When I think about the role of the groom-to-be, I think of two extremes.
Groom #1 is like my older brother:
Brother’s wedding day/ Personal photo
This groom is heavily involved in the planning process. He attends every vendor meeting and is actively involved with every decision. Not only does he care about the DJ, but also the color of the napkins and the type of flowers. He has researched the registry to bits and is quite vocal about his own vision.
Then there is Groom #2:
This is the groom who writes the checks. He knows his fiance has been dreaming about this for years and he is happy to let her go at it. Oh, you can bet he’ll be at the cake tasting, but to him aren’t all photographers the same?
Image via Jeff Shore
Both of these grooms love their brides and are thrilled about their weddings, they just go about the planning in different ways.
Then there is Mr. Squirrel.
Most of the time, he is loving life.
Yay planes! / Personal photo
Mr. Squirrel would love to be Groom #1 (with the exception of maybe table linens because the guy knows nothing about fabric!). He would jump at the chance to research vendors and narrow down the choices. He wants to find the best knife set out there and give his groomsmen an unbelievable thank you gift. Unfortunately, this is not possible right now. Mr. Squirrel’s worst enemy these days is TIME. He just doesn’t have any to spare.
This is what Mr. Squirrel looks like far too often these days.
Getting his study on / Personal photo
As I mentioned before, he decided to go back to school for a second degree. Engineering is tough stuff! AND, this smarty-pants works the entire weekend, every weekend so that we can save $$ for a little party we have planned next May.
I hate this. We constantly have to remind each other: “big picture.” It will not be like this forever. One day, we will be able to go to the movies together on a Friday night (every once in a while, we can catch the 10:00 AM showing before Mr. Squirrel has to be at work). One day, Mr. Squirrel will get to leave work at five and be free to relax all night. One day, our schedules will sync up.
But we are not there yet. Because we didn’t want to wait anther two years to become engaged, Mr. Squirrel cannot be Groom #1. Our planning has evolved into me doing all the preliminary research. I educate myself, discuss issues with my friends, family, etc. Then I significantly narrow the playing field to the top two or three contenders, and only THEN do Mr. Squirrel and I sit down and make some choices.
Mr. Squirrel is definitely frustrated. He worries that it is a burden on me (umm…not possible), and he truly wants to have a bigger role in the planning. While it’s great to swoop in at the final hour, Mr. Squirrel is a detail kind of guy.
Ultimately, we end up making every decision together, but I wish there was something I could do to help him feel more involved. One thing I’ve found that really helps is for us to email about wedding topics throughout the day. This allows us to hash out some of those mundane issues like table count and number of people at the rehearsal dinner. I mean, let’s be real…if we happen to find some time to spend together, no one wants me to run my mouth about wedding details the entire time.
The latest update was last week when I said, “OK, the rehearsal dinner is officially all yours. Tell me where to show up.” Mr. Squirrel was initially excited, but he hasn’t been able to make much progress and now it seems to be causing him more stress! Yikes, what should I do? It feels like a lose/lose.
I need some tips, bees! Is anyone in a similar situation? How did you involve someone who had no time to be involved?