Probable and Definite No Shows

I mentioned in my last post the forest that is my family. Unfortunately, some of the people in that forest will most likely not be in attendance on our wedding day.

One of the big ones that I have on my list of a hopeful is my mom. I lived with my mom most of my life, all throughout schooling and during most summers when I was in college. She always tried to help me in any way that she could, she spent a lot of time with me while I was growing up, and she encouraged anything I wanted to do or be. Throughout her whole life, though, she has been battling some mental demons, and they like to rear their ugly heads from time to time. She has an especially hard time around holidays and big events; plus, she doesn’t do well in social settings with people she doesn’t know. I would love to have her at our wedding and have her enjoy herself, have a good time. But, if I’m being real, she missed my high school talent shows, barely made it to my high school graduation, and never once visited my college campus, not even for my graduation. As much as I would enjoy having her there, the closer I get to the wedding, the less likely I feel she will be there.


A throwback picture of my mom and me / Personal photo

Another missing piece to the party will most likely be Beauty, Germany’s daughter. I’m not here to air anyone’s dirty laundry, but Beauty has been progressively removed her from our family over the years. For a while, I was able to have contact with my niece, and I loved watching her grow and spending time with her. When Mr. PB and I got engaged, I tried to talk to Beauty’s mom, hoping that things would turn around and Beauty could be a part of my big day. Unfortunately, things have gone in the other direction since then, and I can’t even talk to Beauty anymore. Beauty is smart, though—she knows she has an entire family that loves her. She also knows that I’m getting married and would love nothing more than to have her there.

I know for sure that half of my grandparents and half of Mr. PB’s grandparents will RSVP from above. While we were both fortunate to have time with our grandparents that have passed, I didn’t get to meet either of Mr. PB’s grandfathers, and Mr. PB was only able to meet one of my five deceased grandparents. It’s difficult to think that seven people we loved won’t be with us the day we celebrate our love, but we will carry them in our hearts. We will also find a few ways to honor them.


My Gma E and Gpa D on their wedding day / Personal photo

We also have a few people on both sides of our family that are no longer in touch with the rest of the family. Riffs, silly arguments, big blowouts”¦whatever it may have been, there are members of both of our families that haven’t been in touch with the others for some time and obviously will be on our no-show list.

Geez Louise, this post was a bit rough to write. It’s definitely hard to think about those who will not be there in March, but I know that they wouldn’t want thoughts of them to bring about sadness. If Gma E saw me getting all sappy and dwelling on the negative, she would tell me to “Go lay down”—her way of telling me I was being crazy and ridiculous. I’m going to choose to do nothing but feel the love of those who aren’t with us on our wedding day.

Do you have family that you are going to be missing when you say “I do,” either deceased, disconnected, or otherwise absent? How are you going to honor them the day of you wedding?


Mrs. Phone Booth

Rochester, NY
Wedding Date:
March 2014
Tradition! Tradition! Tradition! Part One: Jewish Traditions
Gallery of the Day: February 14, 2014

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  1. Guest Icon Guest
    Amy, Guest @ 7:10 pm

    I’m so sorry about your mom. You wrote about the situation with such grace and maturity, and I’m sorry that the situation isn’t simpler. The day might have little bits of sadness mixed in with all of that crazy joy, but so does life, right? I know you day will be beautiful, and I’m glad you wrote this post.

  2. gondola Member
    gondola 1046 posts, Bumble bee @ 9:24 pm

    So sad to hear about your mother, but I’m so glad you’ve come to terms with everything. You’re amazing.

  3. Member
    luluvohn 1194 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:58 am

    My dad died when I was 12, so not only will he not be at the wedding, but FI never got to meet him (and neither did the vast majority of my bridal party who are my nearest and dearest friends). We also only have one surviving grandparent between us, who FI met at Christmas this year.

  4. msclover Member
    Mrs. Clover 123 posts, Blushing bee @ 6:50 am

    My grandma in California has Alzheimers so she will probably not make it–and now my grandpa is saying he might not come too. I think my dad is even more upset than I am.

  5. Member
    jess 218 posts, Helper bee @ 10:41 am

    Props to you, Miss PB, for writing this post! And I admire how respectful and understanding you are of your mom, even though it is disappointing that she may not be at your wedding. Perhaps she can be the first one to see your professional pictures/video once you get them, as something special you two can share together!

    Both of my parents decided not to come to our wedding. And my grandparents were too old to travel to it. It’s definitely not ideal, but you learn to deal.

    Wishing you all the best!

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