Ceremony Details: Silence

Actually, just a moment of silence.

We have three grandfathers (both of Mr. O’s and my pappy) who have passed, and won’t be present on our wedding day. Also missing will be my best friend, and now precious angel, Kirsten.


Personal photo / Kir and I during school one day

Kir passed away in December of 2006. I was a sophomore in high school. Anyone who has lost someone close to them can attest to the fact that it never gets easier. To this day, Kir is always on my mind. Even little things like shopping trips where I find something and think “oh that’s perfect for her!” So to not have her standing beside me at my ceremony is just as devastating as my pappy missing.

While we’ve planned some special ways to remember those who can’t be with us, we’ve specifically designated a moment of our ceremony for those loved ones. Just a simple moment of silence. I know that this will probably cause the waterworks to begin, if they haven’t already, but it’s not something either Mr. O and I are willing to skip.

Deciding how to incorporate our lost loved ones into our ceremony was a difficult decision. Even with the other memorial items we have planned, it doesn’t quite seem like enough to me. And quite truthfully, I’m not sure anything will ever be enough, because of course we’d much rather have them physically there with us rather than be deciding how best to incorporate their love for us into the day.

If you have lost loved ones, how did you remember them on your big day? I’m open to any ideas!


Mrs. Otter

Indianapolis, IN
Wedding Date:
April 2013

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  1. Member
    shaynapunim 654 posts, Busy bee @ 9:27 am

    I think a moment of silence is a great idea!! I’m looking forward to reading other suggestions.

  2. Member
    Mrs. Squirrel 276 posts, Helper bee @ 9:38 am

    I think this will be a really special moment for you. I agree, sometimes small memento or picture just doesn’t cut it.

  3. Member
    mrsteasandkeys 1801 posts, Buzzing bee @ 9:39 am

    My best friend died in a car crash in 2005…. Her mother let me take a bouquet of flowers that someone gave her for the funeral and they had gold glitter sticks and pink wooden dragon flies in them which I have kept ever since. I used them in the flowers at the alter so that it was symbolic of her being there…. especially the pink dragon fly.

  4. Member
    mjfaris6 281 posts, Helper bee @ 10:11 am

    I danced with my brother to Luther Vandross’s Dance With My Father Again. It was hard, but he was on my mind that day anyway and you’re right it still didn’t feel like enough. I also found a really great poem and put it in our program. I like the idea of lighting a candle for the person and/or in your case having them be an honorary bridesmaid or something like that would be a neat idea.

  5. Member
    BrideandStepmom42013 10 posts, Newbee @ 10:24 am

    FI’s Best Man is also my best friend. He will be carrying a picture of my grandmother down the aisle during the seating of the grandparents and place it on an empty chair.

  6. Member
    Mrs. Giraffe 4248 posts, Honey bee @ 10:31 am

    To remember my grandma (who I was super close with, but passed about 3 years before our big day), I safety pinned her engagement ring inside the sash I was wearing. It was a nice way to keep her with me.

  7. Guest
    MsSpongeBob, Guest @ 10:34 am

    I am doing a rememberance chair, of each deceased loved one. The chair will be in the front row with my other family members and there will be a frame photo of each person on the chair.

  8. Member
    sn2bmrsmntgmry 1118 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:40 am

    I did a remembrance dance and invited everyone to join us in remembrance of x, y and z loved ones. The floor was packed. There was so much love on that dance floor it was just amazing. I also did wedding photos of our parents and grandparents on their wedding days and displayed them on my cake table. My dad, both grandfathers, one grandmother and one set of DH’s grandparents are no longer with us. It was very important to remember them. I also had a pendant that my dad gave my mom on their wedding day attached to my bouquet with a pic of my dad, so he was with me all day and especially while i was walking down the aisle.

  9. Member
    Mrs. Treasure 1641 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:55 am

    I think this is a really nice way to remember your grandfather and friend. Because we had a Catholic ceremony, we added a Prayer of the Faithful in remembrance of my grandad. I also carried his rosary around the handle my bouquet.

  10. Member
    ghiagirl893 347 posts, Helper bee @ 11:02 am

    I am making small charms with photos to carry on my bouquet

  11. Member
    keytabell 17 posts, Newbee @ 11:36 am

    I actually planned my wedding around my brother’s birthday. He passed away a week before his 15th and for many years his birthday (May 2nd) has always been hard for us especially my mom. When I got engaged, I talked to my mom and sister about my wish to get married around his birthday because even though he is gone and very missed I am sad that his birthday since his passing has turned gloomy. I want the memory of his birthday to go back to being a great day. My sister and mom are on board with my decision which has made me so happy. So even though I am getting married two days after his birthday on May 4th, my hope is for the whole week to be as bright as it used to be, with family, laughter and happiness. So for the family pics I was going to have the last pic of my brother with me and afterwards on display with other family photos on my and my FH side. I do love that you are doing a moment of silence, I have never thought of that idea.

  12. Member
    Mrs. Toadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 11:42 am

    I think the moment of silence is a good idea, it might be emotional but the point is to remember them even if it’s sad. Are you mentioning their names? or just asking for a moment of silence in memory of those close to you that have passed?

  13. Member
    Mrs. Gray Wolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 11:50 am

    i wrote a post about what we’re doing for my dad, and we’re also making a short mention in our programs for him and our grandparents. ive also seen a lot of people do honorary bridesmaids – you could have kirsten be a bridesmaid and list her as such? its a very poignant way of saying that this person should be here. i think a moment of silence is great too!

  14. Guest
    encore bride, Guest @ 12:15 pm

    I’m sorry for the loss of your friend, my daughter is a senior and on Dec 1st two of her classmates were killed in a car accident. She and her class will never forget these 2 friends. I like the moment of silence idea.

  15. Member
    Becky33 166 posts, Blushing bee @ 2:37 pm

    My friend recently got married and to remember their grandparents and people who had passed they tied white helium balloons the the back of the chairs in the front row. There were four and it added something special. It also looked really nice and when they mentioned it in the ceremony it just became even more special.
    Sorry for your loss, it is horrible. I lost a best friend in 2nd grade from drowning and my brother lost his best friend 6 months ago from a motorbike accident. I also felt like I lost a brother. Just so sad.

  16. Member
    Mrs. Pony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 4:58 pm

    We had a section in our programs dedicated to our lost loved ones, but I also tried to incorporate things from my loved ones without being too overt, like special desserts on our dessert bar.

  17. Member
    Miss Ariel 83 posts, Worker bee @ 6:01 pm

    My mom died about 10 months before our wedding, so even though she wasn’t there I really wanted her presence to be felt. We did do a moment for silence, and I believe the line was for everyone that couldn’t be there, but especially my mom. And in the front row we had an empty chair with flowers where she would have sat. And since I’m Jewish and had planned on walking down the aisle with both my mom and dad, instead walked down with my dad and mom’s mom. There were a few other small details that helped her be “there” with us, but those were some of the biggest.

  18. Member
    margar 25 posts, Newbee @ 12:10 am

    I think this will be a really special moment for you.

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