I have a confession to make. I have a really bad habit.
I pick at my fingers. What does that mean, you ask? Well, I don’t bite my nails, but I compulsively pick at the skin around them. (Yuck. I know.) It’s been going on for almost as long as I can remember. I actually remember someone telling me I should stop when I was in fourth grade. Wowsa. (Obviously, I should have listened to them. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble.)
I would love to have awesome nails and beautiful skin like this for my wedding. (Image from Mila Tara)
I’ve tried to stop about a gazillion times. In fact, I once stopped for about six months. I was so proud. But I picked the habit up again during some stressful thing in graduate school. Booooo. What’s weird is that I’ll tell myself, “I’m going to stop,” and then five minutes later I look down and realize I’ve been doing it again. Ugh.
Honestly, up until now, having yucky looking hands hasn’t really done too much to discourage my habit. I’m just used to it at this point. But now, I’ve got this beautiful ring on my finger, and someone is going to be taking a picture of my hand on my wedding day! And what if my fingers look totally disgusting?
Part of my wants to say, “Who really cares? They’re fingers.” But another part of me wants to say, “You should have kicked this habit a long time ago. Maybe you can use this as an excuse to get it together once and for all.”
Hive, I need your help. I’ve been trying to figure out how to quit for ages. But I don’t know what to do. I’ve come up with a few possibilities…
Suggestions? Has anyone else quit a similar habit? How did you do it?
Though I have no experience in this department, maybe wearing gloves (the lightweight cotton used for handling silver and jewelry) would help? Less of an investment and prettier than band-aids, plus you can take them off whenever you need to/ feel like it.
I bite my nails and pick at my fingers. I’ve just gotten over it. I’ve paid for tips and for gel manicures before (right after engaged to show off my ring lol) and they get ruined in less than a week (they’re supposed to last 2 weeks) because my nails are in such bad shape. I’ve learned to just say f*ck it. I may get gel the day before the wedding, but it’ll be gotten on short stubby nails. At least I never accidentally scratch my man, and never have to worry about breaking a nail! lol
I have the same habit. I do it when I’m stressed or bored. I managed to stop it for the wedding so my hands looked good in photos.. Basically just distract yourself when you feel the need to pick. Cut off any skin that’s hanging if you have picked, so you can’t keep doing it. I know it’s one of those things sometimes you aren’t even aware of.
You can get a gel manicure without the false nails. My sister wears her nails short and had gel put on. It lasts forever, and looks so pretty!
Girl I share your bad habit, though I’m more of a nail biter. It’s happened so that I’ve now been able to identify my trigger–it’s cause by extreme stress. I’ve found that if I keep up with regular manicures, I tend to bite them less. AND when I acknowledge that I am stressed, I make a conscious effort to stop the biting (which actually works). Maybe you should try chewing gum? That might deter you from having bits of nail and skin in your mouth.
I love shellac manis but only get them a few times a year–they are quite damaging to the nails when you get the polish taken off (it’s kind of an annoying process as well).
I have been biting my finger nails since I was a young child and just cant stop, so I completely understand. It finally took my fiance saying something AFTER we got engaged that I started to care about my nails. I now get routine manicures with acrylics, but I always ask them to make them short. They always look at me funny, but if you are the one paying for them, you better get what you want. I think regular manicures are the best option and they make your ring sparkle so much more! Good luck!
I’m a cuticle picker/chewer, and the only thing that has saved me from myself (I almost feel like a cannibal) is acrylic nails. They are thicker than my regular nails, and won’t scrape my skin like my natural nails…
gel nails aren’t acrylics, so it’s just a tough polish that goes on top of your regular nail, so they can be as short as you like. In fact, I think shorter nails look cleaner, as long as they’re kept neat.
I’d suggest either getting manicures done with your friend, or just getting some supplies and doing them yourself (which is what I do because it takes less time and costs less). I find that wearing polish (at least for a few days) will prevent me from picking at my skin too.
And maybe keep some lightweight gloves at your desk or in your car or on your couch – like key places where you pick because you’re distracted?
ALso, if you’re worried about the skin around the nail, applying a thick lotion at night (some are formulated for cuticles), and hand lotion or cuticle oil several times during the day will work wonders FAST. Especially in this dry winter air…and then you don’t have things to pick on. Good luck!
If you figure anything out please tell me! I thought I was the only one that picked at my cuticles until my hands look like I put the tips into a blender.
I’m just going with the “i’ll worry about it 2 months before the wedding” category.
The thing I’ve also thought about this product http://www.amazon.com/Mavala-Stop-Biting-Sucking-0-3-Fluid/dp/B0000YUXI0 but I’m not sure if it would stop me, but rather make me at least aware of what I was doing.
I bite my nails and have been trying to kick the habit since I got engaged in September. I found that getting regular manicures helps, but I still find myself biting ON my nails, causing the edges to break and forcing me to cut off the nail before I do more damage.
Lately, I’ve been getting shellac manicures about once a month. They sort of act like a plastic coating on my nails and keep them from breaking even if I gnaw on them. For the first two weeks I just leave them be, then I paint over them in the third week to fill in the bottom and in the fourth week I file them down so that they don’t break and paint over them again. At the end of the fourth week, I remove them myself. I like this system because I can go to the salon with kinda short nails and they paint them at that length. No length added. I hate my nails when they’re super short from biting but I know I can’t realistically keep long nails without chewing on them and breaking them off, so I always keep them at a happy medium.
Miss Blue Whale, I can completely relate to you. I was an AWFUL nail bitter, one who never has had nails longer than a few millimeters since I had teeth (people used to call me ET fingers).
2 months before the wedding I resorted to fake nails (I needed to give enough times so the puffy ends of my fingers would go down as my real nails grew).
You can get fake nails, and ask them to be cut short. That’s what I did. You have to keep up regularly, at first every 2 weeks refilling, but after your nails grow a bit, they will last longer.
Now, wedding is done, fake nails are off (I can’t afford to keep up with that), but I have nails I do not bite and that are “long” by my terms. I kicked the habit just like that. To me it was worth the price paid leading up to the wedding and now I just keep focused on continuing to have pretty fingers after!
I am a chronic skin-picker, too, so I feel your pain! What works best for me is if I 1) moisturize my cuticles (there isn’t as much loose skin to pick if they are moisturized) and 2) get off the caffeine (caffeine tends to make my tendencies flare up).
Good luck!
I get shellac manicures and my nails aren’t long. I am addicted to painting my nails but I am very hard on them so it seemed like they would chip a day after I painted them. I think that the shellac looks very nice and its a little treat for myself on pay days. I will say that they kinda wreck your nails. I just had my nails done 3 times in a row and I got the last polish off and my nails are horrible.
Hi Miss Blue Whale,
I’ve been reading things on wedding bee for the last few months but never created an account until now, I wanted to reply to you.
This may seem hokey to some people, but I am a strong believer of personal growth and development. I went to a Tony Robbins course last summer in San Jose (I’m from Canada) and at the course he cured a boy’s habit of stuttering in 10 minutes!! Right in front of our eyes, it was incredible. If you don’t know who Tony Robbins is, he’s is a peak performance specialist, works with many top athletes, world leaders, presidents etc around the world. Look him up.
Everything we do is based on our associations and our mental images of how we see ourselves. Whether we link pain or pleasure to something we are doing. Even people who smoke are linking more pleasure to is smoking than pain. Right now, although you see your nails as pain and want to stop, subconsciously you have some sort of pleasure associated with it. Whether it be stress relief, or something else. The only way to change is to link MASSIVE PAIN with picking your nails!
Imagine yourself at your wedding with gross looking nails. Imagine everyone commenting on how gross they look. Now imagine 5 years down the road, nothing has changed, in fact it’s gotten worse. They’ve started to become infected. Everywhere you go you are self conscious to show your hands to anyone. Now imagine 10-20 years down the road when you have young children who see you doing it and start to imitate you. Their young precious hands are now going to be ruined for the rest of their life because they saw you doing it and thought it was normal. Imagine if you NEVER break the habit, imagine how your hands will look when you’re 70 and 80. Schriveled up, wrinkly, and infected and misshaped. Is that what you want?
Now think back to today. None of this has happened yet. You have the choice and the strength to make that future not happen. Now imagine if you STOP picking your fingers today. Imagine at your wedding, everyone asking to see your ring and commenting on how beautiful your nails look! Imagine 5 years from now, knowing you have kicked the habit and how great it feels.
The key to this, is not just reading this, but actually sitting, closing your eyes and imagining and really FEELING the pain and pleasure.
See if you can google Tony Robbins Dickens pattern. It has helped me tremendously in my life, and if you are actually serious about wanting to kick the habit, I suggest trying it. What do you have to lose?
Best of luck, and well wishes to your new life together!
I am the worst when it comes to bitting my nails and picking at my cuticles. I was so embarrassed by my nails I had never gotten a manicure. But after I got engaged and knew we had some engagement photos coming up that would be taking pictures of my hands I knew I had to do something about it. I went a couple weeks before my engagement photos and got a manicure. Then I tried not to mess up the work that I’d paid for. Then the day of the engagement photos I got another manicure. My hands were model perfect, but they didn’t look as bad as they normally do. I haven’t done a very good job of keeping them that way, but probably about a month or so before the wedding I will be getting regular manicures to prevent me from picking and bitting my nails. They aren’t as expensive as I thought, and you don’t need to do them too often, just often enough. Also I find that when I wear nail polish I bit/pick less than when I don’t wear nail polish.
I, too, share the habit. I have been doing it for years. It’s been pointed out by many (even when I worked as an LSA with children with needs and I told him to stop biting his nails and he was like ‘Well, YOU do it!” and then he took to smacking my and every time I went in for a gnaw…really!) and I STILL did not stop. It has been my new years resolution this year (and every year since I was about 5) and I am doing OK. I had a chew the other day on my weddingring finger ..thing is for some reason I also gnaw on the knuckle on the little finger too – the one closest to the nail. It is GROSS and I hate myself for it! It hurts, it is gross, it looks horrible NO positives. It is all to do, apparently, with what’s called ‘Oral Fixation’ (I think!, least I was told it ages ago) and it’s all Freudian and mixed up and deep-rooted to do with 1) not enough/ no breast-feeding as a baby OR …it’s an attention-gaining thing. I always thought it was just…I did it without realizing (I don’t seriously go…ohh I want attention I will chew my finger skin til it bleeds) but apparently there is a deep-rooted attention thing in there somewhere. Despite the origins, it is ming. I used to bite my nails and stopped that easy but it’s the skin. If I don’t chew it I pick and fiddle with it manually. My fiancee shouts ‘NO!’ at me everytime I do it – like you would with a cat peeing in the corner and that helps minimally. I have been good since 1st (wow! 9 whole days!) and have had only one chew but I am constantly thinking about what I’m doing with my hands…don’t let them go anywhere near your face (even to push your specs up or anything) without thinking WHY you are doing it. It is quite laborious but it is working for me so far. Maybe we could, like some ‘losing’ bees post regular updates and support and congrats of days without chewery. I hope ive broken through and have stopped for my wedding in Aug (and not just for this, I would like to be Mrs-Nice-Hands!) Good luck!!
I have the same history and habit, Miss Blue Whale! The *best* thing that *actually works* is what all the other Bees are saying: GEL MANICURE. No-chip manicure. Shellac. Whatever you want to call it. It protects your nails from bad habits for two weeks while looking super pretty all the while. Once removed after two weeks, your nails underneath will be long and healthy. MAGIC!
I used to bite my cuticles, but I stopped. for me the answer was super easy: keep dry/hanging cuticles trimmed away and moisturized so there’s nothing to pick at. I’d recommend getting a manicurist to do this (at least the first couple of times) so it’s done properly and you can watch how they do it. now I have a good quality cuticle trimmer and do it at home. I also moisturize my hands often and rub balm into the cuticles before bed.
carry trimmers in your purse so that if you’re away from home and encounter a hanging cuticle, you won’t be tempted to pick it off.
I had always thought that cutting your cuticles was a no-no and they would just keep coming back. but ever since I started trimming mine they look awesome and it’s easy to keep it maintained.
I’m sort of happy (though not really) to see others have this horrible habit. As a child I bit my nails but somehow willed my self to stop (around middle school) but then sometime during the college I started picking at my cuticles instead.
Now i have nice long nails (real long) and disgusting cuticles. As a black woman this looks awful because there’s more of a color difference between the picked at skin and the healthy skin. UGH! My sister stays on me about it and I want to stop, but sadly I don’t usually realize I’m doing it unless someone points it out.
Here are my tips (which obviously don’t work):
1. I do do better when I keep a manicure (you don’t have to have nails for this) when my nails are polish I hate to distract from then AND if my cuticles are moisturizer and trimmed they are harder to pick.
1a. I have an at home gel nail polish kit. This keeps costs down. The kit was $50 or 60 from Walmart. Google Sensationail. Sally Hansen now has a kit as well as Red carpet manicure.
2. I think the gloves will help. I hate to resort to this but I might. At least it’s winter.
3. I find I do it subconsciously so sometimes if I’m just sitting I sit on my hands. This way I’ll notice if I raise them up to pick at them.
That’s all I got. I hope you (well all ofus) can beat this. I’d hate to have a lovely ring and ugly hands 
I’ve for a little time in still waiting 
you can do manicures without long nails! I like my nails as short as possible so I usually trim them before I go (otherwise they never end up as short as I want) and just have the manicurist file them up nicely.
Good luck in trying to break the habit!
You all have totally made me feel like I can do this!! Thanks for all the suggestions so far!
@BookishBelle: Well at least I know that if I don’t manage to quit, I won’t be the only one
@spotted_giraffe: Can you do gel manicures yourself? (I’ve literally only had one manicure ever, so I know nothing about nails.)
@Miss T-Rex: If I manage to quit, you can bet I’ll proudly post a life-size picture of my beautiful skin. Hopefully, we’ll be able to stop…
@MadTownGirl: That’s awesome that you stopped even after the nails came off! There’s hope!
@mariewest: My engagement photos are this Saturday! I should have thought of this sooner… at least there’s still time before the wedding.
@Lauren: I guess I’m going to have to try it. I’m going to investigate the gel manicure.
@bb: I think part of my problem is that I hate the feeling of lotion on my hands. I guess I just need to get over that
Mrs. Blue Whale, College Park, MD Age and Occupation: 27, Graduate Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Graduate Student Engagement Date: March 10, 2012 Wedding Date: May 2013 Venue: Southern Tree Plantation in Blairsville, GA About Me: I love bright colors, glitter, sugar, cheese, tiny animals, talking in silly accents, dancing, and all things music. I love to plan things, but when it comes time to execute the plans, I tend to panic. My friends tell me that I remind them of a mix between a cartoon character and a Disney Princess. Mr. Blue Whale and I are Southerners at heart, but we’ve been transplanted to the East Coast for school. We both love barbecues, star-gazing, bonfires, music, making up nonsense words, and generally being silly. Our wedding will be a fun-filled destination wedding in the Blue Ridge Mountains. It will most certainly feature bright colors, '80s music, and glitter.
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