The Sweet Ride: Wedding Dictionary

As our big day approaches, I have found myself just getting really frustrated. On my way to work one morning, I was venting to myself (this happens a lot”¦please don’t judge me). I thought, there needs to be a wedding dictionary. Something that will help define some aspects of the wedding.

  • Investment [in-vest-muh nt] (n) : A term used by vendors to have the unsuspecting couple step on the proverbial rug, fall in love with their service before violently pulling the rug.
  • Time [tahym] (n): A non-existent concept that people keep telling the bride they have more of.
  • Meltdown [melt-doun] (n): a very real burst of emotions that are logical, well thought out and rooted in reality.
  • Craft [krahft] (n): A set of activities that start out as a way to save money until the bride goes to the Martha Stewart aisle in the local craft store and then the budget is blown
  • Crafty [krahft-tee] (adj): A passive aggressive way of telling someone their DIY went horribly wrong but they put forth a “good effort
  • Cocktail hour [kok-teyl ouuh-r] (n): A part of the wedding that costs a lot of money that the bride and groom will never get to enjoy
  • Bridesmaid [brahydz-meyd] (n): An indentured slave that is loaned out to the bride to do whatever is needed, wear outrageously expensive clothes for one night and run irrelevant errands
  • Groomsmen [groomz-muh n] (n): A subset of the population that intentionally distracts the groom from assisting the bride in any way
  • Bride [brahyd] (n): a seemingly rational human being that when pushed will have a complete meltdown (refer to meltdown, above)
  • Diet [dahy-it] (n): A concept coined by optimistic people to redefine a “healthy lifestyle”. Also see: joke
  • Budget [buhj-it] (n): An imaginary constraint viewed by some as a way to analytically approach the spending of money. A concept most vendors don’t seem to grasp
  • Pre-marital counseling [pree-mar-i-tl koun-suh-ling] (v): A set of meetings where the bride and groom dress conservatively while blindly assessing how revealing they should be. Afterall, this person sitting on the other side of the desk will judge marry them in a few months
  • Registry [rej-uh-stree] (n): A politically correct list of expensive items one would never think of buying with their hard earned dollars; instead they expect others to do so
  • Guest List [gest list] (n): A roster of people that any in-laws will use to invite people whom the bride or groom have never met. This roster will inevitably cause an argument
  • Pre-nup [pree-nuhp] (n): A list drafted by the bride and groom to levelset with one another on just how important society deems them to be. Just in case you didn’t have the “money talk,” this is a good time. Also known as a cover-your-ass document
  • Vow [vou] (n): A heartfelt exchange of words filled with promises that you will refer to in an argument (i.e. “Remember that you VOWED to always make me laugh”¦I see nothing funny in this situation)
  • Wedding Night [wed-ing nahyt] (n): A time where the couple passes out in their very expensive hotel room in an expensive outfit when they should be consummating their marriage
  • Open bar [oh-puh-n bahr] (n) : The aspect of one’s wedding that attracted 90% of their guests to attend in the first place.

This could be shared with the bridal party (including parents) to set the tone of the wedding. Maybe even included in a “be my maid” invite. I had a lot of fun coming up with these definitions and it really made me chuckle thinking about the true pomp and circumstance of a traditional wedding. A big thank you to Theresa, Lauren and Isaac for helping me with the list! This was a very productive use of our time! I have a pretty awesome work team if I must say so myself.

I know I didn’t capture them all. What else am I missing? Don’t forget the definition!! I will be sure update the list and post later.

Scooting off for now,

Miss Scooter

BLOGGER

Mrs. Scooter

Location:
Indianapolis
Wedding Date:
September 2013
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comments

  1. Member
    StefanieJay89 79 posts, Worker bee @ 12:28 pm

    this is so funny, yet so true! But you missed: Bridezilla: a term used by the non-married people to describe a bride when she is trying to get shit done!

  2. Member
    hot_sauce 345 posts, Helper bee @ 12:33 pm

    Hahaha I love this!

  3. Member
    s_hall925 25 posts, Newbee @ 12:35 pm

    I love this!! It’s so true!

  4. Member
    meganmarie33 162 posts, Blushing bee @ 12:42 pm

    LOL :) This is spot on! Cocktail Hour is my favorite. :)

  5. Member
    Cluelessbride10 278 posts, Helper bee @ 12:43 pm

    Hilarious! So true……

  6. Member
    notbridey 722 posts, Busy bee @ 12:53 pm

    i started flipping off the computer every time i saw the word “investment”

  7. Member
    scarlet_letter 369 posts, Helper bee @ 1:12 pm

    I have been on WB for quite a while. This is the first blog post I felt I HAD to share on FB (with all my non-getting-married friends).

    Thank you. I am having a really awful day. This was the chuckle I needed!

  8. Member
    missgoldfish 454 posts, Helper bee @ 1:51 pm

    “Guest List [gest list] (n): A roster of people that any in-laws will use to invite people whom the bride or groom have never met. This roster will inevitably cause an argument.”

    This +1,000!! Haha loved your entire list!

  9. Member
    Little_Nut88 885 posts, Busy bee @ 2:04 pm

    I love this so much! “Groomsmen” is spot on.

  10. Member
    kit_kath 1331 posts, Bumble bee @ 2:08 pm

    Haha, love it. You’re missing “Wine: The only reason a bride-to-be is still sane.”

  11. Guest Icon Guest
    Samantha, Guest @ 3:21 pm

    Hillarious! Thanks! Sending to maids!

  12. Member
    epalmisano829 453 posts, Helper bee @ 4:54 pm

    Oh I love this!!

    @Kit_Kath: +1

  13. Member
    otter 1321 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:26 am

    I. Am. Dying. This is SO FUNNY! Especially investment, because just, yes.

  14. Member
    MrsFutureG 1696 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:14 am

    This is hilarious, thank you for posting, I’m definitely going to throw this in with my BM gifts. :)

  15. Member
    roadtrip 803 posts, Busy bee @ 6:19 am

    @notbridey: I am so with you on this one!

    Investment is the worst buzzword in the history of wedding sales pages.

  16. Member
    greenebanana 69 posts, Worker bee @ 7:52 am

    this is sooo funny! I love it!

  17. Member
    gondola 1046 posts, Bumble bee @ 3:45 pm

    Thank you for the much needed laugh!

  18. Guest Icon Guest
    lynnielou33193, Guest @ 6:43 pm

    Hilarious

  19. Member
    penguin 3472 posts, Sugar bee @ 11:38 am

    Crafty is my favorite. And SO TRUE.

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