After heavily weighing the pros and cons of waxing “down there,” I decided to grab Bridesmaid Y and go on a trial run.
Both of us were pretty terrified. Being the pro Googler that I am, I had read TONS of horror stories. Skin getting ripped off? Bacteria? I was hoping that, at the very least, I’d scream here and there and be done with it.
First and foremost: we knew that—despite all information telling us otherwise—we had to find courage in liquid form.
Image via Mad Mex / Mad Mex’s “Big Azz” margarita: 22 ounces of liquid courage
Seriously, you haven’t lived (and by lived, I essentially mean died a terrible morning-after death) if you haven’t had one of Mad Mex’s legendary margaritas.
Down to the nitty gritty we go, folks.
If anyone ever tells you that it doesn’t hurt, he/she is either a superhero or a liar. Just like the people who say that tattoos don’t hurt (I’m here to tell you: I have three, all of which killed in their own unique ways), people who say Hairy Scary Monster waxing doesn’t hurt deserve to be seriously interrogated. Of course, I cannot speak for everyone—but I can speak for myself.
That. Shit. Hurt.
It’s not the bruise type of hurt and it’s not the “Ow, Charley bit me!” kind of hurt, either.
Video via YouTube / I’d happily give all of my fingers to Charlie in exchange for the pain I experienced. Just saying.
The best way to describe it for me was that it was a searing pain. I mentioned in my previous post that I have sensitive skin. If I run into something (which happens at least 20 times a day), I bruise almost automatically. If my cats scratch me, the mark ends up raised and irritated. If I play with my necklace on my chain, my entire chest ends up blotchy. Needless to say, I was terrified of how it would look—but I didn’t really expect the incredible pain, the blood, and the ridiculous inflammation.
To be fair, that week it was also 85-plus degrees in Pittsburgh (in MARCH, mind you—oh, Western Pennsylvania weather, you trickster *shakes fist*) and our air conditioning was broken. I was stuck with a normally covered body part swollen to the high heavens in sweaty, miserable conditions. Plus I had to go to work (couldn’t exactly call off for the Hairy Scary Monster’s comfort), meaning I was confined in undies and dress slacks during the day. Guess who spread-eagled in front of a fan at night…desperate times, desperate measures, right?
After the swelling went down, though (after about four or so days), the results were incredible. Smooth doesn’t even begin to touch the tip of accuracy regarding the feel and look of it. I still had a few of those bumpies along the bikini line, but the esthetician said she stopped waxing that area because of how my skin was reacting (that would be the immediate redness, blood coming out of my pores, and severe swelling, if you were wondering), so that could very well be why. I’m also sure that the temperature and having to wear, you know, clothes when the HSM was already pretty freakin’ scary in terms of irritation didn’t help the healing and prettiness process.
The absolute smoothness lasted a solid two/two and a half weeks, and then the lightest stubble started. As I’m sure many of you know, this was FAR better results than one gets from simply shaving. Even as it grew (true confessions: the “growing” is the worst part, because the hair has to be at least a quarter of an inch for the wax to actually grab it and remove it effectively), it wasn’t bothersome—thin and fine, as opposed to the normal thick, coarse, and stubborn.
Our esthetician told us that the more you go, the better results you get. In her accented English (Russian? Ukranian? I can’t remember), she told me a story about how one of her hairiest clients with ridiculously sensitive skin (like me, is what she was getting at—she didn’t want me to freak out about the reaction) had been coming to her regularly and “gets one, maybe two hairs” now.
All of this having been said, would I recommend it? Absolutely—but I WHOLEHEARTEDLY recommend doing a trial. Those first few days were some of the most uncomfortable, miserable days ever, and I would have been so beyond bridezilla status if that’s what I had to go through on or close to my wedding day. As with any new routine or a product, you definitely need to do a test run to see how your skin, body, etc. will react. Also, the place we went was incredibly reasonably priced ($50, plus tip), so it was definitely worth it monetarily. We saw quite a few places throughout our research that charged $70 and upward, which would definitely have influenced the “worth it” declaration.
Are there any brides-to-be who tame their HSM on a regular basis? Are you one of the superheroes with an incredible pain tolerance?