Weddingbee Blog

Warning: sappiness to follow.

I didn’t always have very many (or very good) female friends. Women were scary, frankly, with their cattiness and pettiness and rules I didn’t understand. I tended to be friends with one girl at a time, until one of us overreacted or under-appreciated and that was that.

I’m so thankful to be so far removed from those days. These days, I rely on a network of women to keep me sane. My best friend Jennifer started it all by being so honest and funny and herself that I couldn’t help but be myself back. From one friendship to a group of women who met for girls’ night, I was surprised to find how comforting the network could be.

Then I got engaged—and I can honestly say that without the fabulous women I met online (and my ever-supportive BFF), I’d not have gotten through. You told me I wasn’t crazy and you related, even to my most uncomfortable revelations, and knowing how not-alone I was made everything a little better. Not once—not one single time—did I regret doing the uncomfortable and posting about something that wasn’t rainbows and butterflies.
Read more…

I’ve been married twenty months now. Let’s all take a moment to recognize the fantastic-ness of having to stop to count the number of months. Once upon a time, I could have told you in days. Hours. “It’s been five months, three weeks, six days and fifteen hours since I chose this misery. Oh! One more minute down.” I regularly practiced the art of Getting Through.

Do you know the Getting Through strategy? You know, as in, “Today, I just have to get through.”

But no more. Today, I had to count.

I used to write, pre-wedding, about the messiness of my relationships. (G’head, check my archives. Even the ones with the pretty pictures allude to the challenges we survived in getting there.) I then spent the next year writing about the messiness of learning to live up to someone’s expectations and with their quirks and through their relationship-hampering coping mechanisms: my own.

Today I realized we’re pretty much past the growing pains.
Read more…

Hi, all! It’s been a while since I’ve posted, yes, but on a nice and relaxing (ahem, slow) Friday afternoon, I thought I’d take a few minutes to brainstorm some last minute gift ideas. You know, for procrastinators like me! (And then, because you all are so awesome, perhaps you can share some ideas too?)

1. Magazines: my favorite gift to give (and get!) is a magazine subscription—the gift that keeps on giving. Really! Every month you get a shiny new magazine that (let’s be honest) you’d never have gotten around to ordering for yourself. Love! So I order the magazine, buy the current issue, and enclose a note that this is the first of many monthly gifts coming their way.
2. Movie night: Almost every movie theater company allows you to buy gift certificates—and who doesn’t like movies? Our local theater corporation has a great package: two tickets and a combo. I print out little ticket stubs (fake, of course), the details of the gift certificate, and a reminder that smooching during movies is highly recommended (um, for couples, that is).

Read more…

I wasn’t sure I’d participate because I wasn’t sure what I’d choose, but I think it’s this post.

There are more emotional posts, I think, and more direct posts, but this one seems like a good choice because it might give some newbees a chance to read it, and know they’re not alone if they’re doubting.

~~~

As you approach your wedding day, everyone asks you if you’re getting nervous. I wonder how they’d react if I said, “Yes, frankly, I’m scared shitless of the huge commitment I’m about to make. Not because of him — I love him and admire him — but because it’s me, and to be the kind of partner I want to be is something I’m not sure I can achieve. And sometimes I just don’t want to be a good partner. I want to stomp my feet and throw a tantrum and have someone save me.”

What if I don’t succeed this time? What if I can’t? What if I don’t want to? Bending myself to accommodate him/ us is tiring. Watching my words so that he doesn’t get hurt is tiring. Can I really do this? Do I really want to?

I often feel like I’m in this all alone… and by “this” I guess I mean life.
Read more…

Today is your big day, though not for the reasons people might first believe. It’s not your big day because you get to wear a beautiful dress, or because you’ll feel like a bride, or even because your nearest and dearest have come from all over to be with you. It’s not your big day because you’re probably throwing the biggest event you’ll ever throw. It’s not your big day because your vision will come to life, because your details will be perfect, or because the whole shebang will unfold just as you planned.

Today you’re making the kind of choice only adults make, the choice to tie the well-being of yourself as a single person to the success of yourself as part of a couple. This is a big day!

From this day forward, you’ll have someone with whom to share the tiny moments that form a life. You’ll be building a joint history with someone who is as much a main character as you are. You’ll be frustrated beyond comprehension at the tiny things you have to give up, then grateful beyond words to have this person — this person who made the same choice you did — right next to you.
Read more…

Read more…

Hi, peeps! While I put off finishing my last recap (because then I’d be finished *sob*), I thought I’d throw in a post or two about life on the other side of that whole wedding thing. But let’s keep it wedding-related by talking about wedding photos, mkay?

More specifically, how do you decide which photos to actually display?

Step 1: Do nothing. Wait until your fabulous parents send you a photo they thoughtfully converted to canvas, mounted and framed as your Christmas gift. Then feel terrible that you haven’t sent anyone else wedding pictures and frantically try to pick a few to send as Christmas gifts. On the day before you have to mail said gifts across the country.

Step 2: Freak out. How do you choose pictures of yourself to send to other people? Narcissism, much?

Step 3: Calm down. Remember that this was a big event for both families and of course they’d like photographic evidence, if only to embarrass you by showing your future children at some future date. Choose the least goofy family pictures for printing.

Then print one goofy one specifically to embarrass your brother at a specific future date.
Read more…

I’ve kept my mouth shut for a long time (hard to believe, I know), but I have to say it: there is nothing wrong with wanting (and having) a really nice wedding, whatever your definition of nice may be.

I know, I know, I’m preaching to the choir here, but it must be said. By me. So I can get it off my chest and move on.

Do you know what I’m talking about?

You find out someone’s engaged and congratulate them, and the first thing they say is, “But don’t worry, we don’t want a real wedding.” Or someone mentions a wedding and everyone else tells stories of people who were so ____ (insert desirable trait here, like “in love” or “practical” or “not into what other people think”) that they didn’t have a wedding, they just went to the courthouse. Everyone else croons, “Oh, how wonderful” and then feels compelled to talk about how they wished they’d done that.

Not me.
Read more…

My dress was like magic.

When zipped into its curves, I felt like a bride…
Read more…

Hey, y’all! Have you read this article in the New York Times Magazine?

The Obamas’ Marriage

If you haven’t read it, go now. Seriously. Right now. It’s mind-blowingly honest and real. Regardless of your political persuasion, we need more honesty and reality around marriages. They talk about ups and downs, decisions and families and figuring out how to make a marriage work with what might be the world’s toughest external factors.

Oh, where to begin to blog about how this story resonated with me?
Read more…

Approximately one year ago, I first started blogging here, and I gotta tell you, I was a mess. I didn’t know how to be engaged, wasn’t sure how to have fun! And productive conversations with my fiancé about big things like money and families and his attire. (C’mon, you know that’s a big thing!) We tried, but every little decision seemed to dissolve into frustration and silence.

Have you ever watched well-socialized puppies play? When they start to get overwhelmed and over-stimulated, they stop. They take a break, stand very still, and get themselves under control, then they resume playing. Dogs who don’t speak “dog” well don’t do this and their play deteriorates into real aggression.

That was us. We’d start a benign conversation about tents and before we knew it, be arguing about who cared more and did more and loved more and… you get the picture. I wondered, often, how people managed to so easily discuss such big things.

“We talked about when to have kids.”

“We were chatting about our budget.”

“We decided that our dream wedding would be modern yet sentimental, light and funny, but classy. And we want gold-rimmed stemware.”
Read more…

I love me some cheesiness, and if my world were perfect, goofiness would have been spread around our property far and wide. I wanted silly signs, funny photos, witty sayings, and lots o’ love songs.

Alas, my DIY skills (and time and dedication, frankly) were lacking, but I did manage to pull together a few really fantastic details at the last minute. Some were literally at the last minute: I stayed up until 1:00 AM the night before we got married doing the things I just. had. to. do.

Y’all know what I’m saying, yes? Sometimes, sleep be damned, a woman’s just gotta follow her inner cheese and DIY some stuff. And if you feel the need, the insane desire to make some stuff that is not strictly required, and you just know that even if nobody else notices, YOU will notice and be just a tiny bit happier, do it. Throw practicality to the wind and make some stuff (but only if you are confident you can do that and still enjoy your wedding day, mkay?).

Behold, a non-DIYers version of DIY:

Little goofy table tents that I loved more than I should have. Loved. Made them at 1:00 AM and smiled every time I saw them (okay, and every time I pointed them out to people, every one of the hundred times I may have done that because I loved them so much). My husband and I both have goofy, cheesy souls.

Read more…

My husband and I debated our first dance song for weeks. I wanted romantic; he wanted fun. At some point, I gave in, figuring it would be less embarrassing to pick something fun and cheesy and join in the laughs than to sway and smooch with everyone watching.

So we chose “Islands in the Stream”. Oh, yea! Dolly (who is pretty loved around these parts) and Kenny singing the cheesiest song ever… and one that we both apparently sang as five year olds. With heart.
Read more…

Hey, y’all. I have to tell you, I’m really excited about this series because I really had no idea how this WB blogging thing worked when I applied, so I hope you get some insight into how it all works.

It all started with the blogs

I don’t remember when I started reading blogs or how I found Weddingbee, much like I don’t remember learning how to walk or when I ate my first French fry. I do know that I spent too many hours Googling things like “a simple wedding” and “minimal wedding” and “second wedding”. I kept finding sites on etiquette (apparently face veils are the prerogative of first-time brides), dealing with children (we had none) and eloping. But I didn’t want to elope, and I didn’t care about veils – I just wanted the straight story on how little you could do for a wedding and still call it a wedding. I wanted insight, answers, how-tos. I wanted bullet points.

So I started blogging. My first attempt was called “A Simple Wedding”, but it didn’t really work. I wasn’t sure I wanted a wedding, wasn’t sure I was ready to get married, wasn’t sure why people were even engaged. Who was I to tell anyone else how to plan a wedding I wasn’t sure I wanted? But I kept writing, and soon I found my voice. I scrapped my first ten posts and launched a new blog when I wrote this post. For the first time, my words got away from me and helped me find myself. For the first time, I understood that my perspective would be about the emotional journey of a bride, and more specifically, how you can fail at something once and still try it again.

My tagline became: “I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.”
Read more…

Hi, remember me? *waving* I used to blog here, but then I got a serious case of the Recaps and I’ve been fighting it ever since.

Much like my predecessors, I’m struggling to finish them, and I’m going to let you in on a little secret: recaps aren’t nearly as much fun as I once thought they’d be. We love you guys, our supportive and fantabulous readers, and we sometimes have a hard time trying to live up to your expectations… and our own. I want to find the words to make you feel like you were there, to make you understand that “it was the best day” is completely genuine, to give you hope and peace and help you get through the meltdowns that we all go through.
Read more…