Confession Time

Mr. A is the only person I have ever dated.

I know that sounds weird, and I guess I should explain that I’ve been on “dates” with other guys in the past, but a good majority of them didn’t go past our first time out together, and certainly none of them went to a third or fourth date. I honestly didn’t set out with the “marry the first man you get into a relationship with” plan when I headed off to college; in fact, having never dated anyone in high school, I figured my best bet was finding someone after I was a well-established adult who had taken her twenties by storm, a la the lovely Miss Camel. That was, of course, if I ever ended up finding someone to begin with.

I distinctly remember the sixteen-year-old version of myself sitting on my parents’ living room floor, confessing to my mom through steadfast tears that I would “never find a guy who likes me” and that “no one will ever want to marry me.” My mom, being the fervent trooper and voice of reason that she is, told me I was being completely silly. I didn’t believe her, of course, because when you’re sixteen and no boy has ever asked you to be his girlfriend, moms are never right about anything. However, as soon as you move away and start to become your own person, you start to realize that Mom was always right. At least mine was.

After I graduated high school, the overemotional, unreasonable, younger version of me had already all but given up on the idea of being in a relationship with someone. Being the oldest child and something of a homebody, moving away to college was a big deal for me; much to my parents’ surprise, I handled the transition better than anticipated and was soon making friends and finding my place in the world. I don’t know why they thought I wasn’t going to be able to handle living away from home—just because I didn’t go out and socialize with people didn’t mean I couldn’t. Weirdos. I joined a Christian sorority on campus and experienced getting to know wonderful and diverse girls from all over the state, many of whom were always keeping their eyes peeled for their knights in shining armor. For some of them, finding husbands was their only reason for coming to college in the first place. While that sentiment didn’t necessarily sit well with me, I did make fast friends with a few girls in the sorority who had similar outlooks on life as mine.

Some sorority friends and myself at the formal my freshman year of college. No date for me!

Meanwhile, I was still flourishing and becoming successful in my own right without being in a relationship. In my first two years of college I joined the campus music program and became a member of one of the college choirs, was elected treasurer of my sorority, and started working as a note taker for students through the campus disability services. I wasn’t looking for Mr. Right because I didn’t necessarily need him to be happy, and I was starting to come to terms with the idea that maybe the single life could be equally rewarding and full of adventures. However, even in light of my new-found appreciation for the freedom to live my life exactly the way I pleased, that didn’t keep me from wishing and praying at night for a certain someone to come into my life and give it a different kind of meaning. I never stopped hoping he would show up; I just stopped looking for him. If it was meant to be, it would happen.

By that point I had gone on a few of dates with different guys, but none of them worked out. To be honest, I was incredibly awkward on first dates (like not being able to look my date in the face kind of awkward) and no guy I ever dated seemed to be able to put me at ease. I don’t know what it was, but I almost felt like I wasn’t good enough for any of the guys I went out with, or I felt like I would have had to change pieces of who I was to make any kind of relationship work. I didn’t know what I wanted or needed, but I definitely knew what I didn’t want or need in another person. Turns out, all I really needed was a stubborn, seemingly cocky, hard-headed, small-town boy who wouldn’t take no for an answer to break me out of my hazy, shy stupor. And although I did have to wait for the right person to come into my life, I didn’t have to wait very long.

I was twenty when I met Mr. A, and almost immediately something felt different about our dynamic. First of all, I felt incredibly confident around him. He seemed to almost immediately accept me for exactly who I was, and his incorrigible pursuit of me early on in our relationship was both flattering and terrifying at the same time. Among my circle of sorority friends, Mr. A was known as a flirt and the “player” of the Christian fraternity, and I was warned to not take him seriously. Never one to follow the advice of other girls, however, I decided to give him a chance. On our first date, I’ll just be honest—I was my typical awkward self. However, Mr. A broke the tension pretty quickly by kissing me about an hour into it. Yep, it was bold, and yep, I pulled away after a second or two, but it was exactly the kind of “first kiss” I needed. It totally demystified the whole dating concept to me, and although it took me about a month to make up my mind about Mr. A, I finally understood what I had been missing before and how much better life really could be with him by my side. I knew what I wanted, I just needed that extra nudge to get me off the diving platform. Mr. A was the only one who could convince me to take that leap of faith.

After two and a half years of dating, Mr. A asked me to marry him, and it was at that point that my parents divulged to me that they both had always assumed I would marry the first person I ever dated. (Suuuuuure, Mom and Dad. Whatever. ) People have asked how I can be so confident in Mr. A’s and my relationship when I don’t know what else is out there and I haven’t “played the field” any. But I can’t find any point in seeing what else is out there when what I have in front of me is exactly what I need. And while it’s true that my path to love probably wasn’t the most conventional, it was completely perfect for me and for Mr. A, and I absolutely cannot see my future without him in it. That’s what makes love so special, I think, and why that even though we may each have different paths to finding it, we can relate to one another in its unparalleled impact on our lives—the journey is different for everyone, but the language love speaks is universal. And that’s why places like Weddingbee are so amazing—we may all come from different walks of life with different experiences and stories to tell, but in the end, we’re all here celebrating the beauty and unmistakable joy of love, weddings and marriage.

So, I’m the girl who’s marrying the first guy she’s ever dated. I guess sometimes, when you know, you know. Life’s funny that way.

What was your journey to love like? Has anyone else had a journey similar to mine? If given the chance, is there anything you would change about your path to finding “the one?”

BLOGGER

Mrs. Armadillo

Location:
Houston, Texas
Wedding Date:
March 2013
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comments

  1. Member
    bat 285 posts, Helper bee @ 6:54 am

    This is so sweet, Miss Armadillo: I love hearing about your journey! I can totally commiserate with your sixteen-year-old self: I did have two boyfriends in high school, but my first was gay, and after him I was SURE I would never find anyone to love me, haha. I’m sure if God could get annoyed, he was annoyed with my whiney “please, bring me a boyfriend!” prayers at that time! I definitely think relationships are different for everyone, and not everyone needs to “play the field”. I’m thankful for my two earlier relationships because they taught me how to be treated, but I was the first girl Batman ever dated and it clearly worked out for him.

  2. Member
    Merelymere 472 posts, Helper bee @ 7:18 am

    I love hearing the stories of how everyone met their significant others!

    After a series of unfortunate dating non-events, when A and I ran into each other and went out a few times, I was totally calm and relaxed- not putting any pressure on myself, just enjoying him and getting to know him. A month after our first date we were “official” and we got engaged 11 months after we “re-met” at a coffeehouse concert. I’d always heard the saying that you’ll meet someone when you’re not trying to, and doubted it, but it’s true! At least, in my case :)

  3. Member
    glasses 2749 posts, Sugar bee @ 7:18 am

    My husband was the first person I ever dated too! We just clicked, and he was so sweet, I knew he wouldn’t disrespect me or any of that drama that usually goes on with high school and college relationships. Sometimes I do wonder what it would be like to date or be in a long term relationship with another man but then I realize I really, really wouldn’t want to pursue that because I have found perfection. You guys are so cute :)

  4. Member
    Future Army Wife 2213 posts, Buzzing bee @ 7:19 am

    I’ve only ever dated my husband, and we met when I was 20. For sorority functions, I went alone or took a guy friend. Never really bothered me.

  5. Member
    Little_Nut88 885 posts, Busy bee @ 7:26 am

    Although I had dated a little in highschool, my FI was my first serious boyfriend, and I was his first girlfriend. We met and started dating when we were 18 and the rest is history!

  6. Member
    sealevels 1522 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:27 am

    I’ve only ever seriously dated my SO, and I plan on marrying him whenever he chooses to propose (it’s apparently coming sometime next year). No shame in that! :)

  7. Member
    kit_kath 1331 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:31 am

    My FI was not the first guy a dated, but he was my first, and only, “boyfriend”. I never dated in high school or college. I’m totally clueless when it comes to flirty, looking back there were guys I could have dated if I’d ever noticed they were interested. After college I dated a few guys, lots of first dates, even saw some guys for 2-3 months, but I always knew I was just passing time with those guys, no one got the “boyfriend” title. Then I met FI, and on our third date I knew I was going to marry him.

  8. Guest Icon Guest
    Emma, Guest @ 7:35 am

    I only ever dated my SO too! Glad to hear from someone who doesn’t think I’m silly for not dating around :)

  9. Member
    blrice 16 posts, Newbee @ 7:39 am

    My FI is my high school sweetheart so I definitely understand marrying the first boy you date. I knew I was going to marry him senior year in high school. Seven years later we are engaged and getting married next year. Just need to finish my master’s degree first!

  10. Member
    sarg88 282 posts, Helper bee @ 7:39 am

    Oh I can relate!! My fiance is the first guy I ever dated. I like to think I knew exactly what I was looking for and there was no sense wasting my time with any other guy. We met when I was 20 and in college as a Junior. Those first 2 years were a blast just being myself and not “looking for a guy.” And when I met my fiance – I KNEW! People ask me how I know if he is the the only one, don’t I worry about what else is out there. And, nope, I don’t care what else is out there. He is perfect for me, we compliment each other and I can’t imagine anything better than him could be out there!

  11. Member
    graywolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 7:40 am

    i love this post! my dad was the same way – dated my mom in high school, didnt need anything else. unfortunately, i dated some toads, but i think your type of journey is fraught with different types of trials.

    also, my god, your hair is the absolute best.

  12. Member
    hyena 2537 posts, Sugar bee @ 7:41 am

    Girl, I could have written this! Mr. H is the first guy I ever dated (despite having a date or two here and there, which never went any further), and we met when I was 17.

  13. Member
    Tallis 31 posts, Newbee @ 7:46 am

    Marrying my ‘high school sweetheart’ over here….met at 17, marrying 10 years later…never ‘dated’ anyone else… tried to fall into the whole “go out and see what’s out there” cliche that society says is necessary…even left the country twice for school….but never found anyone else better :) ….

  14. Member
    RunningLove 14 posts, Newbee @ 7:57 am

    I am marrying the only guy I ever dated too! We met when I was twenty, and I too only ever casually went out on dates before that. Funny how my (our?) younger selves were so convinced that we would never find someone to love us when we had no idea what was ahead!

  15. Member
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:12 am

    Mr. T is the first (and only) person I ever dated. Your post sounds very similar to my story, too. I’m happy things worked out for both of us. :-)

  16. Member
    mswallaby 2066 posts, Buzzing bee @ 8:35 am

    This post is so sweet!! I’m with you – I don’t think dating experience makes a happy marriage.

    I don’t have any regrets, but I was a serial dater before Mr. W – I had about 8 serious relationships before I met him. On the other hand, I was his first and only girlfriend. We have a very interesting dynamic haha.

  17. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 8:59 am

    This is such a sweet post! I dated a few guys before Mr. P and he had other relationships before me, but I’m thankful for them since it helped me realize the great guy Mr. P truly is.

  18. Member
    mstoadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 9:12 am

    It’s sometimes frustrating when people play the “you don’t know what else is out there” card. I started dating my husband when I was 14 (almost 15) years old, and although, at the moment, I didn’t know I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, it was a great relationship, we grew up together and shaped each other to our own way, sure we might be missing some experiences but it’s worth it when you realize you are with the right person.

  19. Member
    ItalianTraveler 57 posts, Worker bee @ 10:02 am

    Awwww, such a great story!! Definitely one to tell the kids/grandkids one day. I always thought I would marry the first guy I dates, but that just wasn’t what happened for me. I don’t regret it, and I’m glad it took me a few toads to find my prince. Things usually don’t turn out the way you plan them, and its usually best that way. So I say good for you!!! May your lives together be blessed!

  20. Member
    Scc6a 961 posts, Busy bee @ 2:36 pm

    I also married the first person I dated! Like you, I went out on dates with other guys, but I never liked anyone enough to go on more than maybe two…until I started dating my husband. He tricked me into going on our first day when I was 16 and almost 8.5 years later we got married (three months ago!). I never imagined I would marry the first person I dated, but that’s what happened! It’s funny because people ask me all the time how we’ve made it work for so long and I always say, “We started dating and….we didn’t stop!” haha it wasn’t exactly planned from the beginning!

  21. Member
    ChicagoDreamer 509 posts, Busy bee @ 6:08 pm

    I think your journey has been perfect. I dated my high school boyfriend for six years. It was really more friendship…no huge spark or similar future goals. I didn’t date around and didn’t really take a break from dating. I went out with an old high school friend. It was casual and not threatening, but we fell for each other. After three weeks, I knew I loved him and knew that I’d want to marry him. We’ve been together almost three years now. I so understand that when you know, you know.

  22. Member
    panda 1359 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:09 pm

    That’s really sweet. sometimes when you know, you know.

  23. Member
    brooklyn55 743 posts, Busy bee @ 10:26 pm

    I agree that dating other people does not help in a marriage.. For some that have no idea what they want, then maybe, but I think when you know, you just know. I am marrying my high school sweetheart, and while I would say he is my only serious relationship I did have a “boyfriend” my junior year of high school for about 6 months.. It wasn’t really serious and sometimes I even forget about it. My FI and I started dating senior year of high school and here we are getting married in March (which is 5 years and 11 months since we first started dating).

  24. Member
    Miss Care Bear 193 posts, Blushing bee @ 6:09 am

    I love this! I’m marrying the first man I dated too, and couldn’t be happier :)

    I was also had the same no-one will ever love me attitude at 16, and my grandma used to tell me that I would be lucky right out of the gate and marry my first boyfriend!

  25. Member
    jordyanna 476 posts, Helper bee @ 11:28 pm

    ME TOO! I never thought that would happen either … But, it did and I couldn’t be happier! I met him when I was too busy (and happy) with my life to be looking.

    Also, I’m super awkward on dates … When Fiance & I met, I was a nursing student, so any first dates before him got the pleasure of me not knowing what “appropriate” dinner conversation was. Nice.

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