The Name Game

It was Mr. Wellies’s idea to take my last name after we got married.

When he first suggested it, I was bemused. I didn’t understand why he would want to take my name. I had never thought of it before, mainly because I had never heard of it before. The only options I knew of were the woman taking the man’s name; the woman keeping her name; the couple hyphenating their names; or, more recently, the couple blending their names. But a man taking a woman’s name? Outrageous!

Then Mr. Wellies explained his reasoning. He knows how much my last name means to me. I had previously expressed my worry about carrying on the family name, since I only have one male cousin who might continue it. Mr. Wellies saw taking my last name as a way to honor my dad and my grandfather, two of the most important men in my life.

Furthermore, as I mentioned in my post on proposing, Mr. Wellies and I are feminists. We believe women should have equal rights and the same opportunities as men. Just as I had asked myself, “Why can’t I propose to him?” Mr. Wellies had asked himself, “Why can’t I take her name?” He wanted us to share a name as a family, and he didn’t want to do it by hyphenating, or creating a new name, like Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. His last name wasn’t important to him. For Mr. Wellies, taking my name just made sense.

The more I thought about it, the more I grew to love the idea. I was deeply touched by his motivation, as well as his unwavering determination. I kept asking him, “Are you sure this is what you want?” The answer was always yes. “I just want to make you happy,” he’d say, “and I would give up anything for that.” Including his name.

What do you think of a man taking a woman’s last name?

BLOGGER

Miss Wellies

Location:
Philadelphia
Wedding Date:
February 2014

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  1. Member
    prairiedog 455 posts, Helper bee @ 7:28 am

    this is awesome. glad to have more out-and-proud feminist couples on the ‘bee :)

  2. Member
    wellies 1425 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:52 pm

    @Mrs. Prairie Dog: Glad to be one! ;)

  3. Member
    rachel631 6179 posts, Bee Keeper @ 8:35 pm

    This is pretty awesome. I suggested that DH took my name, seeing as he wanted us to have the same name, and my last name is more practical for various reasons.

    … he said no!

  4. Member
    missslipper 55 posts, Worker bee @ 10:58 pm

    Wow! That’s so amazing that he would do that for you! I am astounded!
    I would love for him to hyphenate his last name with mine…. but as far as him taking my last name; let’s just say that won’t be happening in a super Hispanic family… which just happens to be our family…
    But I am so happy for you, sounds like an amazing Fiance you have there!

  5. Member
    mrspitcher8 286 posts, Helper bee @ 8:13 am

    I love hearing of other amazing, feminist, men! My husband is the same, but he did want me to change my name. I originally kept my maiden and added his, but it was a serious hassle. A year later I changed to Mrs. hislastname.

    My parents are divorced and my mom’s entire generation are females, so the family name will be lost. I am not extremely close with my father’s family. I decided that, if I was going to have a man’s name, there’s no better man in this world whose name I would take than his. :)

  6. Member
    wellies 1425 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:30 am

    @Rachel631: I’m sorry he said no! :( Did you end up taking his name?
    @MissSlipper: Thank you! He is absolutely amazing. :) I hope you’re able to hyphenate!
    @mrspitcher8: I decided that, if I was going to have a man’s name, there’s no better man in this world whose name I would take than his. Such a sweet way of looking at it! :D

  7. Member
    demi-chan 276 posts, Helper bee @ 10:45 am

    My FI and I are also feminists and knew that me simply taking his name just because I’m the woman wouldn’t ever happen, especially since I’m the only person in the family who has my dads surname. Since he has two separate surnames and I have one, we decided that he would lose one of his names and take mine in its place while I would add the name he keeps to my own name. So it’s like Mr. Smith Smitherson and Ms. Anderson become Mr and Ms Smith Anderson. I’m very pleased with this :)

    @Moonlight_Densetsu: I don’t see it as an ownership thing when both people are treated equally like this – though I do see it that way if the woman mindlessly takes the guys name, even if she doesn’t want to, because that’s ‘just how it is’. For myself and my FI, it’s about creating a family name, uniting our lives and having a name that our children will share with us as they grow up.

  8. Member
    wellies 1425 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:19 pm

    @Demi-chan: That’s a great way to use both your names! :)

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