Alternatively titled: “My Irrational Fear of Having Kids in the Wedding Party”

Sooooo, basically I never, ever, EVER thought I would include flower girls or ring bearers in my wedding day.

Although kids are, in fact, absolutely adorable, I just never really envisioned them being involved in my wedding. This probably stems from the fact that as a guest at weddings in the past, every time the bride and groom had flower girls or ring bearers, inevitably I’d be distracted by whatever the kids were doing instead of paying attention to the happy couple’s vows. They’d start crying, or sit down at the front of the church, lift up their dresses, and show their undergarments to everyone in attendance, wouldn’t stand still, would start talking right in the middle of the ceremony, would pick their nose, play with the basket or pillow or whatever they were holding”¦you get the picture; it goes on and on. And I don’t expect little kids to be able to handle the flower girl/ring bearer job flawlessly. When you’re five years old, standing in front of a huge group of people for 20 minutes probably is the last thing you’d want to be doing, and I don’t fault them for it. In fact, I’ve come to expect ceremony shenanigans when kids are part of the wedding party. It just comes with the territory, basically. And I knew I didn’t really want those shenanigans at my wedding.

Imagine my surprise, then, when my dear, sweet Mr. A (who hasn’t had a strong opinion on anything wedding related so far except for food decisions) admitted to me that he really, really wanted flower girls at the wedding. He called them “little girl ring bearers,” but I knew what he meant. And at first I resisted a little. But then I realized that this was the first time he had verbalized having a strong opinion on any of the wedding-day details, and I had to take a step back and reconsider my prejudice against kids in wedding parties. If Mr. A really wanted flower girls at our wedding, who was I to say no? After all, I do always smile when flower girls come down the aisle at weddings. Flower girls are adorable. How could they not be?

So, in the end, I agreed to the “little girl ring bearers,” and we’ll be having two wonderful little girls in our wedding party whose parents are over the moon with excitement that we asked them to be a part of the ceremony. One is BM Mascara’s daughter, and the other is the daughter of Mr. A’s childhood youth pastor. Both the girls are the same age and same size, and I think they’re going to look absolutely adorable coming down the aisle together at the ceremony. We found them matching dresses from a seller on eBay, and they look adorable on the girls! We’re replacing the ivory flowers on the sash with purple flowers from Dessy that match the fabric and color of the bridesmaids’ dresses and Mr. A’s tie:


So cute! And only $17.99!
Image via eBay / seller capesforalloccasions


Dupioni swirl flower in “Dahlia” for the flower girls’ sashes / Screen capture from Dessy

To combat my irrational fear of the girls causing distractions during the ceremony, we’ll have a parent of each of the girls waiting at the end of the aisle to escort them back to their seats after they complete their jobs of scattering rose petals all along the pathway to the front of the church. This way, Mr. A gets his flower girls, and I get my peace of mind. Score! I’m actually really excited about it all. They’re going to look so cute!

Are you having kids in your bridal party? How do you feel about flower girls/ring bearers causing major distractions during the ceremony? What were some of the things your significant other spoke up about during the wedding-planning process?


Mrs. Armadillo

Houston, Texas
Wedding Date:
March 2013
Gallery of the Day
Let's Get Silly
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  1. msdragon Member
    Mrs. Dragon 814 posts, Busy bee @ 9:26 am

    Our flower girls stole the show. :) One of ’em was standing up at the front with Mr. D as I got up there and I had to ask her to go sit with her grandma, and they chattered a bit through the ceremony, but it wasn’t too bad.

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    S, Guest @ 9:31 am

    Just be prepared for crying/not walking down the aisle. It can happen but I think is still cute. Our flower girl was carried down the aisle and I loved it all the same!

  3. Member
    missgreenbean 463 posts, Helper bee @ 9:38 am

    Do I get brownie points for knowing the title is from Hocus Pocus? :) We have an ABUNDANCE of youngins in my family and I love them all to bits so we’re trying to have as many as feasible in our ceremony.

  4. Member
    brooklyn55 743 posts, Busy bee @ 9:48 am

    We have one flower girl (my niece) but she is a bit older (she will turn 9 just 12 days after our wedding) so we don’t expect to have the crying/picking nose/lifting dress up problem. Now, she is incredibly shy so I am having a bridesmaid walk down with her so she doesn’t get nervous and then she will sit in the front row when she reaches gets done scattering the flowers so she doesn’t have to stand up in front of everyone the whole time or get antsy.

  5. Member
    bailey12 366 posts, Helper bee @ 10:01 am

    This is actually how I have always seen it done. It seems to work out well. :)

  6. mstoadstool Member
    mstoadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 10:23 am

    We didn’t have flower girls or ring bearers, as many cousins as we have, we don’t feel particularly close to any of them to have them at our ceremony.

  7. Member
    debeachgirl 543 posts, Busy bee @ 10:26 am

    One of my favorite flower girl stories was everyone commenting on how well behaved the niece of the bride was during the ceremony. They never heard a peep out of her. What most people didn’t realize is that she walked up the aisle and then right out the side door of the church where she was met with a baby sitter for the hour long mass. She went on rides on the boardwalk and ate french fries. She was so small at the time her head didn’t come above the pews so no one noticed her leave. It was perfect. I think having the girls sit with family is a great idea.

    The Mr had only one strong opinion and that was that I wear a blusher. No idea where that came from but he wanted “the veil in front of my face” so that is what I wore.

  8. mswallaby Member
    mswallaby 2070 posts, Buzzing bee @ 10:44 am

    I always have a hard time not laughing at the cute kids who scream their way down the aisle or chatter through the ceremony…It cracks me up. To me, kids can just about do no wrong – so I wasn’t too worried about what would happen at our wedding with our 3-year-old ring bearer and 4YO flower girl. Their dad was the best man, and the whole ceremony they both kept toddling over to him and grabbing his legs and babbling. I didn’t even notice it; now I see it in the wedding video, but it doesn’t bother me…I love those kids so much, and it’ll be funny to re-watch the wedding video with them when they’re older.

  9. prairiedog Member
    prairiedog 455 posts, Helper bee @ 11:17 am

    that title hahahaha

  10. msarmadillo Member
    msarmadillo 497 posts, Helper bee @ 11:32 am

    @Mrs. Dragon: Haha, I bet she was just soooo excited to be a part of such a fun day! Too cute.

    @S: I’m kind of hoping that with two of them there, they won’t be as apprehensive about walking down the aisle. I know one definitely has the personality to fearlessly perform her job, but I’ve never met the other one before. Fingers crossed they don’t get nervous or scared!

    @MissGreenBean: Bahahaha, you win the prize! Hocus Pocus is one of my all-time favorite movies. 😉

    @Brooklyn55: Both of our little girls are two years-old, so I have no idea what to expect! If either of us had older girls in our social circles we could have asked, we probably would have gone that route.

  11. msarmadillo Member
    msarmadillo 497 posts, Helper bee @ 11:35 am

    @bailey12: I have never seen it done this way and I always wonder why they have the kids stand up at the front the entire time! So glad other people have done it this way, too.

    @Mrs. Toadstool: Neither of us had any family of the “flower girl age,” so we had to go outside the box a little to make it happen. I’m excited about it, though! And the girls are super pumped.

    @DEBeachGirl: How funny is that story? Seriously smart, too. And it’s so weird, the things our guys have opinions about. I bet he appreciated you taking his input and running with it!

  12. msarmadillo Member
    msarmadillo 497 posts, Helper bee @ 11:37 am

    @Mrs. Wallaby: I wish I could be a “roll with the punches” kind of girl like you! Odds are I won’t be paying any attention to anything other than Mr. A during the ceremony, though, so I’m not too paranoid about what might “go wrong.” 😉

    @Mrs. Prairie Dog: Hahaha…not gonna lie, that was a last second change from something generic like “Let’s Talk About Kids.” And I might have been a little over tired last night when I published it. 😉

  13. Member
    blonde17jess 1290 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:43 am

    I’m usually distracted by them too, but I think they’re adorable, so I’ve always wanted kids in the bridal party. However, like you, I plan on them sitting for the ceremony with their parent(s) instead of standing up front. That’s boring enough for adults, let alone for little ones!

    My fiance surprised me by speaking up about having dancing at our reception. Neither one of us likes to dance, so I wanted to have a cocktail reception, without music/dancing. He absolutely put his foot down, caught me completely off-guard, and told me that “people wouldn’t know what to do if there wasn’t dancing.” I caved, too, because if he felt that strongly about it, who was I to say no to him? I knew I wanted him to take part in the planning, so I had to give him what he wanted.

  14. Member
    erclay 114 posts, Blushing bee @ 12:11 pm

    My fiance actually didn’t want any children at the wedding at all. Apparently a child had knocked over the wedding cake table or something along those lines at a wedding his parents had been to. I had to point out that with four nephews and a niece, we couldn’t exactly tell my siblings to find a babysitter. Plus, I love them so much, and so does he. We couldn’t say no. But their moms are all in the bridal party, and dads are in the audience. So they can go down the aisle to them, then play with toys in the pews.

  15. mslemur Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 12:16 pm

    We’re not having flower girls/ring bearers… although I love kids and wanted them at the wedding I didn’t want them directly in the ceremony. I will say though, if one of mine or Mr. Lemur’s siblings had a child that age it would have been different :)

  16. Member
    keiramenna 45 posts, Newbee @ 12:49 pm

    My hubs-to-be also called them “girl ring bearers” and surprised me by wanting them. I wasn’t going to have any children in the wedding (or AT the wedding and reception, but that’s another story.) But once I imagined my niece (5) and his cousin’s daughter (who will be 4) in adorable dresses scattering leaves on the aisle I couldn’t get the image out of my head. One is blonde, the other very dark brunette and they are approximately the same size. So sweet! I am a little worried about them getting bored, even if they sit with their parents, and whisking them away to a more fun activity is pure GENIUS. +1 @DEBeachGirl !

  17. Member
    sakurabean 152 posts, Blushing bee @ 10:41 pm

    That sounds like a perfect solution! And I am the same way…I think some kids are cute and want to have them someday but generally I don’t really like kids all that much, mostly because of all the badly behaved ones I have to deal with. For instance, someone shows me a toddler picture and I’m meh…show me a puppy/duckling and I lose my mind!!! We’re not having flower/girls or ring bearers because I just really am so uninterested in those positions, and we don’t really have anyone super close/special to us to do the job even if we wanted it. The only girls I could even use would be my one of my FI’s cousin’s daughters, but if I give her the job I’m certain I’ll never hear the end of it from this 1 aunt who will be annoyed it wasn’t either of her daughters (although she wants to little to do with family stuff anyway she still would think her kids are entitled to be in the wedding). Suffice to say, if you give ONE a job you’d have to give them all a job and I cannot afford that, nor do I want it. However, I want any and all children at my wedding to relax and have fun so there will be bubble stations and I’ll be sure to interact with them, play with them on the big day, tell them they look pretty and thanks for coming, pictures, etc. If I were a kid I’d rather get to goof around and not have some stressed out adults barking at me to stand still and stop scratching my itchy dress!
    p.s. I have seen some videos on youtube with THE MOST ANNOYING children in the wedding party that it’s horrifying! Fun to watch but NU UH NOT FOR ME!!!!!

  18. Member
    pocketfox 677 posts, Busy bee @ 11:06 pm

    We actually plan on having (brace yourself for this) five children in our bridal party. To be fair, one of them will only be honourary as they are currently not born, but my SO and I don’t want to leave out any of our nieces and nephews, so we’re having 2 flowers girls, 2 rings bearers and one honourary in one of those positions. By the time of our wedding, our flower girls will be 8, one ring bearer will 6, and one will be 4. Since their parents are all in the bridal party as well, they’ll be joining their grandparents with the rest of the guests after they walk up the aisle.

  19. Member
    DBS5127 220 posts, Helper bee @ 6:06 am

    I think we’re going to have a ring bearer, but not a flower girl, just because of who we are close to. We don’t have any little girls close to us, but FI has a nephew. He’ll only be 2 when we get married, though, so we are really going to have to work out the logistics of it! I’m sure we’ll have him sit with family, though, not stand up with us.

  20. msarmadillo Member
    msarmadillo 497 posts, Helper bee @ 8:35 am

    @Blonde17Jess: I definitely think you guys made the right decision by having dancing at the reception. Your guests will have so much fun!

    @erclay: Aww, fun! I don’t have any nieces or nephews, and all of Mr. A’s nieces and nephews are too young. Otherwise, we totally would have gone the family route!

  21. msarmadillo Member
    msarmadillo 497 posts, Helper bee @ 8:42 am

    @Miss Lemur: I have zero problem with kids coming to the wedding, it was just giving them a responsibility that had me worried. 😉 Gotta just let it go and hope for the best, I guess!

    @Keiramenna: Funny your guy called them “girl ring bearers” too! I bet he was really happy you agreed to include them in the ceremony. So sweet!

    @sakurabean: For real, I feel like I’m going to be the kind of person who likes her own kids but doesn’t like anyone else’s children. 😉 Mostly because I’m so fed up with misbehaved kids today! And I blame their parents for it. I go into interacting with kids with a pessimistic/wary frame of mind just because I always expect the worst.

    @pocketfox: OMG! FIVE! That’s insane, haha! But so cute, though. And I love the idea of honorary flower girls/ring bearers who aren’t born yet!

    @DaniLyn: I went to a wedding last October where the bride just had a ring bearer and no flower girl. It was her little nephew. It was so cute! I’ve seen pictures of them carrying “here comes the bride” signs down the aisle. Adorable!

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