about your future together. You are waiting for the next step, but not sure that it’s the right thing to do. Let it go. Enjoy your independence. Enjoy being utterly, completely yourself on your own. You have a whole life to meet someone and a whole marriage of compromising waiting for you. I realize that at this age many women feel their biological clocks ticking away, but watching the clock won’t stop time. Get out there and live your life, do the things you enjoy doing, and know that somewhere along the way you will meet the right person. And when you do, think of all the amazing stories you will have to share.
We shall never cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time
Excerpt from “The Wasteland” by T.S. Eliot
Your writing style is absolutely beautiful. I enjoy each and every one of your posts. 
Thank you for this. I am also getting married at 30 years old, and have certainly had my moments of feeling “behind” because of it. This put everything so nicely into perspective! Marriage at 30 is right for me, and for you, and for so many others…we should embrace that!
I’m your age (class of ’01) and I got married last year to the only real boyfriend I’ve ever had. At 27, I was convinced I’d die alone. Then I met “the one”, and everything everyone had said about “knowing” was true– and I’d done everything I had wanted to by then. I guess another thing you’re saying is, to ladies who are our age, don’t give up hope. The right guy is out there, and we didn’t settle, and that’s the best thing, period.
I don’t think 30 is all that old to be getting married in this day & age. I’m 47 and he will be 41 when we get married in March and it’s a first marriage for both of us. I know we are far from the norm but I don’t think I was ready to be married at 30!
I really love this post. I was considered a young-ish bride at 23, which is strange because I always envisioned myself getting married older after a few enriching independent years after living alone through college. But then my relationship with my now-husband happened, and here we are! When you know, you just know, and I believe it happens exactly when it’s supposed to happen to you, whatever age that may be.
Congrats, Miss Camel, not just on the engagement, but on really knowing how to live your life and be present for everything it has to offer. It’s a learned skill that I think is hard to master.
Ms. C this is beautifully written. I will also be 30 when I marry and always had slight twinges of jealousy when my friends were getting married all around me and having babies. Of course, I was so happy for them but wondering where my prince charming was hiding. Mine happened to come all the way from Scotland and it just took 28 years to find him. If only I had known that I’d meet him at 28 I wouldn’t have stressed so much in my 20′s about finding the one. I truly believe that things happen in the timing that they’re meant to. If I had met Mr. Shortbread ten years ago I probably wouldn’t have even noticed him.!
I don’t think 30 is old at all. I got married for the first time at 22. This time I was 38. And this time was so much better. I think people grow immensely from their early 20s to their 30s, and many times, you are more prepared for the hardship of marriage in your 30s and beyond. In your 20s, you’re just starting to figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life. By your 30s, you’ve had time to figure it out and have walked your path for a while, become more financially secure, etc. Marriage is great. But it is hard. And if you have the added benefit of being older/wiser/more secure in yourself and life in general, it might be a bit easier for you.
Miss Camel, this is absolutely beautifully written! As a “younger” bride myself, I believe that, no matter when we get married, there are pros and cons of that decision and what REALLY matters is that it was the right decision for us! I don’t at all feel you were being selfish: you were being independent, and that independence allowed you to have incredible adventures that you would never have been able to have if you would have been married 10 years ago. And you’re right, now you have so many great stories to share with Mr. Camel!! 
For some reason my wedding emotions have kicked into overdrive this past week, and I cry at everything wedding-related.. your post made me teary eyed! When we get married I’ll be 28.. I would of liked to been married earlier.. but when the time is right it’s right. Great post! My best friend will be 28, and has just started dating a guy, she’s always upset she’s getting older & not in a serious relationship, I should have her read this!
I loved your post it brought tears to my eyes. I, too, will get married at 30 possibly 31. I am nto yet engaged but have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and I know it’s coming soon he just won’t tell me when. I, on the other hand have a child from a previous relationship, nonetheless I enjoyed my early 20s before settling down and having a child travelling around Europe and studying abroad in London. Oh how I wish I’d have gotten the opportunity to teach English in Japan or to get my Masters in Ireland like I really wanted to. I’ve settled for a Masters in America but still have all of my memories from my travels abroad that I still manage to take at least once every three years.
These experiences have helped build the character that I am today and I can not wait to experience them with my FF since he has never been to Europe and to show my son that there is a world out there beyond our city, state, and country. Thank you for this post it is liberating and oh so true.
Thank you for writing such a thought provoking post regardless of the age you get married! Just great!
This is such a great post! I just got married this year at the age of 32, and while sometimes I wish it had been earlier, I personally can’t imagine my life had I gotten married 10 or even 5 years ago.
Beautifully written. If scrolling through your class of 2001 is anything like my class of 2003, they’re also working on their 2nd and 3rd marriages. 
I’ll be 28 when I get married. And I would have waited another 20 years if it meant finding her.
this is the best thing i’ve in ages. and i read a lot.
I am not an older bee, but I can absolutely relate to this post. Beautifully stated!
Clearly, being “older” has given you a depth of life experience that is beautifully expressed in your writing. What a wonderful post!
this was beautifully written. very thought provoking. thank you
Miss Camel, Athens, GA Age and Occupation: 29, high school teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 35, high school teacher Engagement Date: March 2012 Wedding Date: May 2013 Venue: Cloverleaf Farm About Me: I'm a high school social studies teacher who started her career teaching English in Japan with the JET Program. I love photography and history. I also like to travel and take naps---two things that you would think contradict each other, but somehow they don't. My heroes are Dwight Schrute, Liz Lemon, the Dude, and T.E. Lawrence. I traveled the world throughout my 20s only to fall in love with the social studies teacher in the classroom next door to mine. He just happened to be the kindest, most compassionate, and selfless person I had ever met and each day I'm so thankful to have him in my life. We are planning a whimsical, relaxed countryside wedding with a little Marie Antoinette flair thrown in for good measure. Please join us on our wedding planning adventures!
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