On Disappointments”¦

This is something I wanted to get off of my chest before officially starting recaps. It is one of those things that “went wrong on the big day” and was difficult to let go when looking back to our wedding. It is something I gave two minutes of my mind to on the big day, but left a bitter taste on my mouth when thinking about it in the weeks after the wedding. However, it’s something I am over now and don’t want to dwell on during my recaps because in the big picture, it is meaningless.

It has to do with bridesmaids.

Once upon a time I wrote about asking my bridesmaids, but unlike with our groomsmen, I never actually talked about them. I asked five of my girlfriends to be bridesmaids, and although they all enthusiastically said yes, I knew they had busy lives and things could go wrong. And they went wrong.

It all started in August when two of them (who are in the busy intern stage of med-school in the center of the country) let me know they had a test scheduled for the day of my wedding. And this was no ordinary test—it would decide the course of their careers. I was sad and bitter and allowed myself a few miserable days thinking they wouldn’t be there. However, there was nothing we could do. They were not setting their career back a year to come to my wedding—there was no question there—but we were all very sad and disappointed about the whole situation.

And then there were three. I held on to the silver lining thinking “now it will all be matching, cause we’ll have three bridesmaids and three groomsmen””¦not quite.

You see, my girls decided I would pick a fabric and they’ll go the custom road with it. I picked the fabric in August and nagged them about getting their dresses done for months, but at some point I just gave up. I had a wedding to plan you know? It was not until the week before the wedding (you read that right, eight days before the wedding!) that two of them told me they were getting measured”¦WHAT?! Simultaneously the third one was calling me to ask me if she could add another kind of fabric to the mix…WHAT?! At this point there was too much going on on the wedding front, so I had no time to worry about it and let it slide.

The day of the wedding the girls showed up three hours late, one was wearing a dress that might or might not have included the champagne colored fabric I chose, the other two were wearing black—and one of those was not even a dress. There was no time to find out the what’s or why’s. I allowed myself to be upset for a minute and then took all my emotions and locked them in a drawer. We had 30 minutes left of sunlight and guests were about to arrive, so we needed to get pictures ASAP.

The wedding went on and it was perfect. It was not until days later that all those feelings came rushing back. I once wrote about the fact that the only thing I asked from my bridesmaids was to show up and wear similar dresses because, not having an actual “job” for them, as it happens traditionally, I just wanted pretty match-y pictures. I dreaded looking at wedding pictures after this, and when we got our proofs I rushed through the ones with them. I was sad and bitter and yes, disappointed.

Being honest, I always knew there was a chance of this happening. There is always a chance of something not going as planned with them, but this was my wedding day and I really expected them to make an extra effort.

It still saddens me when I read about dress picking experiences, or getting ready recaps with all the girls, or even bachelorettes. I didn’t have any of that, and I really wish I had. Somewhere really deep inside me I’ll always regret missing that.

It took me a couple of weeks, but I just let it go. Something like this was not going to ruin our friendship. A part of me still wishes I could have better pictures of us (it was not just the outfits—the short amount of time and poor lighting didn’t allow a lot of great pics from us), but it the end it was OK. It didn’t ruin our wedding and it’s something we couldn’t change.

A few days ago, when looking at our wedding pics, my cousin told me how perfect everything was: the food, the music, the venue”¦except the bridesmaids. Hey—if the only thing that was not perfect was that my bridesmaids didn’t match, I’ll take it any day. Gotta pick your battles.

So, now you’ll know the story behind the Toadstool bridesmaids’ out-of-place outfits.

Did you suffer any disappointments regarding your wedding? Did you feel like you missed anything from the “bridal experience?”


Mrs. Toadstool

Obregon, Mexico
Wedding Date:
December 2012
The Lady Doth Object Too Much

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  1. Guest Icon Guest
    Amy, Guest @ 1:20 pm

    OMG! I’m sorry but I would not keep them as friends. Who does that? It’s a matter of respect for the bride as a person and friend. Those girls should of told you they didn’t have time to be in your wedding so you could of moved on and had people who really loved and respected you next to you on your big day. I’m so sorry. You really deserved better then that.

  2. airplane Member
    Mrs. Airplane 395 posts, Helper bee @ 1:20 pm

    Mrs. T, you are a far better person that I. I’m so glad that this didn’t ruin your day for you, and I’m so excited to see your photos, mismatched maids and all! Thank you for sharing your experience and for having the poise to just let it go.

  3. mswallaby Member
    mswallaby 2070 posts, Buzzing bee @ 1:36 pm

    You are so strong to stay positive on your wedding day… Weddings aside, it always hurts when your friends let you down. That sucks so much. Thanks for being honest and forthcoming, and I can’t wait to read more of your wedding story :)

  4. Member
    ladymegbeth 227 posts, Helper bee @ 2:21 pm

    Wow…that would have really messed with my head. You’re a good person, Mrs. T. Honestly. Having been a BM more times than I can count, you never, EVER do that to a bride. Especially if you don’t have any other “traditional” Bridesmaids duties on your plate. Shameful. I’m glad you’re able to let it go and enjoy the rest of the memories of your big day. :’)

  5. camel Member
    camel 703 posts, Busy bee @ 2:23 pm

    Man Mrs. Toadstool, I haven’t had anything so dramatic happen, but I know that feeling of disappointment and bitterness well. My bridesmaids live all over the country and it’s not possible for them to all be together to attend a bachelorette party or a bridal shower. In fact, one of my bridesmaids will be in a wedding the day before ours and will be missing the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. It’s hard to shake feelings like this, even if you know they are just a part of life.

  6. Member
    shortbread 290 posts, Helper bee @ 2:33 pm

    I honestly cannot believe your friends would do this to you. I think you’re a much bigger person than I am to be able to let this go. I think out of respect for you they should have told you if they didn’t have the time to do the one task you asked them to do. I hope that this issue did not put a dark cloud over your big day..but it’s okay to feel disappointed. I know I have been waiting anxiously to read your recaps an I’m glad you were able to get this off your chest first.

  7. Member
    lealorali 4827 posts, Honey bee @ 2:45 pm

    God sweetie, I really feel for you. How were your BM’s that clueless?? I don’t even understand that.

  8. Member
    lovelyduckie 756 posts, Busy bee @ 2:48 pm

    I felt kinda bummed with myself when I ended up putting all the bridesmaids into the same dress. I wanted them to pick out their own lace teal dresses, but 2 of them gravitated toward the same dress thath was different than I originally promised everyone, and I just decided to make it THE dress and offered to pay (although only one of them took me up on thath). Reading what happened with your wedding, I feel a little less bad about forcing a dress now. If it saves me that moment where my heart drops into my stomach (one that I wouldn’t recover from nearly as well as you) then I’ll take the same dress guilt any day. Thanks

  9. mspalmtree Member
    Mrs. Palm Tree 1122 posts, Bumble bee @ 3:17 pm

    Thanks for sharing this, lady. I sometimes think that the disappointment stories are necessary, because not everything really is all sunshine and roses. I also have to commend you for holding it together – I would have snapped the F out on EVERYONE. Hugs. <3

  10. panda Member
    Mrs. Panda 1359 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:10 pm

    big hugs. It’s so hard to write about the disappointments, especially when they involve other people. You show so much strength in how you talk about your disappointments, and I hope that when something happens at my wedding, I can show half the strength you have shown here.

  11. mspony Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 5:59 pm

    I’m really sorry, what a huge disappointment. Your bridesmaids are supposed to be there for you, not let you down on the one thing you ask of them. I’m glad you didn’t let this tarnish your day!

  12. Member
    texasaggiemom 595 posts, Busy bee @ 7:25 pm

    Hugs for the hurt you felt, and my greatest admiration for the tact and grace with which you wrote about this disappointment. Many of today’s brides would have taken the occasion to lash out at their bridesmaids via Facebook, but you have obviously taken the high road. Good for you!

  13. Member
    Almost Mrs.P 2056 posts, Buzzing bee @ 7:55 pm

    Awww… that stinks. :( I am impressed with your ability to let it go… not sure I’d be able to so quickly.

  14. mslemur Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 7:33 am

    This is a really sweet post. I’m sorry you had to go through this, but thanks for showing us how to be gracious and understanding! I think it’s encouraging to see how brides handled disappointments on their wedding day (we’ll all have them) without ruining it for themselves or others!

  15. Member
    cosmo_gmr 488 posts, Helper bee @ 7:51 am

    Shame on them! I’m sorry but the least you can do for a friend that is naming you a BM for her wedding (and have no other obligations) is to show up on time and wearing what you were requested to wear. It’s not that hard!

    I have to say you are such a great person to keep them as friends. I understand that the BM’s were even forgetable in the big picture and probably nobody else gave them a second thought, but they are your friends and let you down. I’m so sorry!

  16. Member
    soontobemrsriley 86 posts, Worker bee @ 9:49 am

    My wedding is in 3 days and I just had a bridesmaid bail about two days ago, so I feel your pain. My only two now are my MOH who I’ve known since I was ten, but she lives 15 hour away, and my younger sister, who is in college two hours away. They don’t really have a “job” either but at least the dresses match :( However, they are strapless, and my sister is literally flat as a board so we had to ad straps. Win some, loose some.

  17. mstreasure Member
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 12:02 pm

    Wow. I probably would’ve lost it, so good for you for being calm. That’s just rude and disrespectful, but I’m glad you didn’t let it ruin your day.

  18. otter Member
    otter 1321 posts, Bumble bee @ 12:06 pm

    Just big hugs to you + huge props for keeping it together and moving on. I probably would be devastated if this happened on our day – I don’t think match-y dresses is asking too much! Such a good post! :)

  19. Member
    lealorali 4827 posts, Honey bee @ 6:20 pm

    I’m still so peeved they did this to you. Ugh!!!

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