As I am quite well versed as to who is on our rather select guest list—I know for certain that I did not invite the Drama Llama or even send them a save the date!
Unfortunately what I didn’t realize was that someone we are inviting has been doing a little moonlighting.
Namely, Mama Leadfoot.
On Mom’s 50th birthday cruise: Miss Road Trip, Mama Leadfoot, Brother Speedy, Dr. Aunt, Brother Truck, & SiL Teacher | Personal photo
Have you ever been in one of those situations where you know you very specifically said A but the other party in the conversation seems to have heard D? That’s what must have happened all those times I said the following to Mom: “Just immediate family and close friends—no more than 50 people, max.”
Seriously. Those words have been my mantra since we started planning. In fact, I know I used those exact words when she asked, “You’re not thinking of having a big wedding, are you?” when I mentioned we’d started our venue hunt.
Now, I love our guest list. I love that each person on there is an active part of our lives. I also love that by each of us having done the big church wedding in the past, inviting everyone and their cousin to it, we’ve fulfilled our social-milestone obligation and I feel no undue pressure to extend those courtesy invites to people we hardly ever talk to.
Or, at least, I didn’t until Mama Leadfoot started in on me a few months ago.
The conversation started something like this back in March:
M.LF: Several people [at a cousin’s wedding back home I was unable to attend] were asking about your wedding plans and I just didn’t know what to tell them since you aren’t inviting any of them.
Miss RT: Well, you could say that we’re having a small wedding with just immediate family and close friends.
M.LF: Well, I’ll tell them to ask you about it because I don’t know anything about it!
Passive-aggressive there, much, Mom?
Now, to her credit, she doesn’t know “anything” about the wedding (not completely true, but we’ll go with it for now) because she doesn’t ask about the wedding. I know she’s happy for us, I think she’s even looking forward to it, but you wouldn’t know it by her inquiries on the subject. And this might not be so obvious if she didn’t ask everybody about everything at every opportunity (we work together, and she asks our clients about their kids’ wedding plans; she’s just that kind of nosy). If I don’t bring it up, she doesn’t either, and even then sometimes when I mention our plans in passing she doesn’t comment on them.
And the reason is the guest list.
The rest of that conversation was me trying to explain that between our budget (which she is not contributing to) and our preferences, we’d like to keep it small. And if I invite her one sister then I really would have to invite that sister’s daughter and granddaughter, not to mention the rest of that side of the family who all live in the same small town and talk quite regularly. And suddenly our guest list has doubled, and that’s before adding in my father’s side of the family or any of Mr. Road Trip’s extended relations. That’s why we made the demarcation immediate family.
It also causes me to do the confused puppy head-tilt when I think of all those times she was oh so glad that she moved us away from said family members and how she didn’t want to be a part of their gossip and in-fighting and how horrible that self-same sister was to her growing up. And then Mama Leadfoot says to me:
Well, it hurts my feelings that you aren’t inviting them, but I guess that’s my problem.”
Just twist that knife, OK?
Of course, at this point I just have to give up—but not give in! First of all, our budget wouldn’t stand the change—it’s just not a possibility. Secondly, the contract we have with our venue is for a fairly small space and was booked over a year ago and there was just no changing it at that point, even if we did fall into a pile of money to afford it. Finally, though, with family comes even more drama. And while I respect my roots and where I come from, I don’t need them telling their favorite make-fun-of-Miss-Road-Trip-as-a-brainy-six-year-old stories that they tell every. visit. home. Teasing is not my love language. (Is it anyone’s? Sometimes I wonder.)
So our guest list currently sits at eight family members, seven coworkers, and around 20 mutual friends. These are people that make an effort to be a part of our lives (another thing they do not have in common with most of my family) and support us as a couple. And if anything, it’s likely to get smaller, not bigger.
Did you have any Drama Llama sightings from an unexpected corner?