Consummating Without Libations, Whaaa?

(Here goes a really awkward and embarrassing post. Especially as I have lots of family who read this blog. Please continue to read my entries after today, I beg. Thank you.)

I want to talk about the wedding night. The ooo la la, after the party ends, sexy post-reception time of the night”¦

I know this subject can be a bit taboo, especially on public websites, but when we plan our wedding day we tend to think about all the parts of it, even the late night parts.

And my disclaimer is this: Everyone’s situation is different and completely unique to them, but at the top of this blog post it says by Miss Sword, so remember these are my thoughts on the subject and my thoughts only. Let’s dive in, shall we?

While I consider myself to be sexually liberal, when it comes to my wedding night I consider myself to be quite old-fashioned. I believe that it’s important to consummate your marriage, and that’s exactly what we Swords plan on doing. (Yes, we’ve talked about it.)

At the same time I understand that for some couples, wedding night sex just isn’t a priority whether it be because of exhaustion from a long day of hosting, familiarity/years together, or getting a little bit too drunk and passing out before anything can happen. I’m sure it’s different for every couple!

For me, it’s not only about sex, it’s about intimacy. It’s the only first night of marriage we’ll have, and as a true romantic, I can’t help but think it will be an extra special night.

Plus, I don’t know about you, but I’m so excited to dance and party with all of my awesome guests as well as my awesome soon-to-be-husband, so I imagine the amount of quality time Mr. Sword and I will get together during the reception will be pretty limited. I look forward to being alone and relishing in the last few moments of our wedding day together.

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photo by Jennifer Jackson

But what about my wacky post title?? Here goes the most embarrassing thing I will put on the internet probably ever. One can only hope.

When we were in MN over my holiday break I was out to dinner with BM L Dawg and this conversation really happened. I swear.

(Wedding chatter that somehow led to this topic)

L Dawg: Are you going to drink on your wedding night?
Miss Sword: Well yea, probably.
L Dawg: Are you sure?
Miss Sword: Why? I’ll just have like one or two drinks.
L Dawg: Do you really want to spend your wedding night in the bathroom?

BAHAHAHA. The funniest part is that she’s not implying I’ll be in the bathroom throwing up due to excessive drinking, but because I’ll have to go, go, go”¦number two. That’s right. Alcohol makes me have to poop. Like right away. Like a couple of hours or so after I start drinking. Like I can’t sleep because I have to get up every hour to go to the bathroom to either pee or poo. Needless to say, that doesn’t scream sexy times to me or Mr. Sword for that matter!

And yes, I realize everyone needs to get rid of the toxins in their body post drinking, but I’m talking about one or two girly cocktails, not a night of beer and shots! Clearly something is wrong with me. Blame it on years of vomit related anxiety from drinking, a quick digestive system, a nervous tummy, or a slight allergy, but that’s the icky truth.

Mainly, I just want to feel good about myself and I want to wear my wedding night lingerie without feeling bloated or sick. For me, having some uninterrupted private time with Mr. Sword is much more important than getting tipsy. Trust me when I say I’m equally IF NOT MORE fun without booze. Remember my post on drinking? It’s just how I was raised. And while I want everyone else to have fun and get totally hammered if they so choose, I want Mr. Sword and I to remember our Big Day and enjoy it without any fuzziness. (Luckily for Mr. Sword, his tolerance is pretty high.)

Of course I will definitely pose with our signature drinks and have some champagne during the toasts but I’m pretty much set on staying hydrated with water and having the time of my life sans alcohol.

And I look forward to being one of the most loud, obnoxious, and hilarious people at our wedding. Look for me, I’ll be the one hanging on Mr. Sword, drinking diet coke, and flashing my cleavage at all my girlfriends. Mom Sword will be so proud.

How important is wedding night nookie to you? Does anyone else plan on not drinking at their own wedding but still having a rockin’ good time? Tell me I’m not alone!

BLOGGER

Mrs. Sword

Location:
Chicago
Wedding Date:
March 2013
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comments

  1. Member
    ohcaptainmycaptain 247 posts, Helper bee @ 7:05 am

    Me!! FI and I are not drinkers and we decided early on to have a morning wedding, which I think clearly sends the message that there will be no alcohol. We will have sex for the time first time on our wedding night and its reaaaally important to me that we are both very clearly awake and aware of what’s going on, because it is a very special and important night that we have talked about for four years! No alky for us!

  2. Member
    MrsJX3 1349 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:17 am

    I have similar issues as you…. Honestly, I took immodium the morning of the wedding. I didn’t want to worry about anything all day at all!!!!

  3. Member
    MrsJX3 1349 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:19 am

    I should note, it wasn’t only so I could have a drink or two, it was more from worrying about what the excitement/anxiety would do to my stomach!!

  4. Member
    manatee 31 posts, Newbee @ 7:34 am

    That is too funny! We’re planning on keeping it pretty tame as well, someone has to drive the getaway car! And I sure as heck dont want to be a drunken floozy at my wedding!

    And yeah, like you and I’m sure many others, I want to be with it enough to know whats going down between the sheets afterwards!

  5. Member
    mswallaby 2063 posts, Buzzing bee @ 7:38 am

    I love champagne and I thought I’d have a few drinks, but we were so damn busy dancing that I didn’t drink anything. All night long. Except for the complimentary glass of champagne back at the hotel afterwards ;) Trust me, you’ll have a great time no matter how much you drink or don’t drink.

  6. Member
    mrspuddingface 2542 posts, Sugar bee @ 7:39 am

    It’s not just you, I have the same issue with alcohol affecting my stomach. I also have IBS though! I took 2 extra-strength Imodium upon waking on our wedding day, then took another 2 with dinner. After that I alternated between water and champagne, slamming a glass of water before I allowed myself another glass of the plonk. My stomach actually held up surprisingly well, and I barely had a hangover the next day after 5 glasses of booze (usually I’d be curled up in bed for the next 24 hours or hanging out in the bathroom). So….my advice is to take some imodium if it’s a worry (they have an anti-gas, anti-bloat kind), and just make sure for every glass of booze you have that you at least match it with a glass of water. My biggest worry with my IBS was pooping walking down the aisle (a la Bridesmaids), but I was totally fine. Good luck!

  7. Member
    scottishmrs 3213 posts, Sugar bee @ 8:40 am

    I had a sip of each of our 2 types of guest wines and that was it. I wanted to be up for nookie that night, but I was also driving us home after the reception. DH had the same amount to drink that I did because he felt bad that I couldn’t drink; he may have had other things in mind too. We had a lot of fun at our wedding!

  8. Member
    castle 1191 posts, Bumble bee @ 9:32 am

    I love you and this post is amazing. I did not drink at our wedding. I didn’t plan on it I just didn’t feel like drinking. I had some champagne for the toast and that was it. And because of that I didn’t have to pee in my wedding dress! Mr. C didn’t drink much either because he drove us to the hotel. Ps I have the same problem as you but with coffee. I have like two sips and I have to go!

  9. Member
    jaina8851 107 posts, Blushing bee @ 9:36 am

    I pretty much didn’t drink at my wedding, at it certainly wasn’t on purpose. I had one flute of champagne, and one signature drink… and I only got the signature drink because my husband brought it to me as soon as we sat down at dinner. I was just so busy dancing and having a good time!

  10. Member
    thisdeluxelife 279 posts, Helper bee @ 9:43 am

    we’re not very big drinkers, anyway, so no alcohol for us! like the first to comment, we’re having a morning wedding and lunch reception — no alcohol is being served. and we’ve been celibate for years so reaaaaallly looking forward to the wedding night (or afternoon! ha!)

  11. Member
    Purple_Bride 1638 posts, Bumble bee @ 9:49 am

    I dont plan on drinking at my wedding, and it’s very important to both of us to end the night with some sexy time :)

  12. Member
    MrBroccoli 47 posts, Newbee @ 9:54 am

    Mrs.Broccoli and I are hard partiers. Very hard. But when I’m drunk, it isn’t.

    Our wedding featured two open bars, with top shelf liquor and high-end microbrews. Plus wine table service with dinner and champagne.

    I had exactly zero drinks. She had one.

    It was the right decision.

  13. Member
    sinfoniaxid 62 posts, Worker bee @ 10:08 am

    I plan on drinking a little, but not enough to haze any of my memories! Mr. Sinfonia may need to have a round or two with his brothers but fortunately he can hold his liquor much better than me.

    And sexy time is a pretty darned important aspect (although whether it’ll be that night is debatable, we might be exhausted and make up for it with morning sexytime) even though it won’t be our first time, it’ll be our first time as husband and wife and that’s a big deal!

  14. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 10:49 am

    I drank maybe two glasses of wine all day, so I was totally sober on our wedding night. Honestly, I preferred it that way, I wanted to take everything in the whole day :)

  15. Guest Icon Guest
    Ellie, Guest @ 10:56 am

    Just a word of caution — as with all things wedding-related, be open to things happening that you didn’t plan.

    DH and I were both tired, yes, when we went to bed but also really emotional. We had wanted to have that wedding night intimacy in the form of sex, but we ended up snuggling, talking and crying (happily).

    Whatever you do will be right, but it won’t feel right if you’re too attached to something that HAS to happen.

  16. Member
    BabyBlueEyes 235 posts, Helper bee @ 11:07 am

    I am not a drinker at all in normal life, so I was actually planning on having a glass or two of champagne since it was a special occasion. But I was so caught up in the moment that the only drinks I had was literally one sip out of each glass of beer Mr. Blue Eyes had…and since he only had 2 beers, that was not a lot for either of us!

  17. Member
    blonde17jess 1290 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:59 am

    It actually never occurred to me to think about what drinking at the wedding might do to my stomach afterward. I think I have mild IBS because I have issues going out to eat, so the odds are not in my favor for the wedding day. But like others, I’m a big fan of Immodium to help prevent any day-ruining trips to the potty, so I’ll probably rely on that to get me through!

    Also, like Ellie said, make sure that you plan what you want, but don’t let it ruin your experience if it doesn’t go exactly as planned. No matter what happens, it will be a beautiful first night of marriage!

  18. Member
    graywolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 12:10 pm

    ah i love you miss S! and from what we know about mr. sword, he will be able to have a few drinks and be just fine!

  19. Member
    Scc6a 961 posts, Busy bee @ 1:47 pm

    I didn’t go into our wedding with the intention of not drinking, but I think I had maybe two drinks the whole night! I was just so busy talking with people and dancing that I just didn’t have time, haha. So I don’t think it’ll be too hard to not drink at your wedding :-)

  20. Member
    Mrs. Dragon 814 posts, Busy bee @ 2:07 pm

    I drank a bit, as did Mr. D, but it was impossible to get drunk (I keep telling my FSIL this, haha). Too many people to talk to!

  21. Member
    lealorali 4827 posts, Honey bee @ 3:12 pm

    That is HILARIOUS about you pooping when you drink!!!! I have a friend who, literally, upon cracking open a beer can has to take a dump. Every time. I think it relaxes his bowels or something. You must be a little allergic, right?! Awww!
    My FI “wears” his alcohol on his face, aka one beer in he gets droopy/ lazy eyes. I told him anything besides Coors Light is off limits. I don’t want drunk eyes ruining my photos.

    [PS All I can think of is the scene in Bridesmaids where Maya Rudolph poops her britches in the street:

    "This is happening..."]

  22. Member
    lealorali 4827 posts, Honey bee @ 3:14 pm

    And I plan on doing the naughty. With or without my wedding dress on.

  23. Member
    misssemi 156 posts, Blushing bee @ 3:32 pm

    Like some of the other bees, I didn’t plan not to drink at our wedding, but I ended up only having a little bit – definitely not buzzed. Even without drinking much, the night flew by and there are parts that are fuzzy just because it was so overwhelming/exciting.

  24. Member
    mstoadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 4:33 pm

    I don’t drink and didn’t plan to drink at my wedding, but we had these cute piña coladas I couldn’t resist, combine a very tight corset and mild dehidration, and two sips of the drink made me all dizzy for a few minutes. I am an awful drinker.

  25. Member
    potion 223 posts, Helper bee @ 5:11 pm

    As I was driving the getaway car, I was definitely not going to drink a ton at the wedding, but since our signature drink was my favorite drink, I sipped on one for a few hours (though I didn’t finish it). I’m the girl who has to pee a million times during the night when she drinks, and I really wanted to avoid maneuvering my wedding dress in a bathroom stall, so that also factored into the staying-sober decision.

  26. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:36 pm

    @Mr.BritishBroccoli: Thanks for your comment, it definitely made me laugh!
    @Ellie: Absolutely, that’s great advice!

    Thanks for the comments everyone. I feel less alone and slightly less awkward now!

  27. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:37 pm

    @lealorali: haha you’re awesome!

  28. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:40 pm

    Also, one more thing! While I don’t respond individually to each person, I read every comment and am grateful for all the advice and nice words!

  29. Member
    ecjohnson 141 posts, Blushing bee @ 8:19 pm

    i never looked at it from an intimacy perspective…that’s a good point. i always had the attitude that it didn’t matter to me to have sex but looking at your viewpoint has had me second think that! thanks for being so awesome to discuss this!

  30. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:52 am

    @ecjohnson: And thank you for the compliment, happy to get the discussion started! :)

  31. Member
    anemonie 1578 posts, Bumble bee @ 6:47 am

    Meh, I’ll admit it. We got drunk at our wedding. My husband’s uncles and dad spent a while buying everyone shots at the pay bar (we had a no-shots open bar), as is a rite of passage for their family at big events. We also had spent a lot of money getting a nice bar with champagne service and everything, and we wanted to partake! Oh, and then there was the impromptu afterparty as well, which was a blast.

    So yeah, we skipped wedding night sex. We pretty much knew it would happen, but the wake-up-for-the-first-time-and-realize-you’re-lying-next-to-your-spouse intimacy was great! We spent the day after lounging around in the jacuzzi and enjoying each other, and we broke out the pretty lingerie for the honeymoon. No regrets!

    In retrospect, I can see the desire people have to…consummate right away. It’s a tradition that wasn’t critical to us, but it’s certainly one of the more fun traditions, so if it’s important to you, I can definitely appreciate your choice here!

  32. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 9:06 pm

    @anemonie: Thanks for sharing your story! Sounds like you had a great morning after. ;)

  33. Guest Icon Guest
    amythecab, Guest @ 7:30 pm

    Great post!

    And it’s really got me thinking, so thanks :) I’d already come to terms with the fact that we may or may not be up to consumating the marriage on our wedding night, but now I’m thinking H2B and I might need to have a chat about drinkies.

    We are big drinkers, but I suspect that like some people have said above, we won’t actually have that much time to drink (unless we make a concerted effort :P ). I guess that’s what the hen’s night is for!

  34. Member
    kmconda 71 posts, Worker bee @ 7:53 am

    OMG I love you for this post!! So funny and honest! I tend to have the opposite problem (ie: nerves and anxiety back me up!) so I’ll be chugging Magnesia in the days leading up to my wedding to avoid mega-bloat. BUT! I’ll likely not drink that day (despite our 6-hour top shelf open bar) only because I’d like to stay awake the whole time… and alcohol makes me sleeeepy. xo

  35. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 12:55 pm

    @kmconda: haha, wow, that sounds like a totally different issue entirely! Good luck!

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