I’ve always had crazy dreams—and I usually remember them in vivid detail when I wake up. For years I dreamed about the first day of school, complete with forgetting to wear pants, not being able to find my homeroom, and failing my math quiz. (Ahem, sometimes I still have those dreams.)
So should it be any surprise that after I got engaged I started having wedding dreams? At first the dreams were fun—in them we’d have a perfect wedding day with sunshine and happiness and getting married with all our family members surrounding us.
Image via Niki Marie Photography
Then we got deeper and deeper into planning and the stress started to build, especially with Mr. Lemur 700 miles away. On top of that, I started my final semester of graduate school and the projects began to pile on.
Now the dreams are much less dreams than they are nightmares. Humor me and let me tell you about last night’s dream…
We’re getting married, but for some reason it’s in a tiny room off of the main room, so we have hardly any room to walk around. We set up the tables, but I have no idea if anyone is coming since I got only 23 RSVPs. I’m panicking wondering if anyone will show up—but then the exact opposite happens and too many people come! The tiny room is packed and it’s hot because we have the fireplaces on (for ambiance?). I didn’t have time to finish tying together the place settings, so they’re sitting in a pile by one of the fireplaces along with the rest of the decorations I worked so hard on. But it’s OK—the wedding will go on!
As we line up for the processional, I realize I never did my hair. It’s pulled up in a lifeless ponytail, so I grab a curling iron and try to salvage it as the music starts and my sisters begin to walk in. Too late, the ceremony is beginning. Then it hits me—I never scheduled anything for the ceremony! Our officiant is there, but he has no idea what to say. I failed to ask anyone to do readings or sing, and I don’t even know what to say for vows.
At this point I wake up in a panic and see the clock: 5:40 AM. At this point my thoughts are racing and I can’t fall back asleep. (I even text Mr. Lemur that exactly: “Awake at 5:40 AM and my thoughts are racing.” He didn’t wake up.) When I finally doze off again, I sleep fitfully until my alarm goes off. And my snooze alarm. And another snooze alarm…
This post really has no point except to ask: How do you deal with wedding nightmares? Has anyone been successful in stopping these crazy dreams that are robbing me of my sleep? The only thing I can come up with is being proactive and dealing with these issues. Tonight I plan on assembling my programs and finalizing the ceremony order. Maybe if I finish them in real life they won’t haunt me in my dreams!
I had really bad wedding nightmares as well. Most were some variation of “no wedding dress, hair not done and getting married in the wrong country.” I wish I could tell you how to make them go away, but I never managed to. Maybe yoga and meditation as you unwind before bed? I always sleep much better on nights I do yoga. The good news is that the dreams will stop after the wedding. 
I’ve had a few bad dreams too. The worst was when we didn’t have anything finalized, things were missing and no one showed up. That weekend I reorganized myself, got things back in order and luckily I haven’t had any bad dreams since.
I hate the wedding nightmares. ugh. but they do give me a sense of what I’ve been unconsciously worried about. No advice, just sympathies.
I started having wedding nightmares from the moment we got engaged until we had the ceremony and reception venues booked (about 2.5 months) … Basically being proactive is all I got for ya! But I definitely know the feeling 
I had so many of those before getting married, they were crazy! My Ambien prescription helped
I had one wedding dream…wouldn’t call it a nightmare.
We were getting married in a beautiful venue…for some reason I knew we were on a ship (although in my dream I never seen the outside of the venue…but I just knew). It had a grand staircase..but not a huge one. We were getting married on the staircase (my real life venue has a grand stair case also that we could have our ceremony on…I think that’s why it was in our dream).
The dream was all good until I realized that the wedding was happening months before I anticipated and I had nothing planned…no music…no centre pieces….no day of schedule….it was basicly a last min wedding everyone came to and no one planned for. Thankfully I did have a dress…not my real dress…but a beautiful slinky silk sheath.
It was a little worry some as I was worried the guest wont know where to go for cocktail hour and reception.
as for a way to stop the dreams…one can be to plan and get stuff done…but I think worrying about everything will just create more dreams…so I guess while you are planning, stop worrying about the details…just relax and know it will happen..and it will be wonderful
Honestly. Ive been having the same thing. Nightmares that are so vivid I wake up in a panic thinking I have 2 hours to finish the 200 paper lanterns!!! lol!!
I must say. I havent always been a woman with strong faith. But I’ve had a few very serious scary things happen happen in the last few years that have really strengthened my faith in God. On the nights when I wake up in a sweat… Frantic about all the things that went horribly wrong in my dreams… i pray. Sometimes for strength, sometimes just for a calm state of mind!! But it really helps. On days when i feel i have so little control… So much to do… And so little time… I always feel a little time with JC reminds me what the big day is all about. And nothing else matters but you and your man saying your vows. That moment is the most beautiful thing. And nothing can take away from that.
Thats almost exactly my nightmares!!!!
I’ve had a couple about forgetting to write my vows… one where the ceremony was over and only THEN did I realize that I had forgotten to invite my mom.
A few (not wedding related) dreams where my teeth fall out…
and one where I got period blood all over the inside of my dress but it wasnt noticeable from the outside… then i couldnt find a bathroom so I asked a lady working in a restaurant kitchen which was in a hallway where the bathroom was (to use a tampon) and she pointed towards an electrical outlet… yeah… strange dreams. XD
Is it mean if I say I had to laugh reading about your wedding nightmare? I only a had a few wedding-related dreams and luckily no nightmares. But I do think that getting things done helps with feeling less stressed in general. Go programs! Go ceremony order!
I am so sorry you are having all of these nightmares! I can sympathize though, I had terrible nightmares for months. I would wake up crying or in a panic almost every night for a few weeks. I finally started doing yoga every night before bed and then going to bed a little early, sipping hot water with lemon, and thinking of all of the things I had accomplished and how beautiful our wedding would be. I didn’t allow myself (at least for those 10 minutes or so before bed) to think about what needed done or what I was nervous about. After 2 or 3 nights of this routine, I noticed the dreams starting to be less intense. By the end of a week, I was bad dream free. I even occasionally had a great dream about the wedding.
At least for me, it seemed to help to focus on the positive and what I was excited for right before bed. I think it had to do with the calming nature of the yoga and forcing my brain into positive thinking right before sleep.
Good luck!
ha! I had so many of these nightmares in the middle of my planning- which is when I got so anal retentive with the spreadsheets and the schedules
I think the worst one I had was that I was in my dress- but forgot my shoes and wore flip flops. My hair wasn’t done. The band showed up like an hour late and everyone from my hometown crashed the wedding. It was just one thing after another!
Your dream sounds exactly like the two I had! I vented to my mom about it, and she suggested writing all of my To-Dos down.
My dreams were rooted from worrying about forgetting things, so I wrote down everything I needed to do, and added to it as they came to me. I use Trello, which has an app. It’s free, and it’s a task management platform. Since I always have my phone, if something occurs to me, I just open the app and add it. (you can assign other users to tasks too).
Once I complete something, I move it to the done column. My nightmares stopped as soon as I wrote everything down!
@Debbie: The wedding dreams will stop after the wedding, anyway! I need a way to get all of these crazy dreams to stop. A couple people mentioned yoga and meditation… I do yoga twice a week but maybe I’ll try a few shorter sessions right before bed!
@mkelove: I definitely feel like getting organized will help. Not that I’m behind on things, but maybe if I get some of these things done I’ll stop dreaming about them!
@Miss Panda: Isn’t that crazy? All of a sudden the little things I thought about before bed are like huge deals!
@jordyanna: I’m totally feeling the proactive things. Who cares if it doesn’t really NEED to be done for three weeks… I’m doing it now so I’ll stop dreaming about it!
@alphagam84: It’s the worst, and I swear it’s sucking the life out of me! This girl needs her sleep
@malibukayla: Ok, that actually sounds like a cool wedding dream. Besides the not ready part, I’d love to get married on a ship with a huge staircase!
@malibukayla: Yeah, definitely. I need to plan, organize, and then let the details work themselves out! I’m just killing myself over phantom details that I don’t need to be obsessing over.
@laura: I really appreciate this. Mr. Lemur and I are both religious and our faith is very important to us. You’re right, our God can bring us peace and strength! I know everything will work out and at the end of the day we will be married
@EmeraldTiger: Ahh these are crazy! I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one with weird dreams
@Mrs. Bracelet: Haha not mean! I’m totally trying to take my own advice and get this stuff done though 
@Victoria: I think my problem is I lie in bed before I fall asleep and think about all I have to get done… DUH then I dream about it! I’m glad to hear this worked for you. I’m definitely going to be trying it
@Mrs. Gloves: I loved your schedules! I’m trying to channel my inner Mrs. Gloves
@MaggieL: For some reason the fact that my hair wasn’t done was the most traumatic element of my dream! Haha
@kmarie719: I’m definitely doing this. I just told Mr. Lemur I’m going to start scheduling my tasks and not worrying about them until they need to get done! Hopefully this will help me too
I have had some crazy wedding nightmares. I also have the problem of waking up and my mind starts racing and sleep is a forgotten thing. I have started writing down all my thoughts in a notebook before I go to bed (wedding and non wedding related). It seems to help to put them in a “parking lot” for the night.
Ohhh gosh wedding nightmares, I had some super weird ones! Luckily they all went away as soon as the big day was over, so now I have sweet dreams again The best thing you can do is keep a positive outlook and focus on all of the great things to come. The last month of our engagement I stopped caring about our wedding, I focused on what would happen afterwards, and my nightmares went away.
I find that when I’m stuck in a cycle of bad worry-dreams that it helps to fall asleep with the tv on in the background. I just shut the moniter off so just the sound plays, but low enough so that you can tell it’s there but not make out any words (otherwise you’d keep yourself up listening to the actual program). That way, the last thing I’m thinking about isn’t really a think at all….my brain is listening to the sounds in the room instead of focusing on worrysome topics.
Mrs. Lemur, Greenville, South Carolina Age and Occupation: 22, Graduate Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 22, Security Officer Engagement Date: October 9, 2012 Wedding Date: May 2013 Venue: Pleasant Ridge Camp & Retreat Center About Me: I may fancy myself a doctor after too many episodes of House—but in reality I'm finally almost done with my degree in business administration (less than three months left!). My fiance and I met at school in undergrad hundreds of miles away from either of our hometowns and have been happily running and hiking together ever since. We're undertaking a long distance relationship as I finish school and we plan our casual wedding for a day after graduation—needless to say, it will be the busiest and most exciting weekend of our lives so far!
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