Hard Times

Oh these times are hard,

Yeah, they’re making us crazy,

Don’t give up on me, baby.

Mr. Lemur and I are long distance—and have been on and off throughout our entire relationship. In fact, by the time we get married we’ll have been long distance for almost half of our time as a couple. So yes, I knew it would be hard going into our final four months apart. Unfortunately, my trips up to Detroit are few and far between.

Detroit

Personal photo

But guys, it’s really tough. When I’m here I get into a pretty good routine. I work eight to give or later every day, eat dinner with my sisters or roommate, go to class for several hours in the evening, run and work out, and by then it’s time to go to sleep and get up the next day to do it all over again. Mr. Lemur works 12-hour shifts with a lot of overtime and runs a good bit himself. We hang out with our friends here or there when we have time. So we stay busy—and that’s good. It works.

I sit here writing this fresh off a weekend in Detroit. These are the days that are hard. It’s hard to focus on writing an entrepreneurship business plan. It’s hard to enjoy a typical dinner with a group of family and friends. It’s hard to lace up my shoes and run by myself.

Downtow01

Personal photo

We fight more when we’re apart. It’s easy to snap over something small, especially when the distance already strains emotions. Read: I am a hormonal mess.

The whole girls and chocolate thing? Yeah, that holds true for me. Dark chocolate, preferably. I’m all out—you can mail me some more and we’ll be best friends forever? What can I say, it was a tough day. And that bag of M&Ms from my future mother-in-law went really quickly…

Detroit01

Personal photo

One of us struggles taking pictures. That person is not me. I love him anyway.

Girls in a long-distance relationship: How do you make it work? Any advice for me? Encouragement? (I could use some right now.)

BLOGGER

Mrs. Lemur

Location:
Greenville, South Carolina
Wedding Date:
May 2013
Add a comment

comments

  1. Member
    tea 2414 posts, Buzzing bee @ 11:53 am

    My mister and I have been in a LDR for the entire length of our relationship, which is going on 8 years – but it’s coming to an end next month. I have noticed that we fight a lot more right before one of our visits. We have a 3 hour time difference so that makes coordinating stuff a little tricky, but with Skype and text messages, that’s been very helpful bridging the distance.

    You’re already doing what I would recommend. I keep busy living life which helps as well. I run, hang out with friends, or stay home and spend a lazy day in my pjs, try a new recipe, whatever makes me happy and keeps me busy.

    But in the end, I remember that I’m with a wonderful guy who loves me completely and is there waiting for me as I’m waiting for him and that gets me out of any low spot. Good luck!

  2. Member
    moose91 478 posts, Helper bee @ 11:53 am

    my now husband and I were long distance for our entire courtship until about 3 months before the wedding (then i moved and lived 3 blocks from him- boy was that a change! haha)

    At times it was so hard for me, even though I kept busy like you do. I was in school full time and had two part time jobs (3 if you count wedding planning ;) hah). We also fought more, and phone and skype conversations aren’t always a good substitute and no make up cuddling makes the fights sting more at times.

    Whenever I found myself getting really down I thought about how my life would be if he wasn’t in it at that time. I was stressed with graduating and work and realized that he was my rock through it and I would be twice as crazy without him!

    I also found that it helped a lot when I did something for him. My “love language” is acts of service, so that’s what helps me connect to others. It’s harder to do from hundreds of miles away but I would make him a card, or bake him something and just send it. He was always happy to receive a special something in the mail and I felt good doing something for him from a distance.

    Best of luck and know that it won’t be forever!

  3. Guest Icon Guest
    SarahB, Guest @ 12:06 pm

    I know waiting can be hard. Boy do I know waiting can be hard because I am marrying for the first time at 47. but here is a secret I will share with you… now that I am finally getting married… I miss the independence of my single days! It’s sometimes exhausting to have to coordinate EVERYTHING with my FI.

    For everything, there is a season. The key to life is loving the moment you are in. The times you are together are that much more sweet because of the times you are apart. Nothing last forever. Fill your days away from him with doing things YOU love to do. You will be happier. The time will pass more quickly. And you will be an even more fabulous women whom he will love even more.

  4. Member
    futuremrsweston 433 posts, Helper bee @ 12:16 pm

    My fiance and I are long distance and have been for almost 4 years now. We met when he moved from Vermont to Pennsylvania for college, but family issues sent him back to Vermont just 4 months after we met. We did the 8 hour Vermont to Pennsylvania thing for about 9 months before he joined the Army and was sent thousands of miles away. First Georgia, then Arizona, then Alaska where he has been for the past 3 years. When it’s good, we see each other every 5-6 months. When it’s bad, like during his last deployment to Afghanistan, we have 10 month breaks between when we see each other. 10 months with him thousands of miles away in a war zone. No access to Skype, weekly phone calls (if I was lucky), a letter or two here and there. I’d be a happy woman if I never had to do that again.
    We’re getting married in September and, while you would think that would be the end of our separation, it’s not. He has 3 more months in Alaksa before he moves to his next post and I can join him there. I’m definitely ready for that part of our journey. Right now, I’m focusing on the fact that I get to see him in 2 weeks, only 2 and a half months since our last reunion. That’s really unheard of. After that, we’ll see each other the week of the wedding. It’s not my ideal sitation, but it will have to do.
    It’s your last 4 months apart, so say strong. Keep eating the chocolate and remember that sometimes it’s not worth it to fight. After all, you don’t have all day to spend on bickering. One day you will be able to tell your children the story of your love and you’ll be able to say “we made it through”. You can see the light at the end of this tunnel, so keep going until you reach it.
    Good luck

  5. Guest Icon Guest
    TDotDeltaDiva, Guest @ 12:23 pm

    I really empathize with you. My soon to be husband and I are long distance and we argue a lot…it’s scary at times. It’s very frustrating and I wonder to myself…if I am frustrated, how does HE feel?!!? It would be so much better if the distance didn’t separate us.

    What works for me is prayer…honestly! I tell myself that in a few weeks, the details of the wedding planning (which is usually what we argue about) won’t even matter anymore since we’ll be married and living in the same place.

    I also tell myself…that after we’re married…we’re STILL going to argue…and there will likely be times where I wish we had a few miles to separate us…even if just for a few minutes ;)

    Ultimately…know this…you’re NOT alone…he is likely experiencing his own range of emotions that are exacerbated by the distance…find ways to make up and to let him know how much you love him. (“The 5 love languages” mentioned earlier is a great tool…if you haven’t read it…do so as soon as you can and find out what his is and start tapping in).

    In the meantime…pass me one of those chocolates you’ve been munching on…and be encouraged…this won’t last forever :)

  6. Member
    dancingriss 305 posts, Helper bee @ 1:32 pm

    My husband and I are opposite coast military members. When we’re both home we see each other once every 6-8 weeks, but not so much when either of us is deployed or training. We’re more likely to get into a stupid fight during a visit a day or two before one of us leaves. We know we both just have to have it out, and discuss everything otherwise we’ll part bitter. The key is to stay in open and effective communication

  7. Member
    cav2014 257 posts, Helper bee @ 1:45 pm

    I’m not in an LDR now, but FI and I were for almost a year. It was rough. We rarely have fights now that we’re together, but you’re right, distance creates lots of issues and hinders your ability to solve them.

    What worked for us was setting a phone call and visitation schedule way in advance. We agreed on 10 p.m. nightly phone calls at minimum, and he often called and texted during the day if he could. We also agreed that he would visit me during the school year once or twice a month, and that I would spend every school vacation with him.

    It was hard, but oh my god, so incredibly worth it now that we’re living together! Every annoying missed call, staticky phone connection, small misunderstanding was completely worth how great things are now. Once you’re together for good, you will look back on it as one of the most validating experiences of your entire relationship. I think every couple should try long-distance once; it makes you AND your relationship rock-solid in the end!

  8. Member
    msarmadillo 497 posts, Helper bee @ 2:03 pm

    Even though Mr. A and I are currently living in the same town, we still hardly ever get to see each other. My work schedule is 8-5, Monday through Friday, and Mr. A’s work schedule rotates and is all over the place. Currently, he’s on the night shift, so he’s asleep on my lunch break and leaves before I get off every evening. It’s the pits! My days are definitely better when I get to see him, so the fact that he’s on the night shift when we have three weeks to go before the big day is a major point of stress for me.

    Hang in there, girlie! I know it’s not easy to barely get to see your guy, but just take advantage of the time you DO have together and look forward to when you’re finally married and don’t have to worry about finding time to drive to see each other!

  9. Member
    hyena 2537 posts, Sugar bee @ 2:04 pm

    We were in a LDR for the first four years of our relationship. On days like this, the best thing you can do is throw yourself into activities, hanging out with friends, anything to get your mind off the fact that you’re not with him. Even if all that means is sitting and watching TV with your BFFs. Just don’t stay by yourself wallowing. You’ll feel back to normal soon! And SO soon you won’t have to deal with the distance anymore. :)

    And just a warning, because this threw me through a loop when I finally moved to the same city as Mr. H — being in a close-distance relationship is a whole different kind of hard, BECAUSE you’ve spent so much time with your independence and own life. It gets easier, but at first it’s hard to get used to. It’ll still be okay. :)

  10. Guest Icon Guest
    Jowhoknows, Guest @ 4:20 pm

    *BIG HUGS*

    *Hands you a bar of Dark Chocolate*

    All the women in a LDR feel your pain and we understand it. How do we make it work? We do what you’re doing: keep busy when you are apart and keep the lines of communication open between you and your partner.

    Advice? Just one:- don’t pick on the petty things. Oh the joys of LDR. The time difference and the busiest days can make you absolutely cranky and then you snap at your partner at the smallest and pettiest of things! Oh yes. *guilty* I’m still learning. But when I do stop being petty and just letting it go. It’s good. Cos it’s not worth it in the end. :) so, *keep calm and let it go*

    And yes it’s tough. *pats back* we know. But look to the future! It’ll all be worth it in the end! It will! Your love survived the dratted distance! Oh so sweet. :) hang in there sis!

  11. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 5:22 pm

    You guys are so awesome. Seriously, THIS is why I blog for Weddingbee! I might be tearing up sitting here & reading your comments :)

    @tea: Eight years is an incredibly long time. I can’t even imagine! Congratulations on the light at the end of the tunnel — one more month :)

    I feel like we fight most right after a visit or even right at the end of a visit. Kind of like I start getting sad that I’m leaving even before I leave… which sucks because then I ruin the time we had together. Then when right after the visit I struggle getting back into a routine.

  12. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 5:26 pm

    @moose91: Oh my gosh I totally count wedding planning as a third job! Either that or another class. My teammates for one of my final projects tell me that I’m taking the optional wedding elective.

    I really love your comment about your love language being acts of service and doing things for him. This is so something I need to work on! When I get down and upset I just sit and pout and that does nothing for either of us… especially since I take it out on him way too often. I’m totally going to work on doing little things for him and us :)

  13. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 5:30 pm

    @SarahB: Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I can totally see it being hard to give up your independence, I do feel that some even just when I go to visit him and all of a sudden it’s like wait, I have to tell you what I’m doing instead of just going and doing it. Not in a bad way, but it does take some getting used to ;)

    It’s really hard for me to be happy sometimes, but I don’t want to waste these days, you know? They’re still important! I’m trying to stay busy and spend time with friends that I have here that unfortunately I won’t see as much after I get married. Thanks for your sweet words. I appreciate your words of wisdom :)

  14. Member
    missmalibu 79 posts, Worker bee @ 5:34 pm

    I too am in a LDR, and am in the final months, and it seems to be the hardest months too! It’s difficult, and I tell people that LDR is hard, but I feel blessed, because one, it takes a special kind of relationship to be in a LDR, and I believe that it is an entirely different kind of love! The time spent away, though really hard, cannot compare the the immense emotions and happiness you go through when you finally get to see your love again! That is what gets me through the weeks, that moment, that first hug, that embrace after not seeing each other is such a breath of fresh air. It is so hard!!!! I hate it! But our love is SO worth it, and what makes it even better is that the end of the distance is near, and soon marriage will begin!

    It’s great to find other LDR girls to relate to! And I am the same, I tend to be A WHOLE lot more snappy when we are apart! *sigh* keep your head up, stay busy, and keep your mind and heart on the prize: Marrying and being with the man of your dreams!

  15. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 5:42 pm

    @FutureMrsWeston: I have the uttermost respect for women with significant others in the military. My roommate’s boyfriend just graduated from West Point and is stationed in Georgia about to be transferred to Kansas. I know how hard it is for her… it’s actually good for me sometimes because as hard as I think my life is, her boyfriend can’t even communicate for weeks on end.

    I’m so thankful to have a countdown now. I hope that you have that soon too :) Only two more weeks till you see him at least!

  16. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 5:45 pm

    @TDotDeltaDiva: We had an awful argument today about something wedding related (of course!). I can’t wait till we don’t have that stress in our lives. I mean add long distance to the already stressful wedding planning and that’s just a mess!

    It’s also hard because he doesn’t react the same way I do, you know? One, he’s a guy, and two, we have different personalities. Which is a good thing :) I don’t want to be dating someone like myself!

    Thanks for seconding the 5 Love Languages recommendation. I know my parents have read it! I’ll have to take a look.

  17. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 5:47 pm

    @dancingriss: We always end up fighting right before one of us leaves too. I always regret it because we’re wasting our last precious minutes together! But somehow I never learn :)

    Thanks for your advice and reminding me that there are other women out there going through the same and worse! It’s good to have some perspective sometimes.

  18. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 5:49 pm

    @CandieC88: This is actually what we do a lot of the time! I try to be back in my apartment and getting ready for bed by about 10:00 when he gets off work and he calls me right when he gets off work. Some days when he’s been busy all day I live for those late calls :)

    I CAN’T wait to be married & living together. We’ve gone from long-distance to living in the same town and back several times, and I always forget how much freaking easier it is when we don’t have to deal with emotions long distance and how important a hug can be :)

  19. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 5:53 pm

    @Miss Armadillo: I can so relate. Your fiance is a security officer too right? Umm I get you. Mr. Lemur works weird hours, like he’ll work till 10:00 one night and the next morning he’ll be up at 6:00 to work a 12-hour shift. For a girl working eight to five every day this drives me crazy and makes it so hard to communicate!

    But hey, you’re getting married in three weeks and you get to look forward to a several day mini-moon together! I hope things are more consistent after the wedding :)

  20. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 5:56 pm

    @Mrs. Hyena: Here I am griping over two years of long distance and some of you all have made it so much longer! I can’t even imagine. Today a long run, making dinner with a friend, and episodes of Lost on the couch made a big difference. It’s still hard though!

    We’ve gone back & forth from long distance to being close and it’s always a transition. Especially for me. I am super organized and schedule my life like crazy… Mr. Lemur is laid back and goes with the flow. Newsflash: I can’t schedule his life like I schedule mine :)

  21. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 6:00 pm

    @Jowhoknows: I love hearing from you guys. It’s hard because I’m on a college campus. Every day I see couples walking by, eating meals together, enjoying time together when my fiance is 800 miles away. But here I get to hear from so many other women are having a hard time with the same issues.

    About the petty things? You and me both. I regret this. I regret it every time. I pick a fight over something dumb for… no reason. I so need to work on this.

    I can’t wait till the end is here… but I know it’s in sight! There is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel :)

  22. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 6:04 pm

    @MissMalibu: We’ve gone through long distance before several months at a time and I’m telling you, this is the hardest one! I don’t know why I’m struggling so much. Maybe it’s the added stress of wedding planning or that I just know we’re almost done. I just can’t wait to move on :)

    My absolute favorite thing is walking out of the airport or stepping out of the car and seeing him waiting there for me. The first steps towards him and the really special hug. I hope I never lose that feeling of coming home!

    I am so glad to hear from so many other long distance girls! Keep commenting & encouraging… it means a ton!

  23. Member
    bracelet 1419 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:05 pm

    Hang in there and make it a priority to talk to each other. Mr. Bracelet and I were long distance for almost our complete relationship pre-marriage. Back in the day we talked daily on Skype – all those months where talking was all we could do made us great communicators. No snuggle shortcuts possible. We’ve become pretty good at realizing when we’re miscommunicating or at expressing our feelings about something now that we’re together.
    And I second the chocolate bit. Though for me it’s milk chocolate all the way, please.

  24. Guest Icon Guest
    Mrs.Wifey, Guest @ 7:41 pm

    Long Distance is So Very Hard. The thing to remember is that the distance can remind you how much you don’t want to live without him. The other piece of advice is once you are next to each other every day, remember how much you missed him when you were apart.
    it actually is easier to count down to the time you see each other than waiting for that moment alone again. I love my husband, but years of him deployed and having to live apart, I need my alone time and I have to remind myself of the loneliness I felt without him. Long Distance can help you.appreciate each other if you keep it positive

  25. Member
    brooklyn55 743 posts, Busy bee @ 11:17 pm

    My FI and I have been long distance most of our relationship.. Not SUPER long distances (2-3 hours) but still.. not together. We started dating 4 months before we left for college. We then went to college 3 hours apart. We saw each other every other weekend but it was still hard when I had a rough day and just wished he was there. It wasn’t close enough he could just drive up to cheer me up from a bad day (although there was a few days here and there he did). Then after we graduated, I THOUGHT we would be together but I moved back in with my parents (to save money while in graduate school) and he couldn’t find a job in our hometown. He stayed in his college town (Charlotte) and we were 2 hours apart. Now he took a job this past year about an hour away.. its better, I actually see him 3-4 days a week now which is SO nice but seeing him 7 days is going to be super weird!! What I do think is interesting is you say you fight more when you are apart.. its weird because we fight more when we are together. I think we are more patient when we are apart because we don’t want to start something and then not be able to work it out in person.. and honestly, when we are apart we don’t talk much except via text so its hard to even fight. Sometimes when we would go weeks without seeing each other, things would be great but when we saw each other, its like frustration built up and we just went off on each other! Its funny how relationships are different..

    My biggest advice.. remember you are getting married soon and have the rest of your lives to be together. You will find a way to get through it :) So, my question.. after the wedding will you be heading to Detroit, him to Greenville, or somewhere new altogether?

  26. Member
    antonia1 16 posts, Newbee @ 2:58 am

    My fiance and I are in a long distance relationship. We met at college. He was in his last year and I was an exchange student from Germany. We dated 3 months and then it was time for me to start an internship. He followed me to New York and we got another 4months together. But after that I had to go back home to Germany. Now, we are having a long distance relationship for almost 2 years. We saw each other 4 times. I was lucky that I had a long semester break and was able to visit him for 5 weeks. Its hard on us. We got engaged last december and we try to plan a wedding. But it isn’t easy. It makes us argue a lot. Wedding planning is already stressful but having to go through a super difficult and super expansiv visa process makes everything so much harder. He is out of college for a bit more then a year. We have to pay for a super expensive Visa. Everyone who wants to attend the wedding from my side will have at least 1000$ in travel expenses. And I am still in college. My parents aren’t earning enough and usually in my culture the couple pays for there own wedding. We dont even know when I will receive a visa. I will also not be allowed to work after we married for at least 3-5 months. This is so hard on us. Last night we had a huge argue over this and I just cant see us spending money on a wedding when we actually have to save just to make a life afterwards possible. I think there is no way we can afford or host a wedding. Even though I wish we could. I say, we just go to court. Just the two of us get married and maybe one day we can renew our vows infront of our family. …. I am sorry this turned out to be so long. I am just super emotional right now and had to let everything out. …

  27. Member
    new york bride 13 334 posts, Helper bee @ 6:33 am

    My fiancé and I were long distance for the first year and a half of our relationship. It was hard, but it sounds like you guys have a good plan and stay busy. Our biggest fights would be when something changed our plans for a visit, like a family event.

    I hope you are feeling better today. It can be so hard, but you’ll be married and living together soon!!!

  28. Member
    wideeyes 424 posts, Helper bee @ 6:57 am

    Miss Lemur, I’m so sorry that you’re feeling badly — and I wanted to let you know that I completely understand! FI and I have been long distance for almost 4 years now.

    Here’s something that we learned during that time: after FI and I see each other, I go through these weird emotional stages. And realizing that these are completely predictable has made them a lot less confusing or scary. Weird, right? Here they are:

    1) The first week after the visit: I feel really bittersweet.
    I’m happy that I just saw FI, but sad knowing that we were JUST together and won’t be for a while. During this part, as other bees recommended, keeping busy is really, really helpful.

    2) The second week after the visit: I get really worried/anxious. I wonder if that’s the point where those extra happy “I get to see FI!” neurotransmitters have run their course and I’m trying to return to “normal.” During this time, poor FI knows he has to be extra reassuring and we try to talk more often.

    3) Week 3, onward. Things feel a lot more normal. The prospect of a long distance relationship feels a lot more manageable and I’m so much happier and invested in what I’m doing right now.

    The most helpful thing (and I hope this helps you) is understanding that your brain biochemistry really does change based on who you’re around. (This is supported by extensive neuropsychiatric research.) And when you spend time with someone who you love very much, you release a different ratio of neurotransmitters than you do in “normal” life (without them nearby). When those neurotransmitters go away after your visit, it’s a lot more reassuring to me to realize that our relationship is NOT in trouble (which is how I feel) because it’s just my brain chemistry re-adjusting. The sadness and anxiety phases are TEMPORARY and should be taken with a grain of salt.

    Sorry for the novel! I hope this helps you as you deal with the distance. For these next few weeks, just remember to be very gentle with yourself :)

  29. Member
    dreamocracy 1570 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:21 am

    I was long-distance my last semester of college (we started dating in December) and then I moved in with him in May when I graduated. We were about 3hrs apart, and it sucked when we were apart. Like you, we argued more apart, and when we were together things were great. We did a lot of learning with how to communicate and argue effectively, and by November after my graduation, we were engaged. You can both tell if it is worth fighting for the relationship despite the distance. :) I ended up going to visit nearly every weekend because I just couldn’t stay away.. I’m a weak person.. not very good at long-distance! Huge props to you who have been long distance for a long time. Our relationship has evolved a lot since then, and even since getting married in June 2011. We struggled with our relationship, bills, school, etc together and now we have a great marriage, are financially comfortable, buying a house and having a baby in June! It can definitely work, just keep talking things out and don’t bottle anything in, you’ll just explode later. :)

  30. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 11:24 am

    @Mrs. Bracelet: When we’re together I’m always so amazed how easy it is to communicate, to be honest. I really do feel like we’ve developed a stronger relationship and communication through being long distance. Then all of a sudden when we’re together it’s, I don’t want to say effortless, but so so much easier :)

    @Mrs.Wifey: I can’t imagine my life without him! Sure I enjoy hanging out with my sisters and friends and school and work can be very rewarding, but I value the weekends together and time on the phone more than anything else. I admire your strength! Thanks for your encouragement… it’s to hear from ladies who have been through this :)

  31. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 11:31 am

    @Brooklyn55: Wow, major props on making it through years of long distance college and graduate school! I honestly can’t even imagine. I’m thankful we at least went to the same school for awhile. But I am glad to hear you see him more often…an hour isn’t bad at all :)

    By the way, I’m in the Charlotte area today! It’s just two hours away from Greenville. We are moving to Detroit after we get married. He has a job there and family and friends in the area. I don’t have anything to tie me to Greenville, although I do love the area! I’m actually just really looking forward to a new area and a new adventure.

  32. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 11:36 am

    @Antonia1: Oh hun I’m so sorry :( long distance is incredibly hard but add the stress of wedding planning and finances on top of that and I know how it can feel overwhelming. Money is tight for us as well and the wedding is definitely low budget. To be honest though, I considered not having a wedding or just exchanging vows with our parents. Sometimes I wish I were still doing that ;)

    If it’s not financially or legally possible right now for you to have a wedding, really consider just having a simple courthouse wedding or exchange of vows, unless you think you’ll regret it later in life. Then you’ll be married and you can fight the financial battles together. Someday you can throw a party for your family and friends and celebrate your awesome marriage!

  33. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 11:41 am

    @new york bride 13: The worst thing ever is expecting a visit and it not working out! I’ve learned to not get my hopes up too high because things change really quickly.

    I am doing better today, thank you :) I love sitting here and reading your sweet comments and feeling so much support! It’s a new day and one day closer to not having ten hours of travel between us!

  34. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 11:47 am

    @wideeyes: Awh thank you for your kind and rational words! I love hearing that its ok, I’m not freaking out, this is normal. Funny, I have similar reactions, although not always exactly the same of course. The first thing I feel is just like total despair to be honest. Then I have conflicting feelings of anxiety and anger, this is the part where I need a lot of assurance too. Then I’m able to get back into a routine and proceed as normal. It’s harder after a visit which is awful because the visit is so amazing… it’s definitely still worth it though :)

    I’m so thankful Mr. Lemur is patient with me, and I’m glad it seems like you have that too! I can’t even imagine going through this and not being 100% sure we were in it together.

  35. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 11:50 am

    @dreamocracy: I have no idea who girls in a long distance relationship do it who only see their significant others once or twice a semester! We shoot for once a month so right now we’re trying to work out a visit in March. This girl needs something to count down to :)

    I love your success story! Too cute, and congrats on the upcoming baby :) someday that will be us, I just need to remember that!

  36. Member
    mspalmtree 1122 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:12 pm

    I know this is nowhere near the same, but Mr. Palm Tree and I had a semi-LDR at a few points in college. First, he was in Pittsburgh and I was back home, then he was back home when I was in Pittsburgh. Even though it was only an hour or so away, it was so hard to adjust. Like you mentioned, you are able to find yourself in a routine and it works. . .until you get your ‘break’. It’s so frustrating and it’s unfair. At least you know there’s an expiration date on this. I’m excited for your new adventure!

  37. Member
    navybride2013 115 posts, Blushing bee @ 10:16 pm

    It’s good to see other Bees in the same boat! My FI and I have been long distance for the entire time we’ve been together (so about 4-ish years). We usually saw each other between once a month to three months while we were dating—and it is HARD. It’s hard not to get jealous of couples who can do “normal” things like make dinner together on random week nights! But, it’s all worth it in the end!

    My FI is currently deployed for nearly a year long tour. We are counting down the final months until he comes home and I CANNOT WAIT. I always thought I had it badly when I couldn’t see him once a week or every day….now I just wish I could talk to him more than once every two months or so! I guess you have to appreciate what you DO have and know that you will enjoy that time together and never take it for granted. And, understand that frustrations cause fights, and it’s natural. Thigns that are meant to be will work out just fine!!

  38. Member
    blonde17jess 1290 posts, Bumble bee @ 6:32 am

    Girl, I’m sorry. That’s so rough! I can’t even handle when FI is gone for a short period of time, traveling for work! I would be no good in a LDR. I’d mail you some chocolate!

  39. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 6:50 am

    Aw, we only did the long distance thing for the last few months of our engagement, when I was too busy to focus on the fact that Mr P wasn’t there. I always turned to the ‘bee, they always know how to cheer me up :)

  40. Member
    OtherJesus 29 posts, Newbee @ 6:56 am

    I know waiting can be hard. Boy do I know waiting can be hard because I am marrying for the first time at 47. but here is a secret I will share with you… now that I am finally getting married… I miss the independence of my single days! It’s sometimes exhausting to have to coordinate EVERYTHING with my FI.

  41. Member
    almostmrsj 3260 posts, Sugar bee @ 7:41 am

    A weekend in Detroit makes you feel better? He must really be something. ;)
    You will miss your single days once you’re married and he’s always there. But that doesn’t help now, I know.
    You’ve got the right idea. Plan things that you need to accomplish before the next time you see him. A project, a craft, reading a book, whatever. That’s how I make myself do something other than sit on the couch for the weeks that my husband travels.

  42. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 8:05 am

    @Miss Palm Tree: Thank goodness for the expiration date, right?? And I think any long-distance relationship is hard—even if it’s just an hour for a short period of time! They’re just not there, you know? You need the person you love most to be the one to give you a hug or just sit and listen to you sometimes.

    @NavyBride2013: I am so inspired by all you with significant others in the military! I’m glad your countdown is getting close to the end. If you can do a year long tour I can so do two more months.

    People take things like making dinner together or for me, running together or just sitting in the same room even if we’re working on different things. I honestly value all those little moments now, and I hope that never changes! I always want to remember this time and that the little moments are precious :)

  43. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 8:09 am

    @Blonde17Jess: There’s a good chance Mr. Lemur will be in academy or away for training for weeks at a time at some point in the future so I guess I should just use this as practice, right? At least then I’ll know he’ll be coming back to me!

    @Mrs. Pony: Awh I know, all these comments are so sweet! When I wrote this post I didn’t expect to read so many awesome stories and encouragement :)

  44. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 8:11 am

    @almostmrsj: Haha it was more the person than the place ;)

    Some days honestly I get nothing done. I lie in bed and watch TV. Other days I get motivated and work ahead on schoolwork, do wedding planning, and plan things with friends. I’m always especially motivated leading up to a visit but right after a visit there are just those days, you know?

  45. Member
    simplykia 146 posts, Blushing bee @ 11:27 am

    I’m so happy that LD brides to be are sharing their experiences and advice! My FI and I have been LD for almost 4 years. I am in college in Georgia and he is in Florida. Although we are 5 hours and 30 minutes apart driving and 45 minutes flying, it has been really hard the last 2 years to visit each other twice a month like before, especially now since wedding planning! This journey has definitely not been easy and now that we are so close the the mid-finish line, it has gotten harder. Like many of you, I go through weird emotions when we have to part and we argue more.

    My advice is to pick a routine that you do daily to remind yourselves of the near future TOGETHER. MY FI and I either send each other the number of days until our wedding or create an idea of how we will spend one day together when we get married. For example, FI may say on October 12, I’m going to wake up to you and say you’re beautiful. Definitely Keeps the Spark alive and the Near Future in Mind! And also, we started incorporating each other in our days. So, giving frequent updates so it seems like the other is there!

    P.s. Thanks for sharing everyone!

  46. Member
    brooklyn55 743 posts, Busy bee @ 11:52 am

    @Miss Lemur: Yes, love Charlotte and Greenville area! I knew we were close.. I live just up the mountain in Hendersonville, NC. Very familiar with Greenville area. In fact, my bachelorette party is in Greenville this weekend!

  47. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 11:59 am

    @SimplyKia: Thank you for sharing too! I’m so overwhelmed with all the love, advice, and encouragement. When I sat down half in tears and wrote this post I didn’t expect to get to read so many sweet and inspiring stories :)

    You are almost done with the long distance, and I am excited for you! Don’t lose that spark when you get married… I don’t ever want to take those days for granted!

    @Brooklyn55: Ahh have so much fun! Greenville is for real a really awesome city. I remember you saying you were from Hendersonville. Are you going to be living there after you get married or in the Charlotte area?

  48. Member
    Schneewittli 56 posts, Worker bee @ 7:11 am

    I feel you…. the first 3,5 years of our relationship were a LDR – he lived in New York and I lived in Switzerland. The problem was not only the distance but also the time difference of 6 hours, it was sometimes really hard to find a good time to skype.
    I can totally relate to how you feel now – when you’re in your daily routine and you’re busy with work, sport and social engagements you’re distracted. And the time spent together is obviously amazing :-) It was always the transition times that were really hard for me – saying good bye at the airport (the worst!), flying across the ocean and coming home to an empty apartment and then getting back into your routine. Many nights spent at my best friends apartment drinking wine and having a laugh was the best remedy for me ;-)
    After I finishing grad school I moved to NY and we just got married ten days ago. You can do it!!Knowing you can survive a LDR makes your relationship so much stronger in many ways.

add a comment

Find Amazing Vendors