One of my favorite interracial couples, Iman & David Bowie / Image via BruceWeber.com
The idea for this post came to me last week during my annual trip down to Cancun with Mr. Mongoose and his family. While this is my seventh trip to the beautiful Mexican city (my first two times were with a BFF and the last five times have been with Mr. Mongoose), this trip made me much more aware of how we may appear to outsiders.
So, as you guys may know, I am Haitian-American and Mr. Mongoose is third generation American of Italian/Norwegian descent. Being in an interracial relationship up here in New Haven and NYC is so 10 years ago—it’s so common that we are not even close to being considered an anomaly anymore. In fact, a new census study last year showed that the rate of interracial couples in the US is at an all-time high, with one in ten couples considered interracial (and this is any mix, not just black and white couples). But sometimes when traveling to other places (whether that be a different state or different country), I notice that our type of relationship isn’t nearly as common. Now, luckily for us, we’ve never gotten any nasty or rude comments (or at least none that we’ve been aware of), but sometimes we get the “stare.” It’s more of a “well then, an interracial couple” stare than a hostile one, but still a stare nonetheless. Mr. Mongoose is usually completely oblivious to any sort of looks, while I find myself a bit more aware. And, not going to lie, I definitely feel like some sort of circus attraction sometimes (not too often, but it also depends on where we are). Despite that though, I’ve never really felt mistreated or hated on.
But sometimes these stares gets me thinking that only 50 years ago, it would have actually been against the law for Mr. Mongoose and I to have even considered getting married. It boggles my mind that there was a time when such a limitation on love was implemented, simply because of the color of our skin. We could have literally been beaten and jailed for having the audacity to be in a relationship. I feel so lucky to have been born in this era—and while of course things are far from perfect and people still get discriminated against for the type of relationship they are in, it’s still not nearly as terrifying now as it must have been for interracial couples back in the day.
At the time I was growing up in Queens, NY in the 90s, my neighborhood was a diverse melting pot. Remember how I mentioned that when my bridesmaids are together, we look like a U.N. summit? Well my tendency to seek out friendships with people from all different backgrounds had no doubt transferred over from my childhood. Growing up, my friends were black, white, Hispanic and Asian. My first crush (in kindergarten!) was half-Italian and half-Haitian. In high school, even though I often found myself as the only black person in quite a few classes, no one treated me differently or made me feel like an outsider, ever. I truly cherish where and how I grew up—it was like some idealistic utopia that you only read about in novels. And now that Mr. Mongoose and I are getting married and will eventually have a family of our own, I can only wish and hope for the same experience for our children as they grow up.
I really am looking forward to having children that will be of mixed race, but I find myself worried sometimes over certain things. For one, I hope they will never feel like outsiders. I hope they can be proud of their unique mix and learn to embrace both races (despite only being able to check off one “race” box when filling out those dreadful forms). I hope Mr. Mongoose and I can find somewhere to settle down that is as safe as it is diverse, so that no child or family stands out for looking different. And while there may be a chance that our kids will look NOTHING like either of us, it will be amazing to know that they will get the “best” of us like any other couple, traditional or otherwise 
Are you in an interracial relationship or born of interracial parents? Has your experience been mostly positive or negative?
I’m American (at least 4th gen), mostly German heritage with some English and other misc. European thrown in there. He’s 2nd Gen American of Mexican descent on his father’s side, with a Mexican immigrant mother.
Despite his last name, he’s pretty anglo-looking and so it’s not something anyone has ever commented on. It’s not that unusual here in Southern CA, either. I didn’t even think about it for most of the time we were dating and both our families have been completely loving and open-arms.
We do run into challenges with family culture, though. Everything from a difference sense of time/schedule, to the language challenges (my Spanish sucks, and many of his family members know even less English) and things as subtle as my understanding of family dynamics now that I am the wife of the family patriarch (father deceased).
I guess we’re very lucky to have loving, accepting family, but it’s still a challenge because there’s a whole ‘nother layer of “newness” to negotiate simply because we come from different racial-cultural backgrounds. But then again, it’s another layer of richness in our lives. 
Our experience has been mostly what you’ve mentioned- some people staring, but nothing directly negative. We also live in NYC where pretty much anything goes- but when we’re together back in northern new england where my parents are from, I definitely agree with feeling like a circus act sometimes.
Postive for sure. And for the record I check more than one box, always. They have a box for “mixed race” nowadays.
2ndly, when I grew up…there were hardly any of us, now when I look around, there are sooo many more mixed kids. It’s wonderful!!
This is an awesome post. Mr. W and I having a lot of friends who are considered interracial couples, and it’s so normal here in Houston I’ve never thought twice about it. The rest of the world has a ton of catching up to do, though.
I really like that you so eloquently just wrote about this issue. You sound confident and happy, and I’m so glad to hear America is FINALLY turning around and being tolerant of our rich cultural diversity. You are gonna have the freakin cutest babies!!!
I love this post!!! I am a 3rd generation Puerto Rican. My grandmother came to NY when she was 18. My fiance is 4th generation Irish-American. I am lucky enough that I live in NYC, but I do live the Bronx and some sections are a little more old school here. If we venture into Little Italy they look at me funny, if I venture into Fordham Rd., or largely Hispanic/Black areas, they look at him funny. It’s still in NYC but it’s mostly the older folks…..but when I was in the mid-west, I got snarky remarks, kids asking questions….it was pretty embarrassing.
I’d like to think that you and I will raise our children to know what’s right and wrong, to be outstanding people and to have the utmost respect for themselves and their heritages. So I wouldn’t worry too much about that.
I am born from an interracial relationship ( Korean and African American) and in an interracial relationship. It has had it’s positives and negatives….one dilemma being the “which box do I check?” But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love both and feel as if I got to experience more culturally because of this compared to my peers. Growing up in a predominantly Caucasian town it helped me to have a tougher skin because of all the stares and questions about my hair lol and be able to educate those who were curious. Being in an interracial has been positive…his family never had been around African Americans and my arrival kind of threw everyone off but they learned more about me and my culture and have become way more open minded.
I love this post! I’m white and my fiance is Mexican (born and raised there, came to the US at age 20). I’m from Georgia and we get lots of stare-downs, whether it be at the grocery store or the mall or whatever. People just like to stare. I’d say it’s about half-and-half good looks vs. bad. I love to be out and about and run into another interracial couple. They usually give a polite smile and a head nod, which I like to interpret as “Hey, I feel ya!”
Anyway, I love my interracial, intercultural relationship. I sometimes think that I would get so bored if he were from the same background as me. Life is always interesting, given all the ways we are different. I wouldn’t have it any other way!
I’m in an interracial relationship too. I’m black and my FI is white. We’ve had positive experiences in our area. I’m excited to have biracial children too!! Im hoping they’ll be excited about their mixed heritages
This is a great post. I’m caucasian and in my first marriage my husband was too. This time around my husband is half Mexican/half caucasian. He looks pretty Mexican though and for me it is mostly the cultural differences among US that is funny. I don’t notice any looks or judgement ever. I really expected that from my rather racist parents but they have been super accepting. I’m loving the difference in culture but it takes some getting used to. It’s a very tightly interwoven family and there is always something going on. I’m glad to see that most people on here haven’t experienced any of the ugliness that used to be associated with interracial couples.
I’m Korean and my fiance is Irish. White male/Korean female couples have become quite common in Seoul, so we rarely merit a second glance (although once, when we were traveling in the countryside, some kid looked at us and yelled excitedly: “It’s a multicultural family!”). We actually get more stares when we’re in Northern Ireland – I have yet to meet another Asian in NI outside of a Chinese restaurant (which many Irish still call “chinkies” – they have no idea how shocking that sounds to an outsider).
There’s still a wee bit of a stigma in Korea concerning interracial couples, dating back to the days when most such couples were American GIs and Korean prostitutes. But my family have been very accepting of our relationship (though it has taken them some time) and his family have been nothing but welcoming since the beginning.
I worry about our children if we end up staying in Seoul, though – Koreans still put a lot of emphasis on “pure blood” and a lot of biracial kids get treated like freaks if they attend Korean public school.
Great post! It’s awesome how times have changed! My DH is a mix of Jamaican and German and I’m Scottish/Finnish we have 2 daughters and they are so freaking gorgeous (I may be a teeny bit biased). My MIL worries about their “cultural identity”, I don’t really see it being an issue. My 3 year old DD talks about how we are different colours (I am nearly transparent, DH is dark, oldest DD is super light skinned and baby is tanned looking), she thinks it’s pretty cool.
There are many interracial couples here, I don’t think we get a second look most times. People do stop us a lot to talk about our daughter’s hair, have you ever seen a blonde haired Jamaican/German/Scottish/Finnish child? Pretty freaking cute!
I am Haitian-American and he is German-American Jewish. Great post!
Great post, thanks for sharing. I feel the same way about same-sex relationships- I am so thankful that my wife and I live in this day and age (and Canada, sorry US- you’re almost there) where we can live and love freely.
Like you said, it’s horrible to think that so recently we could have been beaten, murdered, or had to live in secrecy. Yay progress!
Glad to hear that there are other interracial bees out there! @39bride: @ahigg396: You both have a great outlook–there really is an added layer of richness to an IRR
@wkbee: @Miss Moxy: Yup, definitely feel the most comfortable in NYC but Moxy you’re right–it’s usually the older generation who give the most looks.
@Khalessi3: Ooh I didn’t realize there was a mixed option to check now–that’s a step in the right direction!
@lealorali: Haha I hope so!
@hmarie: Glad to hear this–isn’t it awesome when people open their minds when faced with something (or someone) they aren’t familiar with?
@faeriehazel: Great to hear that your type of relationship is common in Seoul but unfortunate that mixed children get treated differently in school. Do you guys plan staying or moving?
@Mrsns07: Your kids must be gorgeous!!
@misskprek: What city do you guys live in?
@mtnhoney: You are 100% right. Definitely a similar situation and that’s why I fully support gay marriage–it should never be illegal to marry the person you love, regardless of race or gender. Thank God times are changing!
My parents are interracial (so I’m biracial) and despite the ignorant comments I get (People asking me “What ARE you?” like I’m an animal or something) and having to check the stupid “other” box on forms, My experience has been pretty normal I think. And I grew up in a really white town. I am black and white, and my FH is white and I’m not worried about having interracial kids. Just answer any questions they have openly and honestly and theyll be fine. Plus I think its becoming super common these days. I know a lot of other biracial people my age and I’m sure the rate is only increasing!
Yes! I am white and my fiance was born in Nicaragua but raised in the US. I’ve had a couple comments made about our relationship in the small town I’m from in Indiana, but I don’t let it bother me. I love our love story!
I’m white, he’s Asian. We were just on a cruise before Christmas and buying a bottle of water from a vendor on some island. He asked us where we were from, we said Canada, and he said “oh that’s why you look different.” I didn’t really get it at the time but after we left I thought he meant skin color wise.
There are times when I still feel like “a child of all nations,” but I do have to say that kids of mixed race tend to look way better than most. 
Miss Mongoose, New Haven, CT Age and Occupation: 28, Digital Advertising Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Business Development Engagement Date: November 19th, 2011 Wedding Date: May 2013 Venue: Hotel Nelligan in Montreal, CA About Me: I was born and raised in Queens, NY (though you would never know due to my lack of a "real" New York accent) but currently live in Connecticut with my fiance. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a crazy obsession for planning and organizing things, so it comes as no surprise that I'm currently obsessed with planning our wedding. I love dancing, music, traveling, reading fiction novels, cooking, the color blue, cupcakes, all things space science-related and TV shows created by Joss Whedon and J.J. Abrams. My fiance and I have been together for seven years and are so excited to finally get married next year. We are planning a peacock-themed destination wedding in Montreal, one of our favorite cities in the world, with 100 or so of our closest family and friends. While we may look very different on the outside, we have eerily similar personalities (probably due to the fact that we share the exact same birthday) and share very similar passions. But above all else, we love each other and love to have FUN!!!
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