This morning I was checking out the weather. With less than 10 days to go I can start to get an idea of what the weather will be like the day of my wedding. I don’t want rain, I don’t want sun—I want cloud. Ideal would be blue skies and one singular cloud covering the sun so I’m not squinting in my pictures, but I don’t think the weather really works like that.

I’m waving back to past-self at 7:00 AM this morning. When weather was the thing I was worried about the most. She has no idea.

I’ve just had a phone call from my mother. My grandma is in hospital. She’s had a stroke. She’s unconscious. I don’t really know much else.

I briefly mentioned in this post that my grandma wasn’t coming to our wedding. She lives 300 miles away and she just couldn’t make the five-hour journey. But despite knowing that she wasn’t 100%, we definitely weren’t expecting this.

I don’t really know why I’ve come to write a mere two hours after finding out the news. Maybe it’s because whenever I try and speak words don’t come out and so instead I’m letting my fingers do all the talking.

I called Jack and after I told him all I could say was “My parents probably won’t be here to set up on Friday. Do you think you can get the day off work?” And then I cried for saying such a thing. How can I possibly be thinking about our wedding when this is happening right now?

Except I have to. “The show must go on,” or so they say. My wedding takes priority, my parents say, and so we must get over the shock and carry on regardless.

But that’s what they say about people whose family members have died. Like, they have to carry on with life. But how on earth do you leave someone in hospital and go off and have a happy wedding? And if you do, how do you do it without feeling like a total heartless bitch?

“Don’t feel guilty!” everyone will say. “It’s what she would have wanted!” they all echo. “Go and have a good time—there’s nothing you can do about it!”

I just…don’t know. I don’t know how I’ll feel. But right now I do feel guilty. And if I tell myself not to feel guilty, and think of selfish things, then I feel guilty about not feeling guilty.

And then comes the question—how am I supposed to enjoy a three-week honeymoon in The Happiest Place on Earth? And if I do enjoy myself, will I feel bad about it? In case something happens whilst I’m away and I was laughing and smiling and enjoying Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey? My choice will either be to feel bad whilst I’m away, or bad when I come back. It’s a no-win situation.

The only thing that makes me feel better not so horrific about this is knowing that I’m not the only person this has happened to. I have just been searching the ‘Bee and found loads of blog posts and board topics about other girls who have gone through the exact same thing. And girls who have gone through worse.

I guess I just need some positive thoughts.

Let it rain for all care. Let it rain.


Mrs. Jackrabbit

Brighton, UK
Wedding Date:
September 2013
Gallery of the Day: September 13, 2013
Father of the Bride?
Add a comment


  1. Member
    pixiestix6089 60 posts, Worker bee @ 7:47 am

    Miss Jack Rabbit, I am so terribly sorry! I am sending positive and healing thoughts to you and yours. Ask yourself what you would do differently right now, in this moment, if you weren’t getting married in 10 days. If you can swing it, do it! If not, find something that will make you feel like you are still contributing in some way to the situation. Send flowers, spend some time with your family, have the big ugly cry, whatever helps. Life has a funny way of reminding us of what we can’t control. Even if you weren’t getting married in 10 days, my guess is your grandmother’s illness would be just as devastating, and disruptive (and dare I say it, inconvenient). My point is, its okay to feel that way. Acknowledge the guilt, and then let it go.

  2. Member
    futuremrsdino 73 posts, Worker bee @ 8:07 am

    Sending you loads of love and strength at this time. You are absolutely right to feel how you do and fingers crossed she will be loads better before your wedding day.

  3. camel Member
    camel 703 posts, Busy bee @ 10:00 am

    Miss Jackrabbit, I wish I knew what to say. I can’t even imagine the insane mix of emotions you and your family and experiencing right now. I will say that I am sending all of my positive thoughts your way. You guys are in my thoughts.

  4. Guest Icon Guest
    MsLiveOak, Guest @ 10:01 am

    Something similar to this happened to a couple I knew a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, we can never predict what is going to happen, and I am sorry you are going through this. They enjoyed their honeymoon, but felt guilty, and everyone told them it’s what their relative had wanted, and it was the truth. I think it’s human to feel the way that you do, and why it’s so important to cherish the good times. Perhaps you can say a prayer for her before, during, or after your ceremony, or perhaps a last minute meeting with a grief counselor/pastor/rabbi/etc. can be arranged? I hope she gets better soon, and grief counseling may help you live in the present moment in the mean time. Thank you for sharing what you are going through with us.

add a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors