Weddingbee Blog

It’s been quite some time since I announced our engagement, so I wanted to share some of the inspiration The Ginger and I have been gathering along the way, mostly thanks to Pinterest. To give you a quick recap, we’ll be having an uber intimate wedding in our own backyard with 15 guests (our parents, siblings and significant others, and our pooch, Betty White).

For starters, we’re planning on having two long, wooden tables in our backyard, picnic-style, with benches for our guests. It’s been quite a challenge trying to nail down a vendor for renting a few rustic tables, but I think we’ve finally found a reasonable option thanks to Craigslist. We snagged some yellow, grey, and gold streamers which we plan on slinging over bulb string lights to give the yard a pretty glow (and hopefully not catch our house on fire).

We had been debating whether or not we should make an arbor, but I think we’ll be dyeing and tying ombre-style pieces of yellow fabric to the dogwood tree, along with hanging mason jar vases with flowers and candles. I really love these tissue paper-covered lanterns and we already have oversized yellow balloons from our barbecue party that never happened, so those should look pretty (assuming we don’t get another Hurricane Irene).

{1: Image via Once Wed / Photo by Jose Villa 2: Image via Once Wed / Photo by Our Labor of Love 3: Image via Green Wedding Shoes / Photo by Katherine Elizabeth Photography 4: Image via Martha Stewart}

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I know it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me, but I wanted to check back into the hive with some exciting news! It seems to be true that good things come in threes and yesterday was proof of that little theory. When my boyfriend (who we will enthusiastically call “The Ginger” from now on) came home from work, I spent a good twenty minutes rambling about how giddy I was since: 1.) I managed to land a job interview with an amazing company and 2.) I found our foster dog a home with a loving family. I asked him about his day and we exchanged our usual stories about each others’ latest happenings. He asked what I wanted for dinner and I told him we could make pasta since we are in need of groceries and it’s one of the only edible things in the house right now. Apparently since he made dinner last night (which consisted of scooping tuna salad I had made onto bread), it was my turn to do the cooking since we switch cooking and cleaning every other night. I cluelessly didn’t realize at the time that he was trying to lead me into the kitchen.

So, to the kitchen I went, where I asked what type of pasta he wanted. I rattled off our options and asked boring inquisitive questions like “what’s the difference between linguine and fettuccine?” When I went to grab a pot from our cabinets, just about our entire cookware set came toppling over. Typical Ms. Candy Corn spazzery was taking place. I started boiling a pot of water and filled our Brita water pitcher, which I put in the fridge without realizing this was waiting for me:

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A while back my boyfriend Pete surprised me with tickets to a Bethenny Frankel speaking engagement. He was one of the only men in the room, apart from her husband Jason Hoppy, so he was a total dear for taking me on a date to see her in person since he knows how much I love her insanity.

Fast forward to this past Monday, when Pete and I were entering our apartment after a long evening of wallpaper removal at our new house (!!!). I flopped my purse on the counter only to hear a stream of voicemail beeps coming from inside of it. I wondered who would be calling after 10PM on a Monday and got a little nervous to see a few voice mails and email alerts all around the exact same time. In my head I was freaking out that someone had died, but as soon as I pushed the voicemail play button I heard our friends telling us that we had just been on the season finale of Bethenny Ever After on Bravo. Oh boy. Now Bravo addicts around the world would know that the ginger and I were at the show. Pete’s man cred is definitely lacking now. He’s going to have to eat a lot of hot dogs and pump a lot of iron to make up for this huge hit.

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Most of you probably don’t recognize my name around these parts, but as a refresher, I’m the bee who got divorced. Don’t worry, the story has a happy ending, I promise! As you might recall, I met the boy of my dreams and we’ve been happily living together in our apartment with our five pets for over a year.

Recently we had quite the tragedy with our dog Betty White. To catch you guys up to speed, I adopted Betty White from the SPCA about four years ago. She has always had major separation anxiety, which causes her to bark non-stop when no one is home. We were going through dog training for months and considered giving her up for adoption to our dog trainer. We thought he could give her a better life since she would be able to spend her days with him at work and learn how to be a more confident pooch overall. This backfired when he called several days later to say that she escaped from his training center during a huge snowstorm.
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It’s hard for me to come up with posts for Weddingbee, as I am the only bee that I know of who has documented her divorce process after blogging for well over a year about wedding plans. Several bees have also sadly gone through divorce, but are now writing about their “encore” weddings (high five to them!). As the lone bee who has opened up about a failed marriage after blogging about all things wedding-related, it can be a bit strange to try and figure out where I fit in here.

I am now in a healthy and happy relationship with Pete and we are already almost coming up on our one year anniversary. I can’t even begin to explain how nice it is to be in a relationship that is free of emotional abuse. I’ve read a lot of posts on the boards that make divorce out to be terrifying and something you should only do if you’ve been physically abused, and certainly not if you haven’t even been married for at least a year. No one is a fan of divorce, but to stay in an unhealthy relationship with no hope rather than admit that things have failed, is not good for either parties.
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The start of 2010 brought a lot of change for me. After asking for a divorce and starting the filing process last year, I was convinced I’d become the crazy lady surrounded by her five pets for the rest of my life (which I honestly had no problem with). I had only dated one person my entire life, and ended up marrying him. I had absolutely no dating experience and didn’t really plan on putting myself out there. I figured no one would be interested in a woman who had recently split from her husband because that is a lot of baggage (plus the fact that I have five pets is a deal breaker, I mean come on now), and honestly I didn’t really care or mind being single. That was until I hit it off with someone and realized I’d spend my life full of regret if I didn’t give the chemistry we have together a chance.

I’ve finally grown to trust my gut and knew all signs pointed to yes, but I was worried about what my friends and family would say. What kind of person starts dating someone so soon after going through a divorce?
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Oh my goodness, how I have missed the hive. I am officially divorced and have made the switch back to my maiden name. When I started my divorce research, I was incredibly confused and overwhelmed by the entire process. I didn’t have the funds for a proper lawyer, so I knew I’d have to research and fill out my own forms. My knowledge of divorce consisted of what I had seen during my sick days in high school when I would shamelessly slurp Lipton soup while watching Divorce Court. No one in my family or circle of friends had gone through a divorce, so I turned to Weddingbee for advice.

I was eventually sent a link to the website for Philadelphia’s law library, where I discovered a self help, no-fault divorce manual. I studied all 158 pages of the PDF obsessively and made my first trip to the county clerk’s office in the beginning of the year, where I was surrounded by an interesting group of locals. For example, the father who was seeking custody of his child and scratched his beard while trying to remember his “baby mama’s” last name (seriously, he called her his “baby mama”). These were the people who would often turn to me for advice when I was waiting for my number to be called. People who were desperate for a divorce but couldn’t figure out the difference between defendant and plaintiff and would leave the office, hopelessly mumbling obscenities to the staff.
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Dearest hive,

I know I haven’t written since September and for those of you who remember my posts, you are probably wondering why my lazy arse stopped writing recaps half-way through. I wanted to be honest and announce that I have decided to get a divorce. It is safe to say that this decision is absolutely for the best. When you are in a relationship where you aren’t being treated fairly for a long time, it is easy to put up your blinders and tell yourself that things will pick up and change. This past year it became absolutely clear to me that it was time to take off my blinders to make a better future for myself.

It’s hard to say if I should have seen this coming. Things were never completely stable, but a sudden spiral took place several months after the wedding, during which we attended couples therapy, which only led to more lying and deceit on his behalf. Trying to help someone who suffers from bipolar disorder and depression but refuses to acknowledge the issues at hand or attend personal counseling is not an easy task. I was an incredibly supportive wife (emotionally, financially, artistically, etc.) and realized my decision wasn’t just a matter of me simply losing patience. I had told myself that it was OK that I was the only one giving in the relationship because he needed me and I was sure he would get through this and give back when he could. I knew I could cope with the ever-changing mood swings and even the recurring tantrums—him screaming while breaking my belongings and storming out for hours after a Phillies loss, for instance—but my patience ran thin when his disorder was used as an excuse for lie after lie. Having someone lie straight to your face when you know they aren’t being honest and not even seeing a glimmer of guilt in their eye has to be one of the worst feelings ever. It was a feeling I was becoming more and more numb to over the past year, and I finally got to the point where I didn’t see a purpose in pursuing a relationship without mutual trust or respect.

I had to make the very difficult decision to put myself first and think about what was best for me.
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This kind of makes me feel like I’m on that “Diary” show that was on MTV. Did anyone else watch that? C’mon, you can admit it. I’m not judging! Lindsay Lohan would be like, “You think you know…but you have no idea!” and I’d be awake at 2 AM screaming at the television, “Oh mah GAH! What do I have no idea about!? Tell me more, Lilo!!” (Although, I believe this was before she was actually referred to as “Lilo”, but oh well.) Anyway, I hope I can be at least half as entertaining as that fine television program!

Bee-coming a blogging fool (see what I did there?):

I’ve been blogging since 2002 on LiveJournal—in fact, that is where Mr. Candy Corn and I developed quite a bit of communication early on in our dating relationship and I think it really helped push us into coupledom, because lord knows we were too shy to flirt with each other in person… or at least I was!

Applying to Weddingbee

I stumbled upon Weddingbee while Googling for inspiration for our bird-themed wedding. I remember scrolling through pages of bees while on my lunch break and wondering if I could ever have a wedding that was even a teensy tiny bit as amazing as Mrs. Strawberry’s or Lovebug’s. I was obsessed with Indiebride and Offbeat Bride, but other than that I couldn’t find too many wedding resources that I could relate to—apart from Weddingbee.

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You may recall from back in the day that “dancing” is a language I don’t speak. I know that a lot of people say that they can’t dance and then they bust out these amazing dance moves at their weddings and are obviously just being modest about the whole thing. That is not me, folks. I. Can’t. Dance.
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A lot of times I get asked the same question from my fellow twenty-something peers. “Why bother getting married when it’s so expensive and nothing really changes?” My answer is simple. When else am I going to have an opportunity to gather together with everyone we love and celebrate life? These are the people who helped shape our lives (well, most of them anyway). I wanted them to know not only how much they mean to us, but also how much we love each other and appreciate them for supporting us through our crazy journey. Without further ado, here are some of the brave souls who call us their friends or family.
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During the weeks leading up to our wedding, I gave myself a ton of DIY projects that I knew in my wedding-obsessed heart were absolutely unnecessary, but I insisted on doing them anyway.

Did anyone really notice the VIP seating labels I had made for our immediate family? Probably not. Did the French guests notice I made cake signs especially for them or did they just grab the first flavor they spotted? I’m going to go with the latter on that one. Did all of our guests notice I had a photo of them with Mr. Candy Corn or me on the back of their place card to add a personalized touch? Yeahhhhh, no.
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Although we’ve only been married for a little over nine months, I’ve noticed that being a wife also means being thrown into a culture obsessed with babies. There’s a lot of pressure to pull off parenthood while trying to juggle married life and a career. Not to mention trying to be able to afford a house somewhere in the mix (since that’s the next “step”, after all).

I think that too many newly married couples believe they need to have a child to complete that next phase in their relationship, while not really paying attention to whether or not they are doing what’s best for the child. I don’t think that’s the way it is in the hive, but out here in the non-bee world I am seeing this happening more often than not.
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Guests were enjoying drinks and hors d’oeuvres during the cocktail hour, while the rest of us were taking formal shots outside in the Upper Garden. I was grinning from ear to ear while standing next to my husband (!!!!), so saying “cheese” wasn’t going to be a problem for me. While posed shots really aren’t our style, we wanted to have standard portraits that our parents and grandparents could frame or show their friends.
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You’d think I could have made it through the ring exchange without causing a scene, but that would’ve been too easy! The officiant asked our maid of honor and best man to hand her the rings so we could get the show on the road. For some reason, I had my maid of honor hand me the ring and then realized she was supposed to give it directly to the officiant. Whoopsies! Of course, this resulted in me mumbling to myself and apologizing for being such a space cadet, which made the wedding party burst with laughter. I told myself I would get through the rest of the ceremony calm, cool and collected with no more outbursts. Yeah, that didn’t happen…
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