Oh these times are hard,
Yeah, they’re making us crazy,
Don’t give up on me, baby.
Mr. Lemur and I are long distance—and have been on and off throughout our entire relationship. In fact, by the time we get married we’ll have been long distance for almost half of our time as a couple. So yes, I knew it would be hard going into our final four months apart. Unfortunately, my trips up to Detroit are few and far between.
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But guys, it’s really tough. When I’m here I get into a pretty good routine. I work eight to give or later every day, eat dinner with my sisters or roommate, go to class for several hours in the evening, run and work out, and by then it’s time to go to sleep and get up the next day to do it all over again. Mr. Lemur works 12-hour shifts with a lot of overtime and runs a good bit himself. We hang out with our friends here or there when we have time. So we stay busy—and that’s good. It works.
I sit here writing this fresh off a weekend in Detroit. These are the days that are hard. It’s hard to focus on writing an entrepreneurship business plan. It’s hard to enjoy a typical dinner with a group of family and friends. It’s hard to lace up my shoes and run by myself.
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We fight more when we’re apart. It’s easy to snap over something small, especially when the distance already strains emotions. Read: I am a hormonal mess.
The whole girls and chocolate thing? Yeah, that holds true for me. Dark chocolate, preferably. I’m all out—you can mail me some more and we’ll be best friends forever? What can I say, it was a tough day. And that bag of M&Ms from my future mother-in-law went really quickly…
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One of us struggles taking pictures. That person is not me. I love him anyway.
Girls in a long-distance relationship: How do you make it work? Any advice for me? Encouragement? (I could use some right now.)
My mister and I have been in a LDR for the entire length of our relationship, which is going on 8 years – but it’s coming to an end next month. I have noticed that we fight a lot more right before one of our visits. We have a 3 hour time difference so that makes coordinating stuff a little tricky, but with Skype and text messages, that’s been very helpful bridging the distance.
You’re already doing what I would recommend. I keep busy living life which helps as well. I run, hang out with friends, or stay home and spend a lazy day in my pjs, try a new recipe, whatever makes me happy and keeps me busy.
But in the end, I remember that I’m with a wonderful guy who loves me completely and is there waiting for me as I’m waiting for him and that gets me out of any low spot. Good luck!
my now husband and I were long distance for our entire courtship until about 3 months before the wedding (then i moved and lived 3 blocks from him- boy was that a change! haha)
At times it was so hard for me, even though I kept busy like you do. I was in school full time and had two part time jobs (3 if you count wedding planning 
hah). We also fought more, and phone and skype conversations aren’t always a good substitute and no make up cuddling makes the fights sting more at times.
Whenever I found myself getting really down I thought about how my life would be if he wasn’t in it at that time. I was stressed with graduating and work and realized that he was my rock through it and I would be twice as crazy without him!
I also found that it helped a lot when I did something for him. My “love language” is acts of service, so that’s what helps me connect to others. It’s harder to do from hundreds of miles away but I would make him a card, or bake him something and just send it. He was always happy to receive a special something in the mail and I felt good doing something for him from a distance.
Best of luck and know that it won’t be forever!
I know waiting can be hard. Boy do I know waiting can be hard because I am marrying for the first time at 47. but here is a secret I will share with you… now that I am finally getting married… I miss the independence of my single days! It’s sometimes exhausting to have to coordinate EVERYTHING with my FI.
For everything, there is a season. The key to life is loving the moment you are in. The times you are together are that much more sweet because of the times you are apart. Nothing last forever. Fill your days away from him with doing things YOU love to do. You will be happier. The time will pass more quickly. And you will be an even more fabulous women whom he will love even more.
My fiance and I are long distance and have been for almost 4 years now. We met when he moved from Vermont to Pennsylvania for college, but family issues sent him back to Vermont just 4 months after we met. We did the 8 hour Vermont to Pennsylvania thing for about 9 months before he joined the Army and was sent thousands of miles away. First Georgia, then Arizona, then Alaska where he has been for the past 3 years. When it’s good, we see each other every 5-6 months. When it’s bad, like during his last deployment to Afghanistan, we have 10 month breaks between when we see each other. 10 months with him thousands of miles away in a war zone. No access to Skype, weekly phone calls (if I was lucky), a letter or two here and there. I’d be a happy woman if I never had to do that again.
We’re getting married in September and, while you would think that would be the end of our separation, it’s not. He has 3 more months in Alaksa before he moves to his next post and I can join him there. I’m definitely ready for that part of our journey. Right now, I’m focusing on the fact that I get to see him in 2 weeks, only 2 and a half months since our last reunion. That’s really unheard of. After that, we’ll see each other the week of the wedding. It’s not my ideal sitation, but it will have to do.
It’s your last 4 months apart, so say strong. Keep eating the chocolate and remember that sometimes it’s not worth it to fight. After all, you don’t have all day to spend on bickering. One day you will be able to tell your children the story of your love and you’ll be able to say “we made it through”. You can see the light at the end of this tunnel, so keep going until you reach it.
Good luck
I really empathize with you. My soon to be husband and I are long distance and we argue a lot…it’s scary at times. It’s very frustrating and I wonder to myself…if I am frustrated, how does HE feel?!!? It would be so much better if the distance didn’t separate us.
What works for me is prayer…honestly! I tell myself that in a few weeks, the details of the wedding planning (which is usually what we argue about) won’t even matter anymore since we’ll be married and living in the same place.
I also tell myself…that after we’re married…we’re STILL going to argue…and there will likely be times where I wish we had a few miles to separate us…even if just for a few minutes
Ultimately…know this…you’re NOT alone…he is likely experiencing his own range of emotions that are exacerbated by the distance…find ways to make up and to let him know how much you love him. (“The 5 love languages” mentioned earlier is a great tool…if you haven’t read it…do so as soon as you can and find out what his is and start tapping in).
In the meantime…pass me one of those chocolates you’ve been munching on…and be encouraged…this won’t last forever 
My husband and I are opposite coast military members. When we’re both home we see each other once every 6-8 weeks, but not so much when either of us is deployed or training. We’re more likely to get into a stupid fight during a visit a day or two before one of us leaves. We know we both just have to have it out, and discuss everything otherwise we’ll part bitter. The key is to stay in open and effective communication
I’m not in an LDR now, but FI and I were for almost a year. It was rough. We rarely have fights now that we’re together, but you’re right, distance creates lots of issues and hinders your ability to solve them.
What worked for us was setting a phone call and visitation schedule way in advance. We agreed on 10 p.m. nightly phone calls at minimum, and he often called and texted during the day if he could. We also agreed that he would visit me during the school year once or twice a month, and that I would spend every school vacation with him.
It was hard, but oh my god, so incredibly worth it now that we’re living together! Every annoying missed call, staticky phone connection, small misunderstanding was completely worth how great things are now. Once you’re together for good, you will look back on it as one of the most validating experiences of your entire relationship. I think every couple should try long-distance once; it makes you AND your relationship rock-solid in the end!
Even though Mr. A and I are currently living in the same town, we still hardly ever get to see each other. My work schedule is 8-5, Monday through Friday, and Mr. A’s work schedule rotates and is all over the place. Currently, he’s on the night shift, so he’s asleep on my lunch break and leaves before I get off every evening. It’s the pits! My days are definitely better when I get to see him, so the fact that he’s on the night shift when we have three weeks to go before the big day is a major point of stress for me.
Hang in there, girlie! I know it’s not easy to barely get to see your guy, but just take advantage of the time you DO have together and look forward to when you’re finally married and don’t have to worry about finding time to drive to see each other!
We were in a LDR for the first four years of our relationship. On days like this, the best thing you can do is throw yourself into activities, hanging out with friends, anything to get your mind off the fact that you’re not with him. Even if all that means is sitting and watching TV with your BFFs. Just don’t stay by yourself wallowing. You’ll feel back to normal soon! And SO soon you won’t have to deal with the distance anymore.
And just a warning, because this threw me through a loop when I finally moved to the same city as Mr. H — being in a close-distance relationship is a whole different kind of hard, BECAUSE you’ve spent so much time with your independence and own life. It gets easier, but at first it’s hard to get used to. It’ll still be okay.
*BIG HUGS*
*Hands you a bar of Dark Chocolate*
All the women in a LDR feel your pain and we understand it. How do we make it work? We do what you’re doing: keep busy when you are apart and keep the lines of communication open between you and your partner.
Advice? Just one:- don’t pick on the petty things. Oh the joys of LDR. The time difference and the busiest days can make you absolutely cranky and then you snap at your partner at the smallest and pettiest of things! Oh yes. *guilty* I’m still learning. But when I do stop being petty and just letting it go. It’s good. Cos it’s not worth it in the end. so, *keep calm and let it go*
And yes it’s tough. *pats back* we know. But look to the future! It’ll all be worth it in the end! It will! Your love survived the dratted distance! Oh so sweet. hang in there sis!
You guys are so awesome. Seriously, THIS is why I blog for Weddingbee! I might be tearing up sitting here & reading your comments
@tea: Eight years is an incredibly long time. I can’t even imagine! Congratulations on the light at the end of the tunnel — one more month
I feel like we fight most right after a visit or even right at the end of a visit. Kind of like I start getting sad that I’m leaving even before I leave… which sucks because then I ruin the time we had together. Then when right after the visit I struggle getting back into a routine.
@moose91: Oh my gosh I totally count wedding planning as a third job! Either that or another class. My teammates for one of my final projects tell me that I’m taking the optional wedding elective.
I really love your comment about your love language being acts of service and doing things for him. This is so something I need to work on! When I get down and upset I just sit and pout and that does nothing for either of us… especially since I take it out on him way too often. I’m totally going to work on doing little things for him and us
@SarahB: Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I can totally see it being hard to give up your independence, I do feel that some even just when I go to visit him and all of a sudden it’s like wait, I have to tell you what I’m doing instead of just going and doing it. Not in a bad way, but it does take some getting used to
It’s really hard for me to be happy sometimes, but I don’t want to waste these days, you know? They’re still important! I’m trying to stay busy and spend time with friends that I have here that unfortunately I won’t see as much after I get married. Thanks for your sweet words. I appreciate your words of wisdom
I too am in a LDR, and am in the final months, and it seems to be the hardest months too! It’s difficult, and I tell people that LDR is hard, but I feel blessed, because one, it takes a special kind of relationship to be in a LDR, and I believe that it is an entirely different kind of love! The time spent away, though really hard, cannot compare the the immense emotions and happiness you go through when you finally get to see your love again! That is what gets me through the weeks, that moment, that first hug, that embrace after not seeing each other is such a breath of fresh air. It is so hard!!!! I hate it! But our love is SO worth it, and what makes it even better is that the end of the distance is near, and soon marriage will begin!
It’s great to find other LDR girls to relate to! And I am the same, I tend to be A WHOLE lot more snappy when we are apart! *sigh* keep your head up, stay busy, and keep your mind and heart on the prize: Marrying and being with the man of your dreams!
@FutureMrsWeston: I have the uttermost respect for women with significant others in the military. My roommate’s boyfriend just graduated from West Point and is stationed in Georgia about to be transferred to Kansas. I know how hard it is for her… it’s actually good for me sometimes because as hard as I think my life is, her boyfriend can’t even communicate for weeks on end.
I’m so thankful to have a countdown now. I hope that you have that soon too Only two more weeks till you see him at least!
@TDotDeltaDiva: We had an awful argument today about something wedding related (of course!). I can’t wait till we don’t have that stress in our lives. I mean add long distance to the already stressful wedding planning and that’s just a mess!
It’s also hard because he doesn’t react the same way I do, you know? One, he’s a guy, and two, we have different personalities. Which is a good thing I don’t want to be dating someone like myself!
Thanks for seconding the 5 Love Languages recommendation. I know my parents have read it! I’ll have to take a look.
@dancingriss: We always end up fighting right before one of us leaves too. I always regret it because we’re wasting our last precious minutes together! But somehow I never learn
Thanks for your advice and reminding me that there are other women out there going through the same and worse! It’s good to have some perspective sometimes.
@CandieC88: This is actually what we do a lot of the time! I try to be back in my apartment and getting ready for bed by about 10:00 when he gets off work and he calls me right when he gets off work. Some days when he’s been busy all day I live for those late calls
I CAN’T wait to be married & living together. We’ve gone from long-distance to living in the same town and back several times, and I always forget how much freaking easier it is when we don’t have to deal with emotions long distance and how important a hug can be
@Miss Armadillo: I can so relate. Your fiance is a security officer too right? Umm I get you. Mr. Lemur works weird hours, like he’ll work till 10:00 one night and the next morning he’ll be up at 6:00 to work a 12-hour shift. For a girl working eight to five every day this drives me crazy and makes it so hard to communicate!
But hey, you’re getting married in three weeks and you get to look forward to a several day mini-moon together! I hope things are more consistent after the wedding
@Mrs. Hyena: Here I am griping over two years of long distance and some of you all have made it so much longer! I can’t even imagine. Today a long run, making dinner with a friend, and episodes of Lost on the couch made a big difference. It’s still hard though!
We’ve gone back & forth from long distance to being close and it’s always a transition. Especially for me. I am super organized and schedule my life like crazy… Mr. Lemur is laid back and goes with the flow. Newsflash: I can’t schedule his life like I schedule mine
Mrs. Lemur, Greenville, South Carolina Age and Occupation: 22, Graduate Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 22, Security Officer Engagement Date: October 9, 2012 Wedding Date: May 2013 Venue: Pleasant Ridge Camp & Retreat Center About Me: I may fancy myself a doctor after too many episodes of House—but in reality I'm finally almost done with my degree in business administration (less than three months left!). My fiance and I met at school in undergrad hundreds of miles away from either of our hometowns and have been happily running and hiking together ever since. We're undertaking a long distance relationship as I finish school and we plan our casual wedding for a day after graduation—needless to say, it will be the busiest and most exciting weekend of our lives so far!
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