Making the Cut: The Guest List Continues

Long ago, I made a guest list. Once Shamrock added his family & friends to the list, we were ready to start cutting. My plan was to aim high and make sure I didn’t miss anyone I might possibly want to invite, and then refine from there.

Our venue isn’t huge (the absolute max is 156), but we did know it would comfortably hold everyone we felt strongly about inviting. We both have pretty big families (I was kind of shocked to see it was 111), but I only have five local family members and Shamrock wasn’t sure how many of his family (who are a lot more local) would turn out for a second wedding.

So family is our biggest variable, but we also spent some time talking about which friends to invite. BM Mathlete repeated some great advice she got while making her invite list: Invite for your future. So think about who is important to you now, but also think about who is going to continue to play a role in your lives, even if you don’t know them well right now. So your neighbors at your brand new forever home? You’ll probably be getting to know them a lot better. The friends-of-friends you’ve hung out with a bunch now and have tons in common with? Might want to consider them too.

And then there’s reciprocating invitations. This one was pretty tough for me. I invited my sorority sister whose wedding I attended a few years ago. We invited the family members whose weddings we’ve been invited to. And I didn’t invite either of the women whose weddings I stood up in.

I know.

And I didn’t just stand up; I was the maid of honor. (I’ve actually never been a regular bridesmaid.) And lest you think I just did a bad job, or we had a falling out, or something else…we just drifted apart. One was my pledge daughter, who I also lived with. I was her maid of honor, came down for her baby shower, and called her so many times. And she just”¦stopped picking up or calling back. She was busy with her family, which is what she always wanted, but it still hurt. She’s moved now (saw it on Facebook), and I don’t even have an address. My best friend keeps telling me he’s going to message her on Facebook, because she just has to come to my wedding, but I’m over it. People change, and it is what it is, sadly. The other friend, my best friend from high school, I never spoke to again after her wedding. She moved to Arizona with her new husband (who wasn’t really a fan of me/the concept of her having friends) and also stopped returning my calls.

(Hive, I thought about putting some pictures here. I have them. These were two of my very closest friends. One I never even saw any wedding pictures from—she vanished that completely. So you get this instead.)

In my head, my sister would be my maid of honor and these two girls would be up there with us. That’s not how it will be happening, but I’ve let go of it. I have two awesome girls (who I hope will be in my life for a long time to come and are amazing and steadfast friends) standing up with me (and my best friend with Shamrock).

Ultimately, we’re pretty comfortable with the list we’ve made. It has all the people who are important to us, and the members of our families. If we have some extra room, we have a few more friends and coworkers we’d love to add, but if they can’t be there to celebrate with us, we’re OK with that.

Was there anyone you always thought you’d invite to your wedding that just didn’t make the cut? How did you decide who to cut?


Mrs. Clover

Wedding Date:
June 2014
Classifieds: February 12, 2014
Post-a-Thon Wednesday, February 19th!


  1. mswallaby Member
    mswallaby 2070 posts, Buzzing bee @ 6:55 am

    This is one of the hardest things about wedding planning, if you ask me. We got married 3 years after I graduated from college, 5 years after Mr. W graduated from college, and it was really hard deciding which friends to invite, and which ones we had drifted apart from.

  2. roadtrip Member
    roadtrip 803 posts, Busy bee @ 7:03 am

    I love the advice of “invite your future”–that really makes you think!

  3. mspalmtree Member
    Mrs. Palm Tree 1122 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:58 am

    I hate reality slaps like this, especially because you know you once could never have envisioned your wedding without these people. It’s heartbreaking. I’m so sorry BUT you have a great head about it all – and the thought of inviting for your future is a great one. Just think: their pictures are the ones tainted with having to explain who you are to anyone who asks (especially for future kids) and yours won’t be. :)

  4. msclover Member
    Mrs. Clover 123 posts, Blushing bee @ 9:01 am

    @Mrs. Palm Tree: So true! I was the only non-family member in both weddings, and their kids will be all, who’s she?

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