Sweet Dreams

I’m just going to come out and say it. Mr. Whale and I will be spending the night before our wedding together. But shhhh! Don’t tell our parents. :)

Some of you might be surprised to hear this, because you already know we’re not doing a first look. But our reasons for not doing a first look have nothing to do with tradition or bad luck. We just don’t want to see each other before the ceremony. But you know what we do want? A good night’s sleep before the wedding.

This is me when I’m too excited to sleep:

GIF via lolthatsme.tumblr.com

This is what I wish would happen every night when I get into bed:

GIF via disneyallday.tumblr.com / From Monsters, Inc.

I am going to be the biggest ball of nerves the night before. I’m terrified that I won’t sleep at all. Just to give you an idea of how excessively antsy I get, let me remind you that I only slept about two hours before our engagement photos. The engagement photos”¦seriously, who gets so nervous for those that they can’t sleep? During the weekend I went dress shopping, I didn’t sleep more than four hours any of the three nights”¦I was just too darn excited about my dress.

So”¦it will be an absolute miracle if I sleep before my wedding day. And the only way that miracle will occur is if Mr. Whale is by my side the whole night. I can’t explain it, but I sleep better when he is in the bed. I know some people get a little twinge of excitement about getting an entire bed to themselves if their significant other is gone for the night. I am definitely not one of those people.

Even knowing this, I contemplated sleeping apart just for the sake of tradition (and for my parents’ sanity). But then I realized that tradition is sometimes just a bad idea. Rules were made to be broken, right? So I approached Mr. Whale and said, “How would you feel about spending the night together on the night before our wedding?” His response? ”Of course we’re spending the night together. What else would we do?”

I guess we solved that problem.

What are/were your sleeping arrangements on the night before your wedding?


Mrs. Blue Whale

College Park, MD
Wedding Date:
May 2013
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  1. buffalo Member
    buffalo 178 posts, Blushing bee @ 11:12 am

    Mr. Buffalo and I stayed together the night before too! So did my MOH and her Hubby. I think it’s becoming more common and it’s not weird at all! I think it’s all personal preference.

  2. Member
    Beltacular 51 posts, Worker bee @ 11:13 am

    I am 100% in agreement with this. I am an anxious sleeper typically, there is NO way I will be able to sleep without the FI calming me down!

  3. Member
    ginnwitt 213 posts, Helper bee @ 11:14 am

    we are spending the night together, it’s the same thing, where else would we be?

  4. bracelet Member
    Mrs. Bracelet 279 posts, Helper bee @ 11:17 am

    We slept apart at our hotel, had breakfast together (and threw in some last minute dance practice), and then went our separate ways – we didn’t do a first look. It worked out perfectly for us. :)

  5. mstreasure Member
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:19 am

    I wish we’d spent the night before together. I was so nervous and the only time I was calm was when I had some alone time with Mr. T at our rehearsal dinner. I think it would’ve done a lot of good for my nerves to have spent more time together.

  6. Member
    amftodd121314 11 posts, Newbee @ 11:24 am

    I’m sleeping at my grandparent’s house (well ok my parents live there now since my grandparents passed away but it will ALWAYS be Granny and Papa’s house) with my sister and niece SLUMBER PARTY!!!!! 😀

  7. Member
    seabeeny 68 posts, Worker bee @ 11:25 am

    I wish we’d done that. I barely slept at all, I’m sad to say. I think I slept about twenty minutes an hour for six or so hours? The thing is for me, I was still way too excited even AFTER the wedding and did not sleep a WINK the night of our wedding, either. I slept hard the next night, though! But I get what you mean. When we got engaged, I think I didn’t sleep for two whole days I was too excited.

  8. Member
    sea_ashley 1302 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:31 am

    We are definitely spending the night before our wedding together! I am going to be so nervous and I just sleep so much better next to him. We will probably have breakfast together with our families and then go our separate ways until our “first look.” So exciting – I can’t wait!

  9. Member
    misscoralrose 32 posts, Newbee @ 11:49 am

    Because I had 2 weddings (to the same man! He’s French and I’m American, so we got married in France, with a civil wedding, and then “again” in the US, for the religious ceremony) I got to do both. The first time in France, we spent the night apart, and even though I spent it with my sister, it was torture! I was much happier and well rested when we spent the night together!

  10. Member
    keytabell 17 posts, Newbee @ 12:02 pm

    We are sleeping apart (nothing to do with tradition or not) which I love because to me it adds a bit of excitement for me to see him the next day on our wedding. He is having his bach party the night before (he is not a drinker so no hangover the next day) at our place so the girls and I reserved a suite at a hotel (yay sleepover) which works because it doubles as our getting ready space the next day. I know that either sleeping next to him or not, I will be super excited and anxious that I will get little sleep.

  11. Member
    krislynn_sd 72 posts, Worker bee @ 12:22 pm

    My sister and I are sharing a bed together the night before my wedding. Her and I shared a bed as kids, and then when she got married her and I shared a bed then too. It was always us getting stuck in a bed with each other when we went on vacations without her husband.

    I asked her if she wanted to, for old times sake and because she’s my best friend ever. She readily agreed. :) We’ll probably stay up for most of the night giggling about my wedding day like we used to do when we were kids.

  12. Member
    lotto 789 posts, Busy bee @ 12:23 pm

    Oh yeah we are definitely sleeping together for exactly this reason. We are doing a first look too, but it is super important to me to have someone to calm me down.

  13. Member
    BrideLawyer 31 posts, Newbee @ 12:23 pm

    We will be spending the night together, then getting up and having a cup of coffee together. That is the perfect start to our special day!

  14. Member
    Moxie42 1 posts, Wannabee @ 12:29 pm

    I’m planning on staying at the hotel near our venue with my bridesmaids. My MOH lives 400 miles away, and I don’t see my other bridesmaids all that often either because of distance and how busy we all are. I think it will be fun to have a low-key girls night and all be together the next morning when I turn into a bundle of nerves and excitement! I’m thinking a light breakfast and mimosas!

  15. Member
    lovelyduckie 756 posts, Busy bee @ 12:38 pm

    Sleeping in the same bed is the best chance we have to get a good night’s sleep. Not only that but we’re tentatively planning to spend the night at home even if it means a bit of a drive, we’ll see.

  16. Member
    futuremrscpt 955 posts, Busy bee @ 12:38 pm

    MrCPT and I slept in the same bed together the night before our wedding too. In fact, we spent the morning together and then around 10:30 we split ways to get ready. It was perfect for us. (and we’ve lived together for 9 years at this point so it only made sense)

  17. Member
    This Time Round 10219 posts, Sugar Beekeeper @ 12:40 pm

    My First Wedding (circa 1980), I went the traditional route… spending the night at my Parent’s Home while my Groom spent the night at the Hotel we had booked for his family and OOT Guests.

    Lol, to be honest, there wasn’t a lot of choice for me back then… my Parent’s (and his) would not have had it any other way… despite the fact that we were living together anyhow.

    I have to say, I liked the “excitement” that it built for the next day… our Good Night Kiss and last moments as single-people were sooo precious… as was the look on his face the second I walked down the aisle (first time he saw me)

    This time round…

    When I first started planning… I thought I wanted to replicate that a bit… staying apart, me in the Hotel we were booking for the Wedding Night, and he at our Condo.

    Lol, but fate intervened… and we ended up not marrying in our original Destination (Myrtle Beach).

    Because, lucky for us, Mr TTR was able to swing more time off from work (thank you Lord)… so we ended up having our Elopement / Destination Wedding in Key West instead… waaaay more romantic… not to mention warmer !!

    (80 F vs 50 F… and so much better for a Beach Wedding which was our original vision… and what we knew we wanted all along)

    As we were in Key West, it wasn’t feasible to take 2 Hotel Rooms (super expensive as it was for our Honeymoon Suite)… so in the end we stayed together the whole time.

    It really was great… having him around I think made me less stressed / nervous (lol, YES even an old broad like me can get butterflies on the BIG DAY).

    As our Wedding was scheduled for late afternoon, we were able to enjoy each other’s company for a good part of the day.

    We slept in a tad… had coffee on our balcony overlooking the Straits of Florida (gorgeous)… and went out to a Cuban Cafe for a Late Breakfast.

    After which, I went and got my hair & make up done… and we met back in our Suite to get dressed and sip Champagne (the GOOD Stuff).

    Lol, he even zipped me into my dress, and did up my necklace. It was a very sweet time.

    Then we were off to the Beach for our Ceremony. He helped me get into the car etc… and people stopped and said “Hey are you guys getting married ?”… to which he replied “YES we are… this here is my wonderful Bride… doesn’t she look terrific !!”

    He was just sooo fantastic… I wouldn’t trade those memories for the world.

    So ya, no regrets whatsoever !!

  18. mspony Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 1:19 pm

    I think this is so smart, you know what will work best for you and it won’t take away from the specialness of the day. I thought I would not be able to sleep the night before because I always have issues sleeping, but I was so exhausted from all the work leading up to the wedding, I passed out.

  19. Member
    DBS5127 220 posts, Helper bee @ 1:43 pm

    Im pretty sure we’ll sleep together too – it’s the best chance of a good night’s sleep. I’m just worried that I’ll be so excited that I won’t let him sleep!

  20. Member
    Ms_Maple 115 posts, Blushing bee @ 2:06 pm

    I think if it works for you go for it! It is more important that you have a good nights sleep before your wedding than follow a silly tradition! p.s. I am totally on the same page as you – I sleep much better with my fiance by my side.

  21. Member
    kelannadc 339 posts, Helper bee @ 2:08 pm

    This is a second wedding, but we’re staying apart. I’m having a slumber party with my girls, whom I don’t get to see very often since we live in different cities. I have the rest of my life to be with my lovely wife. :)

  22. sword Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 2:28 pm

    To each their own! We are sleeping separately but I’ll be with my sister and bridesmaids. I also don’t sleep when I’m anxious or excited so I anticipate being up all night. And I agree, HATE having Mr. Sword gone during the week when he has to work in KC, I sleep so much better when he’s home!!

  23. Member
    littlebeanpole 1226 posts, Bumble bee @ 3:28 pm

    FI and I are planning on sleeping apart at this point. I think it will be better for both of us! I can get very cranky when I’m nervous and I don’t want to begin the wedding day by snapping at the groom!

  24. bluewhale Member
    bluewhale 638 posts, Busy bee @ 3:38 pm

    @Moxie42: Our wedding party is actually coming to town two days before the wedding so that we can spend more time with them. I live far away from all of my bridesmaids, so I’m excited to spend a whole weekend with them.

  25. msmongoose Member
    msmongoose 264 posts, Helper bee @ 3:39 pm

    Same here Miss Blue Whale! I get nervous/excited when a major event is happening the next day (like if we’re getting on a plane or something) and also have a hard time sleeping. I’m nervous I won’t fall asleep the night before the wedding too :(

  26. bluewhale Member
    bluewhale 638 posts, Busy bee @ 3:39 pm

    @littlebeanpole: This is actually part of the reason we’re not doing a first look! Mr. Whale gets a little cranky when he’s nervous, so I don’t want to take a chance that we’ll snap at each other before the ceremony :)

  27. Member
    Teeny287 59 posts, Worker bee @ 3:41 pm

    I mentioned the sleeping apart tradition to my fiance after my mother mentioned it to me. He apparently was unfamiliar with this tradition and thought it completely ridiculous. Needless to say, we will most likely be sleeping together. If I am nervous I will probably purchase a bottle of the Nyquil sleep aid to calm my nerves and have a restful night sleep. We doing quite a bit together anyway–a “couple’s shower” instead of a separate bridal shower.

  28. Member
    lealorali 4827 posts, Honey bee @ 5:31 pm

    You are too stinkin’ cute! hahaha i totally know what you mean about wanting to keep things ‘status-quo’ so you can sleep the night before. FI is going to spend the night before at his parents 40 mins away and I prob won’t be able to sleep…

  29. Member
    skellener 14 posts, Newbee @ 12:25 am

    My sister and I are sharing a bed together the night before my wedding. Her and I shared a bed as kids, and then when she got married her and I shared a bed then too. It was always us getting stuck in a bed with each other when we went on vacations without her husband.

  30. Member
    nikstar 246 posts, Helper bee @ 3:06 am

    we slept together the night before, wait let me rephrase, he slept and i stayed awake all night. i had a panic attack at 3am (about not sleeping), started crying, woke my mum up who was staying with us, skulled some alcohol that i found in the fridge and still no sleep. i can honestly say i did not sleep a wink, i dont know how but i was actually ok on the day and i stayed up until 2.30am the next night. if i could have my time again i would have organised some sleeping pills, i know that sounds extreme but it was my only regret about my wedding, why did i do that to myself LOL

  31. Member
    blonde17jess 1290 posts, Bumble bee @ 6:30 am

    I feel the same as you. I figure we sleep together every other night, and I want to be as relaxed as possible, which means sleeping with fi!

  32. Member
    may2013wedding 110 posts, Blushing bee @ 6:56 am

    My father who is paying for the ceremony and reception venue adamantly said that we weren’t going to sleep in the same bed the night before… even though we’ve been living together for 3 years! Oh well can’t argue with the pops!

  33. Member
    krislynn_sd 72 posts, Worker bee @ 7:12 am


    Can you please not copy and paste part of my comment? That would be very nicely appreciated if you could have said the same thing in your own words.

    Thank you.

  34. Member
    anemonie 1578 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:19 am

    I am SO glad DH and I spent the night together before the wedding.

    We got a chance to use our bridal suite’s giant jacuzzi, which was really relaxing plus we didn’t have a chance to use it the wedding night. We both slept well because we sleep better together, and there was nothing like waking up to him the morning of the wedding and being, “Oh my Gawd, we are getting married today!”

    We also shared coffee and a light breakfast in the suite as bridesmaids and groomsmen and a few family members started showing up, which was nice because there was a lot of lighthearted joking around to calm my nerves. Then we shared a kiss goodbye until the ceremony. Wouldn’t have had it any other way!

  35. Member
    nifty_geek 22 posts, Newbee @ 10:25 am

    My DH and I slept apart the night before the wedding, but we’re kind of un-traditional in the fact that we technically spent the night of the wedding apart too!

    We got married at a camp about an hour away from our hometown, and when I say camp, I mean bunk beds, cabins, no cell reception and MOOSE. Haha. Instead of trying to cram the two of us in one teeny single bed, we slept in the only cabin that had two bunk beds on the one wall, We slept head to head so we could at least hold hands before we fell asleep! It may not be everyone’s idea of romance but it was perfect for us. :)

  36. bluewhale Member
    bluewhale 638 posts, Busy bee @ 10:34 am

    @nikstar: Oh geez. That sounds all too familiar. Maybe I should just get a prescription for a sleeping pill…

  37. Member
    futuremrsdino 73 posts, Worker bee @ 5:50 am

    We’re currently discussing this. As most of my friends are horrified that I even considered meeting my fiance after my hair and make up trial, this will go down like a lead balloon!
    However, I, like you, think I will struggle to sleep before the wedding. Plus if we’re spending a fortune on a posh hotel room, why shouldn’t he get to enjoy it too?

  38. Member
    futurejohnston288 3 posts, Wannabee @ 8:14 am

    My fiancée and I plan on doing the same thing! (P.s.: I’m soooooo not telling my mother until the night before the wedding! Lol)
    I really see nothing wrong wi it! I moved in with my fiancée after a year of being together, so now that its been almost two years I can’t get a good nights sleep without him right next to me. Dare I even say this, but I can’t go to sleep if he’s not snoring right next to me lol.

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