Wedding Burn Out

Hive, I’ve been struggling the past few weeks with this wedding planning stuff. As we inch closer and closer to the wedding day (we’re 45 days out now), I’m starting to feel suffocated by all of the wedding-related things we still have to do. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m like the world’s worst procrastinator. That being said, a word to the wise: procrastinating might work well enough in college, but it doesn’t work too well with wedding planning. Fellow procrastinators, please heed my warning.

How bad have I procrastinated, you ask? Well, I just booked our cake baker YESTERDAY. I still haven’t booked a florist. We haven’t ordered table linens or dinnerware yet. We’ve yet to make rehearsal or rehearsal dinner plans. And the unfinished ruby slipper sitting on the bookshelf in my living room is about as fun as having a sty in my eye. We’re supposed to meet with our officiant sometime in February to plan out the ceremony details, but we haven’t even finalized the day we’re meeting yet. I have something like fifteen DIY projects still on my wedding to-do list. And to top it all off, I start a new (full-time!) job on Tuesday, which is the day after my mom gets home from the hospital after having surgery to get a pesky kidney stone removed.

And while we’re at it, Mr. A and I are in the process of setting up house in an apartment, and we’ve been busy buying furniture and planning out all of the lovely things that come with that, like setting up utilities and finding an internet provider, etc. I wish so badly that I’d taken care of more of this wedding planning stuff when I didn’t have so many other things on my plate, especially since we’ve been engaged for almost 18 months. I keep mentally kicking myself for all of those wasted days this past summer when I had an ample amount of free time to do all of the little DIY projects I’ve been planning. Now that we’re down to the wire, I’m seriously feeling like I need to cut out a bunch of the little details I’d planned on doing just for the sake of keeping my sanity.

As the wedding keeps getting closer and closer, people keep asking me if I’m nervous or excited or how I’m feeling. Well”¦I’m not nervous. And yes, I’m excited. But mostly, I’m just ready to get everything over and done with. There are some days when I have the serious urge just to take Mr. A by the hand and go elope somewhere, even though I know that’s totally unreasonable and I’d completely regret it afterwards. And as the RSVP cards keep rolling in, I’m reminded by all the people who love us and who are looking forward to celebrating this amazing milestone with us, and that makes me really, really happy.

I guess what this all boils down to is that I’m in a wedding planning funk, and I’m praying to God that I can get out of it in the next couple of days and make one last marathon stretch to the end and get all of this stuff done. Quite simply put, I’ve been eating, drinking and sleeping wedding planning for over a year now, and I’m ready for the wedding to be done and over with and for the marriage to begin. I love Mr. A with all of my heart, and each day that passes that I can’t call him my husband makes me increasingly more crazy. I’m ready to move in together, combine our finances, and be husband and wife. And as much as I know our wedding day will be an amazing celebration, what I’m really looking forward to is what comes afterwards.

So, hive, please tell me I’m not the only one who’s felt this way about wedding planning. Anyone else just kind of tired of it all and ready to get married already? If you’re already married, what was your experience like with the last month and a half before the big day? Any advice?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Armadillo

Location:
Houston, Texas
Wedding Date:
March 2013

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  1. Member
    mswallaby 2061 posts, Buzzing bee @ 6:30 am

    Oh man, I think EVERYONE goes through that. There were sooooo many DIY projects that I never finished or never even started. (I’m writing a whole blog post about it :) ) We booked some of our vendors super late in the game, too – including our cake baker and our dance floor. We planned our ceremony ~3 weeks out. The ceremony is really the most important thing, so work on that before you worry about the crafts and other stuff. Everything will be fine – all you need is vows, an officiant, and a soon-to-be-husband – everything else is just extras. Go back to your list and decide what you really really want, and delegate your tasks to your FI and family. What doesn’t get done, won’t get done, but trust me, the marriage is so worth it!

  2. Member
    bluewhale 638 posts, Busy bee @ 6:46 am

    The week before my brother’s wedding was sheer madness. And in the end, all the little DIY pom poms and other crazy random stuff didn’t really make a big difference. Save your sanity. One thing that might help is if you map out how many weekends you have left. Designate a project for each weekend. And if you don’t have enough weekends, nix the project. And then go hug your fiance. That always make me feel better :)

  3. Member
    WoodenShoes 389 posts, Helper bee @ 7:09 am

    Um, if it helps, I’m planning on just having our rehearsal dinner right in the gym of our church, doing a bit of simple catering through a favorite local deli and another favorite local restaurant. Also, we are saving money bc alcohol isn’t permitted and we will just be using the folding tables and chairs and mismatched dinnerware from church. I priced it out, and I think we could get all the food for $300 or less. I’ll just have to double check with the church that no one else needs the space (unlikely considering we’re marrying in August)

  4. Member
    Miss Care Bear 193 posts, Blushing bee @ 7:21 am

    Hugs Miss A!
    I totally get you, I had a huuuuge meltdown at around the 6 month mark because I hadn’t booked a lot of big vendors so we’ve really gotten in gear the past few weeks, but I’ve also learned how important it is to unwind and having normal evenings where I just watch a movie with FI without pinterest, or talk of the budget, or the guest list, or my unfinished pomanders. I think it’s perfectly normal to feel the way you do, just focus on why you’re doing all the little things. If they’ll make you happy, do them, if not, screw ‘em :)

    One thing I do as well is rate projects by how important they are to me AND how difficult they’ll be. It’s nice when I’m feeling overwhelmed to take on a small project that I can finish in an hour or two (lots of satisfaction for little work) I find it really gives a me a boost.

    Good luck!!!

  5. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 7:32 am

    Congrats on the new job!! And I’m glad your mom will get to come home after a hospital stay… never fun.

    I keep having these crazy dreams that we’re six days out and I haven’t sent out the invitations so we don’t even know who’s coming—yeah ridiculous. But I just keep reminding myself that as long as we end up married the wedding was a success :) and I think if you decide to drop some of those 15 DIY projects, heck, that’s totally ok!

  6. Guest Icon Guest
    futuremrskt, Guest @ 7:53 am

    Ms. Armadillo! I’m also 45 days out! We just booked a cake baker last weekend, and just got a proposal for a florist. Everything will come into place. I am just starting the ceremony writing and details this week. It will all come together. Sometimes the last minute pressure is nice! Also, if you don’t finish your DIY projects, no one will notice the details are missing except for you.

  7. Member
    graywolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 8:27 am

    i had this a little bit and went through a few weeks where i kept saying that i should have had a six month engagement, not a 15 month one. i think it’s just too long because you almost have to have lull days just because there’s not enough to fill every single day. it’s hard to switch modes.

    i didn’t really stop doing stuff, but i stopped caring about stuff – which i guess is sort of the same thing. i bet some of those DIY things will just suddenly become…unimportant. there are some things – details, mostly – that i thought of a long time ago that never came to fruition, and i’m more mad that i DID think of them, not that they didn’t happen, if that makes sense. like i want the credit for considering every detail, thinking of everything, but when it came to the execution phase…i was already fizzling out.

  8. Guest Icon Guest
    cookie, Guest @ 8:41 am

    First, I needed to hear that I was normal and not a bad person for wanting to get the wedding “over with” and be married already! Then it had to sink in that truly the only person who was going to really notice all my hard work and care about all the little details was me. Not that my fiance didn’t know how hard I worked or that my family wouldn’t appreciate all I had done, but that flip flops and parasols were not what the day was all about. Then I had to relax and understand that there were certain things I could control and things that I could not. I also desperately wish that I would have asked more people to help because they would have if I hadn’t been such a control freak. The funny part is how much you’ll miss all the chaos when it’s over. Giving so much of yourself to this day that means so much to you is normal and it takes it’s toll on all of us.

  9. Member
    bracelet 1419 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:53 am

    Take a deep breath and a day off. Returning from wedding la la land to the space and time where everybody else exists helped me keep my calm and find new energy.

  10. Member
    notbridey 720 posts, Busy bee @ 9:05 am

    so there right now. I’m so frustrated with our wedding website I’m about to throw my laptop out the window. I just want to get married and go on my honeymoon and call my FI, husband.

  11. Member
    bluebelle23 854 posts, Busy bee @ 9:21 am

    This actually has made me feel a little better about my 6 month engagement. I’m stressed about time and money. It makes me feel better that other girls who had longer, still are feeling the crunch. :)
    Good luck and congrats on the new job! YAY!

  12. Member
    brooklyn55 743 posts, Busy bee @ 10:03 am

    I am the opposite! We are a little less than 60 days out and I am starting to get sad about all of it ending. I am a planner and am totally in my element when I have something to plan and focus on. I am afraid after the wedding I am going to not know what to do with myself (yes, yes enjoy time with my hubby but unfortunately, he goes straight back to work which means home alone all day until I hopefully start a new job after my May graduation).

    However, as into planning and sad as I am for it to end, I still have a TON left to do. Everytime I get a few things done, something else gets added to the list. Everything major is booked but nothing except our cake, harpist and DJ is finalized. For the venue, I still have menu choices, we have to plan the ceremony/readings, we haven’t even met with the florist yet to discuss what we want. Luckily my dress should be back and finished next week and we are finalizing with the photographer. Oh and my invites are being mailed tomorrrow- YIPPIE!

  13. Member
    mstoadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 10:05 am

    that is totally normal sweetie, it comes to a point when you are so crazy and tired and frustrated, that you just want the wedding to be over and the marriage to begin. Keep in mind that no one will care that much if you don’t finish a few centerpieces or programs, it’s more important for you to be calm and happy, than have all those details ready.

  14. Member
    jilleeann 409 posts, Helper bee @ 10:07 am

    I’m 18 months out and, well, I like reading weddingbee but I’m not a big planner. I’m good at setting a time to meet friends for a beer, but that’s about it. We had a Christmas party at our place, and I totally finished my white elephant gift while hanging out with my guests. They took turns guessing what I was crocheting (beer cozy). I love reading this. I do know that I have some creative friends in my corner though, so I’ve been buying extra $3 hot glue guns when I stop in Joann’s so that if there over having a beer, I can pull out the guns and work on the insane flowers that I insist on having at the wedding. Other than that… eh, (shrug).

  15. Member
    lealorali 4827 posts, Honey bee @ 10:23 am

    I hate to say it, but no one will really notice the small details you are going to end up stressing out about. Bag ‘em!!!
    And really… enjoy this time! It’s such a special time!!!

  16. Member
    stephk527 987 posts, Busy bee @ 11:04 am

    I once read an advice article stating that if you feel overwhelmed or disinterest, go by the fifteen minute rule. You can do anything for fifteen minutes! I’ve been applying it to wedding-related things, too (we’re less than four months away): start a DIY project and if after fifteen minutes, you still don’t give a crap about it, ‘X’ it. Or sit down and say “I’m going to answer/send emails for fifteen minutes.” Sending you hugs, Miss A! I know this part sucks. <3

  17. Member
    ginnwitt 213 posts, Helper bee @ 12:52 pm

    I’m 3 1/2 weeks out…I’m still trying to finish my centerpeices, escort cards and assorted other DIY’s…yep, defenitley going to need time off after this, so I can really relate, and like you, just hope it’s over soon, so we can get back to real life

  18. Member
    beanstalk 770 posts, Busy bee @ 2:41 pm

    No one realizes how much really goes into a wedding, until they actually are planning one. It is a crazy time, so much to do… so little time! We were pretty on top of things for the most part, but certain aspects we waited until the very last minute (Mr. B didn’t get his suit altered until 10 days before the wedding! And we didn’t finalize with our DJ and officiant the ceremony and music until, no lie… the day before)! After you get married… you are going to feel AMAZING (not just because you married your other half, but also because the planning and preparations will have ceased and you can just relax)!

  19. Member
    jenny001 58 posts, Worker bee @ 3:31 pm

    Wow, I feel like you took the words out of my mouth! We are 35 days away and we just chose a baker last week for our cake/cupcakes. We haven’t even made a deposit yet for her though! We just saw a florist the other day and are still awaiting her quote in the mail. I still haven’t picked a salon to do my hair at either. Or ordered decorations. I too have a million things on my list. Some days I just wonder, “how is this all going to come together?!?!?” I am a huge procrastinator and I feel like I have really done myself in this time. I can’t wait for this all to be over. Good luck. Get a few things done each week and you will be set.

  20. Member
    Olivetobe 66 posts, Worker bee @ 5:01 pm

    I’m also 45 days out! I haven’t gotten a florist yet, and just in the last week I booked cake and linens. You’ll be fine. I have the exact same feeling when people ask if I’m excited – I’m ready to be married already! :) So I think your feelings are normal (as normal as I am, haha).

  21. Guest Icon Guest
    lolly-k, Guest @ 3:40 am

    Wow – I feel so reassured that im not alone. im 2 days out from our wedding– ahhh! yesterday and today are the first days that i have really felt the excitement of it all. We dropped off all our stuff at the venue yesterday and i feel like a weight has lifted as i cant fiddle with any of my projects any more.

    Throughout the wedding process i couldnt even name the emotion that i felt. Dont get me wrong i was super excited about getting married and loved getting to do all things DIY ( i LOVE craft!) but i felt very overwhelmed. Like it was just a never ending list of things to do (some things self imposed and unecessary details – but i fell in love with so many DIY details that i just couldnt abandon). My FI was really helpful if i asked him to do something but he wasnt the one with the constant to-do list in his head and thinking who and what we needed to book next and then do the leg work to come up with a lit of potential vendors. my brain was full and tired and i needed someone to take over the mental planning not just the physical stuff
    I felt like i was planning someone elses wedding not mine!
    I also wish that i had involved family and my bridal party more – at the time it was just easier to do it myself than to try and organise 4 people to get together on a weekend when everyone had their own lives going on. as a result i took on more than i needed to.

    my advice – i will end! and like you said so many fabulous things happen after the wedding that it is not the end. i agree with the others – bag projects that are stressing you – you are the only one who will know they are missing, and get help where you can – people really like being involved!

    all the best and tons of hugs xx

  22. Member
    msmongoose 264 posts, Helper bee @ 11:00 am

    Congrats on the new job Miss A! I can’t imagine the stress you must be feeling right now–I’m less than 4 months out and am already starting to stress over some things. Mrs. W is right–focus on the ceremony for the time being, finish booking your vendors, then do the DIY stuff. Oh and you have to finish the ruby shoes as your first DIY project–those shoes are just too fabulous to risk not finishing them on time!

  23. Member
    razzelbride 90 posts, Worker bee @ 9:15 pm

    Wow, I am so glad u wrote this post, I am 28 days out and I am so overwhelmed and exhausted from the whole thing… What was fun the last 6 months is just work now and I just want to get it over with. I hope this passes but I’m jot hopeful…. It’s just so much work and I don’t really feel like my fi gets it. Ive done a ton of DIYs already and i only have a couple left, so that is good, and I love doing the crafts so that is fun! but now most of what is left are the endless details and loose ends, and I’m tired!!! Ahhhhh… I feel like a crazy person!

  24. Member
    razzelbride 90 posts, Worker bee @ 1:27 pm

    miss armadillo – how r u feeling now?
    i’m 17 days out and THANK GOD my wedding crazy stress has finally retreated and i am over the moon excited again!! i hope your burnout has/will pass!

  25. Member
    msarmadillo 497 posts, Helper bee @ 2:28 pm

    @razzelbride: I’m doing much better! You’re so sweet for asking! My wedding stress was short-lived after I started thinking about how it’ll all be over soon. ;) 30 days out for us, now! So glad your burnout is over and you’re back into the wedding mode again!

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