Weddingbee Blog

It’s no surprise that wedding planning, in a nutshell, has been pretty crazy. I wouldn’t really say I was super busy at first, but I was still pulling my hair out about insignificant things. All my friends have been so supportive and they have been offering their help to me unconditionally. The only problem is, I don’t know what to ask for. I don’t know how to delegate.

And so I spent most of my days stressing about nothing and everything, and not getting anything done.

Mrs. Bee has always said that hiring a day of coordinator was the best thing she’d ever done for her own wedding. I considered hiring one, but Mr. Martini was pretty confident that we would be able to do it without a DOC. He actually helped coordinate my best friend’s wedding a year ago. Not only is he fascinated with the wedding industry, he thought it was a great opportunity to get an idea of what it would be like to plan his own wedding someday. Fortunately for him, he is super organized, focused, and has a mild case of OCD. Unfortunately for me, I can’t concentrate on one thing for more than five minutes, and Mr. Martini lost interest in the little details of the wedding once all the big things like venues and vendors were taken care of (curses!! I was hoping he would plan the whole darn thing. Is that too much to ask?). So, I was left alone with my unfortunate predicament - absolute terror and wedding anxiety.

Mrs. Bee knows me well, and she knows that I have a huge problem asking for help.
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My gosh, I really didn’t expect such awesome feedback from everyone about our signing board!!

Every time someone commented about one, I’d decide on that one. Then I’d get another comment about another picture and I’d change my mind and want to go with that one. As you can imagine, I was pretty confused for a while. I really did love all the pictures, and I honestly would have been happy with any of them. But alas, I was only allowed to choose one.

Some mentioned that for most signing boards, the actual picture would not be written on, and instead there would be a white matte border reserved for the well wishes. I quickly confirmed with our photographers and found out that the signatures would actually be written directly on the picture. This helped a lot with our decision, and in the end we decided to go with the majority vote - we chose picture number 5:

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I can honestly say it’s funny now, but at the time I was on the verge of tears. I just hate being late to anything, and we were already tight with time. It was also the first time I met our photographers, and because I’ve had no prior experience with something like this, I had no idea what would happen when our two hours were up and our pictures were nowhere near completed. The last thing I wanted was two annoyed, freezing photographers, hating me for wasting their time.

When I did finally get there, our photographers had smiles on their faces, and they didn’t seem mad at all! After I apologized profusely, we chatted for a couple of minutes to get to know each other as we headed to our first location, the Gapstow Bridge. Matthew and Chung are both so easygoing and chatty. I was really nervous, but they made me feel so comfortable. By the time we got to the Bridge, all the stress I was feeling just a few minutes before was starting to dissipate. That was right about the time I pulled my boots out of my bag and realized I forgot my socks, but I was feeling so good that I didn’t even mind all that much. That is, until I stuck my feet into them. Don’t you just hate that feeling, when your bare foot is squeezed into an old and smelly boot? We cracked a few jokes about asking them to take pictures of us waist up only to leave out my ratty boots, and finally began our session, 45 minutes late.

As soon as Matthew and Chung started snapping away, I looked into Mr. Martini’s eyes and my own eyes started to water. He kept saying, “Nooo! You can’t cry! Your nose is going to turn red!” It was so emotional for me because after everything that had been happening with wedding planning and being so constantly busy with the wedding, there was finally a moment when it was just all about Mr. Martini and me. Those first 10 seconds of our session really meant a lot to me. After that, I came to my senses and realized I really didn’t want a red nose in all of our pictures, so I fought to control myself.
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Okay. I’ve asked all my BMs, my FSIL, and Mr. Martini for their opinions. I even almost gave up and asked Cly Creations to “surprise us”, because I can’t seem to be able to decide on a picture for our guest signing board. I need to choose one picture by tomorrow, and of course I’m going nuts… because since when was I ever capable of making a decision?

I thought I’d ask the bees for your opinion once again. I may or may not listen to the majority, but please humor me and help me choose!

Here are some tips offered to me by various people in regards to choosing a signing board:

1. Try to choose a picture that features a lot of background. You don’t want people writing all over your faces.
2. Try not to choose a close up. Guests might think it’s a little strange if they walk into your home and there is a huge 20 X 30 larger-than-life-sized picture of your heads hanging smack in the middle of your living room.
3. Try to choose a picture that does not have anyone else in the picture but the two you. Do you really want to have a random person in your picture for the rest of your life?
4. Pictures that show you doing something, rather than looking dead straight at the camera, might be more appealing and interesting.

I think we were able to narrow down the list to five favorites.

Choice number 1:

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I thought a timeline of events would best describe the craziness of the morning of the shoot.

7:30 AM. I’m desperately trying to use Mr. Martini’s steamer to steam out the wrinkles in my dress, because I don’t own a steamer. Unfortunately, the steamer hasn’t been used in a long time, so the entire dress is starting to smell like mildew. It’s okay, I think. I can bear it, and nobody will know.

8:00 AM. Mr. Martini tells me that I have to find another parking spot for the car, because of street cleaning. I thought it would be okay because I’d be leaving by 9 AM for my makeup appointment, but he informs me that the car has to be moved by 8:30 AM. Mr. Martini heads to work (he was only able to take a half day) as I head toward the car to find another parking spot.

8:15 AM. I’m circling and circling all over Astoria trying to find a parking space. Then I take another look at the signs, and realize that street cleaning doesn’t start until 11:30 AM. I shake my fist in the air and cry out profanities.

9:00 AM. I wanted to leave by this time, even though it would only take about half an hour to get to my 10 AM appointment with Makeup Blush in Edgewater, but I have this knack for always running late and I wanted to get an early start. Of course, this is when I realized that I forgot to bring shoes. Any shoes. A single tear rolls down my cheek as I glare at the shoes I came in that morning - my Uggs. I shake my fist in the air and cry out profanities.
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Confession of the day: I was completely and utterly unprepared for our engagement/casual shoot.

We originally planned to have our photo shoot with Cly Creations right after the holidays, but we’ve been so busy with other things that we didn’t even schedule it until just a few weeks ago. Jiyee from Makeup Blush was to do my makeup for the shoot, so it took a little time to find a date that was good for all of us.

Our first dilemma was the location. Actually, it was just my dilemma. Mr. Martini knew exactly where he wanted to take pictures - By the Gapstow Bridge in Central Park, where he proposed to me at the end of the scavenger hunt. As for me, I loved the West Village, but where in the West Village? I didn’t know my way around the area, and since our time was limited, I didn’t want to waste time walking around looking for a good place to take pictures.

But why was I so dead set on the West Village, when I’m a Jersey girl who’s hardly even ventured there? For Mrs. Bee’s birthday one year, we did a Scavenger hunt through Watson Adventures. The hunt took us all over the Village area looking for strange clues that I would never have noticed in passing. There was just so much history there, and I completely fell in love.
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As I’ve mentioned before, I got lucky when it came to my dress. It was already made - a cancellation - and it was a perfect fit. I even got a great deal on the price to fit within my budget AND I got to take it home right away. It was pretty early on in our wedding planning when this happened, so for months it hung in the door of my parents’ walk-in closet. I have to admit, I tried it on more than a couple of times at first. I couldn’t help it - it just felt awesome stepping into it! But then eventually I lost interest in the dress as I gained interest in junk food. When I tried it on again months later, I was a sad sight to behold.

How bad, you ask? A good friend provided me with her corset to wear under my wedding dress. She’s super tall and thin, so when I held it up in front of me I didn’t think there was any way in hell that I would be able to fit into it. I didn’t want to risk not being able to close it during my fitting and totally embarrass myself, so I asked Mr. Martini to help me try it on the night before.

A few minutes later, as I stood in front of the mirror horrified, Mr. M tried to make me feel better.

Me: oh. my. god.
Mr. M: You know what? *cough* It’s really not that bad… at least we got it to close…

He then proceeded to take two fingers to try and tuck my fat back into the corset. I wasn’t just spilling out, I was pouring out!

(MR. MARTINI PLEASE DO NOT READ FURTHER)
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I have to admit, after Mr. Martini dropped off my shoes for me at T.O. Dey to dye them from white to an aubergine color, I couldn’t stop thinking about them for days. I spent more money on those shoes than any other shoes I’ve ever owned, and I was terrified of ruining them because I had no experience with dyeing anything. What if the color came out wrong? I don’t think I would’ve minded much if the color was similar, but what if it was completely off and not wearable? I started having second thoughts. Maybe I should’ve just listened to my mom and left the shoes alone.

It didn’t help when we called them a few weeks later to confirm pick up, and they informed us that the shoes weren’t ready because the particular dye was back-ordered. All of a sudden the color was the least of my worries. If the shoes weren’t done in time for the wedding, I’d be walking down the aisle barefoot!

Luckily when they found out how important it was for my shoes to be completed by a certain deadline, they called us back not long after to let us know that they were ready. Since I’m in NJ, I had to rely on Mr. Martini to pick them up for me, and then I had to wait until the weekend to see them.

When the weekend finally came and I saw Mr. Martini, I barely gave him a kiss hello before I asked in a squeaky voice about my shoes. He handed me the shoebox, and I only paused slightly before pretty much tearing apart the lid. And then when I saw them…
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I was having a conversation with my brother the other day about weddings, and he commented on how expensive it is to get married. I completely agreed - and also noticed that although it seemed as though everything else has been affected by the economy these days, the wedding industry seems barely affected, if at all.

My brother then joked, “Well, it’s because of brides that allow the wedding industry to remain untouchable! You are making it untouchable!”

I thought about that for a second, and realized it was probably true. Yes, we’ve cut down on as much as we could, but we’ve (okay fine - I’ve) also tried to justify a lot of our spending because it was “wedding spending”. Would I ever spend a few hundred dollars on a cake? Never! Would I spend a few hundred dollars on specially made groom’s cake because it’s for the wedding and I will never ever again have the chance to have a cake like that for this occasion in my life? After just 15 minutes of mental struggle, I forked up my checkbook.

Wedding spending is a pretty big topic of conversation between Mr. Martini and I. Both of our jobs are largely based on commissions and bonuses, so I would be lying if I said it hasn’t been tough.
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I’m so sorry for being MIA! I have so many things to blog about, and it’s all swimming around in my head. But I have been so busy with non-wedding related events that have been preventing me from finding the time to sit down and blog about everything that has been going on. I’ve also been trying to concentrate on losing weight before my last fitting next week (I forgot my camera for the first fitting, but I will definitely take pictures for my next one), ever since the woman who is altering my dress told me that she could not close the buttons on my dress, and recommended I lose a few pounds…. but in a nice way of course! Then about a week ago, on the day I had long reserved to spend catching up on everything, I woke up with neck spasms which left me pretty much immobilized for 4 days. Mr. Martini thinks that it was caused by stress, but I blame it on the new pillow that we got for free just a week before (more on that later). The funny thing is, after I got a nice little prescription of pain killers and muscle relaxants out of it, I have been pretty much stress-free.

So, about this dreaded pillow. Mr. Martini and I got this pillow for free with the purchase of our hanboks for our Paebek ceremony. A Paebek ceremony is a Korean tradition that symbolizes the welcoming of the bride into the groom’s family. It involves bowing to the groom’s family before they throw dates and chestnuts for the bride and groom to catch. The number of chestnuts (boys) or dates (girls) caught will determine the number of children the newlyweds will have.

Our mothers wanted to get a matching pair of hanboks to wear during the ceremony and cocktail hour (when the Paebek ceremony will take place), and then later change into dresses for the reception. As for Mr. Martini and me, we will only wear the hanboks for the duration of the Paebek ceremony, a total of about half an hour. We will probably never again in our lives wear them again, so we didn’t feel it was necessary to buy brand new hanboks for us, and thought of options to borrow or wear old ones. The Paebek gown (which is rented) is worn over the hanbok and hides most of it, so I really didn’t think it was a necessity, and preferred to spend the money on other things.

However, our moms insisted that we do it the “traditional” way, and purchasing hanboks for the wedding is part of the tradition of getting married.
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BM E was 19 years old when she started the road trip from our hometown NJ all the way to Southern California for a move that would change her life. She would spend about 8 years there until finally moving back to the East Coast sometime in 2007. At the time of her trek across country, I was living in Ohio and enduring my second year of school. Luckily I was on the way so she, along with Y ( who was keeping her company during the week long drive, and is the same person who designed my invites) stopped by to visit for a few days. To be honest I don’t remember much of what we did. We probably ate a lot, drank a lot, and laughed a lot. But the one thing I DO remember - and very clearly remember - is the day we walked into a tattoo parlor together because she wanted something to remember her first road trip. Her move to California wasn’t exactly a carefully planned forecast of the next few years of her life. She wasn’t moving for a particular school, or a job, or even a guy. After living her entire life in NJ and even starting college there, she just thought to herself one day, “I’m going to move to Cali!” and not longer after she did, with everything she owned piled into the backseat of her Honda Accord. So why stop the craziness there? Why not get a tattoo?

I have to admit I was pretty close to getting one too. I was young, just starting to crack out of my sheltered shell, and this crazy friend was trying convince me that tattoos were cool! Thinking back, I am both glad and sad that I never went through with it. Glad because who knows what I would have gotten and where (I thank God everyday that I didn’t get a tattoo during my Hello Kitty phase), and sad because it’s an experience I will never have now that I’m too old to use the “Hey, I was young!” excuse when asked why there is a life-sized image of Han Solo’s face covering most of my back.

So I chickened out, and instead I watched the whole thing happen before my eyes as she got her second tattoo on the back of her shoulder.
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I mentioned this briefly before, but my dad is currently going through cancer at the moment. He still has months to go of weekly chemo treatments, so he will not be in his best shape when he walks me down the aisle. When we first found out he was sick, I wasn’t engaged at the time and it tore me apart that there was a small possibility he would not make it to give me away on my wedding day. He was diagnosed with stage four neck cancer, so his future seemed dark at the time. Let me just tell you, I would not wish cancer on anyone; it was a really tough time. But somehow, he has pulled through and doctors are very optimistic that he will beat it. Unfortunately, he is not without battle wounds - he has lost most of his voice and his sense of taste, and will probably never produce saliva again.

For weeks he has been asking if I have chosen the song he and I will dance to on my wedding day, and when we would start taking dance lessons. I always have to change the subject and run up to my room so he doesn’t see me tear up. Just thinking about the moment turns me into a sobby sap (although, it really doesn’t take much to turn me into a sobby sap). To be honest, my dance with my father will mean more to me than my first dance with Mr. Martini. I will have years and years to dance with my husband, but it will probably be the first and last time I dance with my dad. So why am I avoiding the issue? I just don’t want to break down on him when when we are practicing the dance to our song! It’s not because we’re not close. We’re actually very close. But even still, it is difficult to show our emotions to each other… I guess that just comes with being the daughter of an old school Korean dad.

I eventually realized that I couldn’t avoid it for long. Deciding on a song has been on the back of my mind for some time, but I didn’t know where to start. I wanted to find something with meaningful lyrics, and I wanted it to be the perfect song. It wasn’t until I read Mrs. Pinot Noir’s entry and heard “I Loved Her First” by Heartland for the first time that I knew this was THE song. I immediately started tearing at my desk in the middle of a work day and had to stop listening in order to contain myself! I’m sure that it is a popular father-daughter dance song, but I had never heard of it or the group that sings it.
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Hours of slicing invites while hunched over took a toll on my lower back, but I’m not complaining. I had a system going—I could have sliced and diced allll night. When I took a break after cutting the invites, directions, and accommodations, I sat back to revel in what looked like the aftermath of a tornado. There was so much paper scrap! I gathered everything together and tried to get up to grab my camera to take a picture, but soon realized that sitting Indian-style for so long made my legs numb and I almost fell over, like the time Barney Stinson ran the marathon and his legs stopped working on the subway (BTW, after 99% of you guys swore that the show How I Met Your Mother was “awesome”, I bought all three seasons. I am now not only obsessed with the show, I have to say that it’s “legendary”!) .

My legs dead, all I could do was reach over to grab my phone and I managed to take these low-resolution pictures:

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I’ve known Y since high school. Not only is she the only person I know who can pull off yellow nail polish and a beehive, during the 13 years I’ve known her I’ve always associated her with art. She and bridesmaid E got to make cool paintings and sculptures in art class while I was stuck playing the clarinet in band across the hall. Y eventually went on to pursue her creative side at Cooper Union, and all these years later, she’s still the funky girl from high school who hasn’t changed a bit—except for the fire red, five-inch heeled, patent leather knee-high boots she used to wear senior year, of course. When she offered to design our wedding invites for us, I was ecstatic, but concerned. For one thing, I am so incapable of asking for help that the thought of her spending so much time on something for us stressed me out. Secondly, despite how talented she was, she and I have such different personalities and I wondered if our tastes would clash. Trust me, she assured. I know you and I know your style.

She did more than I could have ever asked for. She created four designs for us, and in the end we chose this one:
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Besides hiring a personal trainer and attending boot camp classes, I’ve been doing my best to run as much as possible. A few years ago I ran a few half marathons and ran on a regular basis. But here’s a secret: I hate running. It’s a total love/hate relationship - I hate the act of running, but I love how I feel after running. I’m addicted to the high and the adrenaline rush I get after finishing a run, but I’m completely miserable for the entire duration. I do know that running is one of the best things you can do for your body, and despite hating it so much, over time I really do feel the benefits of it, and that helps to keep me going.

I’ve tried everything to motivate myself to run, and these tips below helped. I thought I’d post them for anyone who is interested in running but can’t seem to get their foot out the door, like me.

Join Team in Training. Joining TNT was what got me to start running in the first place. A friend of mine signed up for a full marathon in Arizona through TNT and convinced me to sign up for at least the half. Before TNT, the only time I’d run was to the bar when the bartender yelled out last call. I don’t even remember running in gym class in high school. I probably came up with any excuse I could so I wouldn’t have to run. The thought of running 13 miles scared the crap out of me, but I liked the idea of doing it for a good cause. I highly recommend TNT for any first time runners because you get so much support, whether it is meeting once a week with the group to run together, or moral support when you can’t seem to get yourself to train.
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