Weddingbee Blog

We took a break from our After “I Do” Series but we’ll be back next month with a great new set of prompts and responses! To check out all of our past After “I Do” series posts, go here, or check out some of the highlights:

• What Do You Call Your Mother in Law?
• What did you do with your wedding dress/veil after the wedding?
• Honesty and Lying
• Divorce
• Household Chores

We have a great series of prompts coming up including:

• Me time
• Keeping the spark alive
• Career/ambition
• The down economy and your relationship

…But we’re always open to your prompts! What would you like the married bees to discuss? What are you curious about when it comes to couples after the wedding day? Let us know and we’ll include the hottest topics in our next round of the series!

Join us for a Post a Thon tomorrow night on the boards beginning at 4PM PST and going on until 10PM PST! If you’ve never participated in a Weddingbee Post a Thon, we’d love for you to join us! It’s an opportunity for everyone site-wide (moderators, hostesses, blogger bees, and hive members) to gather on the boards for chat, advice, and discussion. It’s an especially great time to get lots of feedback on your current projects and ideas!

Please join us tomorrow night for another great Post a Thon. Mark your calendar, and we look forward to seeing you on the boards!

Hive hostess Bakerella has shared with us pictures from the latest bee meet up!

~~~

We had a Toronto Bee meet up on Wednesday and I thought I’d pass along a couple photos! Who’s who, left to right:

Back row: Ivanna, Yes, Bakerella (ugh not my most flattering picture!!!), pancakeg, Couawilou, WorldFairy
Front row: Mrs Martian, lola2011, PurpleUnicorn, Tranquility

We met up at Southern Accent in Mirvish Village (downtown Toronto) where we had an awesome dinner and three of us had psychic readings.
Read more…

Hi Hive! It’s Lorienne, your friendly Hive moderator here!

As many of you know, eHarmony has been Weddingbee’s home for the past few years.

A few months ago, we began refocusing our efforts and resources on helping people all over the world get into great long-term relationships. Part of that re-focusing effort also meant looking for a new home for Weddingbee, ProjectWedding and JustMommies. It was extremely important that we matched Weddingbee with a team that would love Weddingbee as much as we and you do, and who would take great care of this wonderful Community.

We are pleased to introduce you all to Internet Brands, Weddingbee’s new owner. Internet Brands is a fantastic, community-centric company (so much so that they purchased vBulletin a few years back, which many of you know is a very widely used bulletin board system. We are confident that they will love, honor and cherish the Hive as much as we do!

What does this mean for the hive?
Read more…

In 2008, guest blogger Andrea created and shared fun Playbill-style programs for her wedding with the hive. Since then, it’s been one of the highest requested template ever on Weddingbee! Andrea didn’t have a template available, but hive member Sarah did, and has finally set up a shop where she has it available for purchase. Because it’s such a popular template, we couldn’t help but share it here with the hive. Check out the cover and a sampling of some of the pages!

If you’re interested in seeing more or purchasing a template, check out Sarah’s shop. If you mention that you found her shop via Weddingbee when you check out and you will receive a $5 discount off of the listed price.

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

~~~

What do you call your mother in law? Is it the same thing you called her before you were married, or did you make a switch?

Before we were married I avoided calling my MIL anything because I wasn’t sure what to call her. I would just stare in her general direction and hope that she would look up so that we could talk. Mature, I know. But, now that we are married (and even before we were married if my stare trick didn’t work) I call her by her first name. It’s how she introduced herself to me, and avoiding calling her anything (especially when I need to call her on the phone) just doesn’t work.
Read more…

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

~~~

If you lived together before you were married: was anything different once you were married? In hindsight, do you wish you had waited to move in together until after you were married?

If you didn’t live together before you got married: looking back do you wish you did it differently? Are you surprised by anything about your spouse that you didn’t know about until you moved in together post-wedding?

Thank you to hive member Shea_Butter for the question!

I moved into Mr. Swan’s apartment 2 years after we started dating (we were long distance the first six months), 8 months before Mr. Swan proposed and we were engaged for a year. I wouldn’t have done it differently. I was very adamant about NOT moving in together for a variety of reasons from financial to emotional, etc. I actually made Mr. Swan swear that if we broke up that he would help me fund a new apartment. NYC is expensive and with moving costs usually equal to three months of rent, that’s a major outlay of money to move. Before we moved in together, I let Mr. Swan know that if we weren’t discussing getting married (not necessarily engaged) within a year that I would be moving out. I meant it. I didn’t consider it an ultimatum, but I wanted to make sure that we were both on the same page as to what moving in together meant for our relationship. I wasn’t in a rush to be married, but I wasn’t interested in living with anyone long term without them being related to me by blood or marriage at that point in my life. I have no idea in retrospect if the timing of things was a function of age, as I was 30 and Mr. Swan was 32 at the time and had both lived alone for years. I think the timing worked out just right for us.
Read more…

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

~~~

Married bee homeowners: do you have any tips in regards to the home buying process as a couple? What were some of the unexpected things you experienced buying a home together? Now that you’re a homeowner, what are the big plusses and minuses about owning your own home?

Thank you to hive member Lincole for the question!

Check. Your. Credit!! We started the process in January, and found out that due to some poor credit choices on Mr. SD’s account, we were completely ineligible for a mortgage until we got it up. There were a fair few tears shed over this incident. But, it’s all water under the bridge, and we all have to learn from our mistakes. After uncovering the problems behind the low score, we worked with a credit repair company to do some damage control. We’re on target to buy his grandmother’s home next month, which we’ve been renting since last August. It’s definitely been a journey, and one that’s helped us grow a lot as a couple. To have a big problem looming over you, then to come together to work to solve it is one of the major components of a marriage. I love how well we’ve been able to work together to pay off his credit card/small loan debt, and prepare to take on the biggest loan of our lives. It’s scary, and exciting all at the same time. So my advice would be to talk to a lending company about six months or so before you intend to start looking, so you’ll be aware of any impending problems that may hold up the process. It’s always good to start off house-hunting as informed as you can possibly be!
Read more…

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

**we’re still experiencing residual missing images, so I’ve posted the author’s name in front of their comment, just in case their icons aren’t appearing!

~~~

If only one of you works (SAHM/SAHD, unemployment, school—any reason) how does it affect your relationship’s dynamic? How do you think it affect outsider’s views of your relationship’s dynamic? What are the benefits/disadvantages to having one breadwinner in your household?

Mrs. Hermit Crab - For the duration of our relationship, only one of us has ever been working full time. While Mr. HC was in medical school, I was working, and now that he is a resident, I am in a graduate program. Initially, I was very concerned about this role reversal, since I had been the one bringing money in, and I am generally the one who manages finances. Would I be able to get a manicure guilt-free? Questions like this had me very nervous about the switcheroo. As it happens, Mr. HC and I are very open when it comes to conversations about money, and we are understanding of the other’s situation. Aside from that it would be nice to have two incomes to offset the cost of living in NYC, it has worked out fine for us so far. It is practice for a potential situation if I decide to be a stay at home mom one day when that is relevant for us.
Read more…

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

~~~

Honeymoon aside, have you gone on any great vacations or getaways with your spouse since you got married? Where did you go? Any tips for getaways on a budget?

We’ve been to Richmond, VA, Bali (our very belated honeymoon), Phoenix and the Grand Canyon, New Orleans and Turkey since getting married. Travel is something that’s really important to me (my post WB blog is a travel related one), and Mr. Swan and I decided that it would be something we prioritize at the beginning of our marriage. We’re in the space where we can go places together (and in some cases separately), so we do make trips when we can. Soon we’re hoping to go to some more places closer to home that we have not been able to visit.

As for trimming the travel budget, I really think it depends on what you want to prioritize. I’m at the point in my life where I like nicer accommodations, but I love eating in places where the locals do and that often reduces how much I spend on meals. We have found that traveling in the “off season” for many destinations can actually be a great way to save money on everything from airfare to accommodations, entrance fees, etc. If you can endure a little extra rain or cooler temperatures, you’ll deal with smaller crowds, have a little more money in your pocket and may have a better experience.
Read more…

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

~~~

Decision making and compromise: from minor things like how to resolve food habit differences, to big things like buying a car/home together, how does it work in your household?

I bulldoze the crap outta him. Just kidding. I tend to be the one who over researches and analyzes decisions, while his attitude is more “Okay, sounds good.”  When he does express an opinion, I take it more seriously because I know he usually goes along with whatever I’ve decided.
Read more…

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

~~~

What’s your money management strategy as a couple? Do you have a budget philosophy and is (or was) it different than your SO’s budget philosophy? How did you get on the same page?

(Thanks to kayakgirl73 for the question!)

It’s a joint effort now.

When we started dating, I was a chronic saver (some might say a cheapskate), and Mr. Dahlia was a chronic spender—not going into debt, but not saving anything either.

When we first combined our finances, I was the one who managed it to make sure our spending remained within our budget and that we saved some money, since I wanted to make sure that we were saving appropriately. I would make sure that the bills got paid, and make sure there weren’t any problems. If there were problems or mistakes, Mr. Dahlia would do the arguing with the cable company/phone company/bank. The problem with this is that I would be stressed out about money, and Mr. D wouldn’t be able to provide helpful advice about what we should be doing, since he was pretty distant from the state of our finances.

Now, we’re equal partners in the money management. As I’ve mentioned before, every Saturday morning we have a family meeting to go over our finances, so that both of us can see how we are coming along with our savings goals, the status of our retirement accounts, etc. This year, both of us have been reading several books about personal finance and investing, because we want to learn more about where and how we should be managing out savings.

We set financial goals on an annual basis (we have 1 year, 3 year, 5 year and 10 year goals), and review them between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and start discussing what our goals for the upcoming year should be. Around New Years Day, we map out our goals and major expenses for the new year and come up with a month by month action plan so that we have a map to get us from where we are to where we want to be.

This includes estimating what our bonuses will be and mapping out what they will be used for and where the money will go, so once that income arrives in our checking account, the plan we outlined months before tells us what we are supposed to do with it. (This keeps us from blowing our bonuses and tax refund on fun but frivolous purchases, and ensures that we actually can afford to go to the various weddings we want to attend this summer.)
Read more…

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

~~~

What did you do with your veil/wedding dress? Do you have any plans for it?

I have passed my hair flower on to two other bees so far! (The netting part detached from the flower.) Mrs. Frozen Yogurt lent it to her sister/MOH to wear during her wedding, and Mrs. Veggie borrowed it for hers! I’m not sure what the fate of my flower is now, but I love the idea of it being passed on to even more brides!

As for my wedding dress, many of you know that Mrs. Stripes wore it for her gorgeous wedding. You may also remember that I got to wear it again for a “trash the dress” session in Vegas (photographed by the fab Ms. Fondue!). I’m so glad that someone else was able to get some use out of it. I also have some secret plans in store for the dress that I hope to share with the hive soon!
Read more…

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

~~~

Hive moms: How has life changed for you post-baby? What were your identity/adult/couple struggles?

Parenthood is HUGE, and writing about it is like trying to write a single paragraph on marriage or the meaning of life. So tomorrow I might tell you something different, but here’s what comes to mind today:

Parenthood is so much more difficult than most people realize. It’s more than just a few sleepless nights— a baby drops into your life like a bomb and shakes everything. If you stay home, you will be sometimes bored, and you will question your identity without the reinforcements of career and salary. If you work, you will feel constantly torn between work and home. You will need to figure out how to pay for childcare (over $1,000/month in our town) or how to live without a second income. You will be pooped on and vomited on and screamed at, sometimes for what feels like hours. You often won’t know what you’re doing, and you will be frequently judged by everyone from family to strangers. The smallest errand can take an extra half hour of prep time. You WILL have sleepless nights. Oh, and of course if you’re the mother you will grow a human that will tear its way out of your body like the creature from Alien.
Read more…

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

~~~

Have you or your spouse dealt with a significant loss, be it friend, family member, job, or any loss that has significantly impacted your lives? How did you handle the situation as a couple? If your SO was the one that experienced the loss, what did you do to help ease the loss? If you experienced the loss, what did your spouse do?

Unfortunately, I am better able to answer this question now than I ever have been. In September, I lost one of my older brothers unexpectedly. It was a shock to my family, and the most difficult experience of my life. I can honestly say that I don’t know how I would have gotten through this time without Mr. HC by my side. He took off two weeks from work and stayed by me every moment, from flying to halfway across the country for the funeral, to spending the next week at my dad’s apartment running the show for the memorial and shiva here at home. Many people say that he was just doing what he was supposed to, but he did so much more. He gave me space to mourn, and made me feel like everything I was going through was okay, and encouraged me to explore how I was feeling. He would leave parties with me if I was overwhelmed to be out, or just got lost in sadness and couldn’t shake it, and he would squeeze my hand back to let me know he was there. Although we have been partners for many years, he truly showed to me that he could and would be there with me, by my side, for whatever I could need. He was a comfort to my whole family, picking up where no one could find the energy, even picking my little sister up from school or from play dates, and taking her and her friends to the park for a moment’s quiet. Still now, we are learning what our “new normal” is, and he is there to hold my hand when I have a moment, or to answer my call if I need to talk. He has been an incredible example of support, love, and stability through all of this, and we are learning how to move forward together.
Read more…