Weddingbee Blog

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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Communication, Honesty, and Lying - Do you ever lie to your spouse? How honest does the honesty in your relationship go?

Ha! When I lie, it always looks like I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

I learned to be honest with myself—not just to others—thanks largely to Mr. T. I’ve historically kidded myself about how well relationships were going or how happy I was in various situations. He taught me how to own the good *and* the bad. This helped me immensely in being honest with other people, also, especially him. And it’s helped me make good decisions about how to deal properly (honestly) with crappy things when they come up.

That said, given my four years of training, I appreciate truth and honesty even more.
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This sale ends tomorrow!

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The shop is chock full of practical favors, and one of our sure-to-be-a-hit favorites are wine stoppers. We’ve got wine stopper for any theme or taste…check out our favorites! This week, take 10% off everything in the Weddingbee Favors Shop with code 5205TEN!

“LOVE” Chrome Bottle Stopper

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Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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What’s the biggest way you’ve changed personally now that you’re married? How did this change come about?

Since getting married, I’ve gotten better at budgeting and at keeping up with our household. I used to charge things on my credit card willy-nilly and then feel guilty about it later when I had no idea what my bank balance was. Now I set a monthly budget and stick to it (mostly). As for the household, I recently was introduced to a website (warning—it’s a little cheesy) that helps to break chores down into daily routines that are manageable. I’ve never found anything before that has kept my house so clean! I guess those are pretty shallow changes, but I think that I’ve changed in these ways because marriage has made me less selfish. I really want what’s best for us as a family now, and not just what works for me. I feel like, even more than before, a part of a team.
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Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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Do you and your spouse plan “date nights” now that you’re married? What’s the most fun date you’ve been on since getting married?

With our crazy work travel schedules, we’ve made a point that every Friday night is date night, as it is often the only night of the week that we are able to be together in the same city as just the two of us.

We have an ongoing Outlook “appointment” in our respective calendars that starts at 6PM (so if we’re traveling, we try to be back in the city by 6), and typically go out to dinner. About half the time we try a new place, and the other half we go to one of our favorite restaurants. I’m not sure if I have a particular favorite date night, but I love starting out the weekend with a dinner together—I’m typically stressed out from work at the start, but by the end, I’m totally relaxed and ready for the weekend.

On the instances where the Friday night isn’t going to work (like this weekend, where my in laws are in town), we reschedule it an either move it earlier in the week, or push it back to Sunday night.
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Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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How do you handle disagreements? Do you and your SO have specific arguing styles? What topic do you seem to argue/disagree on the most? What were some things you and your spouse have done to work out disagreements?

Our disagreements have come a long way in six years, and we are still working on them (as I imagine we always will be, in many ways). We have come to understand that most of our disagreements are rooted in something else, or one person needing to vent, and we are becoming better about not taking everything to heart, and allowing our partner the space they need at times. Our arguments are rare, though they definitely happen, and we try to talk through whatever we can. I have always perscribed to the idea of  never going to sleep angry, while Mr. HC likes to never wake up angry. So, we try to respect this about each other and make it work for us!

I am a person that rarely argues with anyone, and it took me a long time to realize that arguments are a healthy and important part of most relationships—it’s learning how to navigate these waters that is crucial. “Cool down” time has also been really effective, and stops many arguments from escalating to where they might have in the past.
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From us to you…

Save 17% off of all invitations in the shop, today and tomorrow only. This is our biggest sale ever! Enter code WBM0311A at checkout to take advantage of the discount.

Tips from the hive for incorporating Japanese cultural traditions into your wedding…join in on the discussion, or start your own, and let us know in the comments! (We’ll add it to this list.)

Suggestions for displaying 1000 paper cranes at your wedding

The Japanese Red String of Fate (Japanese legend for soul mates)

Various Japanese wedding traditions (discussion)

Honeymoon locales in Tokyo

Japanese wedding gifts from the couple to wedding guests

And of course, stay updated with the hive and join the discussion on the Japan Earthquake/Tsunami thread.

Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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What are your opinions on divorce? Have your opinions changed now that you are married? Do you and your SO openly talk about the possibility of divorce? Why or why not?

Having been through a variation of the mess myself (getting an annulment from my abusive ex), I was pretty keen on getting things right this time around. Coming from a strong Southern Baptist upbringing in the Bible Belt, divorce isn’t really too accepted. I mean, people I know won’t hold it against you, but it’s certainly not talked about as an option. As far as my mister and I go, we both consider it a very last ditch solution, should one of us have a Grey’s Anatomy moment when some kind of brain damage turns us into an angry hater.

I want to say that both of us would consider counseling in the event of cheating, or feeling unsupported in our marriage. If things continue to decline from there, then we’d have to assess if there’s any future for us. Only if things progress to violence would I ever consider my first option dissolving another marriage. I’m a very open communicator, and make sure that Mr. SD knows exactly why I’m upset about something, and what we can do to make things better. He hasn’t quite gotten the hang of doing that himself yet, so I try to help guide him through the process whenever he feels upset about something. We really focus on finding the “whys” behind the behavior, so we both know how to make our marriage stronger. I think that commitment to each other and our relationship will help us keep growing stronger for years to come.
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How are we liking having to wake up an hour earlier? Juuust kidding. But, we are loving the extra hour of daylight that spring daylight savings time brings, and with that, we’re showcasing our favorite picks for spring wedding favors!

Luminous Mini-Lanterns (10% off)

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Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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How do you show your spouse that you appreciate them? What does he/she do for you?

Dude, he married me. He should be grateful.

Kidding. We’ll almost always pick up something sweet for each other if either of us goes to a bakery or something, since we both have mad sweet tooths. But this question made me realize that we should do a better job of appreciating each other, and go above and beyond our normal division of responsibilities. For example, I cook. And while that’s a big thing that he should be ever stinking grateful for, I could do a little something special once in a while to brighten his day.
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Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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What was your relationship with your in-laws like before you got married? What is it like now? What were specific things that lead to an improvement/degradation of your relationship with your in-laws? Do you have any tips for people struggling with relationships with their in-laws?

When we first started dating, I really wanted my in-laws to like me. They were welcoming and nice from the beginning, but they show love differently than my family does. My family constantly shows affection and from the beginning had said multiple times how much they loved Mr. Starfish. Because I was used to an overly affectionate family, and Mr. Starfish’s is different, I wasn’t sure how they felt. As our relationship went on I learned that Mr. S’s family just worked different than mine. They show their love in different ways.

This happened long before marriage, but I think my best advice regarding in-laws is to understand that everyone is different. I’ve been very fortunate to have supportive, caring, loving in-laws who have been a wonderful part of my life. It just took me some time to understand that people show these things in different ways.

I feel that wedding planning only helped our relationship. My MIL and I started emailing a lot during the planning phase and have continued to do so after marriage. I think the engagement period strengthened our relationship.
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Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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Leave and Cleave - Some people have trouble “leaving and cleaving”—that is, they have difficulty adjusting to making their NEW family with their spouse as the primary family. What was that transition like for you? And how did your family of origin handle it?

Thank you to Miss Snapdragon for the question!

This is a great question because it is something that we talk about all the time! For the Hermit Crabs, we started this process during our engagement. Once we realized the tensions that an engagement could bring up with various family members, Mr. HC and I agreed that we would always present a united front outward. We may have many discussions about it between us, but when we talked to family members, we would always be unit first. This was one of the first steps for us. Second, living far from both of our families for three years, we started making our own traditions around the holidays, another step that started this process long before the wedding. And finally, now that we are married, we are working with our families to show that though unfortunately we cannot always be everywhere for all the holidays or our free time (wouldn’t that be nice!), we are going to have to make choices, and our priority is now for us to be together, and split up for these occasions. Honestly, sometimes this has been very tough for us, and sometimes our families have been very supportive of us. Although we are in our first year of marriage, we have been on this road for many years now, and it is definitely a process for everyone! We always try to remind ourselves of what our families are experiencing as well, so that we can have more sensitivity for their perspective in addition to our own.
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Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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How did you celebrate your first anniversary? If you exchanged gifts, what did you get each other?

Thank you to Mrs. Starfish for this question!

We celebrated our first anniversary with a trip to NYC!

We had an amazing dinner at Morimoto on our actual anniversary date and then finished the night off at the top of the Empire State Building!

We did the “paper” thing. I got the Dude a notebook for keeping football stats made out of an old Blue Oyster Cult album cover. He got me a hardback copy of Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. (Yes, that was a special request on my part!)
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Catch up on the entire After “I Do” series here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it here!

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How do you divide up household chores? Did it change, once you were married? Do you divide your chores along gender lines/traditional stereotypes? If so, was it intentional?

Mr. Powder Puff and I sort of naturally fell into the typical gender roles as far as chores go. I cook and clean, he takes out the trash and changes the oil in my car. Of course, we’re flexible. If I’m feeling tired or sick, Mr. Powder Puff will cook for me, or I’ll take out the trash if he isn’t up to it. But generally, we stick with our roles, and are extremely happy to do so! We actually had to discuss, as part of our premarital counseling, who would do what in the relationship. This was so valuable! It allowed us to set our expectations for not only each other, but also for ourselves. I highly recommend discussing these things with your partner, even if you’re not taking part in formal premarital classes. That way everything is out in the open, and no one is left feeling any resentment or disappointment if their expectations aren’t met.
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It’s part 2 of our Weddingbee Valentine’s Day Card Swap! See part 1 here. Check out these great handmade cards that the hive made!

Bakerella (our wonderful swap organizer!) - The little flower pot on the card is plantable and should flower a couple weeks after watering. The brownie is homemade (recipe is included in the package) from the cookbook Baked, and was one of Oprah’s Favourite Things in 2005. She also made the little chocolate Bee sucker!

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