Hard Times

Oh these times are hard,

Yeah, they’re making us crazy,

Don’t give up on me, baby.

Mr. Lemur and I are long distance—and have been on and off throughout our entire relationship. In fact, by the time we get married we’ll have been long distance for almost half of our time as a couple. So yes, I knew it would be hard going into our final four months apart. Unfortunately, my trips up to Detroit are few and far between.

Detroit

Personal photo

But guys, it’s really tough. When I’m here I get into a pretty good routine. I work eight to give or later every day, eat dinner with my sisters or roommate, go to class for several hours in the evening, run and work out, and by then it’s time to go to sleep and get up the next day to do it all over again. Mr. Lemur works 12-hour shifts with a lot of overtime and runs a good bit himself. We hang out with our friends here or there when we have time. So we stay busy—and that’s good. It works.

I sit here writing this fresh off a weekend in Detroit. These are the days that are hard. It’s hard to focus on writing an entrepreneurship business plan. It’s hard to enjoy a typical dinner with a group of family and friends. It’s hard to lace up my shoes and run by myself.

Downtow01

Personal photo

We fight more when we’re apart. It’s easy to snap over something small, especially when the distance already strains emotions. Read: I am a hormonal mess.

The whole girls and chocolate thing? Yeah, that holds true for me. Dark chocolate, preferably. I’m all out—you can mail me some more and we’ll be best friends forever? What can I say, it was a tough day. And that bag of M&Ms from my future mother-in-law went really quickly…

Detroit01

Personal photo

One of us struggles taking pictures. That person is not me. I love him anyway.

Girls in a long-distance relationship: How do you make it work? Any advice for me? Encouragement? (I could use some right now.)

BLOGGER

Mrs. Lemur

Location:
Greenville, South Carolina
Wedding Date:
May 2013
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comments

  1. Member
    almostmrsj 3260 posts, Sugar bee @ 7:41 am

    A weekend in Detroit makes you feel better? He must really be something. ;)
    You will miss your single days once you’re married and he’s always there. But that doesn’t help now, I know.
    You’ve got the right idea. Plan things that you need to accomplish before the next time you see him. A project, a craft, reading a book, whatever. That’s how I make myself do something other than sit on the couch for the weeks that my husband travels.

  2. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 8:05 am

    @Miss Palm Tree: Thank goodness for the expiration date, right?? And I think any long-distance relationship is hard—even if it’s just an hour for a short period of time! They’re just not there, you know? You need the person you love most to be the one to give you a hug or just sit and listen to you sometimes.

    @NavyBride2013: I am so inspired by all you with significant others in the military! I’m glad your countdown is getting close to the end. If you can do a year long tour I can so do two more months.

    People take things like making dinner together or for me, running together or just sitting in the same room even if we’re working on different things. I honestly value all those little moments now, and I hope that never changes! I always want to remember this time and that the little moments are precious :)

  3. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 8:09 am

    @Blonde17Jess: There’s a good chance Mr. Lemur will be in academy or away for training for weeks at a time at some point in the future so I guess I should just use this as practice, right? At least then I’ll know he’ll be coming back to me!

    @Mrs. Pony: Awh I know, all these comments are so sweet! When I wrote this post I didn’t expect to read so many awesome stories and encouragement :)

  4. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 8:11 am

    @almostmrsj: Haha it was more the person than the place ;)

    Some days honestly I get nothing done. I lie in bed and watch TV. Other days I get motivated and work ahead on schoolwork, do wedding planning, and plan things with friends. I’m always especially motivated leading up to a visit but right after a visit there are just those days, you know?

  5. Member
    simplykia 146 posts, Blushing bee @ 11:27 am

    I’m so happy that LD brides to be are sharing their experiences and advice! My FI and I have been LD for almost 4 years. I am in college in Georgia and he is in Florida. Although we are 5 hours and 30 minutes apart driving and 45 minutes flying, it has been really hard the last 2 years to visit each other twice a month like before, especially now since wedding planning! This journey has definitely not been easy and now that we are so close the the mid-finish line, it has gotten harder. Like many of you, I go through weird emotions when we have to part and we argue more.

    My advice is to pick a routine that you do daily to remind yourselves of the near future TOGETHER. MY FI and I either send each other the number of days until our wedding or create an idea of how we will spend one day together when we get married. For example, FI may say on October 12, I’m going to wake up to you and say you’re beautiful. Definitely Keeps the Spark alive and the Near Future in Mind! And also, we started incorporating each other in our days. So, giving frequent updates so it seems like the other is there!

    P.s. Thanks for sharing everyone!

  6. Member
    brooklyn55 743 posts, Busy bee @ 11:52 am

    @Miss Lemur: Yes, love Charlotte and Greenville area! I knew we were close.. I live just up the mountain in Hendersonville, NC. Very familiar with Greenville area. In fact, my bachelorette party is in Greenville this weekend!

  7. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 11:59 am

    @SimplyKia: Thank you for sharing too! I’m so overwhelmed with all the love, advice, and encouragement. When I sat down half in tears and wrote this post I didn’t expect to get to read so many sweet and inspiring stories :)

    You are almost done with the long distance, and I am excited for you! Don’t lose that spark when you get married… I don’t ever want to take those days for granted!

    @Brooklyn55: Ahh have so much fun! Greenville is for real a really awesome city. I remember you saying you were from Hendersonville. Are you going to be living there after you get married or in the Charlotte area?

  8. Member
    Schneewittli 55 posts, Worker bee @ 7:11 am

    I feel you…. the first 3,5 years of our relationship were a LDR – he lived in New York and I lived in Switzerland. The problem was not only the distance but also the time difference of 6 hours, it was sometimes really hard to find a good time to skype.
    I can totally relate to how you feel now – when you’re in your daily routine and you’re busy with work, sport and social engagements you’re distracted. And the time spent together is obviously amazing :-) It was always the transition times that were really hard for me – saying good bye at the airport (the worst!), flying across the ocean and coming home to an empty apartment and then getting back into your routine. Many nights spent at my best friends apartment drinking wine and having a laugh was the best remedy for me ;-)
    After I finishing grad school I moved to NY and we just got married ten days ago. You can do it!!Knowing you can survive a LDR makes your relationship so much stronger in many ways.

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