Two Wheels Become One: The Freakout, Part 2

I promise I wasn’t forced into marrying Mr. Unicycle, though my photos tell another story.


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

If Adele can have snot during her Grammy speech, so can I on my wedding day!

Also for some reason I thought people couldn’t see me behind the veil. But you clearly can.

I was a nervous wreck the night before the wedding, all the way up to the ceremony. Why? It wasn’t because I was afraid our cocktail hour would be rained out or our guests wouldn’t use our guestbook, or some other detail would go wrong. It wasn’t because I was having second thoughts about marrying Mr. Unicycle (I mean really, how could I?).


I’d marry this guy even if I’d never met him before!

Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

I was worried because I didn’t want everyone looking at me as I walked down the aisle. I don’t know why this scared me so much, but the image of all those people staring at me haunted my dreams, and when the wedding party and I headed upstairs to get lined up in the vestibule, I saw that very image in real life.


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

This photo still scares me. I wanted to pull a Christina Aguilera/Damian from Mean Girls and say “Don’t look at me!”

As I exited the elevator and saw this I was all “ohhh shiiiit.”


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

Everyone else was oblivious.

The waiting in the vestibule was unbearable. I started breathing really quickly and shaking, but everyone else was laughing and joking around without a care in the world.


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

And then all of a sudden, I burst into tears. Not the slow, mournful kind like when you’re watching The Christmas Shoes and the little boy puts those fugly shoes on his mother’s feet. It was the face-contortion-with-monster-wails kind of crying, like this:

Video via YouTube

I would have done anything to have seen Mr. Unicycle right before my walk down the aisle, but that would have defeated the purpose of not having a first look. My dad stepped in for consoling duties, and he was pretty good. He told a few dad jokes, which seemed to do the trick.


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

Of course my dad was amused at his daughter’s anguish.


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

This is probably how he looked at me when I refused to eat my creamed corn as a baby, too.

My maid of honor inquired about my condition and—get this—she and my dad made fun of me. On my SPESHUL DAY!


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

This is one of my favorite photos, because it looks like my dad is getting emotional about his only daughter growing up, moving on, etc. But no, he’s mocking me.


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

What a jokester.

After I wiped my snot away, a la Adele, the others headed down the aisle and I focused on not passing out.


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

And we were off!


Photo by Jennifer Shaffer Photography

Did you have to wipe any snot away on your wedding day? Be honest; you’re in good company! And if you’re not married yet, are you dreading the walk down the aisle, or are you excited for it?


Mrs. Unicycle

Chicago, IL
Wedding Date:
June 2012

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  1. Guest Icon Guest
    JennyG, Guest @ 9:52 am

    Well Ms. Uni, I have no idea what made you so nervous for people staring at you- because you looked gorgeous! If I looked that good, I would’ve been proudly strutting my stuff down the aisle! But I understand. It’s a LOT of eyes on you, all at once. Well, actually, I can’t speak from experience, but I can imagine.

    I will be doing my own walk down the aisle in April, and I have to admit that I am super excited to be the center of attention, ha! But, it should be noted that I have always been a total ham, and I grew up on the stage in musical theater!

  2. Member
    panda 1359 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:12 am

    You look absolutely fabulous, snot face and all. Every time I turn into a ball of nerves, I either get all nauseous or teary. My wedding pictures are going to be a total mess.

  3. Member
    stephk527 987 posts, Busy bee @ 10:34 am

    I know that this might not help but you look STUNNING in that first picture, tissue and all. Your makeup, hair, everything – it’s a great picture and you look classy emotional, not snotty emotional. :)

  4. Member
    mstoadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 10:35 am

    Oh, you poor thing. I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would that day, I had a nervous episode right before the ceremony, but nothing major.

  5. Member
    minnow 428 posts, Helper bee @ 10:51 am

    Oh my GOSH, that picture of everyone staring is horrifying. Especially that guy on the far right – he looks like he is willing me to trip, or sniffle, or anything! I hadn’t given much thought to this before now…accckkk, is there any way I can avoid having an aisle altogether? :D

  6. Member
    jilleeann 409 posts, Helper bee @ 11:19 am

    Nope, that pic of everyone looking in your direction is terrifying. I’m not big on being the center of attention. If it makes you feel better, you have pretty crying face instead of ugly crying face. The pictures with your dad are also priceless. Life is life, and you have great pictures of yours.

  7. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 11:30 am

    I would freak out too after seeing that picture of everyone staring! You look wonderful and it was great that your dad was there to distract you :)

  8. Member
    hyena 2537 posts, Sugar bee @ 12:32 pm

    The walking didn’t terrify me, it was the idea of standing in front of everyone AFTER the walk! Thank goodness I forgot about all those other people after a few minutes!

  9. Member
    jessyrez 1385 posts, Bumble bee @ 12:39 pm

    You look beautiful. where did you get your dress?

  10. Member
    unicycle 476 posts, Helper bee @ 12:44 pm

    @jessyrez: Thanks! I got it from Etsy, actually!

    @Mrs. Hyena: Yeah, the ceremony wasn’t much better for me hahaa. I was very relieved when it was over.

    @JennyG: @StephK527: aww thanks

  11. Member
    ChicagoDreamer 509 posts, Busy bee @ 2:39 pm

    I found this to actually be charming. You look lovely, tears and all.

  12. Member
    graywolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 6:01 pm

    @Mrs. Unicycle: oh man absolutely a good thing!

  13. Member
    Scc6a 961 posts, Busy bee @ 3:54 pm

    Oh man, I almost feel bad about literally lol-ing at this…almost ;-) Thanks for sharing, I know a lot of people feel the same way! In fact, I also shed some surprise tears, though mine came during the rehearsal. After I rehearsed my way down the aisle, it was like all of a sudden I was in front of the altar, all eyes were on me, and the gravity of the day hit me. I started crying so much I could barely practice my vows, and I NEVER cry. I’m pretty sure everyone was shocked and I was mortified lol.

  14. Member
    Ms. Shinie 9 posts, Newbee @ 8:16 pm

    My dad tried to get me to stop crying by saying “I think my fly is down” once we got to my groom and the pastor. It made me laugh, and I forgot about it for the rest of the day. It wasn’t until after my cousin reminded me after our honeymoon what my dad had said.

    (I also had to focus on my little ring bearer to not cry during the ceremony…because I’m a huge crybaby.)

  15. Guest Icon Guest
    Tanya, Guest @ 7:15 pm

    You are hilarious. I totally cracked up at this part: “I’d marry this guy even if I’d never met him before!”

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