Weddingbee

You’d think that 3+ months after the wedding I’d be all done with any issues and repercussions, right? Not so much. Something has been bothering me for a few weeks now, and I’d like to see what your opinions are on it.

We had a person in our wedding, we’ll call her “Maddie”, I’ve known her all her life, and loved her like a sister (she’s 7 years younger than I am). Recently she began to date a guy that is disrespectful, condescending and rude, and talks down to everyone he knows, especially Maddie. He’s even gone so far as to insult her parents. He’s convinced Maddie to drop out of school and start working at the cult-er, JOB he works at. That’s all back story, though.

Here’s the deal: this boyfriend was not invited to the wedding. He’s very creepy and possessive of Maddie, and he doesn’t get along well with any of our friends and family, as he’s always saying and doing something incredibly rude. There was no way I was going pay for him to eat when friends of ours didn’t get invited due to the money issue. Anywho, he showed up at the reception anyway, took a seat at the table designated for my boss and friends, and made himself at home. We didn’t notice what was going on until we saw him there.
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Oh DMV, how I despise you. You make me wait for an hour to be seen on a beautiful Friday afternoon, only to be rejected for a new ID. My Social Security card is not enough to convince you that I don’t want to keep my middle name, no, I just want my First Maiden NewLast. It seems simple, right? After all, the SS office had no problem with it.

On Friday, I went to the Santa Monica DMV location, armed with my certified marriage license, my Social Security card, and my Name-Change form. My dad and I sat there amongst the herd, anxiously awaiting the moment G189 would be called. And waited. And waited. I went over the name form to make sure I entered everything correctly, and finally! I was called up. Thinking I was looking stylin’ with my hair down and my makeup camera-ready, I calmly strode up to the counter, only to be told that I can’t change my name to First Maiden NewLast. Why, you ask? Because my CA marriage certificate lists my name as First Middle Maiden, and if I want to change it, I must add the middle name to my other names. Now, I really don’t want a four name name, ya know? That’s okay for other people, but I really don’t need all those names. When I told her that I have the Social Security card to match what I wanted, get this- she told me to go back and GET A NEW CARD. Are you out of your damn mind? I have to change my name AGAIN?

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“It’s like your son is getting married, you’re not losing a son, you’re gaining a daughter!”- Mrs. Bluebell.

Today I am sending my engagement ring out to be unmounted. This means I’m taking the center stone Mr. Kiwi and I exhaustingly searched for, and having it mounted into a new engagement ring. Since the ring is being custom made by Whiteflash for the exact shape of my stone, I have to send it out before they can begin the process of creating the images and casting the ring.

Why did Mrs. Bluebell say that sentence above? I was telling her about how sad I am to say goodbye my engagement ring, although not because I love this ring so, more likely because it’s the ring that was slid onto my finger three months ago. The setting has never been my favorite, it just doesn’t look right with my rectangular stone, and I was never satisfied. The prongs don’t fit right, and I quite honestly regret ever making that purchase, but was okay with having that ring. Lately, though, my wedding band had been scraping the prongs of my engagement ring, and I was worried about the long-term abuse of my “forever” wedding band, since I will never upgrade, trade in, or replace it.

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Just when you think you are done with wedding stuff for the rest of your life, something happens. And well, it’s happening to us! When we first got Mr. Kiwi’s wedding band last year we had to send it back to size it up a quarter of a size. Mr. Kiwi said it was fine that way, and that as long as his fingernail wasn’t turning blue, it was good. I was worried for Mr. Kiwi’s ring finger since he works with his hands every day, and in just one quick moment his finger could be broken easily- making us cut off his beloved wedding band. He insisted that it was just fine the way it was, though, and I figured he’d know better, since it was on HIS finger.

Although… last week I asked to see his ring finger, without the ring. When he twisted off the band, I could see the deep indentation all the way around his finger (it was DEEP). This is not normal! The poor fool (MY fool) had never worn a ring before, and didn’t think that was a problem! My sweet sweet husband. When I pointed at the indentation and went, “Eeew, honey, that’s not good!” He looked at his finger, and then at the ring, and said, “It’s fine.”

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It’s that time of the year, ladies. It’s *gasp* Valentine’s Day and Mr. Kiwi’s birthday. His actual birthday is Feb. 10th, and I try to space out the gifts and/or affection! Usually for V-day, Mr. Kiwi and I have a dinner a home, with some flowers and goodies like that. This year, however, is a big year for him/us, what with this being his last year in his 20s (”I’m OLD”, he says), and our first married Valentine’s Day together.

The same question is, what to get for the man who wants nothing (that I can afford, at least), and is a total romantic? Since it’s been hella cold here in So. Cal, I am going to get him a scarf and some gloves- the manly kind. My aunt gave him a set of gloves for Christmas, and having never had gloves before, he loves them, but says those other gloves are “too fancy for work”, since he does work as a coach/PE teacher! So I must find him a manly scarf, and some toasty gloves. Warm heart, warm hands.

While perusing Macys for some ideas, I saw this kickass hat. Meaning, Mr. K would kick my ass if I bought him this hat. I understand Rocawear is a “cool” brand, but Mr. K would sadly look like Elmer Fudd.

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Mr. Kiwi and I have needed a new mattress for years. Unfortunately, we’d also been saving for a wedding for years. In the months leading up to the wedding, our night’s sleep would get poorer and poorer, and we’d wake up so sore. Despite that, we figured that we’d rather have a crappy night of sleep than have a few loved ones not included in our wedding day.

It wasn’t until the honeymoon when we realized how important a good bed really is. After a few different hotel rooms with nice king sized beds, we just hated to come home to our crappy queen sized mattress. When all the wedding ruckus had died down, we realized we were broke, since just after all the money was spent for the wedding, we also had Christmas gifts to buy! DANG! We knew we couldn’t put ourselves before all the Christmas presents for family, and we decided to wait until after New Year’s Eve, when I’d get my “almost enough to cover the cost of a mattress” holiday bonus and scrape together some money from our paychecks to pay for a new bed- start the new life and year off right!

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Now that the thank you cards are sent, the gifts opened, used and put away, and our new bed has arrived, all the fun wedding things are done, leaving me with all the menial tasks of name-changing.

I have just taken a large step: I made Mr. Kiwi my IRA beneficiary. When and if I pass away, all my money in my IRA will be given to him. This is crazy to me. I reminded myself to change my profile information to include my new name, and while I was there I noticed I could change who gets all my junk in the event I should pass on. Entering Mr. Kiwi’s name and birthdate was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. Oddly enough, it wouldn’t allow me to change my name on the website, though.

It’s funny which things change when you get married. What things have you anticipated, or are you anticipating? Did you have to be reminded like I did? It’s so weird how many things you need to change when you change your name.

Part One

We had a Catholic ceremony, the most basic version minus the communion. Lucky for us, the church waived their fee for us, saving us at least three hundred dollars.

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I didn’t realize how much junk went into budgeting, and this will have to be part one- the clothes and accessories for us and the wedding party.

As most of you know, Mr. Kiwi and I paid for our own wedding, although we did have a few gifted items here and there! Since the total cost of our wedding (give or take a few hundred dollars I didn’t keep track of in the beginning) was $12,688.51- in Los Angeles, this is pretty much a bargain.

Here’s the breakdown in order according to my budget sheet:

Flowers

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As Mr. Kiwi and I start preparing to find a bigger home (which is nearly impossible in LA with our budget) with room for our future children, I wonder: when exactly are you a grownup? Sure, I have a wedding band on my finger, but I also have a package of Big League Chew gum in my purse. I still enjoy Spongebob Squarepants, but I also have an IRA.

At what point did (or do) you consider yourself an adult? It was funny to me, because this year Mr. Kiwi and I gave out real gifts for Christmas. Not gift cards like usual. His friends looked at us as they handed over the gift cards and said, “WOW, real gifts! You ARE grownups!” It was really quite funny, when you think about it- especially since most of them are older than we are!

So, I ask you, what makes you feel adult?