Weddingbee Blog

I literally spent months agonizing over what to get my bridesmaids as gifts to thank them for taking part in my wedding. I was hell bent on coming up with an original idea, and spent hours online researching every possibility. I wanted to get everyone different gifts, but also wanted some continuity so that no one felt like they got a lame present.

Then I found Lulette.

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Confession: I’ve been home from my honeymoon for 4 months…and I’ve gained 20 pounds.

Yep, it’s true. Yep, I’m sure. And yep…it ain’t pretty.

I share this information with you now because, in truth, I want to scare you all a teeny bit. I want to get you thinking about a gameplan, preparing for the “ah, to hell with it” attitude that will crawl into your brain and plop down on a beanbag chair with a bag of Fritos and a diet coke, and to get you ready.

In truth, I’ve had major issues with my weight my whole life..so of course that didn’t help matters. But in my own non-scientific research, apparently that doesn’t make a lick of a difference. In a recent poll I took (and by “poll” I mean I called 5 friends last night who each were married in the last three years), 100% of my respondents admitted to gaining weight immediately following their weddings.

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One of the major highlights of our wedding was the food. Not that I had too much of it, but people were raving all night long about the utter delicious-ness of absolutely everything. We used a caterer from LA called Savore. They were unbelievable to work with, full of amazing ideas and, the food was really over the top spectacular.

In truth, I had never been to a wedding before where the food was really good, so this was a new experience for me. My one major regret/complaint is that no one made us a doggie bag. You really do get so caught up in the evening, talking to everyone, and not wanting to mess up your lipstick (ok, at least I did), and by the time you turn around it’s all over. We got back to our hotel well after midnight (which was after they had stopped serving room service), and we were so hungry we had to make a run to a vending machine.

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In the world of stationery, it seems to be all about personalization right now–calling cards, couple crests for invitations or even custom produced handmade paper. True, I’m a bit biased, but I think stationery is one of the best, universal gifts out there. I’m particularly enamored with a little company here in New York called City Writes.

Kari Jo Cates is the super creative lady behind the City Writes curtain, and, in my opinion, she takes “personalized” to a whole new level. City Writes offers hand calligraphed social stationery, announcements, luggage tags, invites and more. Since each card is done by hand, they are all a teeny, tiny bit different, and yet charmingly adorable and sweet. I think this makes a fantastic gift for your bridesmaids, your new mother-in-law or even as a special vendor thank you (if time allows, I also like to use these as a great hostess thank you gift). Best of all, you can order smaller quantities and the prices are very reasonable (8 cards for $18.50; 25 cards for $52). Kari Jo will also hand calligraph envelopes for your invites or placecards.

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After a pre-wedding photo session (yep, it was way too rushed and we did not have nearly enough time…I haven’t yet talked to any brides who were actually ready on time, so if you are out there, kudos to you…I couldn’t manage it), we went down to the Ladies Locker Room for the Ketubah signing.

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Luggage forwarding is a pretty dreamy travel indulgence. Here’s how it works: You call up one of any number of luggage forwarding services, they come directly to your house, pick up all your crap, and then a few days later it’s waiting for you (usually all stacked neatly in a pile) wherever you are going. No shlepping any heavy bags…no long lines at those annoying luggage carousels…you just get on the plane, jet off to your honeymoon destination and, voila…your luggage is waiting for you in your room.

Since you are basically shipping your luggage, prices vary greatly depending on where you are going, how many bags you have and how much each bag weighs. International destinations are, of course, more than domestic ones.

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We came…we saw…we “I do’d.”

October 21 was a pretty magical day from start to finish (despite some major snafus). Yep…it went by in a flash. Yep…many things went wrong, but our wedding day was still more dreamy/fantastic/over the top/delicious/fun than I could have ever imagined. Here are the deets:

Our wedding was in Big Horn (a fancy shmancy community in Palm Desert, CA where my aunt, who threw our whole shindig, lives).

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I’ve never had a skin regime in my life. In fact, the truth is, I practice “gift bag skincare.” This means that I basically just use whatever products I get from give-away gift bags from different events I attend. I would not necessarily recommend this plan of action, but a girl does what she can. However, with one month left until the big day, I decided it was time to get serious.

So, I scheduled a 90 minute facial for myself at the Aveda Institute on Spring Street, and man was it a little slice of heaven. Since the Aveda Institute is their teaching school, I was a smidge worried about having a student cleanse my pores and pop my pimples, but as it turns out there was not a thing to worry about. In an hour and a half, I had a footbath, a tourmaline mask, all sorts of cleansing, extractions, hot towels, a foot and leg massage and a neck and back massage. In truth, I found that my student was even more conscientious about doing a good job than a normal facialist might be. Best of all, the whole shebang was only $55! I was so relaxed and rejuvenated by the time I left, I scheduled 3 more facials for the upcoming weeks.

Best of all, when I got back to my apartment my doorman Elliot said “huh…you’re kind of glowy today.”

The only downside is that the treatment “rooms” are these spaces separated by curtains. They offer privacy, but you occasionally hear other people chatting. I was still totally able to relax, but if you are looking for a lush, luxurious spa setting, this might not be for you.

Hello,

My best friend is having her official engagement at our hometown in Colorado, and although I would like to be there for such an occasion, the tickets are just too expensive to fly back home from New York. Instead I thought I would send her a gift as a symbol of my regret with not being there, but also as a congratulatory gift.

I was wondering if you had any ideas on what a good engagement present might be that is appropriate for the occasion. I was also wondering if traditionally it was important for ppl that will be in the bridal party to show up to the official engagement party?

Thank You
Jane

~~~

Hi Jane,

First of all, I have to give you props on being such a conscientious bridesmaid–your friend is a lucky girl! In answer to your question, I would say that these days most brides understand (or rather, *should*) understand that weddings are often a very expensive proposition for everyone involved. Unless your last name is Trump, it’s unlikely that you are going to be able to make every out-of-town wedding festivity, and that is completely understandable.

This sounds kind of funny to suggest (as this is normally the bride and groom’s job), but I would suggest setting up a wedding budget for yourself. You don’t have to adhere to it come hell or high water, but figure out exactly how much money you will comfortably be able to spend on this whole shindig. Perhaps you are going to be strapped just dealing with the bridesmaid dress and the out-of-town expenses for the big day. In that case, you can let your friend know right off the bat that you won’t be able to make it to her shower, bachelorette party or engagement party. Or maybe you have just enough to attend the wedding and one event (i.e. her wedding shower).

I think you’ll be a much happier camper if you figure out from the get go what you can and can’t do and then plan accordingly. Whatever your situation, if you and your friend are as tight as you seem, I’m sure she will understand. In terms of etiquette as far as attending these events, I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules. I think you need to do what you can, and that will be more than enough for your friend.

In terms of a gift to send, is she registered yet? Although some people think it’s “boring,” I think most brides would agree that they prefer to receive gifts off of their registry. If not, this opens things WAY up and as you likely know your friend’s tastes better than I, you might be a better judge. However, here are a few suggestions:

• How about a nice bottle of champagne with a note that says something like “looking forward to toasting with you on your big day!” If you’d like to spend a bit more, you could include a pair of pretty champagne flutes.
• A beautiful Nambe vase with a delivery of fresh flowers from someplace like flowerbud.com could also be lovely.
• How about a beautiful Leather photo album with a note that says “Wishing you many beautiful memories to come.”
• Or perhaps some fun new stationery with the couple’s names on it from fabulousstationery.com.

good luck!
Erica
www.paperbride.com
www.papermama.com

Do you think you can cover the “etiquettes” of a destination wedding?

My fiance and I are finding contradicting information on what we need to provide for our guests. We want to do it right for our guests, but we also don’t want to go over the top if we don’t need to.

I would also like to note that our wedding is at the Outerbanks, North Carolina, which is still driveable for most of our friends. Most likely, the guests (family) will fly in Friday and leave Sunday - just as they would if our wedding was in Philadelphia. Some of our good friends have already decided to rent a house for the week and make a vacation out of it as well (since it’s pretty affordable down there).

What do you think? Thanks!!!

Sincerely,

Chris and Christina

~~~

Dear Chris & Christina,

As weddings go, destination weddings are firmly in the “new kid on the block” category. So new, in fact, that I think it’s more about “do’s and don’ts rather than formal etiquette. I’m having a destination wedding myself (in California), so I’ll share some of my definite do’s:

*Give plenty of notice: with a destination wedding, save the dates are an absolute must. People need time to book tickets, plan reservations, get time off of work, etc. Personally, I think you should try to give at least six months notice for your guests.

*Provide Information: Since you will be asking your guests to travel, it’s only fair that you make it as easy as possible. Either set up a wedding website or include a travel and accommodations card with your save-the-dates that provide flight information, hotel options (make sure to list several in different price ranges) and any other important info (i.e. if you are planning an international trip, you should mention any special visa or vaccination requirements).

*Make sure your guests feel welcome: I think welcome bags or baskets in hotel rooms are a wonderful way to say a special thank you to your guests for traveling to your wedding. You can be as creative as you’d like with a welcome bag/basket, but many brides like to represent the theme of their weddings with them (i.e. for a NY wedding you could include a black and white cookie, a subway map, an I love NY t-shirt, etc).
Also include a wedding weekend itinerary in your guest’s hotel rooms, so that your guests know all of the wonderful things you have planned for them over the weekend.

*Keep people busy: If you know that many of your guests will be there for several days, don’t be shy about planning some extra activities. Perhaps a bar-b-que one evening, or a day at the beach with volleyball. This is, of course, not mandatory, but nice to offer nonetheless.

*Rehearsal Dinner: Others may disagree, but I think it’s only appropriate to invite everyone who has made a special effort to travel to your wedding to your rehearsal dinner. Typically the rehearsal dinner includes your family, bridal party and closest friends. But I wouldn’t feel right about asking someone to travel all that distance and then not include them in the rehearsal dinner.

*Day-After-Brunch: Though not mandatory, planning a special brunch for your guests for the morning after your wedding is a nice way to say a final “thank you” on your special weekend.

*Extras: Keep in mind that some of your guests might need a bit of “extra help.” This ranges from extra trip planning assistance, to hooking friends up to share rides on the day of the wedding. I know you’ll be a busy bride trying to make sure everything is perfect, but I always think it’s nice to go the extra mile when you can, since people are really putting forth some super-sized effort for you in the travel department.

As I said, none of these “do’s” are hard and fast rules, but I think you’ll end up with a pretty fab weekend that’s unforgettable for both you and your guests if you follow them.

Bon voyage,
Erica

Hello Bees!

I have a question regarding bedding. When I went to register, I was soo confused!!! I had NO IDEA what a duvet cover, sham, comforter cover, etc were!!!

Can you define each one for me? Kinda like an intro to “bedding”??

THANK YOU! LOVE YOUR SITE AS ALWAYS!

Cindy

~~~

Hey Cindy,

Here is a pretty good Bedding glossary that I found on PBTeen.com that will hopefully clear everything up for you:

Bolster
A pillow insert shaped like a cylinder or oversized Tootsie Roll.

Comforter
Also known as a duvet. A puffy bedcover sewn of cotton sheeting, filled with warm, lofty fibers and stitched through to discourage the fill from shifting. Often used with a duvet cover.

Coverlet
An ornamental cloth covering for a bed, also known as a bedspread.

Duvet Cover
A covering used to enclose and protect a comforter, also known as a duvet. Depending on the style, either ties, hidden buttons or Velcro may be used as closures. Inside the duvet cover are ties at all four corners to keep the comforter in place.

Flange
A flat border that extends several inches from the edges of a sham.

Pillowcase
A removable pillow covering. Pillowcases have no flange, and pillows are usually inserted through a side (not back) opening.

Quilt
A bedcover with fabrics pieced and sewn together to create a decorative “topper.” Batting is inserted between the topper and the backing, sewn together, then quilted with an often decorative pattern of tiny stitches.

Sham
A type of removable pillow covering. Often larger than a pillowcase, shams have a flange, and pillows are inserted from a back (not side) opening. Designed to protect a pillow while offering stylish appeal.

Also, for all of those inquiring minds out there, a comforter cover and a duvet is actually the same thing!

My extra two cents as a bit of a bedding snob: choose sheets that have a 300 thread count or higher. These sheets will be much softer and comfier than those with a thread count below 300. I’d also recommend getting yourself two sets of all of your linens so that you are not such a slave to the washing machine.

Sweet dreams,
Erica
www.paperbride.com
www.papermama.com

I am wondering what items brides should expect to find in contracts with venues — especially hotel/resort venues that also cater the dinner and provide the alcohol. I just received my contract and it is not at all what I expected… I thought it would have things like the site fee we agreed upon, the champagne toast fee we agreed upon etc., but it basically focused on room rates and how much we owe if we cancel (which, incidentally, was more than the plated meal cost).

Please, help me navigate the waters here so I don’t sound like bridezilla when I contact the venue to clarify what they sent!

Thanks!
E.M.B

~~~

Hey E.M.B.,

I must confess I’m a major rookie at wedding contracts. Our reception is at my aunt’s home, so needless to say, we did not have to sign a contract for our venue.

I did, however, find a few articles online that might be helpful to you as you navigate your way through the process:

• Wedding Contracts 101 seems like a very helpful round-up of some general tips and basic info that we should all be aware of.
• Wedding Vendors and Contracts: What you should know before you sign also offers up some great advice.

Keep in mind that a contract from a particular vendor is written in a way that will best protect them…not necessarily you. It is often a good idea to have a lawyer look over any major contract you sign, particularly the more lengthy ones. I don’t mean to suggest that you go out and spend a pile of cash on getting a legal opinion, but if you have a lawyer friend or a family that can give you their two cents, that’s never a bad idea.

I would also say that you should feel 100% comfortable in calling back the venue and explaining that you would love to go over the contract with them in detail. You certainly have every right to ask questions, understand their terms and get clarifications on anything you are unsure of. That is not even a teeny bit bridezilla-ey in my estimation.

so sue me,
Erica
www.paperbride.com
www.papermama.com

Hi! My fiance and I are thinking of getting married when we fly home in a month with just 2 of our best friends in attendance. What would be the proper wording to put on announcements so we can share the good news and also to let people know that we’ll hold a reception later on? Thanks!

Josie

~~~

Hey Josie,

There are a couple of different options for you based on your situation. Do you have a date yet for your reception? You may want to actually wait until you do so that you can send out an announcement that includes an invite and kill two birds with one stone.

As for the wording, do you want to mention your parents on the announcement as is done on typical wedding invitations? Do you favor the traditional? If so, something like this might be appropriate:

BRIDE’S PARENTS
have the honour of announcing
the marriage of their daughter
BRIDE’S FIRST MIDDLE
to
Mr. GROOM’S FIRST MIDDLE LAST
on DAY the DATE of MONTH
YEAR
LOCATION
CITY, STATE

Reception Invitation to follow

If you are looking for something more casual, you could go for an announcement that’s a bit more fun:

We’ve Eloped!
For further details
you must attend
a reception in our honor
on RECEPTION DAY the RECEPTION DATE of RECEPTION MONTH
RECEPTION YEAR
at RECEPTION TIME o’clock in the RECEPTION TIME OF DAY
RECEPTION LOCATION
RECEPTION ADDRESS
RECEPTION CITY, RECEPTION STATE

BRIDE’S FIRST
and
GROOM’S FIRST
(Mr. and Mrs. GROOM’S FIRST MIDDLE LAST)

or how about this one:

Just Married!

Because you’ve shared in their lives
by your friendship and love, we are
very proud to share the happy news.
BRIDE’S FIRST MIDDLE
daughter of BRIDE’S PARENTS
and
GROOM’S FIRST MIDDLE
son of GROOM’S PARENTS
were married in a small wedding
on DAY the FORMAL DATE of MONTH
YEAR
at FORMAL TIME o’clock in the TIME OF DAY
LOCATION
ADDRESS
CITY, STATE

BRIDE’S FIRST and GROOM’S FIRST now reside at
NEW HOME ADDRESS
NEW HOME CITY, NEW HOME STATE, NEW HOME ZIP

(wording choices via MyGatsby.com)

These days, virtually anything goes with invites and announcements, so you can definitely feel free to inject a bit more personality into yours if you feel inspired.

hear ye, hear ye,
Erica
www.paperbride.com
www.papermama.com

Hey ladies,

I had a small intimate wedding - 18 people in all - on June 17th in the state that I live in - PA. ALL of my family lives in the south though and my dad was the only one that was able to attend this ceremony on such short notice. We were only engaged for 4 weeks before the wedding - and, no, it wasn’t due to being knocked up! My husband has 2 teenage daughters that we have the pleasure of getting every other weekend. We just felt it was more appropriate that we be married before I moved in. Plus we’ve both been married before and knew that we didn’t want a big tadoo.

I really want to have a reception for my family in the south. My dad has graciously offered up his backyard because he lives right on the water (off the Gulf of Mexico in MS) and it’s beautiful there. My question is this - I’m not much of a party planner and I’m not very good with details so I need major help planning this thing! I don’t even know where to start. Is there a checklist somewhere of all the things I need to think about? We’ve already decided on a date - Oct. 28th - but that’s about it! HELP!

Y’all have such amazing ideas - I know someone will be able to help me!

Thanks,
Michelle

~~~~

Hi Michelle,Congrats! Two weddings are better than one, I always say so you are a lucky bride!

Outdoor receptions are beautiful, but also sometimes require a bit more planning and preparation. My first bit of advice is that you *might* want to consider working with an event planner. These days you can usually find someone at any budget, and if you are not really a details person, this could save you some major headaches.

However, you can certainly also do it on your own. We briefly considered an outdoor wedding and I quickly learned that there are many elements to keep track of. Two that I had not really given much thought to were bathroom facilities and flooring. If this is at your dad’s house, you may be all set bathroom wise, but you’ll need to think about your number of guests and whether or not the space will work. You’ll also, of course, need a dance floor, tent, tables, chairs, a staging area for the band. In terms of where to start, I would recommend talking with a reputable party rental company in your dad’s area. Based on the number of people you plan to have attend, they should be able to help you really get on your way to getting many of those details sorted. From there, I would start thinking about the rest of the details. Will you renew your vows? If so, you will need an officiant. Will the ceremony be at your dad’s house as well? Will you be hiring a photographer? Videographer? A Band? Sending out invites? I would start making a list of all of the details you will need to cover and tackle them each one by one. In the meantime, here are a couple of outdoor wedding roundups that might be helpful:

First of all… I love your site! It is fantastic!

I am a young bride with a very limited budget (think under 10,000). I want a dress that I can afford and keep at the same time. I really loved Miss Butterfly’s post about sites like cocomyle.com where you can design your wedding gown for a very low price. I was wondering if you could refer me to any other sites or locations like cocomyle that can help me design a dress or get a dress of my dreams at a low (very low to be exact) price? Anything you could refer me to would be so helpful and appreciated!

Thanks!,
Mechelle

~~~

Hi Mechelle,

There are many options out there for budget brides looking for a good deal on a dress…you just have to do a bit of digging.

I know several brides who have actually worn bridesmaid dresses (in white) as wedding gowns with much success. Bridesmaid dress options are getting more and more plentiful each year and there are really a number of designers now who do some great dresses that work as bridal gowns.

J Crew also has a wonderful, chic line of both bridesmaid dresses and Bridal Gowns that are very reasonably priced ($295 and up).

It might seem somewhat scary at first, but I know Ebay has also been a fantastic resource for a number of brides. If you can find yourself a good seamstress, you can purchase a gown on ebay and then have it fitted perfectly for your body. They usually have a good selection of current styles as well as some interesting vintage pieces. If you decide to go the ebay route, I would definitely recommend you give yourself as much time as possible to allow for all of the alterations needed.

Of course there are also always bridal gown trunk shows, sample sales and deep discount days at places such as David’s Bridal (I recently saw them advertise a $99 sale). Call your local shops to see what sorts of sales might be coming up in the next few months.

Stick to your guns! You can definitely find a gorgeous, cheap but still chic wedding dress if you put forth a bit of effort and do some research.

“dress you up in my love,”
Erica
www.paperbride.com
www.papermama.com