Newlywed Life: Letting Yourself Go

There is so much advice out there about planning a wedding. Checklists, planning websites, binders, TV shows…And so many magazines and blogs put pressure on women to be perfect blushing brides. Many girls I know have successfully lost weight before their weddings. I’ve even seen a couple Groupons for “bridal bootcamp.” But what about after the wedding? All of a sudden, there’s no pressure to fit into a little white dress, to have dazzling white teeth for photos or to stop biting your nails.

So here’s my deep, dark, reluctant confession: since our wedding, I’ve kind of let myself go. I used to go to a boot camp with a couple friends three times a week, I went for jogs periodically with Mr. W, I stayed active in whatever way I could. I stayed fit. I didn’t lose much weight before our wedding (except for eight pounds I lost the week of the wedding from stress…and subsequently gained back on our honeymoon and over the holidays 😉 ). But I stayed really healthy, because I did care about looking good. Call me superficial, but I wanted to look good for the relatives I haven’t seen in 10 years, and for Mr. W’s family members who I’ve never met before. I wanted to look hawt in all of our wedding photos, and feel great on our big day.

Yet ever since we got back from Australia, I haven’t summoned the motivation to work out. Since my old apartment had a small fitness room, I did join a gym when I moved in with Mr. W the week of the wedding. But I’ve only been there twice. Twice in two months. When Mr. W heads out for a game of basketball at the gym, I always have an excuse. Thank you cards. Skype catch-up sessions with my BFFs from Seattle. Housework. Blogging for Weddingbee ;).

And my eating habits have changed too. Even though I saw Mr. W pretty much every single day, I would first go home to my apartment every day to change and unwind for a bit. I would occasionally snack on some fat-free popcorn or eat a bowl of cereal if I was starving after work, but I didn’t snack that much. Mr. W, on the other hand, is a chronic snacker. As soon as he gets home from work, he has a bag of chips in his hand. He plays a ton of basketball, his job is fairly active, and his 6’2″ frame can handle it. But now that we’re roomies, it’s been a novelty coming home to him. After a long day at work, I love to cozy up with him on the couch while eating a snack and watching reruns of Friends and Modern Family. I love that time of the day. But I’m suddenly evolving into a couch potato for the first time in my life, and honestly, I’m not that happy with my body. I also feel lower on energy—probably from eating snacks, and from not getting the endorphin release of a good workout.

Also, can I make one more confession? I haven’t shaved my legs in almost two weeks. WTH? It is winter, to be fair, but when I noticed how much I desperately need to shave yesterday, I think I hit rock bottom. My sweet hubby hasn’t commented on it, but I think it’s a personal record for longest time without shaving, other than the time I broke my leg my freshman year of high school and it was in a cast.

I’m about to get back on track. I’m renewing my boot camp membership, and I’m going to be out there tomorrow night rain or shine. I already know that it’s going to hurt but that’s OK. Because hive, I desperately want to be that hot MILF. (Well, there are no Walla-babies on the horizon for a few years, so for now I’ll settle to be a WILF.) I want to develop healthy eating habits now rather than later when my metabolism slows down. I want to be a fit, healthy mom who runs and keeps up with her kids. (My doctor and his wife run marathons with their seven kids. It’s crazy. They should probably be on a sitcom or reality TV show.) I don’t want to develop the heart problems and diabetes that run in my family. I want to be like our sweet family friend who’s in her late 80s and still rides a bicycle everywhere.

Mr. W and I are riding in the MS150 bike ride from Houston to Austin for the third time this year, so all of the spin classes and bike rides will hopefully revive my quads and hamstrings. And we’re going to start training for a marathon—I’ve found that I’m most motivated if I have a goal (like a wedding…) in mind. I think a little shopping trip to Lululemon this weekend might be the icing on the cake to get back into my workout routine. (Ooops. Shouldn’t be talking about cakes. Now I’m hungry.)

Sorry. I’ll get back to my recaps. But I just needed a little positive encouragement to get my ass in shape.

Did you find yourself letting yourself go after your wedding? Anyone have advice for avoiding the Newlywed Nine?


Mrs. Wallaby

Wedding Date:
November 2012
The Unabridged Short Stories & Books...of the Lemur's Wedding
Getting Hitched: Bridal Portraits

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  1. Member
    GinaDoll149 3 posts, Wannabee @ 3:01 pm

    I am not even married yet, but we’ve lived together for over a year so far.

    I have developed the same problems as you. I’ve finally started to push myself. I get most of my exercising done when he’s not home (mostly jogging around the neighborhood) and during Thursdays and Fridays I start planning hikes for the weekend.

    Just make a plan and stick to it. Remember that you’ll feel better after it’s over!

    Best of luck!

  2. Member
    This Time Round 10219 posts, Sugar Beekeeper @ 3:19 pm

    Don’t beat yourself up about this too much.

    Statistically it is the norm what is happening to you… Newlywed women typically gain some weight, and Newlywed men lose some. It comes down to cohabitating, “exchanging” each other’s living habits… Good & Bad (you pick up his junk food… he eats healthier with 3 Square Meals a day etc)… and oh ya just the effect of being HAPPY and “comfortable” with each other.

    The good news is, most couples do find a healthy middle ground in the long term.

    Being aware is half the battle.

    Hope this helps,

  3. bracelet Member
    Mrs. Bracelet 279 posts, Helper bee @ 3:21 pm

    I was startled to discover the weight I gained when I had access to a scale over Christmas. It’s not that I’ve let myself go or that I’ve changed my eating habits since living with Mr. B….. it’s changing countries and thereby pace of living!
    Seriously, I got so much default activity in Germany from walking around the city, biking to school, and an occasional soccer match. Now? I need the car to get anywhere here in Montana. I didn’t consider the huge impact this would have on my life (DUH!)… so I’ve joined a gym to compensate. Let’s hope I’ll get back to normal soon.

  4. bracelet Member
    Mrs. Bracelet 279 posts, Helper bee @ 3:22 pm

    Oh, and thank you for sharing and putting yourself out there. I’m sure this will be a very interesting discussion.

  5. Member
    Mrs.HMBucks 162 posts, Blushing bee @ 3:45 pm

    TOTALLY! This is good – for me – to hear! Not so fun for you I know but v. encouraging. I think the thing is that I accidently crash-dieted the week before our wedding. I was so stressed/busy. I was going to bed nights without eating supper because I was just so exhausted. I lost about a stone in a week! Seriously. But of course as soon as wedding is over you relax, honeymoon, stop working out with a ‘goal’ as you say. And because I crash dieted I put it all back on and more. I think i’m now the heaviest i’ve ever been and my clothes don’t fit! It’s demoralising. I’ve really been trying lately to shift it but I have to say it’s hard…. :( Good to know i’m not alone anyhow..

  6. Member
    Miss-Mauverick 1489 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:14 pm

    Sometimes it’s hard to focus on the long-term benefits of regular exercise, so it’s nice to work toward the immediate pay-off; that awesome, endorphin-filled, I-can-kick-anyone’s-a$$ feeling you get when you finish a workout. At least, this is what works for me. That, and not giving myself time to make excuses; I just get home, change, grab my dogs, and go for a run.
    You can do it!

  7. Member
    lealorali 4827 posts, Honey bee @ 4:38 pm

    Let me tell you somethin, girl. Husbands make you F-A-T! Because what better way to spend time with someone you love than enjoying a yummy meal or snack with them?! I always gain weight when I am in a relationship. (But I bought my dress a size too small so mami needs to get into SHAPE!!!)

  8. Member
    dreamocracy 1570 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:51 pm

    This didn’t happen to me after my wedding, but it happened when I first moved in with my husband (then fiance). He is a foot and 4 inches taller than me and eats a lot more and more often than I typically do, so I would eat with him. However, I started feeling pretty gross about it and decided that I would not eat every time he did, haha. We also worked out together for a while. Once the novelty of being with him all the time wears off a little it is easier to do things on your own while still being with him – I exercise in the room while he’s on the computer (which both happen in our livingroom), etc. Just try to remind yourself how much better you feel when you are good to yourself :)

  9. camel Member
    camel 703 posts, Busy bee @ 5:02 pm

    I definitely noticed this when Mr. C and I moved in together, although frankly I think it had more to do with starting my job as a teacher in the U.S. (as opposed to teaching in Japan where I was walking a lot more). I’m a big stress eater. I knew I was out of control when I kept one of those packages of ready made cookie dough in the fridge and I would come home and eat two when I had a bad day. Big mistake! Now I just need to ignore the fact that Mr. C couldn’t gain weight if he tried and just try to stay focused on my own fitness goals!

    Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you meet all your goals and keep us updated!!

  10. genie Member
    genie 723 posts, Busy bee @ 5:17 pm

    I am in the same rut, and I have been married for a few months longer. I totally get the desire to curl up and cook great meals with/for the hubby, but I have just been struggling to get my butt in gear. I have a couple of 5ks coming up, and I’m working my way up to another Disney half. Let’s support each other in this! Best of luck Wallaby!

  11. Member
    DBS5127 220 posts, Helper bee @ 5:29 pm

    This happened to me when my fiancé (then boyfriend) and I first moved in together. It was compounded by the fact that I just graduated college, so no more college water polo. I always ate as much as or more than him (even though he’s almost a foot taller), but I ate healthier. We both gained a ton of weight because he started eating more and I started eating less healthy. After a year and half (and almost 50 pounds), we started eating healthier and less and working out together. I love working out together! It’s so motivating to have him as my workout buddy! My goal is to get back down to my college weight before the wedding. I still have year and a half, so I think I can do it!

    Good luck getting back to it!

  12. Member
    bridesmomma 476 posts, Helper bee @ 6:24 pm

    You go, girl! :-)

  13. Member
    bluebelle23 854 posts, Busy bee @ 6:45 pm

    It’s so hard when you live with someone! I’m a plump girl…. always have been…. probably always will be, but my wonderful FI has the metabolism of a 15 year old… STILL! He is always hungry and since we live together, I am too! I’m really trying to lose 20 pounds before the wedding. I lost about 8…. and now I just had Chick Fil A! DAMN!

  14. Member
    sn2bmrsmntgmry 1118 posts, Bumble bee @ 6:59 pm

    Same here, you are definitely not alone in this. After the wedding I lost all motivation to work out despite my plans to keep “healthy”…. I got back to it for a week and then I slipped. It’s been a rough January for me. But I’m hoping to get back to it soon. You can do it!!!

  15. mspony Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 7:16 pm

    It’s so easy to adopt the habits of the person you live with, although it always seems to be the unhealthy things :) I definitely went through the same rut, sometimes you need the break after such a huge event.

  16. Member
    CherryWaves 1443 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:34 pm

    I definitely let myself go in the last year and gained back all the weight I lost before the wedding and some! It REALLY hit me a few days ago when I was trying on some shorts that fit me last summer and weren’t even close to being done up this time. :(
    Its hard for me because I have such a sedentary job and DH’s is more physically demanding so he’s not into any type of working out. He might come for a short walk with me in the evening once in a while, but that’s it.
    I’m hoping to get back into the swing of healthy eating and working out when we get back from our vacation and lose the weight before bikini season…

  17. Member
    MrsKeAloha 1044 posts, Bumble bee @ 9:31 pm

    I went through several months on Not Working out and I started enjoying treats I had denied myself and we started eating out more now that we were not saving for a wedding.
    All in all we have been Happy! Yes I gained some weight but I laugh about it and have recently started working out again.
    Its stressful planning a wedding and taking some time off from it all is okay as long as it doesn’t become a problem for you and you spouse.

  18. Member
    brittandkelly 128 posts, Blushing bee @ 10:06 pm

    I was so glad to read this! I am a huge yoga and jogging enthusiast but it seems like since I moved in with DH the exact same thing has happened to me!! Great to feel not alone about this. Good luck on getting back into fitness and your bike race!! You can do it!!

  19. Member
    xjamiem 26 posts, Newbee @ 12:04 am

    I’m sure this will be a very interesting discussion!thank

  20. mslemur Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 6:47 am

    Love this post! I’ve been running since I was in middle school and love the outdoors, etc., but when Mr. Lemur and I first started dating I started abandoning my hour/hour & a half workouts in the evening in favor of spending more time with him (even though we’ve never lived together). We both ended up gaining a few pounds in the first year of dating… and then both recommitted to a healthy lifestyle.

    For us this means cutting down on eating out, running together, and going on dates that involve activities rather than just watching a movie, etc. I discovered that heading out to the local trail for a run together was actually really awesome time together.

    Yay for accountability! You can totally rock this, and can’t wait to hear about it :)

  21. mssquirrel Member
    mssquirrel 276 posts, Helper bee @ 7:41 am

    I totally understand! There is something a lot more warm and cuddly about Mr. S compared the the treadmill. A wedding is basically the best motivation ever, but I am very worried I may slip after the wedding…

  22. Member
    kit_kath 1327 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:47 am

    This happened to both of us when we moved in together. Somehow we both picked up eachothers bad habits and lost some of our good ones. I’ve recently started to work on it, mostly by planning healthier meals, will be adding workouts soon. I figure taking one thing at a time will help us stick to these changes.

  23. Member
    royalpurplebride 511 posts, Busy bee @ 8:34 am

    Oh my gosh, havent heard of newleywed nine but that has happened to me too! A back injury has put me on the mostly on the couch lately. but I am hoping to start exercising once I get the ok from the doctor. It’s so easy to get bummed out once all the excitment of a wedding is over. It’s very hard!! But realizing it is the first step of moving forward. good luck and thanks for sharing this. I too am going through this!!

  24. graywolf Member
    graywolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 8:34 am

    ah preaching to the choir, i think! i definitely have been on a crazy gym and eating regimen pre-wedding – it is nice to have that motivation – but all along i’ve said that i cant wait to eat melted cheese and pasta and drink wine the day after the wedding. i’m hoping to achieve some sort of happy medium but i’m totally planning for a slight derailment from what i’ve been doing – mostly because it’s unsustainable!

  25. mswallaby Member
    mswallaby 2070 posts, Buzzing bee @ 8:53 am

    @GinaDoll149: So true, I always feel great after work-outs. I would LOVE to go for hikes but we live in downtown Houston, surrounded by flat suburbia…We’re hoping to relocate to the West Coast, so maybe we’ll have more mountains and woods in our future :)
    @This Time Round: So true, and so helpful. I know it’s a transition phase, I just don’t want us to develop unhealthy longer-term habits. The newlywed bliss outweighs everything else, though!
    @Mrs. Bracelet: I went through the same thing when I moved from Seattle/college (walking everywhere) here to Houston, where there aren’t even sidewalks in some places, and neighborhoods are cut up by freeways. Hang in there, it sounds like you’re back on track!
    @Mrs.HMBucks: Ugh it sucks doesn’t it?! You can get back into it girl!! Trust me, if I can, you can! I am the laziest person ever.
    @Miss Mauverick: Yes, true! We’re looking at dogs to adopt, hopefully an energetic furball will help me get out the door after work!
    @dreamocracy: Yeah that’s a really good plan. Mr. W spends so much time reading about cars online, watching TV, and being lazy, and I could be more productive during that time. Thanks for the tip!
    @Miss Camel: Haha men suck with their lightning-fast metabolisms! I hear ya on the stress eating. Sounds like you’ve got a routine, though – get it girl!
    @Mrs. Genie: Sweet!! Disney half sounds intriguing, way more interesting than “Chevron Houston Marathon” :)
    @DaniLyn: Mr. W and I love to work out together, but half the time he’ll go play basketball with the guys, so I need to get into activities I can do without him some of the time. I love that you and your SO work out together – that’s so sweet!

  26. mswallaby Member
    mswallaby 2070 posts, Buzzing bee @ 8:58 am

    @bluebelle23: Nice!!!! Keep on it! Haha I can totally understand the Chik-Fil-A urges. My weakness is frozen yogurt – so many flavors. Such a fun date night outing. And Sun Chips. Don’t get me started…haha
    @sn2bmrsmntgmry: If I can do this, you can too – I hope you can get back into it and feel good again!
    @Mrs. Pony: I know…But after 2 months of vegging, I’m starting to feel bad about our laziness. This time I’ll work out in more moderation than pre-wedding, though!
    @CherryWaves: Yeah, same! I have the most sedentary job ever. Mr. W gets in a fair amount of exercise at work, so he’s already tired when I finally get home from work, tired, after a 1.5 hour commute. Bikini season is definitely a good motivator!
    @MrsKeAloha: We’ve been going out to eat a lot more too…I’m hoping I can make up for it by working out, but not cut out treats altogether :)
    @brittandkelly: Good luck girl!!
    @Miss Lemur: the hard thing is timing…It’s already pitch dark when we get home from work, and we live in a bad neighborhood so it’s not great for going for runs. We need to travel 15-20 minutes to get to a good running area. We’re going to start doing it right after work, though, and just hang in there until daylight savings time!
    @Miss Squirrel: Oh heck yes. There is nothing cuddly about treadmills.

  27. Member
    stephk527 987 posts, Busy bee @ 9:30 am

    I definitely think Mrs. Pony had a good point: sometimes you just need the break. I definitely understand the appeal of the couch and the cuddles and the food. Tons of props to you for actually getting up and going and taking those baby steps. . .sometimes you just need to make it a routine and then it becomes second nature. Sending you tons of encouragement!

    P.S. Don’t worry about the leg shaving, girl. Although I’m not married yet, I’ve been with my FI for over eight years. . .he’s lucky if a razor touches my skin during the winter months. Puhleeze. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

  28. Guest Icon Guest
    CT, Guest @ 2:14 pm

    @StephK527: I am so dead right now, ’cause I am right there with ya! Ain’t nobody got time for that, lol.

  29. Member
    soon2bbb 124 posts, Blushing bee @ 9:59 am

    Oy! I’m coming up on the 1 year, in 3 months, and have gained 10lbs. since the wedding. I have to admit, it was fun putting on the weight – making yummy meals for my husband, indulging in good wines… I, like you, am ready to get back on track now too! You can do it!!!

  30. msmongoose Member
    msmongoose 264 posts, Helper bee @ 10:21 am

    You are definitely not alone in this (judging by the user comments)–also 4 of my friends who have recently been married said the exact same thing (about gaining after the wedding).

    Don’t beat yourself up too much about it–afterall, you’ve just been married for a few months now. And with the bike rides and marathons coming up, sounds like you’ll be back on track soon enough!

    I just started the official P90X program today and I’m seriously like how am I going to do 89 more days of this? Haha but again, my wedding is my goal. We also decided to go on our honeymoon about 4 months after the wedding, so I have another goal to work towards over the summer. We can do this!!

  31. Guest Icon Guest
    Michelle, Guest @ 8:06 pm

    Well its always better to try to avoid putting the weight on than taking it off…..and when you factor in that you may not be as attractive to your spouse, then you will try to avoid it bigtime..

    A fitness feline……lol

  32. Member
    Biandi 123 posts, Blushing bee @ 6:37 pm

    I moved across country to be with the hubby. I went from being in sunny CA where I rode my bike to work everyday to being in the frozen tundra and not working out at all. I put on the pounds sadly. I hit rock bottom when all I got for Christmas was workout gear and clothes :-( Guess friends and family were trying to send a hint. I have since like you set goals of doing mud runs every couple months and now I am back on track. Setting a goal is an awesome idea :-)

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