Sweetheart-Gate

The top table is one thing that I’m really struggling with.

I’ve been looking through some of the bees’ posts and found that I’m not the only one! Mrs. Seal had this problem, and so did Mrs. Pumpkin, Mrs. Snow Cone, Miss Otter—it gave me a lot of reading to do!

You see, traditionally, the top table is seated like this (I hear it’s different from US top tables).

toptabl
 

Image via Wedding Services 4U

But Chatty Man will know no one at this wedding except for Jack and me, and his wife. So if he sits with us at the top table, then his missus will be on her own, and I don’t think that’s very fair.

I think Chief would have much more fun sitting with our friends rather than next to Jack’s dad, and if Chatty Man isn’t there then it makes sense for her to not be there either.

So that leaves six of us at the top table. Me, Jack, and both our parents. That’s sorted, right?

But here’s another thing to throw into the mix—I don’t have a large family. So if my parents are sitting with me, who will my grandma sit with? She won’t really know anyone else, and if I sit her at the top table with us, would I then have to sit Jack’s grandparents there too? Because he has three!

I like the idea of my parents sitting with their friends (and my grandma). My dad would be less nervous about doing his speech if he’s surrounded by his friends instead of being at that “centre of attention” table. And Jack’s parents have enough family members around so it would be easy to seat them somewhere else.

Which brings me to what I think would be the best thing to do. The sweetheart table.

sweethe

Image via Style Me Pretty / Photo by Allie Lindsey Photography

I really like the idea of a sweetheart table. I like the idea of spending time with Jack, just the two of us, whilst we eat. We are “going out for dinner” people, and this is really “us.’ To be honest, I would prefer it, too. A head table is a lot of looking out at everyone in front of us. I know that we’ll still be looking out from a sweetheart, but I guess I just feel like if it’s only two of us, it would feel more intimate and less formal and we’d “blend in a bit” (we’d be in the middle of everyone if we did it this way). Plus, a top table would have to be put on the dance floor area of the room and would have to be moved once we’d finished eating, and I kinda don’t want that.

The problem?

Jack doesn’t like it. He’s pretty against the idea of a sweetheart table right now, and it’s the only thing we’ve disagreed on. As much as I would like a sweetheart table, I do actually have a reason as to why it would work best. Whereas Jack just likes the idea of a top table and that is that.

So! Fortunately, we’ve both agreed to sit down and chat about both options. I’m going to put together a “proposal,” complete with pros and cons, and pictures! (Maybe I won’t do a Power Point presentation because that might be a bit much, haha.) And hopefully he’ll either a) agree with me or b) come up with a better solution. I don’t want to just tell him we’re doing it my way, but I also want him to see my thoughts on it in case he’s got an image in his head of something like this and it’s scaring him.

redswee

Image via Wedding Decorator Blog

I’ll let you know what we decide on! Were there many things that you disagreed about?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Jackrabbit

Location:
Brighton, UK
Wedding Date:
September 2013

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  1. Member
    memorialbride13 482 posts, Helper bee @ 10:45 am

    we’re having us and our best man with his date and our maid of honor with her date so that dates aren’t left alone and the rest of the BP will be seated with their dates with people they know. we didn’t want a sweetheart table with more focus just on us and didn’t want to separate BP from their dates!

  2. Member
    kmarie719 795 posts, Busy bee @ 10:54 am

    Is it because he wants the family up with him? Or just a head table in general?

    At first we wanted a head table, but intended to have our wedding party and their guests seated at it, that way no guest of the wedding party was left alone.

    In the end though, we opted to go with a sweetheart table, but maybe that could be a compromise for you?

  3. Member
    cosmo_gmr 946 posts, Busy bee @ 10:56 am

    I hope you can come up with a solution you’re both comfortable with!

    P.S. I love your inspiration pics!

  4. Member
    bracelet 1419 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:20 am

    Our solution was a bit unusual – we sat at a round table with most of our bridal party and everyone had their bf/gf by their side. I didn’t want to split up couples, either. Our parents sat at one table plus the minister and his wife; and other good friends sat with the remainder of our bridal party. Everyone had a great evening. Maybe this would be an option for you, though slightly nontraditional for the UK?

  5. Member
    BookishBelle 1629 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:25 am

    @Mrs. Bracelet: We did the exact same thing. I know this is untraditional for the UK (and for some people in the US as well), but we didn’t care about tradition, we cared much more about our family and friends enjoying their evening (and it sounds like you do too, Jackrabbit!). So we just sat at a “normal” table with our entire wedding party and their significant others. We got to enjoy our wedding party’s company, their SOs didn’t have to sit alone being bored and miserable, our family got to stay seated together, DH and I didn’t have to eat alone w/ everybody staring at us at a sweetheart table, it was PERFECT (for us)

  6. Member
    lovelyduckie 756 posts, Busy bee @ 11:48 am

    We’re doing a sweetheart table AND there’s really no order of importance to who sits where. Our main goal is to put everyone next to people they’ll have fun with.

  7. Member
    genie 723 posts, Busy bee @ 12:17 pm

    Mr. Genie was worried about a sweetheart table, because he was worried that all the attention would be on us. When he realized it would be on us the whole night anyway, and I explained the family and dates situation, he agreed to it. At the reception, he said it was so nice to have our own little space, even if tons of people came to chat with us, we were still able to talk to each other, share food, and our evening. That was the most we were together all day, and I’m glad we did it. Otherwise, I like Mrs. Bracelet’s way of seating.

  8. Member
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 12:55 pm

    Like Mrs. Bracelet, e ended up sitting at just a normal round table. We had 8 wedding party members + 2 of us = 10 people, and our round tables sat 10, so it was perfect. But I’ve been to weddings where the bride and groom sit with their families at a regular table and the wedding party sits with their dates at another regular table, so that could work, too. The seating chart was one of the hardest parts for us to figure out. It’s weird breaking down a large group of people into smaller groupings of 10.

  9. Member
    dittobelle 123 posts, Blushing bee @ 1:24 pm

    We’re doing a long head table with bride and groom, and wedding party with dates/spouses.

    Then a round table with the bride’s immediate family and a round table with the groom’s immediate family. That way everyone is with their partner.

    Still haven’t decided whether we will do table numbers and escort cards yet.

  10. Member
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 5:49 pm

    I loved having a sweetheart table, we got to have a little time to ourselves while our bridal party got to be with their families. Hopefully you can agree on an arrangement that works for both of you!

  11. Member
    sword 1029 posts, Bumble bee @ 6:01 pm

    Sweetheart table is the way to go! The one time I was at a head table I really disliked it. You have to turn your head constantly to talk to everyone on your right and left and it’s just awkward. Let everyone sit with who they know! Tell Mr. Jack it’s the cool thing to do these days! :)

  12. Member
    Mrs. Rubber Stamps 821 posts, Busy bee @ 6:27 pm

    We did a sweetheart table. I insisted and it was nice to have that time to ourselves. It would have been too awkward to have all of our parents and bridal party at a long head table. I hope you come to a decision that you can both agree with.

  13. Member
    Pink Penguin 144 posts, Blushing bee @ 7:06 pm

    We’ve got an oval top table so it’s a bit more sociable than a long one but still a bit “on display” like a traditional one. We won’t have people sat along the front.
    We are having bride and groom, best man and his girlfriend, chief bridesmaid and her boyfriend and our other two bridesmaids and their boyfriends who are our ushers as well.
    Then we have our parents and grandparents all together on the first table.
    It took us a while to get to this stage but it works the best for us.
    Good luck! x

  14. Member
    clairebear000 309 posts, Helper bee @ 3:13 am

    The most recent wedding I went to had the family at normal tables with friends/aunties etc, and the top table was just the bride, groom, maids and groomsmen. They all had a good time up there and it was perfect for the space. You could then seat chatty mans girlfriend up on the top table if you wanted to.

  15. Member
    blonde17jess 1290 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:10 am

    I’m with you! I feel like our married sisters in the bridal party would feel better seated with their husbands and children, rather than having to sit with us at the head table. It’s just unnecessary for us, and I’d rather it just be the two of us spending some quality time together. I also anticipate that he isn’t going to be too much of a fan, because every wedding we have gone to has had a head table, and he has trouble envisioning anything outside of the norm!

    Good luck! I hope he comes around! :)

  16. Guest Icon Guest
    Tess ChatterCakes, Guest @ 5:14 am

    This is exactly what I want when the time comes :) so does the other half. We are too ‘going out for dinner’ people…much prefer to sit, eat good food and chat the night away than sit in a cinema etc. Or both is good :D

    Its a lovely idea…after all, you’ll be sitting with the person you’ll be sitting with for the rest of your life :) its a small amount of time to feel the reality of the day I think. You could always have a little space next to the sweetheart table to invite your cat hehe.

  17. Member
    msmongoose 264 posts, Helper bee @ 10:18 am

    I’m personally a big fan of sweetheart tables–and it sounds like your reasoning is pretty solid. Hopefully you can convince Jack of it too!

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