The Sweet Ride: The Perfect Words for an Awesome Lady

Hive, I need your help. There was no question that we would honor my mother somehow in the ceremony. Oftentimes, my ideas crossed the line of memorial and went into shrine-like territory. For example, one idea that I had was to have a candle burning next to a margarita and a picture of her the WHOLE NIGHT! Typing that makes me feel really creepy. Mr. Scooter (bless his heart) had to bring it to my attention that we are planning our WEDDING not a memorial service for my mother. I know that had to be a tough conversation to plan to have with your grieving fiancée, but he did an excellent job on his presentation. Knowing my mother, she wouldn’t want this day to be about her.

So I am going to honor her a few ways during the ceremony and the reception. During the ceremony, we will have an empty seat open and will place a rose on it in her honor.

wedding-after-a-death-9-300x199

Image via Whatsyourgrief.com

Whatsyourgrief.com provided pretty neat options for those who wish to honor their loved ones who are no longer with us. I am also considering adding something symbolic to my floral arrangement.

During the cocktail hour we will have an AMAZING signature drink called the grapefruit margarita. I think that we will name it The Scooter. An ode to my wonderful support community **pointing at you** and to my mother! WOOT WOOOT”¦how awesome is that?!?

Here is where I get stuck”¦I want a passage to be read before they place a rose on my mother’s seat. It doesn’t have to be religious, but I would like it to be fitting for the occasion. Any suggestions? How did you honor your loved ones?

Can’t wait to hear from you!

BLOGGER

Mrs. Scooter

Location:
Indianapolis
Wedding Date:
September 2013

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  1. Guest
    Mrs B., Guest @ 2:48 pm

    This poem reminded me of the post where you said your mother was always sure that you and Mr. Scooter would end up together:

    Don’t Cry For Me

    My little Girl, Don’t cry for me
    I’ll be right by your side.
    I’d never miss out on this day
    that you become a bride.

    I’m here with you to hold your hand
    and give your heart away
    To a man God chose to take care of you
    forever from this day.

    Today, I place your hand in his
    with blessings and with pride.
    My little Girl, Don’t cry for me
    I’ll be right by your side.

  2. Guest
    Miss Dove, Guest @ 2:58 pm

    The Lanyard
    By Billy Collins

    The other day I was ricocheting slowly
    off the blue walls of this room,
    moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
    from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
    when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
    where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

    No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
    could send one into the past more suddenly—
    a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
    by a deep Adirondack lake
    learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
    into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

    I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
    or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
    but that did not keep me from crossing
    strand over strand again and again
    until I had made a boxy
    red and white lanyard for my mother.

    She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
    and I gave her a lanyard.
    She nursed me in many a sick room,
    lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
    laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
    and then led me out into the airy light

    and taught me to walk and swim,
    and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
    Here are thousands of meals, she said,
    and here is clothing and a good education.
    And here is your lanyard, I replied,
    which I made with a little help from a counselor.

    Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
    strong legs, bones and teeth,
    and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
    and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
    And here, I wish to say to her now,
    is a smaller gift—not the worn truth

    that you can never repay your mother,
    but the rueful admission that when she took
    the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
    I was as sure as a boy could be
    that this useless, worthless thing I wove
    out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

    Included in the FORTHCOMING book (OCT 2005), The Trouble with Poetry. Purchase from Amazon (here).

  3. Member
    kdos 214 posts, Helper bee @ 3:12 pm

    My cousin had a pretty print out of this on her mom’s chair, along with a small bouquet of mini roses

    “If Roses grow in Heaven”

    If Roses grow in Heaven
    Lord, please pick a bunch for me.
    Place them in my Mother’s arms
    and tell her they’re from me.

    Tell her that I love her and miss her,
    and when she turns to smile,
    place a kiss upon her cheek
    and hold her for awhile.

    Because remembering her is easy,
    I do it every day,
    but there’s an ache within my heart
    that will never go away.
    Author: Kirsten Preus

  4. Member
    montanamum 193 posts, Blushing bee @ 3:23 pm

    “Love knows no reason, no boundaries, no distance. It has a sole intention of bringing people together to a time called forever” – This rose is placed in honor of miss scooters mother, who is with us in memory, spirit and with love on miss scooters & mr scooters special day”

    the quote is unknown :)

  5. Member
    Tardis 14 posts, Newbee @ 3:51 pm

    I had to work to remain mindful myself that our wedding was not a memorial service for my parents, and that was hard, so I totally understand, Miss Scooter. I ended up acknowledging my parents in our programs, and my MoH acknowledged them in her speech.

    Did your mom have a favorite book or song? Those might help lead you to a passage to read when you place the rose.

  6. Member
    hourthyme 558 posts, Busy bee @ 4:31 pm

    I like the idea of taking something from a favorite book of hers. That way it’s not an obvious “memorial”

    Another idea would be to look through old cards/letters/emails from your mom and read some of her own words to you and then have someone read a “response” written by you.

    We are looking for ways to honor our nephew who would have been a ring bearer but who unfortunately passed away a month ago. We spoke to his mom about it, she’s getting married 3 weeks after us, about ways to respectfully honor him.

    We decided to do a picture of him in a locket that will be wrapped around the bouquet of his twin sister who will be a flowergirl. We also may tuck a small picture of him into the pillow that the other ring bearer will carry.

  7. Member
    pearl86 4 posts, Wannabee @ 6:06 pm

    I really like your plan to have a rose on an empty chair to honor your mother, and I like both of the ideas that people gave to either take something from a favorite book or poem of hers, or something she wrote to you. I imagine having her own words would be powerful and meaningful, and not too much of a “memorial”.

    I recently got engaged and have been thinking of how to honor my own mother at our wedding, who passed away a year ago. She gave me an aquamarine necklace, which I plan to wear as my “something blue” and as a tribute to her. It’s something that is more private but very meaningful to me and those who know it’s significance, and will help me think of her as right there with me.

    I think I may take inspiration from you and also set a rose on a chair in honor of my mother.

    I hope you draw inspiration both from your mother and your loved ones around you. Sometimes something will just come as you keep it in the back of your mind to mull over.

  8. Member
    dashlied 105 posts, Blushing bee @ 6:20 pm

    @Mrs B.: +1

  9. Member
    texasaggiemom 594 posts, Busy bee @ 7:23 pm

    Although these are all great ideas, as an MOB, I am partial to the first poem submitted by Mrs. B. I can only imagine how difficult it is to plan this special day without your mom, and I’m sending you virtual hugs from Texas. You might check out the book “A Practical Wedding” if you haven’t already read it. They have a chapter on planning weddings in the wake of such a loss and offer some good ideas on the importance of celebrating the life you are beginning with your husband, while still acknowledging your mom’s absence.

  10. Member
    jennyg34 46 posts, Newbee @ 6:35 am

    Ms. Scooter, my heart goes out to you. I had the difficult task of honoring my father at my wedding. I guess I fall under the “creepy” category, though I didn’t realize having a picture, or drink, or candle meant “creepy”. I had a small table to the side of our ceremony with a picture of my Dad and I, and a candle with a poem etched on it. My husband and I laid single roses at this table after a prayer our officiant stated at the beginning of the ceremony. The whole table with candle, picture, and roses was moved to the reception after the ceremony- and yes, I poured a glass of wine (one that was very special to my Dad and I) and displayed it next to his picture for the rest of the night.

    I am not telling you this, because I am offended that you call this “creepy”- quite the opposite, actually. I am telling you that despite what others might deem “creepy”, you should honor your mother however YOU want. It does not matter what others think. Sure, I understand that the wedding should have a festive and happy feeling to it, and that bringing in too many memorial aspects of a deceased loved one may seem too somber. But when I thought about my Dad, and how large a part he played in my wedding day- I made the conscious decision to make his memorial aspects very visible, and I have no regrets about that, in hindsight. All of our guests thought it was very touching and classy.

    Bottom line: don’t let others influence you too much on this aspect of your day. If you want to display a picture, or a poured drink, or candle- do it! Your guests will (and should) respect whatever decision you make.

  11. Member
    missaliam 219 posts, Helper bee @ 6:28 pm

    That first poem brought tears to my eyes! Simple, but beautiful!

  12. Member
    Mrs. Waterfall 1299 posts, Bumble bee @ 7:39 pm

    Miss Scooter, my heart goes out to you. While I am fortunate enough to have both of my parents still with me, I did struggle with acknowledging my grandparents who have passed and were very important to me. However, I did not want to dampen the mood and have the ceremony turn into a memorial, not only for our guests’ sake, but for our own.

    If I may, the one piece of advice I would give to you is to not go with something overly sad or funeral like. Your emotions will already be running quite high on that day, and your mom’s absence will already be very apparent to you without putting too much of a spot light on it. From what you have written about Mama Scooter, she sounds like she was a very vibrant and joyful woman, who would not want you to be sad on your wedding day on her account. Maybe celebrate her memory by playing her favorite song or reading her favorite poem as the rose is being placed?

  13. Member
    jylart38 22 posts, Newbee @ 3:15 pm

    Miss Scooter, I am sorry for your loss. Special events like these sometimes amplify grief and the feeling of loss especially. I’m aware of this because I’ve lost my Dad. It brings me to tears at the weddings of friends when they do the father/daughter dance.

    I really like the idea of placing a rose on a chair. The first poem, “Don’t Cry For Me”, was wonderful. If your Mom had a favorite poem or passage, reading that would also be a wonderful way to honor her without it becoming “a memorial”.

    Miss Scooter, I lost my Dad the day before my 19th birthday. That was 19 years ago. Since then I have learned a lot about the loss of a parent. They really never leave you – I feel my Dad’s presence often. Like the poem said, your Mom WILL be “right by your side”.

  14. Member
    birdsinthetrees 5 posts, Newbee @ 11:55 pm

    I went to the wedding of a very close friend who had lost her mother about a year before the wedding. It was not just the bride and her family who were emotional about the loss at the wedding, but all of us who knew and loved her mom. Everything did feel extra-emotionally charged because of this painful loss. The way they dealt with this was by having people speak at the rehearsal dinner – anyone was welcome to speak (although you could do speeches) – and anyone who was moved mentioned her mother in their words if they wished to. (Of course, there were many other lighthearted stories told as well!) This allowed for the free flow of tears and pent-up emotions to be released at the rehearsal, taking the edge and pressure off of the wedding, for everyone, and for the bride and her family. I wish you a wonderful wedding day and the feeling of your mother’s spirit by your side!

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