More Site-Coordinator Rants
June 19th, 2007 @ 2:48 pm by Mrs. Tomato
The first day I met my site coordinator-to-be, I thought she was wonderful. Informative, polite, friendly. But the wonderfulness disappeared as soon as Mr. Tomato and I signed the contract and began to discuss details. Soon I felt like I was no longer a person, but a wallet–and constantly being pestered to spend more money. I was “strongly advised” to rent a room at Auberge (which by the way starts at $600 AND has a two-night minimum on weekends). I was required to provide wine for my guests (which had not been mentioned in the contract) during dinner.
Heck NO. 
But she wouldn’t take no for an answer and would find ways to make money-spending “suggestions” in every conversation we had with each other. I was sick of it, but I refused to move from my budget. I am not going to spend money I simply don’t have, especially on things I don’t think are important.
I think she realized she wasn’t going to get any more money out of me, so she dumped my event to her assistant. At first, I was offended. But as I started working with her assistant, I appreciated the fact she never pushed me to spend more than I was comfortable with.
Until now.
In the same e-mail the assistant had sent me last week (regarding the bad news about the table arrangements), she managed to throw in the fact that by the way, I should have a juice bar during my 20-minute cocktail hour. And by the way, I should provide an average of 20 bites of hor d’oeuvres per guest (because they’re going to eat one every minute for 20 minutes?). And by the way, wouldn’t I want to serve white wine in addition to the red wine to go with the lamb chops (I thought red meats only work with red wine…)? Also, I should look into serving signature cocktails since it’ll be summer and guests will want something refreshing…
Okay, what part of “I just want two types of drinks and two hors d’oeuvres during the 20-minute cocktail hour” that I’ve repeated at least three times in the last two weeks don’t you understand? Their hors d’oeuvres start at $3/each for a simple cheese puff! 60 guests x 20 bites x $3 = $3600. If I select slightly nicer hors d’oeuvres the price quickly rises to $5000. I don’t want to spend $5000 in 20 minutes. I want a nice wedding, but I also want to furnish my new house. I can buy a brand-new, stainless-steel refrigerator, dishwasher, stove AND microwave for that amount.
At this point, I really have to ask–am I the only one who feels this way? Do site coordinators really look out for guests’ sakes or is there something else going on? Is it their job to badger customers for money? Do they get paid commission on how much money they can get from us?
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24 Responses to “More Site-Coordinator Rants”
I don’t think that happens to everyone. I’ve had a great experience so far. And although, it’s been pretty pricey, my coordinator has given me cost cutting ideas - i.e. cheaper wines, etc. She’s also helped me work with other vendors which has been very helpful. I’ve been lucky, I guess.
I wish you luck with your venue! I know what a headache these things can be. The spa has lost our reservations twice and the musician just sent me a random e-mail about if he was suppose to play at the ceremony - OF COURSE YOU ARE! haha…anyway…
Good luck!
MediaLady
I got dumped to an assistant too. Maybe it’s a Napa thing? We’re getting married at V. Sattui Winery in St. Helena.
It’s frustrating. Do you have a DOC or coordinator aside from the site coordinator? If so, can you have her deal with them for you? I’ve taken to having my mom be the go between. She used to be a meeting planner so she’s good at playing hardball.
Good luck to both of us!
BUMMER. Our site coordinator has been nice but SO slow to respond (like 3-6 weeks per e-mail). Not sure which is worse. Stick to your guns Miss Tomato - you are NOT wrong. $5,000/20 minutes = $250 a minute (/60 guests=$4.16 minute per person). But some will use the rest room, look for their place cards, fix their lipstick, be exchanging pleasantries and not eating OR drinking - so really its more like 12 minutes or that…which means almost $7 a minute per person. Personally, if I knew this, and I knew the newlyweds had anew house I would rather drink water and listen to an iPod. STICK TO YOUR GUNS! Or stick the numbers to them!
Way to stick to your guns Miss Tomato! Don’t get pressured into the things you “must” have. It is your wedding (and Mr. Tomato’s of course :)) and you can do it your way. Those are crazy costs and I think you are being perfectly reasonable.
Just a note of reassurance - I went to my sister’s absolutely amazing wedding this weekend that had so many extra details - martini bar, raw bar, dessert in addition to wedding cake, etc. etc. and while it was wonderful, the guests would never notice if she didn’t have all those things. As it was the martini bar was off to the side and people didn’t even notice it. If you don’t want all those extras then don’t be sucked into it. And you definitely don’t need 20 hors d’oeuvres for 20 minutes. I think we had 8 bites of things per person for an hour cocktail hour. Although I would maybe prefer a glass of white wine with dinner if possible 
Haha, maybe I’m nuts because I specifically insisted on being “downgraded” to deal only with the assistant instead of the director, because the director was exactly the way you described yours. The assistant is AWESOME and professional. Huge improvement. The director should watch his back or the assistant might steal his job soon!
I think you’re absolutely right Miss Tomato, they are just trying to squeeze you for more cash. Put your foot down. Glue it down if you have to You don’t have to spend a penny more than you want.
The only thing I would consider a valid point is actually the suggestion of offering both white and red wine with dinner. Some people just don’t like red, regardless of what food you’re serving it with. However, this should not affect the TOTAL amount of wine that gets used so I wouldn’t expect it to impact costs much…
Good job sticking to your guns! I am in the hospitality industry, and in the resorts I’ve worked in, the catering departments have budgets to meet, and the catering managers are expected to upsell as much as possible to make the most money per event as possible. It sounds like you have been the victim of very strong upselling techniques, and I applaud you for sticking to your budget! My wedding reception venue is charging $50 for a gallon of tea. A GALLON of TEA… that I can make at home for five cents. And I am not surprised at all - it’s totally the sad-but-true norm.
I can confirm that for our wedding (which had all the elements to make guests really hungry and thirsty, i.e., time of year they’re not dieting or refraining from alcohol, cool weather, gap before the reception, etc.) — 5 or 6 bites per person is PLENTY. Don’t worry.
Wow, my site coordinator was completely the opposite. She kept suggesting ways for me to save money, from vendor suggestions to bringing my own champagne to completely eliminating hor doeuvres for a short cocktail reception. I think she’s used to working with brides with a variety of budgets, and she knew from the start that I was one of the lower budget girls. I really did get lucky to work with someone so nice that she had my best interest in mind.
Most of the stuff their suggesting is just a way for you to spend more money, but I do agree with the pp as far as the wine goes. My FI and I just don’t like red wine and would appreciate the option of white, regardless of what we’re eating.
20 bites before dinner? that’s too much. even for a big eater like myself. and no white wine w/ dinner? then, water it is! glad you told them no. do it your way; its YOUR wedding. you’re the boss of them. hehehe…
A lot of places (especially hotels) base commissions/bonuses off of how much they can “upsell” you from your original contract. Basically the more you add on from your original contract, the more money they make from you. It sounds like this assistant was suddenly informed of a policy like that, so she’s trying to get a bigger bonus from your wedding. Continue sticking to your guns and tell them that it’s unnecessary!
1. It’s your location (I’ve coordinated events there and they are used to people taking them up on all the extras). They are accustomed to huge, lavish events with endless budgets. Still, there is no reason why you should be bullied into spending money you don’t want to, whether you have it to spend or not.
2. You are not alone. The one and only time my destination coordination contacted me was to “offer” me another option, which would have put me over budget. She was pretty pushy and more effusive than I’ve experienced her to be for anything else. She neglected to mention her coordination fees on top of the fees for the options she was offering, which would have added an extra 20%!
Hang in there. It’s hard not to take it personally because it’s such a personal event, but really it’s just that their job is to make money - and yours is to save it. No more than that.
Tell her that you have two letters for her: “N” and “O.” Some of that stuff is just rediculous. Stick to your guns and don’t feel guilty about it either.
Wow, that’s pretty outrageous! Like Tricia mentioned above, the worst I’ve dealt with is a slow responding coordinator. Definitely stick to telling them no.
If it’s any consolation, I have NEVER heard of 20 hors d’oeuvres per person for a cocktail “hour.” The number I’ve heard is approximately 6 per person per hour. Twenty is outrageous.
we had 8 pieces per for a 1 hour cocktail hour and there was left over!! I don’t think this is normal and you need to tell her to knock it off. Tell her you do not appreciate it and say you will speak to the higher ups if she persists
good job sticking to your guns! if you don’t want it, the guests won’t really miss it!
Why would you want 20 bites per person? No one will have room for dinner…and cake!
Luckily we’ve had a good experience with our reception coordinator so far. They’re being very flexible with seating/set up and haven’t pressured us into buying “up” from what we had in mind at all. There is a minimum $4,000 for a Saturday night, but we will probably be spending about $8000 with appetizers, dinner, open bar, etc.
Hope this coordinator assistant backs off and leaves you alone!
Get a DOC and not worry about all this. It will save you trouble in the long run!
Most sites pay on commission or pay a base salary and then a portion of the gratuity charged - so the more you spend, the more gratuity she receives. Also, turnover in site coordinators is very high, so she probably has a sales quota to meet and/or exceed if she wants to be promoted later on.
I would be honest (*gulp*) and say that she is making you feel uncomfortable and putting pressure on you to buy unnecessary things. Remember - she works for you, not the other way around. If you choose not to have your wedding at that location, how little money would she get out of it?
wow. i thought standard cocktail hour hors d’oeuvres was 2-3 per person. 20 is insane. sounds like she’s getting commission off it. great job on keeping strong!
We were considering the Auberge du Soleil as our wedding venue as well. From your experiences, would you still recommend it?
Mrs. Tomato, Napa Valley
Age and Occupation: 25, Technology Project Manager
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Engineer
Engagement Date: October 22, 2006
Wedding Date: July 1, 2007
Blogging Since: May 1, 2006
Venue: Auberge du Soleil
About Me: I love all things beautiful. From handmade stationery, feminine fashion and delicate flowers to the little moments in your life treasured with your loved one. I am also notorious among my friends to be a deal hunter! My best deal was perhaps my Monique Lhuillier dress for $1100 (orig. $5000). I also tend to use a lot of exclamation marks! =)
I think it’s the place you are getting married - isnt that a pretty “high end” sort of place? Well, I suppose in Napa everything is pricier! But we looked at having our wedding at the Bacara in Santa Barbara, and I was dumfounded by all of the things they say you “need” to have and how much it all costs! Way to put your foot down!! Don’t let them pressure you into anything - your guests are there for you and not the appetizers! Good Luck!