The Sweet Ride: We Ran Out of Gas

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

The moment has hit! I am a few weeks away from my “big day” and it is causing me nothing but stress. I want to warn you now that this post is just me venting to the world.

I am exhausted: mentally, physically, emotionally. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but what started out as a great idea has taken a drastic turn for the worst. I am emotionally unavailable for anyone’s shenanigans, and I feel like that is all I am being met with. From in-laws inflating the guest count to feeling like I am in this alone.

So I am going to take this time to just get a few things off of my chest and I will hopefully be able to move past it. When my mother passed, I reluctantly decided to seek therapy to help me deal with my feelings. I was really looking for validation that I was not losing my mind and that my feelings were real. The therapist taught me a great exercise where I write down what I am not pleased about. Make a small box outside of each item (since I love lists, I was all over this). For each item that I could control or change the outcome of, I had to check the box. Afterward, I needed to make a plan to address the issue. Next, I needed to make a list of things that I am thankful for or excited about. When my environment seems to be going haywire, I meditate on the positive things. When she first described this, I told her that I was paying her too much money for this kindergarten activity (yeah, I was in a bad place—I am not normally that rude). Eventually, when I was honest with myself and wrote done true issues, I found it very helpful. The title of my lists are, “Ain’t Nobody Got Time for This” and “Life Is But a Dream.” Here goes my lists”¦

Ain’t Nobody Got Time for This:

  1. Bridesmaids’ dress shop ordering my dresses three weeks later than what they promised
  2. My in-laws adding an additional 30 people to their list (in addition to the 42 people they already invited)
  3. All the stupid errands
  4. My brother still not getting measured for his tux
  5. Finding a morally righteous DJ
  6. Getting NO CREDIT for juggling a new job, a new apartment, and planning a wedding
  7. FMIL trying to revamp my vision for MY day

Life Is But a Dream:

  1. I am going to marry my best friend.
  2. In a few weeks, all of this temporary stress will be off of my plate.
  3. Some of this wedding stress will be laughable in a few weeks.
  4. If these are “problems” then I am very very blessed.

You see, after really looking at the list of things that are causing me stress, there are only two or three that I can really change. For example, I cannot control that our original DJ wants to bring his mistress to our wedding as his date, when his wife will be in attendance. (Yes, I laughed at the suggestion too.) Nor can I control people’s ability to instinctively want to add their opinion/thought/advice for our day. All I can do it say “thank you” and keep it moving. Some suggestions may be incorporated and others will not.

What I can control is my schedule and to make good use of my time and run the errands efficiently. I can also treat myself to some breaks and recognize that there is only so much that I can do. So now, I will get a mani and pedi when I feel the need. I will also sit on the couch with a glass of wine filled to the brim and ingest alllllllll of those empty calories and no one will tell me no!

The one thing that I had to keep in mind is that we as women we instinctively “line things up and knock them out.” What I am saying is that we have a great ability to multitask, and we can handle a LOT! Right now, it is unfair of me to expect Mr. Scooter’s sole focus to be our wedding. He has the same things on his plate (juggling a new job, helping with the wedding, etc.), so what makes me so special? So I am going to offload some of that pressure to the wedding planner (after all, that is why we are paying her) and handle what I can”¦no more, no less. At the end of the day, I am going to marry my best friend. I don’t want him to hate me as a result of the process.

Am I the only one who has gotten to the point of being OVER it all? How did you cope with it? Is this normal? How many more times will I feel this way?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Scooter

Location:
Indianapolis
Wedding Date:
September 2013
Add a comment

comments

  1. Member
    MNbrideSteph 11 posts, Newbee @ 2:32 pm

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I’m a month out TODAY and I feel waves of stress and excitement. Like you, I’m dealing with over-powering future-in-laws who have AN OPINION ON EVERYTHING, crafting projects galore, guests who STILL don’t know how to RSVP, amongst trying to balance a job and train for a half-marathon.

    Funny, our pre-marital counseling had us do a similar task on dealing with stress, like your therapist had you do. At this point, I’m just taking it day by day, doing the best I can with what I have.

    We are ALMOST THERE!! Let’s drink wine together!! (virtually!)

  2. Member
    drod 107 posts, Blushing bee @ 2:37 pm

    I still can’t get over your DJ. I read that part and literally shouted “WHAT” at the top of my voice in my office. As for being over it, I completely hear you on that. I’ve been over this for a few weeks now and I have 101 more days to go. But as you said, I will handle the things that I have control over and if people don’t get their shit together, say what, at the end of it I’ll be a married woman and I’ll be relaxing drinking a margarita on a lovely beach on my honeymoon.

    Hugs, you will be fine.

  3. Member
    MsCoffeeBean 56 posts, Worker bee @ 2:49 pm

    Don’t feel bad. At all.

    I had the same overbearing In-Laws. Smile, and let it go in one ear and out the other. (then turn your head away and roll your eyes)

    Also–vent! It’s cathartic!

    And yes, wine (or beer) makes it all better.

  4. Member
    veggie_rachel 575 posts, Busy bee @ 3:20 pm

    Nope, definitely not alone. I feel it too. And I get upset with myself for caring THAT much because I honestly feel like it’s silly. Why do we do these things? How do we get talked into these things? Whew! Anyway, good luck, and I think you’ve got the right attitude; do what you can and let the rest go. It’ll still be amazing :) .

  5. Guest Icon Guest
    Mrs Spongebob, Guest @ 5:22 pm

    I LOOOOOOOOOVE THIS POST.

  6. Member
    jyc_2014 27 posts, Newbee @ 5:24 pm

    You’re not alone! Things will turn out great just wait and see, remember that the stress is temporary, and that at the end of the day you’ll be happy with the man you love ;)

  7. Member
    mswaterfall 1403 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:00 pm

    It’s perfectly normal to feel that way. What I did was prioritize and delegate what I could. It really helped to delegate some projects to those around me and accept help when it was offered. It also helps to drop some of the more unnecessary projects.

  8. Guest Icon Guest
    Alex, Guest @ 7:04 pm

    Between 3 months and up until the last 2 weeks before, I was a crazy mess (I actually cried at work). I have 9 days until my wedding and they are the most calming. There isn’t a lot I can do anymore and I have adopted the whatever happens, happens attitude. It feels awesome. My fiancé actually told me he was scared of who I had become and wanted the old me back. It put things in perspective. I don’t want to look back in a few years and remember the stress. I want to only remember the awesome parts! It does get better! You have a strong support system here at the Bee! Good luck, you can do it!

  9. Member
    Reeniero 939 posts, Busy bee @ 7:23 pm

    I love this post. I am 51 days away and I am having all of the same feelings. EVERYTHING is getting on my last nerve.

    Today, my officiant’s wife sent me an email asking if her husband can sing THEIR wedding song at my reception, to her. Um…no.

    How do I even respond to that? Everything is stressing me out.

    It’s comforting to know that I am not alone.

  10. Member
    Sloaner 84 posts, Worker bee @ 9:18 pm

    Totally am with you!! I am a teacher and going back to school. I’ve heard “How are the plans coming?” at least 1,000 times in the past week. I am tired of talking about it. I want to put a sign on my door that warns people about it. It isn’t that I am not happy, I am thrilled and excited, but seriously, I really am over it. Today, I was in my classroom getting things ready and shut the door and turned the music up really loud. It kept people away….
    I go through times when I want to strangle everyone that I meet and times when I can’t WAIT to marry my best friend. Thank you for writing this post and making me feel not so crazy.

  11. Member
    wisher558 789 posts, Busy bee @ 9:36 pm

    I’ve been over the wedding off and on for the last 4 months I’d say. Its pretty bad right now and I still have 50 some days to go.

  12. Member
    gondola 1046 posts, Bumble bee @ 1:31 am

    I love this! I’m going to make my own list now. I’m starting to get overwhelmed as well. Good luck with your FMIL.

  13. Member
    mswallaby 2039 posts, Buzzing bee @ 5:25 am

    Aw sweetie hang in there, the wedding is just around the corner! And seriously, you have the BEST attitude! I hope the pampering helps and that you’re able to get some R&R…as you already know, don’t sweat the small stuff, all of the important things are in place and everything will work out. Hugs!

  14. Member
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 6:15 am

    Sending you lots of hugs! You are not alone in this stress, but your attitude is commendable. Your DJ is a lunatic, and your in-laws need to understand that they already had their wedding many moons ago. Hopefully Mr. S can step in and help shoulder some of the responsibilities. After all, it’s his day, too.

    Also, this post highlights exactly why I think everyone should leave for their honeymoon right after the wedding. A vacation is VERY needed!

  15. Member
    msscooter 110 posts, Blushing bee @ 6:39 am

    @MNbrideSteph: I had my glass last night! I hope you found some time do to so as well!

    @drod: &
    @MsCoffeeBean: In-laws in-laws in-laws

    @Mrs. Waterfall: That’s a great idea. I will make a list, check it twice and start handing out assignments

    @Alex: YOU ARE ALMOST THERE!!! 9 days and counting. Probably 8 by the time I reply.

    @Reeniero: That truly made me chuckle! How do you politely tell them, “yeah…no thanks. That doesn’t sound appealing”. HAHAHA…good luck.

    @Sloaner: It is great to know this is normal. But it makes me wonder why we do it.

    @wisher558: Those 50 days will fly by. You get your best buddy and adventure buddy for life.

    @Mrs. Wallaby: Thanks, it seems like the longest (yet shortest) time in my life. Is that possible? hahaha. guess so, huh?

  16. Member
    msscooter 110 posts, Blushing bee @ 6:40 am

    @Mrs. Treasure: Mr. Scooter was thinking of taking a honeymoon in March! I thought he was joking at first, but he didn’t smile. I told him that for the sake of a “happy home” he may want to start researching honeymoon ideas and walked away!

  17. Member
    wellies 1425 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:51 am

    I hope things start to become less stressful and you’re able to relax before the big day!

  18. Member
    texasaggiemom 595 posts, Busy bee @ 10:09 am

    Thanks for some of the most wise words ever posted on this site: “At the end of the day, I am going to marry my best friend. I don’t want him to hate me as a result of the process.” What an honest, brave and insightful post!

  19. Member
    otter 1321 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:32 am

    Just keep #4 in mind! Yes, it’s SO stressful and freak out worthy – it really is. But if this is a problem, then you’re lucky because you get to marry your best friend!! Keep going, you’re almost there!

add a comment

Find Amazing Vendors