Fighting with Your Fiance

Early on in our engagement a few friends told me to not worry if Mr. G and I got into arguments more during the wedding-planning process because it would be normal and inevitable. I did worry a little bit and felt lucky when I stumbled upon a podcast called Say Yes to the Dress: Monte’s Take. (Sadly, the podcast doesn’t air any new episodes, but they can still be found on iTunes.)

Monte and his co-host Candace Keener (formerly of the Stuff You Missed in History Class podcast) did a podcast on involving the groom in wedding planning, and Monte gave some great advice: narrow down any question or concept you have to three choices and present them to your fiancé. This piece of advice has probably saved me from a few arguments with Mr G. Instead of hassling asking him about any new idea, I would take a moment to present it in a way that was more “yay or nay” or “Which do you prefer out of these three?” than “What do you think?”

Of course, Mr. G and I have had a few arguments during wedding planning. The biggest fight to date has been about wedding dresses. I wanted Mr. G to have a definite preference about what wedding dress would look good on me, and Mr. G has no preferences about wedding dresses whatsoever. It made me super frustrated. Why couldn’t he pick a wedding dress silhouette that was right for me? Why was he not more like Monte from Say Yes to the Dress?! We fought for a good 15 minutes until I realized that I was being pretty crazy and probably having a bridezilla moment.

Besides that we haven’t been fighting much, and I have been using the “Which do you like out of these three?” approach. Flowers and invitations are not his thing, but he does like to voice his opinion on other options.

I am hoping that our wedding-planning journey will not get any crazier and that we don’t fight too much.

dscf0842

Pillow fights are always OK, though!

Have you been fighting with your fiancé more now that you are engaged?

Did you ever get into any stupid fights during your wedding planning?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Gondola

Location:
Kyoto
Wedding Date:
December 1969
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  1. Member
    jetsetter 535 posts, Busy bee @ 3:09 pm

    Mr. Jet and I haven’t argued too much about planning, and I’ve been very aware of making him a part of every decision we’ve made. I think it’s so easy to forget that it’s our SO’s wedding too – not just ours! I think the best thing I could’ve done so far was to keep that in the back of my mind whenever I come up with a new idea and running it by Mr. Jet first. (He almost always says yes anyway, but he’s thanked me on more than one occasion for thinking of him).

    I like the three choices rule, though! That could come in handy the closer we get! :)

  2. Member
    mswaterfall 1403 posts, Bumble bee @ 3:20 pm

    It’s better that he doesn’t have an opinion on the dress, trust me. That way you’re free to pick what you like without worrying that he’ll hate it ;)

  3. Member
    thumpurr 1175 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:26 pm

    Men are funny…..yours doesn’t want to help choosing a dress, and mine wanted to go dress shopping with me. Which we had initially agreed on, but then I said no. We nave had minor disagreements about wedding stuff. To remedy this I fired myself off of the food and music details. He has numerous years in the restaurant business, and he is a musician. So I am HAPPY to not deal with the food and music, and it makes him feel like he is helping. Not only that he understands all of the jargon better than I do. He does get to have some input on the details….flowers, invitations and such. But mostly, that is my department. I show him a few choices and let him pick what he thinks he likes, and then I usually come back with something way better….and he agrees!! LOL!! He has seen a picture of my dress, but he has not seen the dress or me in it. We did chose our venue and officiant together. I think it is normal to have disagreements about wedding planning, it is a very stressful event to plan. I myself cannot wait to be done with wedding planning!!

  4. Member
    bracelet 1419 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:55 pm

    Mr. Bracelet and I sailed through wedding planning pretty smoothly, no fights etc. I butted heads more with my mom, who is a die-hard traditionalist. Two years of long-distance relationship taught us to communicate well.

  5. Member
    primepretty 142 posts, Blushing bee @ 5:45 pm

    I think we have fought more after the engagement than ever in our 5 yrs together. It’s a matter of I ask him a question because he said he wanted to be involved and he doesn’t care what we do. I get frustrated because I wanted to elope and he wants this big thing and yet has no input. We finally had a talk where I vented everything and asked him to do the same and we are much better now that we know what we expect from each other when it comes to the wedding. He thought that I secretly DID want a big wedding and I explained that I did not but since it was too late to cancel he was going to be doing a heck more of the planning.

  6. Member
    genie 723 posts, Busy bee @ 7:23 pm

    There were times when Mr. Genie though I was being a little ridiculous, but we never had a difficult fight over anything. I definitely took the “present 3 options” approach, which worked out really well. Mr. Genie always had a hand in the final decision, but didn’t have to dig through all the research I had done.

  7. Member
    gondola 1046 posts, Bumble bee @ 3:28 am

    @Miss Jet Setter: Its still easy for me to get its not just my wedding, but his too. Mr. Gondola is like Mr. Jet- he always says yes, which is awesome!

    @thumpurr: I think its such a good idea to delegate some of the responsibility. Mr. G is also in charge of food. Its so nice to have a few things I dont really need to worry about.
    @Mrs. Bracelet:
    Me too! My mom turned out to be the more difficult person to work with. So unexpected!
    @primepretty: Good for you- I’m so glad you were able to talk and work things out! I hope he helped with the planning.

  8. Member
    MrsM914 564 posts, Busy bee @ 5:05 am

    We fought for what felt the entire first half of our engagement. Not about anything to do with the wedding though. I realized about April that I was being a nutcase stress ball (due to the planning process) and driving him crazy. Things have been smooth sailing ever since.

  9. Member
    MrHT 40 posts, Newbee @ 6:03 am

    I think it’s so easy to forget that it’s our SO’s wedding too – not just ours![img]http://camerapub.com/camera/images/lqgo.gif[/img]

  10. Member
    mslemur 616 posts, Busy bee @ 10:21 am

    We definitely fought more during our engagement than ever before. The good news is that now that we’re married, we fight less than ever before…especially now that we’re not stressing over the wedding :)

  11. Member
    rucksack 518 posts, Busy bee @ 10:29 am

    We’ve only had two fights so far, and both were stupid. He still doesn’t know why I was so upset when he ordered 1/2 of the guys sunglasses in brown and 1/2 in black. (They don’t match!) Oh well. I got over it!

    Weddings are definitely big wedding stressers!

  12. Member
    gondola 1046 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:23 am

    @devinthebrave: I’m glad to hear that its been smooth sailing. As the wedding approaches, I’m getting a little stressed. I hope I don’t fight with Mr. G more.@Mrs. Lemur: So glad to hear that this is only temporary! I wonder what it will be like for Mr. G and me when we dont have a wedding to plan.
    @Miss Rucksack: Haha, men sometimes just don’t understand.

  13. Member
    funnelcake 1171 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:42 am

    I have to say, overall we didn’t fight that much about the wedding and Mr. FC was really helpful and pretty involved in the decision making process. Our biggest fight was probably about getting the invitations out the door because he decided all of the sudden that they should be done already and we had to rush the paper decisions and assembly. Pretty sure I was crying when I was stuffing invites into envelopes late one night… and then he was mad I did it without him because he felt unhelpful. Sigh. :P

  14. Member
    roadtrip 803 posts, Busy bee @ 12:09 pm

    No fights so far–and not just during wedding plan, we just don’t fight! (Knock wood that doesn’t change, lol.) We both had rather, um, contentious relationships in the past that there’s very little worth fighting about in this one (we don’t want the drama) and we agree on most things anyway!

  15. Member
    MrsKeAloha 1044 posts, Bumble bee @ 12:27 pm

    Oh my goodness we argued. Not on wedding stuff, sometimes but not always. I think the stress just gets to you and something that normally would never start an argument now does. For us it was that my husband wanted to be involved with everything, but never wanted to discuss it, or he didn’t have time to discuss it. So I felt like I wad doing things twice. Once to incorporate and involve him and second as a back up plan if he was too busy. And trust me, he got so busy he dropped most of his stuff like picking our music for the reception in my lap. Ugh… But, we worked through it and I love him. The ups and downs are part of real life. Its not a fairytale even though we dream it will be.

  16. Guest Icon Guest
    Future Mrs. H, Guest @ 7:59 pm

    Mr. H and I have done some fighting, mostly about wedding stuff. Problem is we started planning early and later I found other options for just about everything that I liked better. He said he wanted to be involved so I asked him about everything! Wish I had known about the 3 choice idea sooner. I learned and we worked thru it. I am blessed to have such a patient man to be getting married to!

  17. Guest Icon Guest
    Gimilaine17, Guest @ 9:57 am

    @primepretty: @primepretty: no fighting for us either. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t been frustrated with wedding planning. I also wanted to elope, but he wanted to do “something small” and hasn’t provided too much input. The three choice thing is a great idea. We still have two months to go before our wedding day and very little left to plan. Thank goodness because I’m ready to get the show on the road! Lol!

  18. Guest Icon Guest
    Lexi, Guest @ 3:06 pm

    Wow nope not a single argument we have agreed on most things. The man has been involved in every step. Except picking the dress he showed me a few pictures of what he liked and I kept that in mind wedding dress shopping. But overall we have been very lucky it’s all just fallen into place with no fuss.

  19. Member
    missslipper 55 posts, Worker bee @ 9:32 am

    We recently put a down payment on our reception venue; and boy that was a daunting task!
    I loved everything about the venue, and so did my fiance… up until the venue manager said “sorry we don’t allow draping anymore” as in Draping for decor for the reception of my dreams!!!

    Argument #1: if draping was out MY DREAM… then NO to the reception that was the most affordable gorgeous location suitable for us..

    geez! I know why people elope now! LOL

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