I’m currently in the process of finalizing wording for the wedding invitations and wanted to highlight some language we’ll be using that may seem atypical (or are pointed out as wedding invite etiquette no-nos). Despite what the etiquette rules say about guests magically knowing who’s invited by the specific names included on the outer/inner envelope, I’ve heard (and seen) time and time again the ultimate guest faux pas of assuming they can bring other people. I think the heart of the matter is that 1) many weddings do generally include a plus-one, but we’re trying to have an intimate gathering where we know every person who will be celebrating with us and 2) unless they’ve planned a wedding, most guests really and truly do not understand just how expensive weddings are—and that bringing additional guests is directly related to increasing the overall cost.
Image via It’s a Bride’s Life
So for our invitations, we are making it as clear as possible as to exactly who’s invited. I wrote a whole post about how we are not including children—we have let our guests know this via word of mouth and have also included it on the FAQ section of our wedding website. But just to be 100% clear, we are also including “Adults Only” on the bottom of our invites, next to “Formal Attire.” Apparently it’s a big etiquette no-no to say “Adults Only” on the invite, but I’m saying screw that. If it’s fine to tell guests what to wear (which is acceptable in the etiquette rules), then I say it’s acceptable to tell people it’s an adult affair.
For the RSVP cards, to ensure it’s crystal clear to guests exactly who from their household is invited, we are doing two things. First, below the RSVP card due date, we have a line that says “Due to the intimate nature of our wedding, we have reserved X seat(s) in your honor” (X will be the number of people invited from their household). And right below that, the invited guests’ names will be listed out with an “accepts/regrets” line below each for them to check off. If this doesn’t clarify who’s invited, I don’t know what else will! See the actual proofs below.
Example of the three-person household RSVP card / Digital proof of my order
Example of the two-person household RSVP card / Digital proof of my order
I think it’s OK to be polite but firm in any of the language you choose to include on your invites. Just because the wedding etiquette gods say this or that isn’t acceptable doesn’t mean it’s something you have to adhere to (after all, many of these rules were written decades ago and just frankly don’t apply to modern society anymore). It’s YOUR wedding—don’t be afraid to make up your own rules.
Did you go against traditional wedding etiquette in any way?
That is a great way to make sure no extra guests try to add themselves! We are having a child-free wedding, and we were so lucky that not a single person tried to add any extras! Can’t wait to see how it all turns out!
I love this! I have been trying to figure out how we can ensure that we don’t any extra guests. It is so nerve racking to think that we may have people that just show up. But I have seen this happen several times with family/friends weddings, and I want to try to avoid it.
I love these ideas. As they say, “rules are meant to be broken”
We included my parents names on our invitations since they’re helping to pay for part of our venue. My Mom and Dad didn’t want to be referred to as “Mr. and Mrs.” They thought it was too stuffy and we’re just not that kind of family. So instead they asked that we use just their first names on the invites. Some Bees may think that’s tacky, but for me it feels truer to who we are.
@Mrs. Eagle: WOW, that is ridiculous, especially since you made it clear that it was adults only. Not gonna lie, I think this would be the one thing that would cause me to go Bridezilla on someone. How did you handle the situation?
I’m so excited about your post. I’m in the same situation – I’m paying for the wedding, and we have two large families with children that will not be invited. I also wanted a clever way to word the invites and response cards, and your invites are perfect! THANK YOU for posting this!
P.S. – my wedding is ANYTHING but traditional, and I am not following any kind of strict etiquette whatsoever. It’s our wedding and we should be able to do whatever we want! Great job!
I have a huge family and have been stressing over the guest list, and your wording is a big help for our invitations!
@Miss Mongoose: Honestly, our wedding coordinator tried to keep the mom and baby away from me… and I pretty much flipped when she decided to use my bridal suite as a breastfeeding location (um no!). But honestly I just ignored it and tried to not let it get me down on my wedding…. even though it pissed me off to my core.
@jaxzoobride: I think that’s a great personal touch to have your parents’ first names!
@jazzy14: @PersianPlum: You’re welcome! This was a factor that ended up stressing me out way more than I thought it would. I scoured the internet and my wedding books for hours trying to formulate the perfect wording so I hope the message is clear when the invites go out.
I say do it. In fact, I give you an A+ because I thought saying that ‘x amount of seats have been reserved in your honor’ would be enough to get the point across but I had people still asking me if they could bring someone. Sometimes people just don’t get it.
I hated ‘well, so and so isn’t coming so can…’ NO! No they can’t come. >_>….My eye is twitching just thinking about it.
We are very lucky that we didn’t have this problem. We only invited two children, my H’s cousin (who is 13) and the FG. No one else brought kids. I think if you feel that this would be a problem, you should address it on the invite.
I think you did a good job being specific with your RSVP cards as to who was invited. Hope you don’t mind if I steal the idea of reserving a specific number of seats! The last thing I need are a handful of uninvited guests, especially those who bring their children in two!
I think writing “adult only” and reserving a specific number of seats shouldn’t be faux paus: I think they’re great ideas and I can’t think of anyone who would be offended by the wording itself (though they might be a bit offended they can’t bring their wee ones, but hey, can’t please anyone!)
I love this idea. This goes against etiquette? That just seems plain silly to me. I am so stealing this idea. Since we are doing pocketfolds and don’t have that traditional inner envelope this really helps to clear up any confusion.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you
@thatredheadedbride: I don’t mind at all! Glad to help 
@TheHotMrsG: I love the way pocketfold invites look–I can’t wait to see how mine turn out. And you’re welcome!
I think this is super smart. You would think people would pick up on who is invited from the wording, but, sadly, that is hardly ever the case. Keep us updated on how this works out!
Miss Mongoose, New Haven, CT Age and Occupation: 28, Digital Advertising Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Business Development Engagement Date: November 19th, 2011 Wedding Date: May 2013 Venue: Hotel Nelligan in Montreal, CA About Me: I was born and raised in Queens, NY (though you would never know due to my lack of a "real" New York accent) but currently live in Connecticut with my fiance. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a crazy obsession for planning and organizing things, so it comes as no surprise that I'm currently obsessed with planning our wedding. I love dancing, music, traveling, reading fiction novels, cooking, the color blue, cupcakes, all things space science-related and TV shows created by Joss Whedon and J.J. Abrams. My fiance and I have been together for seven years and are so excited to finally get married next year. We are planning a peacock-themed destination wedding in Montreal, one of our favorite cities in the world, with 100 or so of our closest family and friends. While we may look very different on the outside, we have eerily similar personalities (probably due to the fact that we share the exact same birthday) and share very similar passions. But above all else, we love each other and love to have FUN!!!
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