Weddingbee

Hello All,

I have a dilemma I’ve been pondering for a while and wanted to get everyone’s honest opinion. A little more than a year ago, my FI and I found out that his mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Out of respect for her and the fact that she was going into operation, we halted all wedding planning and basically delayed the wedding for another year. We wanted to wait for her to get better before proceeding with the planning since neither of us were really in the mood at the time. My FMIL’s operation was fairly successful and she went on to start her chemotherapy. Months into the treatment, she was doing very well. We took this as a good sign and began wedding planning again. We’ve been able to book a few things so far - venue, band, and church.

Read more…

My sister is supposed to be my MOH, and she’s purchased her dress. However, she and I have almost NEVER gotten along; especially now. It’s always better when she’s away at college. I don’t think I can take much more butting of heads with her and need to decide whether or not I should ask her to step down from her duties as MOH (7 months till the wedding). Doing this would also alleviate the problem of her always being out of state for college when I need help with wedding related stuff, and her having to try to put together a shower and bachelorette party.

I don’t want to go all bridezilla on her (shudder) and leave fresh family wounds, but I really don’t know if I can deal with the stress the relationship is putting on me on top of the planning and my job as a teacher. Help? Suggestions???

-Karen

I am having the HARDEST time. My fiance is not a wedding person. He is also very non-traditional. If he had his way, we’d elope or have a very intimate, family only, non-traditional wedding. I, on the other hand, am very traditional, really want a full-on wedding (not huge, mind you, but I want all my close friends and family to be able to attend.). My fiance believes that the significance and all that’s sacred about weddings has been lost because it has turned into an “industry” and weddings are now not at all meaningful.

So, my impression was that if he didn’t care about weddings, then he wouldn’t care about the decisions I made about it. Was I wrong. He now believes he is an “accessory” to MY wedding, not OUR wedding. And please believe me, I’m not disregarding his feelings nor am I having an extravagant, expensive, bridal-magazine worthy wedding! So now, whenever I ask for his opinion about things, he likens it to when he asks me for my opinion about what kind of motorcycle parts he should buy. In other words, he doesn’t care and thinks I don’t care about him or his opinions either. Totally indifferent.

We are now less than two months to the wedding date and he has yet to put together his guest list or pick his groomsmen. He did, however, take care of photography. Other than that… I don’t know what to do. He wants untraditional, intimate, small and meaningful… I want traditional, friends and family, meaningful. I don’t know what to do or how to reach a compromise!

HELP!?

Shara

No one but my best friend, Paul, has ever come into mind when thinking of the Maid of Honor. We’ve been friends since the tender age of three and we’ve been inseparable since. The problem? Well, obviously, he’s more like a MAN of Honor, rather than a Maid. My parents have no issues with this because Paul’s like a son they never had. My In-Laws, however, seem to be very suspicious of us two despite how many times my hubby-to-be has assured them. They’ve even suggested that I take Paul out of the entire wedding party. I was extremely annoyed, but being Korean, I knew better than to retort back at elders. I don’t want to upset the In-Laws, but Paul is one of the most significant people in my life, someone who knows me just as well as family. What should I do?

- Emily

Hey girls!

My fiance is having cold feet and he’s very open about it. We’re taking a break from planning right now not to add to any more stress he’s going through. He didn’t say he wanted to cancel it. He just said that he’s a little scared. We’re not fighting or anything. We’re just trying to enjoy ourselves wedding-planning-free.

Should I continue planning or should I take my time? I have 7 months to go and we pretty much have everything booked. I don’t wanna continue planning if this will just add more pressure on him but if I don’t do anything, it might bite us in the butt in the end for acting so last minute. Please help.

Confused

Dear Weddingbee,

My normally very outgoing, super gregarious fiance says he feels too shy to do a first dance at our wedding.  He says that he will feel really shy to be so lovey-dovey in front of everyone and that the idea of everyone watching him dance (or even just sway) makes him incredibly nervous. I said that we didn’t have to do a first dance, but I was really disappointed. After seeing how sad I was about it, he agreed that we could do the dance, but I know it’s going to be not at all enjoyable for him. Should we just not do it then? I feel like it’s not worth it if we’re not both into it. But I feel like we’ll be missing out on a sweet moment! Any advice?

Thanks

Dear Weddingbee, 

My wedding is about a month away, and I’m starting to get a little anxious about the big plunge. Suddenly, I find myself being attracted to my fiance’s good friend.  Although I’m not seriously entertaining the thought, is this kind of thing normal? Like, some biological pull away from mating for life? There aren’t any red flags in my relationship, and I’ve been able to tell my fiance that I’m feeling nervous about the commitment. He’s been working really hard, and I’m off for the month before the wedding so that might be it. I’d be curious to hear what anxieties/jitters other brides or future brides are having, since I don’t think this subject is talked about much.

Anon

I need some outside advice as I just haven’t been to that many weddings! Since I am of African heritage, I plan to have a african dance troupe perfom during my reception ( about 20 mins) as a tribute to my heritage.  However I have no idea when they should perform during the reception.  I’ve heard so many things and I just need a little advise from the hive.  Some people say that folks won’t pay attention if you have a performer while they are eating.  Have you ever been to a reception where there was a performance- when did they perform?  Please let me know when you think the best time for the performance is
 
1) after my fiance and I are announced (for this option we will postpone our first dance until after dinner has been served)
2) after my fiance and I have our first dance, before appetizers are served
2) after the toasts; during appetizers
3) during the main course
 
Thanks in advance for the advice,
 
Laura

We have a guest dilemma. Because our best man’s wife is on long-term assignment in Europe, he usually brings along his good buddy “Joe” when we hang out. BM was just married and will take the honeymoon right after our wedding, so his wife can’t make the trip. We totally understand this, but now our BM has said that because he’s traveling to HI (our wedding destination), Joe will be coming along so that they can go scuba and hang out. We are feeling awkward about Joe being on the island and not coming to the wedding and aren’t sure how to handle this. BM just mentioned this in a conversation and said that Joe could just do something else the night of the wedding. He did not ask if Joe could come.

Read more…

Dear Weddingbee:

Our wedding date is August 11th.  We originally wanted a wedding with only 100 guests and picked our site based on that number.  We thought that we could easily invite 120 guests and expect 20% or so not to show; unfortunately, as things tend to go, my mother added immediate family members from her side of the family that she conveniently did not say we needed to invite but who were obviously offended, my fiance’s mother added a friend, etc. until our guestlist expanded to 148 guests (including ourselves, the photographer, and his assistant).  I am not narcissistic enough to think that everyone is coming because of us–unfortunately, we’re in the SF Bay Area, where people have relatives and like to make a trip of for personal reasons; many of my parents’ friends who we thought would not make it are coming.

I’ve been getting an early start on the headcount because of course, people state they are bringing guests when “& Guest” was NOT even on their invitation and then there are other cousins we didn’t invite trying to invite themselves to our wedding; I’ve told them no but stated that I have a waitlist open.

Read more…