Post-Wedding Emotions

OK, so before I even start this post, a disclaimer: I am REALLY happy being married to Wolfman.

OK, now that’s out of the way: I wanted to write an honest post and say that the first few weeks post-wedding were kind of tough for me. This really surprised me. For a while before the wedding, I was telling people I was going to be sort of relieved when it was over; I even posted here about it, and completely sympathized with Mrs. Armadillo’s post on wedding burnout.

The Sunday after our wedding, we checked out of our hotel and cabbed home (again, making me so thankful we planned a wedding close to home). I had decided that my first post-wedding meal would be chili nachos from Hard Times, so I walked next door, picked up food, and on the way home I had this moment of such happiness that it almost brought tears to my eyes. I was married, and just the small task of picking up lunch for my husband and me seemed significant. (It also isn’t lost on me that the moment that I almost wept with joy is directly associated with processed cheese and salty chips, but let’s pretend that wasn’t a factor.)

image

One of each, please.

But once I returned home, my mom and coordinator dropped off all of our stuff, we said a few last goodbyes”¦and then that was it. There were no more wedding tasks, nothing else to pick up, no one else was visiting or coming over. We still had to pack for our honeymoon and watch Beyonce at the Superbowl, which distracted me a little, but those first few days in Rome I was seriously bumming that it was all over with.

I was so mad at myself—why did I spend the last few weeks wishing for it to be over with? I wasn’t really nitpicking on anything that happened during the wedding—for the most part, everything went smoothly and only a few things were missed. I’m not sure there was a solution. No matter what, the night would have raced by, and like I said, I wasn’t wishing for a different experience. I didn’t miss planning or the constant to-do lists, and I loved all the new stuff that came with having a husband. It was almost as if—and this is going to sound weird, but I think you guys will understand—the wedding was a friendship I had been cultivating for a long time, and all of a sudden I was never going to see that friend again.

Over time, this feeling wore away. Getting our pictures helped a lot—I completely underestimated the value of the photos as a way to relive the night. It also helped to see a lot of our wedding guests again, in regular contexts. I put a lot of retrospective pressure on myself that our wedding night not only be perfect for us, but also perfect for our friends. I needed reminding that we can see our friends again. So silly!

TL;DR (Too Long; Didn’t Read): 1) I worked hard on our wedding, 2) it paid off and totally rocked, and 3) it was a little difficult (at first) for me to look back and be satisfied instead of looking back and just wanting to do it all over again.

I’m curious to hear how everyone else felt in the days/weeks immediately following the wedding. It’s such a weird feeling when “the happiest day of your life” happens—and lives up to the hype!—and then it ends. What mixture of emotions did you feel? Were you surprised?

(Also, this clearly isn’t my last post. No way would I end on sort of a downer, and you’re not rid of me yet!)

BLOGGER

Mrs. Gray Wolf

Location:
Washington DC
Wedding Date:
02/02/2013

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  1. Member
    Mrs. Rucksack 496 posts, Helper bee @ 11:56 am

    I’m so sorry you were bummed after the wedding! I was so happy to be done with it, but I totally understand how hard it can be do be finished with something you’ve put so much effort into. But think about how much extra money you’ll have now – and all the nachos (and mac & cheese wedges – what??) you can buy with all that extra money!

  2. Member
    babycakes24 606 posts, Busy bee @ 12:27 pm

    “3) it was a little difficult (at first) for me to look back and be satisfied instead of looking back and just wanting to do it all over again.”

    YES! I love the way you put this into words! Thanks!

  3. Member
    Gemstone 20496 posts, Honey Beekeeper @ 1:42 pm

    I totally had the blues after my wedding. Even though I tried as hard as I could to savor every moment, the day flew by and I was left wanting it back. I had an emotional few weeks (okay, let’s be honest, maybe it was a few months) for sure.

    It also didn’t help that all of my serious life changes happened at once. We moved in together and I started a new job right when we got back from our honeymoon, so I was just a little unsettled as it was!

  4. Member
    jleighr 275 posts, Helper bee @ 1:43 pm

    I have to agree with you completely Mrs. Gray Wolf! After we left our hotel and before we picked up the pup’s from the doggie hotel we stopped for pizza! a)because I hadn’t had anything greasy and cheesy in a few weeks b)to help cure the little hangover we had from the after wedding party. once we finally got home, opened our gifts/cards I really thought I would be so happy and satisfied but all I could do and still to this day (I have been married almost 4months now) is look back and say “wow that was really great but I wish we did such and such” or “we should have tweaked this little detail” or “I wish I didn’t spend the whole darn reception walking around from table to table to say hi to our quests and just took the reception time to enjoy all the hard work and months on end of planning”. our wedding went by so darn fast I still cry abut it, honestly I have really cried, plus now many of my friends are in the process of planning their wedding so, I am honestly going to say, I am a little bit jealous. my husband tells me just to look back and only focus on what our wedding day meant which was, us, joining our lives & love together forever and for everyone to know, once I focus on the meaning and remember how I felt walking down the aisle (amazing! excited! fabulous! beautiful!) and remember the words our pastor preached it helps to calm my mind & heart and it also helps me to remember all the good even though there are no more calls, no more seating charts, no more picking food, no more flowers no more planning but all that was done was all WORTH IT!!!

  5. Member
    mmesilverbullet 2400 posts, Buzzing bee @ 2:56 pm

    I don’t think I’ll agree with you quite yet, lol. I know it’s hard and I’m sorry you had to watch Beyonce the day after your wedding. Fortunately for you, you were happy when you were planning. For me? I hate planning. I can’t wait for it all to be over.

  6. Member
    Mrs. Blue Whale 633 posts, Busy bee @ 3:06 pm

    Completely 100% agree with everything you said. (Except I never got tired of planning the wedding, so we’re a little different there.) I think it’s only been in the last few weeks that I’m getting over all those feelings.

  7. Member
    Mrs. Camera 282 posts, Helper bee @ 4:28 pm

    I’m in the middle of post wedding depression and you so summed it up perfectly – I lost the friend I have (fortunately or unfortunately) been closest to over the last year. And I don’t really know what to do with myself.

    Although I too have enjoyed having extra money and being able to eat junk food. Small victories :)

  8. Member
    jacofblues 1468 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:43 pm

    I had similar feelings to you but for a few different reasons. Firstly, I got married at a Church which wasn’t something I wanted to do, and Secondly, I still think back to the dress that got away and wonder… So the way I resolved this? I decided at the 10 year mark my husband and I will have to do a vow renewal lol!

  9. Member
    ladiv3568 24 posts, Newbee @ 8:39 pm

    Wow. This post and the responses made me burst into tears. My wedding is Next month and I find myself telling everyone all the time and I can’t wait for to be over, and how I wish it was the day after my wedding. I remember feeling so sad when I went to go pick up my dress because it brings back memories of the great day I had with my mom and my sisters searching for it and now that I had picked it up that part of the wedding process is over.
    I’m glad I read this post though because it’s a reminder to me to maybe appreciate all the craziness a little bit more leading up to the wedding day and on the day to just enjoy myself and my loved ones that will be surrounding me.

  10. Member
    lealorali 4419 posts, Honey bee @ 4:10 am

    I really enjoyed reading this as I felt the exact same way! Immediately after the wedding, I was NOT euphoric. I obsessed over a few things and was pretty emotional (and annoying to everyone around me, including my husband on our honeymoon). With time it dissipated.
    I’m glad you wrote this frank post, Mrs. Gray Wolf! xoxo!

  11. Member
    Mrs. Camel 703 posts, Busy bee @ 8:04 am

    I was really bummed out the day after our wedding. I spent most of the afternoon crying — which is why I’m so glad we left immediately for our honeymoon. By the time we got home, I was ready to be back and live stress free for a while. I didn’t miss the wedding at all.

    Even so, there’s always those little details from the wedding that nag you even weeks or months afterwards. Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell our photographer to get a few extra photos here or there — but at the end of the day, we just have to accept what was. I think your analogy of the wedding as a friendship is very accurate!

  12. Member
    Mrs. Waterfall 1324 posts, Bumble bee @ 12:47 pm

    I was telling Mr. Waterfall just yesterday that I have phantom limb pain, but for the wedding. It’s like I have this nagging feeling like there is something I’m overlooking, something I’m supposed to be doing or planning… I guess it takes some getting used to after months of spending so much time planning for the wedding day!
    Glad to know it gets better!

  13. Member
    Mrs. Palm Tree 1080 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:35 am

    I totally identify with this – it’s so bittersweet when it’s all over and looking at pictures or reliving moments makes my heart just a little heavy. It’s just a sign of success, though, right?

  14. Member
    daniellekira 548 posts, Busy bee @ 1:18 pm

    I felt the same way. I still kind of do after 5 weeks. But I finally get to go on my honeymoon starting this weekend and still have our pictures to come. I did go to a friend’s wedding this weekend and it made me want my wedding day all over again. I also hope it passes because I had the same feelings as you did.

  15. Member
    missgemini 566 posts, Busy bee @ 9:13 pm

    I finally admitted to myself and my friends this week that I’ve had the post-wedding blues. I feel so totally guilty for it, because our day was so magical and I’m SOO happy to be married. I should just be grateful, but I have so many mixed emotions and have been obsessing over things I didn’t get to do on the day. I’m so glad I found this post and now I understand it’s just a typical part of the process. Another thing I’m pretty embarrassed about is how much I miss all of the attention! I can see why many newlyweds get baby-fever right out of the gate. I’ve been desperately trying to push down those feelings and focus on other things but it’s been incredibly hard!

  16. Member
    Mrs. Gray Wolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 7:06 am

    @MissGemini: totally don’t feel bad! there’s no right way to feel after something like a wedding. truly, it’s one of few life events that happens and is over like that…other things – job changes, moves, babies – start and then go on every day. it’s definitely a weird thing!

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