Two Wheels Become One: The Freakout, Part 2

I promise I wasn’t forced into marrying Mr. Unicycle, though my photos tell another story.

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

If Adele can have snot during her Grammy speech, so can I on my wedding day!

Also for some reason I thought people couldn’t see me behind the veil. But you clearly can.

I was a nervous wreck the night before the wedding, all the way up to the ceremony. Why? It wasn’t because I was afraid our cocktail hour would be rained out or our guests wouldn’t use our guestbook, or some other detail would go wrong. It wasn’t because I was having second thoughts about marrying Mr. Unicycle (I mean really, how could I?).

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I’d marry this guy even if I’d never met him before!

Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

I was worried because I didn’t want everyone looking at me as I walked down the aisle. I don’t know why this scared me so much, but the image of all those people staring at me haunted my dreams, and when the wedding party and I headed upstairs to get lined up in the vestibule, I saw that very image in real life.

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

This photo still scares me. I wanted to pull a Christina Aguilera/Damian from Mean Girls and say “Don’t look at me!”

As I exited the elevator and saw this I was all “ohhh shiiiit.”

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

Everyone else was oblivious.

The waiting in the vestibule was unbearable. I started breathing really quickly and shaking, but everyone else was laughing and joking around without a care in the world.

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

And then all of a sudden, I burst into tears. Not the slow, mournful kind like when you’re watching The Christmas Shoes and the little boy puts those fugly shoes on his mother’s feet. It was the face-contortion-with-monster-wails kind of crying, like this:

Video via YouTube

I would have done anything to have seen Mr. Unicycle right before my walk down the aisle, but that would have defeated the purpose of not having a first look. My dad stepped in for consoling duties, and he was pretty good. He told a few dad jokes, which seemed to do the trick.

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

Of course my dad was amused at his daughter’s anguish.

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

This is probably how he looked at me when I refused to eat my creamed corn as a baby, too.

My maid of honor inquired about my condition and—get this—she and my dad made fun of me. On my SPESHUL DAY!

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

This is one of my favorite photos, because it looks like my dad is getting emotional about his only daughter growing up, moving on, etc. But no, he’s mocking me.

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

What a jokester.

After I wiped my snot away, a la Adele, the others headed down the aisle and I focused on not passing out.

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

And we were off!

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Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

Did you have to wipe any snot away on your wedding day? Be honest; you’re in good company! And if you’re not married yet, are you dreading the walk down the aisle, or are you excited for it?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Unicycle

Location:
Chicago, IL
Wedding Date:
June 2012

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comments

  1. Member
    junkpicker 91 posts, Worker bee @ 6:15 am

    Congrats, you looked so beautiful. i can just imagine how you were feeling. I am so happy for you. On the other note:

    I AM IN LOVE WITH YOUR NECKLACE, Are you selling it? Its exactly what i have been looking for. Its ivory right, can you let me know. thank you annasvoices@yahoo.ca

  2. Member
    junkpicker 91 posts, Worker bee @ 6:17 am

    forget it. i just figured out what i will do for mine. But i do love yours. Happy for you.

  3. Member
    mssquirrel 276 posts, Helper bee @ 6:28 am

    Thank you for sharing this! I have this exact same fear! I hate the idea of having every single person turn around to stare. I love that your dad was being so goofy, and by goofy, I mean making fun of you…

  4. Member
    mswallaby 2069 posts, Buzzing bee @ 6:34 am

    Dad jokes are the best!! Girl, I wiped sooo much snot away, I could’ve used up a whole box of tissues. My nose was running so much that by the time I got to the front, Mr. W wiped away some of my snot for me.

  5. Guest Icon Guest
    cookie, Guest @ 6:38 am

    Both my parents walked me down the aisle and it looks like they are trying to rip my arms off but actually they were holding me up so I didn’t pass out. I was so nervous before, hyperventillating and everything. I hate all those biotches that say they were too happy to cry! I was happy. I was thrilled, terrified anxious and excited all at once. However, all the emotion of our seventeen-month long engagement chose my walk down the aisle to manifest itself so I look like I’m being sentenced to death! It was real, not the movie version of a wedding, and I got it together for the ceremony. And I wouldn’t change a thing because that’s what weddings are about- showing my love for this man to the world, even if it is a little snotty and has an ugly cry from time to time.

  6. Member
    desiree.0615 772 posts, Busy bee @ 6:39 am

    I am pretty nervous about the ceremony as a whole! Especially walking down the aisle! Hopefully when the time comes my nerves aren’t too bad! But I doubt that will happen… Lol

  7. Member
    anemonie 1578 posts, Bumble bee @ 6:47 am

    Oh my god, I was terrified of the walk down the aisle. For some crazy reason, we decided on a venue with a very long, uneven, stone walkway with STAIRS right in the middle. I was so scared of people staring at me during the walk, and I was convinced I was going to fall on my face in front of them.

    I was near-hyperventilating in the 10 minutes or so before the aisle when all the bridesmaids and I could do was wait. I made one of my girls practice stairs with me. I mean, how are you supposed to hold your dress to go down stairs, hold a massive bouquet, and hold onto someone’s arm all while walking gracefully and not tripping in 4″ heels? No one tells you these things! Luckily, I did not fall, though my walk was not the most graceful…I pretty much speed-walked to get past the crowd while hiking up the front of my dress most of the way. All worth it to get up to that altar, though!

  8. Member
    NurseMandie 3400 posts, Sugar bee @ 6:48 am

    I’m so dreading the walk. I have stage freight which I find ironic since I used to do a lot of performing theatre when I was in high school. It’s enough to make me rethink about having a wedding ceremony at all but I want the party and I really do want my friends and family to be there. So I will probably ask my doctor for a couple of Lorazepam and hope that my anxiety will disappear….or get really drunk I haven’t decided which yet lol.

  9. Member
    glimmeringone 281 posts, Helper bee @ 6:49 am

    I’m waiting to see if there’s a photo of me recoiling and saying, “holy shit” when I first turned the corner to walk down the aisle. So many people, so close, all staring! Luckily, we were so busy that day leading up to things that I didn’t get a chance to worry about it. Love the Dad jokes/mocking face. Bwahaha!!

  10. Member
    msmongoose 264 posts, Helper bee @ 7:02 am

    You still look stunning! I haven’t given much thought about getting nervous beforehand but it seems like A LOT of brides feel the way you did (about people staring at you).

  11. Member
    graywolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 7:04 am

    aww i love those photos of you and your dad.

  12. Member
    graywolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 7:05 am

    also, mr. uni looks like jude law in that picture, no? http://queenofthedesertfilm.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Jude-Law-jude-law-79459_1024_768.jpg

  13. Member
    unicycle 476 posts, Helper bee @ 7:17 am

    @junkpicker: Thanks! And I’m glad you got your necklace figured out :)

    @Miss Squirrel: @desiree.0615: @anemonie: @NurseMandie: Learn from my mistake, seriously! ALL I think about now is how nervous I was, not how happy or in love or whatever. So seriously, learn from my mistake and just ignore everyone looking at you. I really wish I had tried harder at this!

    @Miss Gray Wolf: hahaha omg he kinda does! He said he doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not, so I assured him it is.

  14. Member
    mrsea 23 posts, Newbee @ 7:41 am

    Mrs. Unicycle, your recaps make me laugh out loud! Maybe partially because I know this is EXACTLY how I will act as well :)

  15. Member
    bat 285 posts, Helper bee @ 7:59 am

    Awww, thanks for sharing this, Miss U: I’m already pretty sure that due to our not-having-a-first look and seeing all those people before Batman I’m going to have the EXACT SAME ANXIETY on our big day (deep breaths!). At least I’ll know that you’re there to commiserate with!!

  16. Member
    Nurse_Bee 940 posts, Busy bee @ 8:09 am

    Okay a couple of things:

    1. Intervention kind of holds a special place in my heart as I one of my jobs is working in mental health and substance abuse. BUTOMG THAT WAS HILARIOUS. I could not stop flipping between laughing my ass off and feeling bad for laughing but then laughing some more. Laughing won.

    2. I didn’t even think about all of the people that are going to stare at me as I walk down the aisle. Add this to my list of wedding day fears!

    Thanks for the great post!

  17. Member
    kit_kath 1331 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:16 am

    Oh man, I still have over a year until my wedding and I’m already getting worried about having all those people looking at me! I hate being the center of attention, I have a silly fear that everyone will secretly be judging like the way I walk or something or that I’ll trip and fall. I might need to sip some pre-ceremony bubbly to get over that fear ;)

  18. Member
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 9:02 am

    Oh, man, Uni, I feel you. I didn’t break down in tears, but I was soooo nervous all day long. I wasn’t particularly nervous about the aisle walk, but I was just nervous in general about all the interacting I had to do with people. I was happiest on my wedding day riding around on the trolley and taking pictures with just the wedding party because it meant I didn’t have to put on my “bride face.”

  19. Member
    genie 723 posts, Busy bee @ 9:25 am

    Girl, I ran out of tissues trying to wipe away the snot! And I didn’t do it in a private place either. Right in front of all my guests and Mr. Genie. It’s seriously overwhelming to be the center of attention.

  20. Member
    almostmrsj 3260 posts, Sugar bee @ 9:52 am

    Awe, you’re so cute all snot-faced.
    Not to brag, but almost the best picture from our whole wedding is of my dad walking me down the aisle. You can see that I’ve just seen my hubby through everyone. I’m BEAMING and Daddy looks SO PROUD. He’s not a smiley guy, but he’s smiling a little.
    I didn’t cry at all though. Stoic, that’s me, weirdly so because saying the word wedding made me tear up for weeks before it.

  21. Guest Icon Guest
    JennyG, Guest @ 9:52 am

    Well Ms. Uni, I have no idea what made you so nervous for people staring at you- because you looked gorgeous! If I looked that good, I would’ve been proudly strutting my stuff down the aisle! But I understand. It’s a LOT of eyes on you, all at once. Well, actually, I can’t speak from experience, but I can imagine.

    I will be doing my own walk down the aisle in April, and I have to admit that I am super excited to be the center of attention, ha! But, it should be noted that I have always been a total ham, and I grew up on the stage in musical theater!

  22. Member
    panda 1359 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:12 am

    You look absolutely fabulous, snot face and all. Every time I turn into a ball of nerves, I either get all nauseous or teary. My wedding pictures are going to be a total mess.

  23. Member
    stephk527 987 posts, Busy bee @ 10:34 am

    I know that this might not help but you look STUNNING in that first picture, tissue and all. Your makeup, hair, everything – it’s a great picture and you look classy emotional, not snotty emotional. :)

  24. Member
    mstoadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 10:35 am

    Oh, you poor thing. I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would that day, I had a nervous episode right before the ceremony, but nothing major.

  25. Member
    minnow 428 posts, Helper bee @ 10:51 am

    Oh my GOSH, that picture of everyone staring is horrifying. Especially that guy on the far right – he looks like he is willing me to trip, or sniffle, or anything! I hadn’t given much thought to this before now…accckkk, is there any way I can avoid having an aisle altogether? :D

  26. Member
    jilleeann 409 posts, Helper bee @ 11:19 am

    Nope, that pic of everyone looking in your direction is terrifying. I’m not big on being the center of attention. If it makes you feel better, you have pretty crying face instead of ugly crying face. The pictures with your dad are also priceless. Life is life, and you have great pictures of yours.

  27. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 11:30 am

    I would freak out too after seeing that picture of everyone staring! You look wonderful and it was great that your dad was there to distract you :)

  28. Member
    hyena 2537 posts, Sugar bee @ 12:32 pm

    The walking didn’t terrify me, it was the idea of standing in front of everyone AFTER the walk! Thank goodness I forgot about all those other people after a few minutes!

  29. Member
    jessyrez 1385 posts, Bumble bee @ 12:39 pm

    You look beautiful. where did you get your dress?

  30. Member
    unicycle 476 posts, Helper bee @ 12:44 pm

    @jessyrez: Thanks! I got it from Etsy, actually! http://www.etsy.com/people/porshesplace

    @Mrs. Hyena: Yeah, the ceremony wasn’t much better for me hahaa. I was very relieved when it was over.

    @JennyG: @StephK527: aww thanks

  31. Member
    ChicagoDreamer 509 posts, Busy bee @ 2:39 pm

    I found this to actually be charming. You look lovely, tears and all.

  32. Member
    graywolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 6:01 pm

    @Mrs. Unicycle: oh man absolutely a good thing!

  33. Member
    Scc6a 961 posts, Busy bee @ 3:54 pm

    Oh man, I almost feel bad about literally lol-ing at this…almost ;-) Thanks for sharing, I know a lot of people feel the same way! In fact, I also shed some surprise tears, though mine came during the rehearsal. After I rehearsed my way down the aisle, it was like all of a sudden I was in front of the altar, all eyes were on me, and the gravity of the day hit me. I started crying so much I could barely practice my vows, and I NEVER cry. I’m pretty sure everyone was shocked and I was mortified lol.

  34. Member
    Ms. Shinie 9 posts, Newbee @ 8:16 pm

    My dad tried to get me to stop crying by saying “I think my fly is down” once we got to my groom and the pastor. It made me laugh, and I forgot about it for the rest of the day. It wasn’t until after my cousin reminded me after our honeymoon what my dad had said.

    (I also had to focus on my little ring bearer to not cry during the ceremony…because I’m a huge crybaby.)

  35. Guest Icon Guest
    Tanya, Guest @ 7:15 pm

    You are hilarious. I totally cracked up at this part: “I’d marry this guy even if I’d never met him before!”

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