One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Happy New Year, hive! Since today’s post is just so dang wordy, I added in a little New Year’s eye candy to keep you from tiring of my chatter ;) Enjoy!

So, it’s been over two months since our wedding, and I’ve just now reached the point where I can think about it without anxiety.

Yep. Happiest day of my life = anxiety.

During the weeks post-wedding, life has certainly gone on in the way that life always seems to do. We traveled to beautiful locations on our honeymoon and returned to Texas to start enjoying our new life as husband and wife. We opened many wonderful gifts and then wrote just as many corresponding thank you notes. Mr. Coach reluctantly returned to work, and I’ve even started a new job. These are all exciting things, just as our wedding festivities were, but I quickly began to realize that it was easier to focus on these new events, rather than relive our wedding day (okay wow, that sounds awful, but stay with me here.)

I first realized this “discomfort” when we returned home from our honeymoon. Momma Coach had been in charge of bringing home everything that was left at our wedding venue. She carefully placed the items in our guest bedroom, and shortly after our return, I decided to start going through everything and work some organization magic. Except, when I opened the first box and saw some leftover wedding favors and personalized napkins, my heart sank a little. Okay, a lot. There were tons of leftover items, you guys. Now, part of this abundance was due to my over-ordering basically everything, but I felt like our details had been unappreciated (emotional bride alert!) and worst of all, I just felt wasteful. It’s not uncommon for brides and/or their parents to spend thousands of dollars on weddings, just as mine did. And man, seeing those leftover items made me feel low.

silver and blue wedding ideas

Photo by: Jenna McKenzie Photography on Wedding Chicks via Lover.ly

I decided it was just too early to start going through all of those post-wedding items, so I left them for another week or so, only to return and feel the same pang of guilt, and maybe even a little sadness. This time, it was over the wishing tree cards that only a dozen or so people had written on; the next time, the beautiful hair flower I misplaced the day of the wedding and wasn’t able to wear. On and on, I kept trying to face all of the remnants of such a beautiful day, only to be upset by their presence. And what’s worse were the thoughts that took place between these visits; wondering why had I to be a crying mess during our first look, and therefore the majority of our couple portraits? And why had there seemed to be a domino effect of many people leaving after dinner? And on…and on. Literally one step forward, two steps back. I tried so hard not to let those things get to me, and just as I had convinced myself everything turned our great, I’d discover something new that set me back again.

I’ve heard so many people say that after their wedding they were just, “over it.” As in, they did it, it’s done, and they never want to focus on it again. Wow. Pretty strong feelings for a day that required so much time and effort, and who wants to feel that way about their wedding day? (side note: I totally get that some people are completely happy being done with their wedding once it’s over, and that’s more than okay—I’m talking more to those people, like me, who want to jump right into even more wedding related things like thank you notes and wedding albums post-wedding!) But now that our wedding is over, I get where they’re coming from. For some, I think it’s just the fact that the wedding is all said and done, and they are ready to just move on to other parts of life. For others, it was possibly the fact that things went wrong or were forgotten on their wedding day. However, even though I understand the reasoning behind those feelings, I’ve never wanted to associate our wedding day with apathy, and certainly not negativity. I refused to be “over” our wedding, and even though there were things that disappointed me, I can’t say that that was the feeling I ever had (see, I told you to stay with me). I was constantly hoping for the time when I would be able to reminisce on the Big Day, and only have positive memories.

Ritz Carlton Charlotte Wedding_Lauren and Oli_0803 copy

Photo by: Kristin Vining on Inspired By This via Lover.ly

Well, y’all I am happy to say I’ve finally reached that point—given, it took me weeks to get there, but I did make it. The little details that I thought were overlooked were completely outweighed by the items that so many people commented on post-wedding, like how much they liked the food or how much they loved the music. I found joy in the leftover items by placing them around our new home to look at and serve as keepsakes—if everything had been used there would be no souvenirs! Everything that used to make me sad or disappointed has since been forgotten, and lo and behold I can happily recall my wedding day without little things nagging at me here and there.

For those of you still planning your wedding, I really don’t want this post to be discouraging. In fact, I’m writing with you guys in mind because I want to let you know that some things might play out a little differently at your wedding than you expect, and that’s okay. And (here’s the kicker), some of these things might continue to make you sad or upset after the wedding when you think back on your big day, and that’s okay too! Weddings are a big deal, both to those of us who are planning them and just in society in general. It’s understandable that you might be upset by things that didn’t go as planned, but I want to encourage you by telling you that those things won’t bother you forever if you don’t let them. There might be things after your wedding that tempt you to just say, “whatever” and use a little bit of “out of sight, out of mind” mentality with your wedding, but those items will eventually find their place in the grand scheme of things: the very back row. Your best friend might be so busy dancing the night away with you that she (OMG) forgets to leave a note on your wishing tree , but when you’re reminded in pictures of how much fun the two of you were having, it really puts everything into perspective. It might take some time to come to terms with exactly how the day went down, as it did for me, but at the end of the day I did get to marry the love of my life, and that makes everything else seem much more acceptable and much less important.

Enjoy your wedding day, don’t be surprised if there’s a little “discomfort” when it’s over, and love your wedding day exactly as it was!

With all of that said, and on a much happier note, here’s the first of many pictures of the Coach wedding! It’s time to start recaps, y’all!

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Photo by: Megan Fortner

And, no more wordy posts any time soon :)

BLOGGER

Mrs. Coach

Location:
Dallas
Wedding Date:
October 2012
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comments

  1. Member
    PacificMrs 4858 posts, Honey bee @ 6:05 am

    I absolutely love your post! Our wedding is on August 4, but we have been engaged since Dec 2010. Since then, you can imagine there has been a LOT of changes. I went from.wanting a 10k ballroom wedding, to a DW in Hawaii, and now we have settled on an idea we both love. A 90 person beach wedding here on the Oregon coast that is costing us less than $2500.

    Your post (to me) really started to say don’t focus so much on the.details. but rather the actual wedding day and enjoy it. I have really embraced that and stopped worrying about chair types and table cloths and started looking at things that we would remember.

    I really wish more brides looked at weddings the way that up u do now shows such as Four Weddings have embedded so many impractical things in our minds as the “usual” and “must have” for our wedding.

    K, I will step off of my soap box now. Wonderful post!

  2. Member
    mswallaby 2069 posts, Buzzing bee @ 6:30 am

    Yay I can’t wait for the Coach recaps!
    From talking to other friends who have gotten married, it seems like every girl has a different post-wedding experience. I felt a mixture of relief (woohoo! we’re finally married and can focus on bigger and better things, like our careers! ;) ) and a little remorse that I didn’t have any new crafty projects to work on. My parents left all wedding-related stuff in our guest room too while we were on our honeymoon, and it’s been stressing me out ever since we got back. Mostly just because I want our guest room back! I’ve been trying to sell everything as quickly as possible, but it’s a long process. I’m glad you’re feeling better about things and hope you’re loving married life :)

  3. Member
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:52 am

    I felt a similar way after the wedding and it took me a while to deal with my feelings. I was happy it was over because planning was stressful near the end, but I was also sad because I had some regrets about the day. Thanks for sharing your story!

  4. Member
    texasaggiemom 595 posts, Busy bee @ 8:49 am

    Yay – MRS. Coach is back! I had been wondering about you and hoping to see recaps. Thank you for such an honest and insightful post – this will surely be a comfort to other brides who think they are the only ones feeling that way. Can’t wait to see your full recaps!

  5. Member
    Elle_of_LLV 2 posts, Wannabee @ 9:34 am

    Your dress is breath-taking, and you look amazing! I can’t wait to see more pictures!! (Clearly I missed the part where this was an incredibly honest, insightful post in favor of the pretty shiny ;) ).

    I was an inconsolable ball of emotions when we got engaged – I can’t even fathom what I’ll be like once all this hooplah is over and done with!

  6. Member
    coyote 1611 posts, Bumble bee @ 9:48 am

    Such a great post Coach. I definitely dealt with a lot of wedding regrets and I will say there are still times when I don’t look back on my wedding day with the fondness and happiness that it deserves. But, with time, the bad memories/regrets are pushed to the back of my mind and I constantly remind myself to focus on the good (there was so much more good than bad that day!!!). Thank you for your honesty… This was a refreshing post and I am so excited that you are back with recaps!!

  7. Member
    graywolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 11:14 am

    im actually pretty worried about this. i’ve STARTED (a month out) having those “let’s get this thing over with” feelings, and i hate that, but i’m also encouraged that maybe post-wedding i wont be as sad?

  8. Guest Icon Guest
    stephanie18x, Guest @ 2:42 pm

    I’m glad I’m not the only one with these feelings! We just got married 2 weeks ago and I have still been so focused on the wedding. My husband is even at the point where he doesn’t want to talk about it any more because I seem to bring it up all the time. Although it was the very best day of my life and really did seem perfect (despite things not going completely as planned – which didn’t bother me at ALL that day), I get kind of upset looking back on some things… the 40 people who RSVP’ed but didn’t show (and STILL haven’t even said anything to us about why they didn’t come), the tons of kids bags that I put so much time and money into that were left behind untouched, the countless people who chose to walk right past our sign-in frame and NOT sign it, and my “time capsule” that I spent hours painting that 3 people left cards in. I’m glad to know that this feeling will pass – I think getting my pictures back will help me a LOT! Thank you for this post :)

  9. Member
    ChicagoDreamer 509 posts, Busy bee @ 2:59 pm

    Well you look like a princess to me. That’s always something. :)

  10. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 3:15 pm

    I think your reactions are understandable given the extreme pressure and amount of expectations we put on ourselves for our wedding day, I know I went through several of the same reactions myself. I’m excited for some Coach recaps!

  11. Member
    mink 2178 posts, Buzzing bee @ 5:49 pm

    I also had to come to terms with expectations vs. reality after our wedding and there were periods where I didn’t want to see or talk about weddings at all.

    I’m glad your back! It looks like a lot of us have come out of hiding to recap! This should be a fun month on the bee!

  12. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:02 pm

    Wow, love this post so much! Thanks for sharing the struggles you had post-wedding. I am worried that I will be really upset over a few things after the wedding and completely disregard the big picture. It’s hard being that I’m a control-freak and a type-A personality with OCD tendencies. I’m hoping I can remember that the little things don’t matter in the end. Thanks for the reminder girl!

    @Mrs. Mink: expectations vs reality is the key! But so hard to grasp!

  13. Member
    jacofblues 1468 posts, Bumble bee @ 2:08 am

    Aww this happened to men too! I know how yiou feel. WOW that photo! I cannot wait for your recaps!

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