Plus-Ones, Kids, and a Coworker Conundrum

I knew it was only a matter of time before we got our engagement photos back from Mitch, so I needed to finalize the guest list. I had to make a few decisions before the guest list would be finalized.

Plus-Ones

Many blogs and websites have weighed in on the plus-one debate (Huffington Post, Bridal Guide, The Knot, and Emily Post), and they all boil down to the same answer: guests who are married, engaged, or living together should be invited as a couple. That’s what Mr. PB and I are sticking to for all of our guests, including our bridal party. We are going to be clear when we address our envelopes and we will be putting a “___ seats have been reserved in your honor” line on the RSVP card to help make this clear.

Children

Similar to the plus-one debate, there are plenty of voices out there (Emily Post, The Knot, Wedding Etiquette for Dummies, Martha Stewart) and, unlike plus-ones, it’s a bit grayer. Some say to take an all or nothing approach, others say just the children in the bridal party and immediate family (if there are any), and others say it’s dependent on the time of the events. The approach that Mr. PB and I are taking for this one is only children in the bridal party or children of bridal-party members. Similar to the plus-ones, we are going to be using the envelopes and RSVP cards to communicate this.

Coworkers

This is another topic with many opinions (Bridal Guide, Huffington Post, The Knot, and Glamour), and the consensus appears to be a few coworkers are best; if you get close to the majority, go for the whole department, and invite your boss if you are inviting the whole department. I had a tough time with this one. Mr. PB only had one person from work he wanted to invite, and I used to work with her as well, so that was easy.

My work was a bit more difficult. Coworker M will serve as DOC on our wedding day, so she’s in along with her husband. From there is where it got a bit stickier. I work in a department with six other women plus my boss and his secretary. I flip-flopped for a while between an all or nothing approach. But I really wanted four of my coworkers to be there—they’re good company, we’ve connected on a personal level, and we’ve chatted about the wedding before. The other two, one probably doesn’t even know Mr. PB’s name ,and the other is extremely new to our department. And I felt it would be awkward to have my boss or his secretary at my wedding. So in the end, I just went with my gut and decided to invite who I would want there, who I would want to share our day with. I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, so when I contacted the four ladies for their addresses, I let them know that I wasn’t planning on inviting the entire department and to keep it on the hush hush.

Are you inviting coworkers to your wedding? Did you follow etiquette rules for building your guest list, or did you go with your gut?

BLOGGER

Miss Phone Booth

Location:
Rochester, NY
Wedding Date:
March 2014

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  1. Member
    parisian 588 posts, Busy bee @ 11:35 am

    Ugh, guest list stuff is so sticky! We just went over our guest list again last night and I do not have any of my new coworkers on the guest list, including my boss. I like them, but I don’t feel a need to invite them. Monsieur P is inviting his boss, but they have a more friendly relationship. However, I am inviting a few old coworkers because they became my friends outside of work as well. I have some other old coworkers that I would like to invite, but that gets too sticky and all of those extra people would add up. I hope no one is offended by the lack of invite, but it’s tough! It sounds like you’re way more comfortable with the decision than I am at this point. Such a nervous Nelly! lol

  2. Member
    Mrs. Llama 21 posts, Newbee @ 5:50 pm

    The bonus of having a destination wedding (one of them, anyway) is that the co-worker thing is pretty unnecessary, which is nice! On the other hand, we don’t really have a choice about children…then again, we ARE at Disney, and that would be weird to say, “Hey guests – don’t bring your kids to the happiest place on earth, k?”

  3. Member
    luluvohn 1194 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:12 am

    Our plus-one philosophy was anybody married, engaged, living together, or in an otherwise long-term relationship. We have a few friends who would be living together, but one’s in grad school in New Jersey and one has a job in DC or something similar. The one people who got a random plus one were the not-otherwise-attached bridal party members, out of courtesy. If they want to bring their mom or their cousin’s dog groomer, that’s fine, I just need to know their name.

    FI and I met at work 4 years ago, so a bunch of our coworkers from that job are invited (though not all, as we worked where @Miss Llama is getting married, so depending on how you define our “department” we’d have to add somewhere in the ballpark of 300 people). We’re not inviting anyone from our current jobs, though, except my boss, but he’s our officiant.

    We’re also not inviting any children. We’ve only invited four people who have kids and all of them have somewhere else to stay (grandparent, other parent in a divorce scenario, etc) so I don’t feel like we’re making it too hard on the majority of people. We’re also making it very clear on the invitation with names and “____ seat(s)”

  4. Member
    pyramid 97 posts, Worker bee @ 5:41 am

    Putting together the guest list literally made me sick to my stomach…sounds like you’ve got some good ground rules that helped make your cuts.

  5. Member
    jetsetter 535 posts, Busy bee @ 9:07 am

    We went with our gut for the most part and let people come to us if they wanted a “plus one”. Most of the requests we were able to oblige, since RSVPs were already rolling in at that point.

  6. Member
    gondola 1046 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:20 pm

    Guest lists are so hard! In the end we invited everyone we thought we should which was way more than the original number.

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